by Lynn Mann
Rowena appeared. ‘He’s really something, isn’t he?’
‘Spider or Adam?’ said Quinta, trying to smile.
‘Well, both I guess. I tell you what though, I think we’re about to see a bit of an increase in riders asking to join us.’
‘Really?’ I said.
‘Think about it, Am, those not already riding with us are either in firm denial, or are sitting on the fence, literally, dithering about it. Now they’ve seen that you and Adam, the two most unlikely people here, have had the guts to go for it and support your horses through the discomfort of making changes, they’ve got absolutely no excuse for not taking the plunge and doing the same for their own horses.’
‘Two most unlikely people?’ I said, amused.
‘You’re the youngest and least experienced rider here, and Adam is the oldest and most likely to really hurt himself and yet neither of you have let that hold you back. I think you may now have to get used to your new status as an inspiration.’ She grinned wickedly at me.
‘Give it time, I’ll be back to being the resident troublemaker before you know it!’ I said.
Spider was tiring now. Adam stroked his neck with one hand, talking quietly to him as he easily sat the half-hearted bucks and leaps to the side that Spider still gave every now and then. Spider’s coat was dark with sweat and his nostrils flared pink as hot breath and droplets of water were expelled in regular, violent bursts.
Adam smiled at Quinta as he and Spider jogged past. ‘Just a little while longer, the worst is over now,’ he said. He set about helping Spider to find his perfect balance once more. It didn’t take long before he reached it and instantly I was unable to distinguish Adam and Spider as being separate from one another. Judging by the collective gasp that emanated around the paddock, I wasn’t the only one who could see it. Adam slowed Spider to a halt and dismounted.
Quinta ran to them, quickly hugging Adam before throwing a rug over Spider and rubbing his neck muscles with her hands. There was clapping and cheering all around.
‘Adam, that was beautiful to watch. You and Spider merged together and everyone saw it, not just me!’ I said.
‘Well now that they’ve seen two of us reach that state, let’s hope it spurs more of them to do the same with their own horses. It’s truly a privilege, isn’t it?’ His eyes filled with tears, and he was unashamed as one broke free and traced its way down his old, weathered cheek.
My own eyes filled in response. ‘Yes, it is. Everyone saw me and Fin blur together like that?’
He nodded. ‘Did no one mention it?’
‘Well Justin did, but he’s been able to see it before as he’s…’ I stopped, suddenly unsure if I were about to share information that was private.
‘… close to being there already and has been for a very long time I think,’ Adam whispered. He gave my arm the gentlest of squeezes and then followed Spider as Quinta led him back to his paddock. I saw many people leave the fence to follow him and chuckled to myself.
‘Well that was a spectacular sight to behold. What gives, Amarilla?’ Marvel asked, arriving with Justin, Mason and their horses.
‘I think Adam’s about to find himself much less able to lurk in the background,’ I said. ‘He likes to play the part of an old man messing around and having a little fun in the years he has left, but after that display of talent, I don’t think his little charade is going to wash with anyone anymore! Spider’s well and truly exposed him!’
Wicked grins spread slowly across the faces of all three men, but Rowena merely nodded. ‘It’s scary, isn’t it?’
‘What is?’ I asked.
‘There’s nowhere to hide. That’s twice I’ve seen it now and it scares me.’
‘I’m not with you,’ I said.
She sighed. ‘Adam isn’t the only one who’s been exposed, Am. When you got back on Infinity after she threw you, you gave her all of your focus, all of your energy, everything you had. It was obvious to everyone who saw it. And in doing that, you lost all ability to hide anything of yourself, just as Adam did just now. You both gave everything and in doing so, revealed yourselves as you really are. Adam’s at complete ease with himself. He’s strong, confident, capable and balanced. You aren’t any of those things yet, at least not completely, but your determination and love for Fin override anything you lack, and you’ll push yourself way past your capabilities, way past your knowledge and experience, past your fear even, to give her what she needs. It took me a while to really understand what it was I saw when you and Infinity had your episode, but now I do, especially after seeing Adam for who he really is and it scares me.’
Justin, Marvel and Mason had all dismounted and come closer so as to hear Rowena better. I looked pointedly at Justin and raised my eyebrows.
He took a deep breath. ‘I’m scared too, more scared than I’ve ever been about anything. You worry about people seeing who you really are inside, Rowena, I worry about losing myself altogether.’
‘It’s a right wasp’s nest we’ve disturbed, ain’t it,’ said Mason, ‘and I’ll say one thing for nothin’, I think we need to go back to ridin’ in our own little group and we need to split that lot,’ he hiked a thumb over his shoulder, ‘into groups of their own, if we’re goin’ to be of help to them. I’m thinkin’ that we and the horses are all goin’ to need more space than we’ve had of late.’
We all agreed that Mason’s idea was a good one, although some of us confessed to being nervous; helping other riders by offering hints and suggestions as we passed each other in the riding paddock was one thing, but putting them into groups and helping them from the ground in a more formal way was something completely different.
It was decided that Justin and I would take one group, Rowena and Marvel another, Quinta and Mason the third and the remaining riders and their horses would be taught by Adam alone. He protested at the idea when we put it to him, saying that he’d barely ridden in years and no one would want to listen to a silly old man, but his objections were met by silent, amused stares from all of us and then Marvel said, ‘brilliant, so we’re all in agreement then!’
Adam threw his hands into the air, pretending to be offended at being ignored. The twinkle never left his eyes though and after we’d finished our own riding session the following day, I noticed that he walked with a very definite purpose as he made his way to the paddock in which he would be teaching.
Justin and I were to be teaching in the farthest paddock by my request, as I hoped that by doing so we’d draw the fewest spectators. As we passed the other riding paddocks, we saw that Adam already had his students riding in a large circle around him, Rowena was talking animatedly to her and Marvel’s group while Marvel stood nodding in agreement, and Mason and Quinta appeared to be checking the fit of their student’s bridles before beginning their own session.
‘They’ll never listen to me, I’m too young and inexperienced and hardly any of them even like me,’ I said to Justin.
‘They’ve seen what you and Infinity are capable of. They’ll listen,’ said Justin, firmly.
You merely need speak of what you know. You are ready, Infinity assured me.
My heart twinged uncomfortably, a mere echo of the pain and wild lurching it had performed in the past, but enough to remind me that I still had cause to push myself as firmly as I’d been willing to push Infinity. I’m ready, I attempted to affirm to her and to myself, but when my heart gave another twinge, I knew that I didn’t completely believe it.
‘How are we going to begin?’ I asked Justin.
‘I think you should talk about what you’ve done with Infinity, as they won’t have heard the full story. Then we’ll check their bridles look okay and get them riding, shall we? I think we’ll probably be able to see where we need to go from there.’
‘Can’t you do the talking?’ I said.
‘I feel a fraud even attempting to help them with their riding, let alone telling them they need to be aiming for something I haven’t got the guts to
do myself. No Am, I’m afraid it’s going to have to be you.’
I sighed and my heart twinged and then began to thump madly as I saw how many spectators we had, on top of the ten riders who waited patiently with their horses. I attempted a smile and noticed that my lips were trembling. They seemed to do that a lot these days.
You are ready, Infinity whispered in my mind.
I found myself entering the paddock to stand in front of our students. My mind went blank. I reached for my horse and found her sitting quietly at the back of my mind, much as she had done when I’d needed space to converse with Diligence. She was there, I reassured myself. I could do this. My heart twinged again and my confidence faltered.
Thankfully, Justin stepped in. ‘Afternoon everyone, it’s good to see you all here. Amarilla and I will do our best to help you and your horses as much as we can, but I think before we start, it would be good if each of you would tell us what made you ask to join us and what you and your horses are expecting from us. Aleks?’ He motioned with his hand towards a slim, curly-haired man of middle years who looked rather nervous as he stood next to a rangy grey mare with a dull coat and pronounced hollows above her eyes.
‘Oh, um, well, I kind of didn’t have a choice. Not that I’m not glad to be here of course, it’s just that without Nexus telling me… To tell you the truth, I’ve been interested in what you’ve been doing ever since you took yourselves off and started doing things your own way, but, well, Feryl’s always been really good to me. Anyway, I think it’s fair to say that Nexus has been waiting for me to realise what my priorities are and when I saw you and Infinity do what you did a few weeks back Amarilla, something just clicked inside me. Nexus felt it and told me that we were to ask you to help us, so here we are.’
Of the remaining nine riders, five had a similar story to Aleks’s, two of them had been impressed by what Adam had had to say on his and Spider’s rounds of the paddock fence and the other two had only recently returned to The Gathering from their travels, and had asked to join our group as soon as they had caught up with everything that had been going on. They all looked from me to Justin, expectantly.
‘Okay well before we start, Amarilla is going to tell you all exactly what we’ve been attempting with our horses and more specifically, the stage she and Infinity have reached. Am?’
My heart twinged more strongly. I clenched my fists and began to sweat. Infinity did no more than increase her presence in my mind slightly. No reassurance, no nurturing energy enfolding me to keep me safe, no advice. She was confident I could do this.
‘Well, um, it’s hard to know where to start really,’ I said.
‘It all began when Infinity wasn’t happy in your first riding lessons, didn’t it?’ Justin said.
‘Er, kind of, I mean things felt all wrong from the first time I sat on Infinity, when we were chased by a Woeful on our way here and she ended up falling, but I just thought that happened because I didn’t know how to ride. But then when we started our riding lessons, Infinity still couldn’t carry me without being pushed down onto her front legs and when that happened, her chest area became compressed and she shut down…’
I talked and I talked and I talked. Miraculously, I found that as soon as I was talking about something I cared about so much, speaking my truth was easy. When I finally stopped talking, I looked over at Justin, who gave a hint of a wink and said, ‘any questions, anyone?’
In the silence that followed, I felt for Infinity and sensed her satisfaction. No one spoke for what seemed an eternity. Finally, a red-haired lady called Sonja, whom I knew to be a Weather-Singer, said, ‘Amarilla, thank you for telling us what you have. I am ashamed to say I came to my own, mostly false, conclusions about what your group was up to, without knowledge of all the facts, and that has been to my and Bright’s detriment.’ She rubbed the neck of her dark bay stallion who responded by leaning into her touch. I sensed his thoughts, light but direct as he communicated with her. ‘I know, everything at the right time, hey boy,’ she said, hugging him. ‘Anyway, I was wondering if you could explain what exactly is happening when you and Infinity seem to kind of meld together? I’ve been watching you closely over the past few weeks and I’ve noticed that it happens at the times when Infinity is high in front and has her hind legs really underneath her, when she’s in perfect balance, if I understand you correctly. She looks, well you both look… beautiful.’ Sonja’s lips trembled. I tried to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat as Sonja’s emotion stimulated my own.
Infinity increased her presence in my mind. Your tendency to be overly emotional is not helpful at this time.
I grinned. Given your own emotional tendencies at the moment, I’m not sure you’re in the best position to criticise, Fin, I retorted and sent her a wave of love that I hoped would soften my teasing.
As my attention returned to Sonja, I found her looking at me with a confused expression. ‘Oh, sorry, Infinity had something to say that made me smile,’ I said and Sonja smiled warmly at me. ‘To answer your question, you’re seeing exactly what I feel. Infinity can only be balanced in her body when I’m balanced in mine. When we’re both in balance within our own bodies and with each other, there are no barriers between us, it’s as simple as that. We’re at one with each other and with everything else. The problem we’re having is that we can’t maintain it for very long at a time.’
‘Why not? What happens?’ asked Aleks.
‘Sometimes Infinity releases something and gets emotional and then she loses concentration and we have to start again. Sometimes she loses her balance when she doesn’t quite step underneath herself enough, if she’s worried about going down a slope or something. Sometimes I lose my balance a bit and then Infinity doesn’t feel supported enough to maintain her own.’
The twinges in my heart were very faint now. Infinity increased her presence in my mind until her expectation and absolute confidence that I would know what to say next was all I had room to be aware of.
I said, ‘you need to understand that this isn’t all just about learning how to ride your horses better. It’s about developing a partnership with your horse where you will help each other to find balance and strength, and not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. When you find it, you and your horses will release the negative aspects of yourselves that you don’t need anymore. You will evolve.’
Infinity was triumphant. I looked around at the riders and spectators and saw that my words appeared to have hit home. Everyone looked thoughtful, some looked frightened and some were tearful, but on a lot of faces I saw eyes bright with excitement. The air was thick with all the thoughts that flew around as horses and their Bond-Partners communicated. I looked over at Justin and held a hand up at hip height, hoping he would understand that I thought we should be quiet for a while. He moved to stand close to me and I felt his hand envelop mine.
‘Nice one Am,’ he murmured and then his touch was gone.
Our first teaching session passed in a blur. After a brief bridle check, we had everyone riding a circle around us while Justin explained about experimenting with the rein contact until they found one with which their horses felt comfortable. We watched half of the riders each and called out anything we thought might be helpful and by the end of the session, everyone had managed to find a contact that their horse felt was supportive without being restrictive.
‘Okay so if you can all practise by yourselves tomorrow, we’ll see you back here in two days, same time,’ Justin called out and was met by agreement and thanks from everyone. He turned to me. ‘Well, I think that went well, don’t you?’
‘Better than well, it was fantastic! Did you see how hard all the horses were concentrating? They’re so happy to be doing this, they’ll all be looking better in no time!’
‘Excuse me,’ a voice said from behind me. I turned to find four people standing there, none of whom I knew. ‘We were wondering if we could join your group?’
‘We’ve got another fiv
e starting tomorrow and I think once they start, there’ll be another ten or so that will follow. I know their circle of friends and the others won’t be left out for long,’ said Quinta as she sat down that evening with her dinner tray. ‘I can’t believe how well this is going. Thank goodness, it’ll be so much harder for any of them to be involved in the plans to hunt the Woeful once they’re focusing on working with their horses and it’ll be impossible for them even to think of it when they start getting close to the stage where Amarilla and Adam are. Everything seemed so impossible back in the winter and only a few months on, I’m starting to think we can really turn things around!’
The other lessons had all gone every bit as well as ours. It seemed that we would now be teaching a session every day in order to keep the groups small enough that everyone would get enough help, and soon we’d have to teach two sessions some days. It would mean that we’d be sorely pressed to get our share of the chores done, but none of us minded. We were all high on the excitement of knowing that we were doing something that really mattered to the horses and their riders.
By agreement with Adam, it had been some time since I’d done any work on my herb journal; I’d found Infinity’s comment that I’d need time for her statement “there is little difference between discovery and creation” to sink in, to be a gross understatement and had seen little point in continuing with my studies until I had a clearer understanding of what she meant. I therefore began to use my mornings to do as many chores as I could, both mine and those of my fellow instructors, who weren’t able to forego their skilled jobs to catch up with chores as easily as I could. Whether I filled in one hour or three for one of my friends, I felt that I was helping at least a little and repaying what they had done for me every time I had had to run to my horse when my heart had been giving me so much trouble. And it gave me time to think.
While I scrubbed pots, mopped floors, unloaded supply wagons, carried clean towels to the bathrooms, fetched firewood to the kitchens, laid food out at mealtimes, chopped vegetables and fed the sheep, I spent time considering each bonded pair under Justin’s and my instruction, thinking about where they were in their training, what help they might need in their next lesson, and who of the two of us was better placed to do it.