Not Without You
Page 13
“For what?” Ry asked, shouting his question.
“For fucking you over,” he cried out.
“That’s what I thought.” Ry dropped him like a sack of bricks, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t savor the way his body smacked against the cement floor. Leaving Liam a bloody mess on the floor, Ry draped his arm over Wren’s shoulders, leading her away from the dance floor.
I was a person of faith. The concept of right and wrong had been instilled into me from a young age. But at the same time, Wren was my ride-or-die, and I would never forgive myself if I didn’t get my own chance to stick up for her.
Sauntering up to Liam, I stared down at him like he was nothing more than a speck of dirt on my black pumps. “Where you are right now is where you belong, you fucking worthless piece of shit.” I smiled at his pain and reeled my foot back. “You never deserved Wren in the first place. Remember that.” With my final word, I kicked Liam as hard as I could in his crotch. His howls of pain were music to my ears.
“Oh my God, Ter!” Wren yelled.
“Just try to cheat on another girl with that mangled thing!”
Ry beamed at me with pride. Offering up his hand for a high five. “Nice job!”
“Nobody fucks with our girl!”
“The three of you, out! Now!” A menacing bouncer appeared before us just as we stepped off the dance floor.
“Sorry, man. We’re already on our way,” Ry promised. “We won’t cause any more trouble.”
The bouncer focused his attention on Wren and I. We smiled sweetly because getting arrested was not on our to-do list for the evening. “He make a pass at one of your girls?”
“That’s putting it mildly.”
Nodding, the bouncer moved out of the way. “I’ve got a younger sister, so I understand completely.”
“Thank you,” I said as we passed him.
The bouncer grunted in reply, disappearing into the crowd.
I breathed a sigh of relief as we exited the club. A cool breeze blew by, prompting the three of us to huddle together.
“I don’t know what to say, you guys.” Wren’s voice shook as she spoke. “I mean, the way y’all stuck up for me . . . I’ll never forget it.”
“You deserve way more than an asshole like that, and never forget it.”
“I’m with him. Don’t let one prick make you question your own worth. You’re priceless, babe,” I added with a smile.
“I know I said this before, but this is still the best night ever. I love you guys.”
Flinging my arms around her, I held on tight to her. “We love you too.”
“How’s your fist?” she asked Ry.
Red coated his knuckles. “Couldn’t be better.”
“Should we keep the party going?” I questioned.
“Hell yes!” she shouted. “I’m not ready for this night to end just yet.”
“Same here. Let me call us a cab,” Ry offered.
He stepped away from the group as he whipped out his cell phone. I wasn’t exactly sure where he’d stashed it, but if I had to guess, I was going to say the breast area of his bustier.
Sidling up next to me, Wren threw her arm around me in an attempt to fight off the cold. “I really want to make this a night to remember!”
She stared at me in confusion for half a second. “Right, because winning a costume contest, watching Liam get his ass kicked, and seeing Ryan wear women’s lingerie aren’t memorable enough,” she replied sarcastically.
I rolled my eyes. So much sass shouldn’t be able to fit in such a tiny frame. “This night has to be one to remember.”
“What do you have in mind?”
“Streaking.”
“Us?”
I beamed at her, my expression a combination of excitement and mischief. “Him. Think he would do it?”
She chuckled, shaking her head. “You won’t let yourself realize it yet, but there isn’t much that boy wouldn’t do for you.”
“I think I’m beginning to realize it.”
“Well then, you’re in deep shit.”
“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know.”
“It’s okay to let yourself fall for him.” She squeezed me even tighter. “That’s something you don’t know.”
Damn, even drunk off liquor and on cloud nine after seeing her ex beaten to a pulp, the girl still had a point.
And I was still the one who needed a wake-up call.
HALLOWEEN WAS A NIGHT I was going to remember until the end of time. Karma was a bitch, and apparently, said bitch was code for Ry beating Liam into the ground. Call it petty, call it whatever you want, but the sight had brought my girl some semblance of peace—and I would relish in that fact forever. She should be treated like a queen, and as her friend, it was my duty to remind her of it.
Pushing open the door, I exited the art building and made my way across campus. I’d just gotten out of my meeting with Jonas. He had asked me to relay my ideas for my wall in the art show. So far, the only complete painting I’d done was the piece of my mother. It was a beautiful depiction of her, but I knew Jonas would want me to delve deeper for the show. Dive into the deep recesses of your soul and pick out something that frightens you. You’re great at evoking emotions with your work, but I know you can push yourself further. Give us something to remember.
Jonas’s advice rang inside my mind.
Hadn’t Wren been pushing me to do the same thing? There was only one thing I was afraid of, and that was suffering the same fate as my dad had.
No sooner than I had the thought, my phone began to vibrate. Staring at the screen, I saw the object of my thoughts was the person calling me.
“Hey, Daddy.”
“Hey, angel. How was Halloween?” he asked. “I know you said you were going out with Wren and your new friend, Ryan.”
“We had a great time! We even managed to win a costume contest at the club we went to.”
“Sounds like it was a fun night then.”
“Yeah. I really enjoy spending time with Ry. He’s a good guy.”
“Any young man who can keep Wren and you in line has my vote of approval.”
“Dad!”
His laughter vibrated through the phone. “You know I’m only joking. He better be good to you girls,” Dad replied in a slightly sterner tone of voice.
“I should’ve known idle threats were coming.”
“What? Am I not allowed to be concerned about my favorite daughter?”
Huffing as loud as I could, I hoped he could sense my annoyance. “I’m your only daughter.”
“And that’s what makes the joke so funny.”
It had only been a couple days since the last time we had talked, but in the past few weeks, his voice didn’t seem quite so heavy.
“Whatever.”
“So, this guy, Ryan. Are you interested in him as more than a friend?”
Unlike most girls my age, I was comfortable talking about guys with my dad. That isn't to say we discussed my sex life . . . because that would be awkward as hell, but Dad always liked to know if there was a guy I was interested in. As a single parent, he had to fulfill both roles in my life, which meant acting as a mother and a father.
“Yeah, I think I might be.”
“You know what your mom would say.”
I sighed heavily, my eyes closing as I imagined the advice she would’ve given me if she were still alive. “I know, but that’s easier said than done.” Stopping at the bottom of the steps leading to my dorm, I glanced up at the sky. In the depths of my being, I believed Mom was in a better place, that she was in heaven. She was one of those people who lived unapologetically. Her spirit was wild, her heart bursting with kindness, and she was as brave as they come.
But not me. Compared to her, I was nothing more than a coward.
“Life doesn’t have to be perfect. Most of the time, it’s messy and the majority of us have no idea what the hell we’re doing. But there is one thing which makes i
t all worthwhile.”
“And what is that?”
“Finding someone to share your time with.”
His statement stilled the breath in my lungs. “What do I do if there isn’t anyone for me?”
“There is.”
“Right.”
“You have to be brave enough to give them a chance.”
Dad was the only person besides Wren who had the ability to call me out on my shit. I continued to stand on the concrete steps as I nervously twisted a strand of my hair. “What if I’m not?”
“You are.”
“You always have so much confidence in me.”
“That’s because you take after your mother.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
He chuckled, his typical reaction whenever I whined about something. “I said you needed to be brave, not that the task would be simple.”
“Do you enjoy lecturing me?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. It’s one of the perks of being a father.”
“Alright, so I need to be brave. Is there any other advice you would like to give me?”
He was silent for a moment before replying. “Yeah, get the oil changed in your car and study.”
“Richard Andrews, ladies and gentlemen . . . Father of the Year,” I teased.
“Well, I’m sure you’re busy brainstorming ideas for the big art show, so I won’t keep you any longer.”
“Okay.”
“Just promise me that you’ll take a risk on something.”
He said the word something, but deep down, we both knew he meant someone. A chill crept up the back of my neck as I realized the advice my dad was giving me was the same thing Jonas had told me in our meeting. Both wanted me to be brave, to face my fears, and I only hoped to God I wouldn’t let either of them down.
“I promise,” I whispered.
“Call me if you need anything, and I’ll talk to you in a few days.”
“I will. I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you too.”
I sucked in a deep breath to settle my nerves. The tips of my fingers wiped away the lone tear trailing down my cheek.
All right, universe, duly fucking noted. I was all in favor of searching for signs or listening to the world around me, but honestly, it didn’t feel so amazing when I was the one being smacked in the face.
What was I afraid of?
Love . . . loss . . . or some amalgamation of the two? I didn’t believe an existence teeming with regret could still be considered living. Sure, the body would continue to function. The heart would beat, the tongue would taste, and the lungs would breathe, but does an empty shell equate to true life?
No, it doesn’t.
I was afraid of that hospital bed and all the machines hooked up to her frail body. For months, I lived moment to moment, wondering when it would be the last time I heard her voice. At the end, she felt no pain. She simply closed her eyes and never woke up. My mother left this world with as much grace as she entered it.
But even drawing my last breath was not my greatest fear. The thing I feared most in this world was sharing the same fate as my parents. My father held my mother’s hand as cancer riddled her body—he was there the last time she opened her eyes, and he stood in the rain, watching as his wife’s casket was lowered into the earth.
My father had been fortunate enough to find the person who completed his soul. Yet, his good fortune came to an end. He lost his other half, and he would never be whole again.
A lump appeared in the back of my throat. Scrambling up the steps to my dorm, I had to get inside before I lost my nerve. My hands seemed to move of their own volition as I swiped my key card and pushed through the door. I scaled more steps, or at least I think I did. My mind was in such a daze that it was impossible to do more than breathe in and out.
When I finally reached my room, I was relieved to find it empty. Tubes of paint, brushes, and paper were strewn across my bed. In an instant, I gathered up everything I could lay my hands on and shoved it in my duffel bag until the seams were ready to burst. Tears dripped from my chin as I stormed back into the hallway. There was somewhere I needed to be.
I pulled out my phone and clicked on Ry’s number, my heart picking up speed with each ring. An eternity passed as I waited for him to answer.
“Damnit, Ry. Answer the freaking phone.”
“Hey, what’s up?” The sound of his voice was the equivalent of angels singing a beautiful melody.
“Where are you?”
“I just left Halstead. I had to complete a few hours for my internship today.”
“Oh, that’s right. I forgot about that.”
“Your voice sounds off. What’s wrong?”
Sniffling, I tried my best to sound composed. “I-I just . . . need to come over.”
I heard him unlock his Jeep. “I can be at my apartment in ten minutes. Is that okay? Or do you need me to come pick you up?”
“I can drive.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yeah. I’ll see you soon.”
“Okay.”
The drive to Ry’s apartment passed in a blur. My body went through the motions, but it was as if no one was home. So many thoughts bombarded my consciousness. Anxiety, turmoil, and despair bubbled in the pit of my stomach. As I climbed up the steps to his place, part of me wanted to run away and never look back. If I didn’t confess the source of my trepidation, then I could pretend like it didn’t exist at all.
Readjusting the strap of my duffel bag so it wouldn’t cut into my shoulder, I slammed my left fist against his door. After a minute, the flesh covering my hand began to sting, and I had to stop. Had I made it here before him?
No sooner than I had the thought, I heard my name from somewhere behind me.
“Ter, what’s going on?” Concern laced Ry’s words, and he quickly made his way up the steps toward me.
I didn’t even give him a chance to open his door before I leapt at him. My arms curled around his neck as I cemented our embrace. And the moment his hands touched my waist, tears surged from my eyes with a vengeance.
“I’m sorry, but I had to see you.”
“Stop apologizing,” he said, unlocking his door. Somehow, Ry managed to carry my belongings and me into his apartment.
Relief washed over me like a stream of running water. His presence, his touch, held so much sway with me. I had to relay my fears to him. Not because of the guidance I’d received from Jonas and my dad, but because Ry was the one person who I wanted to open up to so that he could truly understand me.
“Did something happen?” he asked. “You’re crying.”
“No. Well, yes.”
“What is it?”
Burying my face in his chest, I breathed in the scent of his cologne. “I need to tell you about my mom.”
His fingers combed through the long strands of my hair, and with every repeated touch, the tension coiling around my heart began to loosen. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”
“I know.”
“Ter, look at me.” At his command, my gaze lifted. Concern stared back at me from the depths of those light blue irises. “What do you want to tell me?”
I’d been acting on instinct when I rushed over here, but now that I stood here in his arms, part of my brain was pleading with me to make an escape.
“This isn’t easy for me. I want you to know that.”
Upon hearing my words, his expression turned somber. “The things we avoid talking about will never be easy to discuss. But I’ll tell you why I don’t let myself get too involved with anyone if you tell me why you don’t,” he stated.
I nodded. Admitting that my heart had been invariably closed off to the prospect of love wasn’t an easy thing to confess. But if by some miracle, Ry possessed the same trepidations as I did, then he wouldn’t mind the constant broken state I was in. “Did someone hurt you?” I questioned softly.
“Yeah.”
“Who?”
“Should we have a drink?”
Ry shook his head. “No, we can’t keep avoiding this.”
“Okay.”
“It’s been over a year since I last talked to my father,” he said. “You see, the two of us don’t get along. He is an extremely selfish person and I would rather have nothing to do with him than pretend like he didn’t rip our family apart.”
“What did he do?” I asked, taking Ry’s hand in mine.
“I was eleven years old when I found out my parents were getting a divorce. The perfect, happy existence I believed would last forever was shattered beyond repair. Turns out that my father was having an affair with another woman and he was leaving my mom to be with her.”
“Oh, Ry.” My fingertips traced the creases covering his palm. His greatest fear was being cheated on—a fate his mother had experienced—while mine was losing the person I loved the most—a fate my dad had endured. Drawing his hand to my lips, I kissed his flesh. “I’m so sorry.”
“Believe it or not, the story actually gets better,” he joked, his voice breaking on the last word. “He didn’t simply have an affair with this woman; they had children together too.”
Gasping at the gravity of this information, I moved closer. Even if we were nothing more than broken souls, at least we could share in our pain together. “So, you have a brother or sister out there?”
His attention shifted to the far side of the room, and for the first time since the day we’d met, he refused to meet my gaze. “Technically, I have two half-brothers. We share blood, but I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen them. We’re not close, and why would we be?” Anger seeped into his tone. “The person who I thought was my father, the man who I thought loved me and enjoyed taking me to baseball games every weekend, tossed me aside to pursue a life with his new family. He left my mom in debt, and she nearly worked herself to death just so we could scrape by. She went back to school and graduated to get a better job and to have the ability to provide us with nice things. And that jackass was nowhere to be found.”