Vote Then Read: Volume I

by Carly Phillips

  But Will didn’t argue. He just stepped back, his hands held out to the sides. “Be my guest. She’s not my girl.”

  I swallowed and allowed Lucas to slip a familiar arm around me, burying the sharp, painful twinge of Will’s quick dismissal. He was right, of course. I wasn’t his girl—this wasn’t even a real date, as much as it had felt like one up until now. But that didn’t make it hurt any less.

  Lucas turned me to face the other direction, pulling me a little closer as we moved around with the other couples. It was a familiar stance. One we’d taken many times at school dances and backyard barbecues, many years before. Familiar, but lifeless.

  “I’m sorry about what Lindsay said tonight,” he said. “When she gets a few drinks in her, she kind of runs off at the mouth.”

  I shrugged. I didn’t know what to say about that. All it meant was that deep down, Lindsay was a bitch who just managed to hide it when she was sober.

  “And I’m sorry about the other night too,” Lucas continued. “I…I’d had a few myself. I just…well, I missed you, Mags. We all have. But I don’t want to mess up our friendship. Not when we’re just getting you back.”

  I looked up, worried I’d find that look in his eyes again—that desire, that entitlement to me that had sent me running. But there was nothing but hope and kindness—the same old Lucas I’d always known.

  “I’ll always be your friend,” I told him with a smile. “I’m not that easy to get rid of.”

  He grinned, the movement shifting his broad face pleasantly. “Good,” he said as he pulled me closer.

  We continued dancing, and I tried to ignore it as Lucas kept me aligned with him, chest to chest. It was friendly, I supposed, but also intimate. Maybe too intimate, despite what he’d said. His hand stroked my lower back, and he turned us again. Over his shoulder, I caught Will sitting against the wall with his arms crossed tightly. He was ignoring the chatter at the table, facing mostly away from them while his beer sat untouched. His focus was entirely on me.

  His eyes flared when Lucas’s hand drifted a little lower to rest at the small of my back, and his fist clenched under his elbow. But when he realized I was watching him back, he softened. He blinked, then stood up.

  “You okay?” he mouthed across the room, and even from this distance, I understood.

  Lucas’s hand drifted even lower, his palm curving over the top of my backside. Immediately, I had flashbacks from high school. The graze of fingers where they shouldn’t quite be. The small, almost subconscious fear of what would happen if I encouraged it, even though part of me wanted to. The bigger fear if I didn’t.

  And this time, I didn’t want it. Not at all. I didn’t feel that way about Lucas anymore—hadn’t for years. We were so young when we were together. We were different people now. At least, I was definitely different, and in ways he could never really understand.

  My eyes widened at Will. Help me, I telegraphed. What else could I do? I’d already come close to burning bridges with Lucas once before, and he was one of my oldest friends. A scene in the middle of this bar, with all of his friends present, would probably set that fire all over again.

  But before I could figure out how to extricate myself delicately, Will was already striding through the crowd, his tall form cutting an immediate path until he was able to interrupt us just as the song came to a close.

  “I’d like to continue that dance now,” he said. It wasn’t a question. It wasn’t even a request.

  Lucas didn’t bother hiding his irritation.

  “Mags?” he asked. I wiggled, but the hand at my waist still hadn’t moved.

  “S-sure,” I said stepping toward Will. “It would be rude not to, I think.”

  Lucas huffed, but finally released me. Will tugged me into his side. I shouldn’t have, but I relaxed as his fresh, woodsy scent washed over me again. This grouchy, infuriating man shouldn’t have felt this comfortable. This right. But he did.

  Will began leading me through the dance, giving me space to lose myself a bit in the music and the laughter. He was a surprisingly good dancer. Not many men our age were, and he was actually able to lead in time with the music. Nothing Will did was particularly fancy, but his steps were confident, the pressure on my back and at my wrist sure.

  Some things don’t ever go away. The way I listened to the music was instinctual, testing the pitch or the pacing as natural as breathing. It was hard not to cringe as I noted a particular change the band made, or whether or not I thought they used the right picking pattern. I had even played a few songs with these guys back in high school, back when they were playing mostly in their garages and at backyard parties. I’d been relegated to backup singer most of the time because I didn’t have the “right sound” for their band, though I had wondered if it was also because I had a tendency to correct their mistakes too often.

  But in the end, my perfectionism hadn’t gotten me anywhere. They were the ones on the stage, and I was the one in the audience. They were up there, playing with aplomb. I was the one with my tail between my legs, licking my wounds because I still couldn’t stand to look at a guitar.

  “You okay?”

  Will’s deep voice pulled me out of my gloom. I blinked and found him watching me. He continued to sway us in time to the music. His face was as stoic as ever, but those deep green eyes of his were open. Their usual hardness lessened somehow.

  I gave a weak smile. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that? I’m shocked you haven’t bolted yet.”

  He didn’t return the smile. Will, I was finding, wasn’t one for social pretense.

  He didn’t answer my comment, just continued moving me around, though I noticed he kept his eyes securely trained on some part of me. My face, my neck, my collarbone. I was the absolute center of his focus.

  I closed my eyes for a second. “It’s just feeling a little crowded here at the moment.” At that, one blond brow rose, and I chuckled. “Yeah, yeah, I get the joke. I just…” I shrugged. “I used to play with this band back in high school. I guess I was thinking about the irony. That they’re up there, and I’m down here. And feeling a little disappointed with myself.”

  Will didn’t hug me or tell me it was going to be okay. Instead, he continued to sway us back and forth, letting me digest my own emotions, though he did so without moving his gaze. His solid, immovable presence was an odd comfort. It was good to know that whatever melancholy I was feeling, he wasn’t going anywhere.

  “It’s okay,” I said a few moments later. “I’m okay.”

  I could feel my friends staring at me—Lucas most of all—but I didn’t turn to look. I didn’t want to see Lucas’s disapproving stare, Lindsay’s obnoxious scowl, or anyone else’s reaction. I needed something else to focus on, and Will was providing it in spades.

  The band launched into a lazy three-four meter, and on cue, Will’s big hand slipped firmly up my back and pulled me closer as he launched into a waltz in time with the other couples on the floor. He even turned me a few times, although it was clear after a couple minutes that both of us would be more comfortable close, cocooned in our own small world, away from prying eyes.

  “You’re a good dancer,” I remarked as Will led me through another turn. “Will Baker can waltz. I wouldn’t have thought it.”

  Will rolled his eyes and smirked, and I was struck again how just a bit of lightness changed the entire landscape of his face.

  “I had to learn once for—for a job,” he said. “We, um, had an event.”

  His face shuttered with the recollection, but I grinned, trying to pull him out of it.

  “Well, you’ve got some moves, Baker. You’re no Fred Astaire, but I’m pleasantly surprised.”

  I was granted another delicious eye roll, but this close, I could see a dimple under his beard when that side quirked. Smile, I willed him, but after a second, the dimple disappeared. His head brushed my cheek as he hovered over my shoulder.

  A shiver ran down my arm. Again, I wanted desperately to see
what he looked like completely without the beard. Some men wore them naturally, a normal extension of their faces, their personalities. Will, on the other hand, wore his like a mask. As good as he looked in it, there was something about his facial hair that seemed unnatural on him.

  “Will?” I asked. Suddenly, speaking was difficult.

  “What, Lily pad?”

  I pulled back so I could look at him. “Why did you run off the other night?”

  His shoulders tensed for a moment, then dropped. “I don’t know.”

  “Liar,” I replied softly.

  There it was again—that slight quirk of his mouth. His eyes dropped to my mouth, and another shiver flew down my spine. That moment at the top of the hill came flying back to me—the voraciousness of his mouth, his hands, his entire body pressed against me in the dark.

  He sucked his upper lip between his teeth for a moment, gradually letting it go while he continued to stare at my lips.

  “Will,” I whispered.

  We were barely moving at this point, oscillating in the smallest ways to the music.

  “Lily,” he replied, just as low.

  “When are you going to kiss me again?”

  There was another long pause. And then, just when I thought he wasn’t going to answer:

  “Is that what you really want?”

  The sparks that always seemed to be flickering in his eyes flamed, but he didn’t turn that deep gaze away. And for once, I found it hard to speak. But only because I realized I wanted it so badly, I could barely breathe.

  “Y-yes,” I stuttered, breathy and choked. Then, more assuredly: “Yes.”

  “In the middle of this crowd? With all your friends watching? With Lucas watching?”

  I swallowed, my tongue thick and my throat dry. My chest lifted. I couldn’t find enough air.

  Then I nodded. “Yes.”

  Will leaned forward, and for a moment, I thought he might do it. I closed my eyes and turned my face toward his, my lips parting naturally, waiting for the moment where his mouth would touch mine, where his beard would scratch softly as he consumed me. His hands encircled my waist again just like they had the other night, and my heart gave one loud thump.

  “No,” he whispered.

  My heart dropped. And before I could help myself, I whimpered, a tiny, pitiful squeak that slipped out before I could stop it. It was a clear cry of desire, one that he heard just as well as I did.

  “Lil,” he started.

  “No.” I shook my head. “You, um, you don’t need to say anything.”

  “Lily.”

  Two fingers tipped my chin up, forcing me to meet Will’s penetrating gaze. I bit my lip. His pupils dilated.

  “Maggie.”

  I cringed. For some reason the name sounded wrong coming from him.

  “You didn’t let me finish,” he said. “I meant no, as in not here. Because if I kiss you right here, right now, I’m not going to be able to stop. Because I want you so badly right now I feel like I’m going to die if I don’t kiss you. I’m not going to give a shit about what Lucas or his friends or any of these people think about it—all I want right now is you, Lil. And I’m not putting that on display for anyone’s prying eyes.”

  My eyes opened as the music picked up again. It was obviously a well-known song in this crowd. Around us, people cheered, turning toward the band as they launched into a fast-paced jig that had people jumping up and down, hooting and hollering in a half second. But Will and I remained still, fully lost in each other.

  “I’m going to ask you one more time, Lily,” he called over the noise. “Do you really want this?”

  This time I didn’t speak. I only nodded. Yes.

  Will’s eyes flashed. “Follow me.”

  Suddenly, he was all action. I was yanked across the room, past my friends and plenty of other strangers who were probably more aware that I was “Ellie’s girl” than I was of who they were. There was no time to say my goodbyes or mitigate the suspicious looks from Lucas or his sister. Will towed me out to the parking lot at breakneck speed, pulled me to the passenger side of the old orange Toyota, and summarily tossed me inside. He didn’t wait for me to say anything, just slammed the door shut and jogged around to the other side before shutting the door behind him.

  He turned to me with eyes like fire.

  “Lily,” he growled. “Come here.”

  Then he hauled me across the bench seat so I was straddling him, threaded his two big hands back into my hair, and dragged my mouth to his. My whole body sank into him, feeling the long, lean muscles pressed against me, the way his lips, full and insistent, molded perfectly to mine.

  “Is this what you wanted?” Will growled as he nipped, sucked, pulled voraciously with every kiss.

  The hands in my hair pulled slightly, and I cried out, sounds that were swallowed with more torrid kisses.

  “Yes,” I hissed as I bit down on his lower lip.

  Will groaned. His hands moved to cup my chin, claim my neck, then down further to pull open my blouse. Buttons flew everywhere, and a moment later, he was pressing his face between my breasts while his hands circled my waist.

  “I’m not good for you, Lily,” he huffed even as his lips found my aching flesh, again and again.

  “We’re not good for anyone, Will.” I threaded my fingers through his hair and pressed him closer, arching back when his teeth closed over one nipple, pointed and aroused through the lace of my bra.

  “You are.” His words were muffled by my flesh, hoarse. “Fuck, Lily. You are.”

  I shuddered, both at the slight bite and his words. “Then that’s probably why we work.”

  “Do we work?”

  Will spoke against that soft, sensitive spot directly between my breasts. He paused, inhaled deeply, audibly, and though I could feel him throbbing through his jeans, rubbing between my legs, the rest of him was suddenly perfectly still. His hair had fallen out of its knot, and I laid a kiss on top of his head. The fury of the moment had subsided with the question, though the desire still remained.

  “Take me home, Will,” I said softly as I rolled my hips against him. “Please.”

  He shuddered, his breath warm against my skin. The door to the bar opened across the parking lot, and we watched, still wrapped up in each other, as a few patrons left, arms wrapped easily about each other. Their laughter echoed in waves through the night air.

  Will and I didn’t laugh. We were too sad, too broken for that kind of joy, but we were broken together.

  He sat up straight, and tugged my shirt back together. Then he laid a tender kiss on my lips, and I watched, enthralled, as his mouth quirked into a very, very faint smile.

  “All right, Lil,” he said. “Let’s go.”

  15

  We drove back to the lake in silence, Will keeping my hand clasped firmly in his lap, but it wasn’t until he pulled up in front of my stairs that I fully realized the night wasn’t over. Sure, I’d asked him to take me home. And yeah, I’d meant beyond just a drop-off. But he hadn’t said anything else, hadn’t made a move. I had assumed that in the twenty-minute drive from Curly’s, he’d changed his mind, like he always did.

  But then he turned off the engine and pulled the keys out of the ignition.

  “I—you—what are you doing now?” I asked.

  Will’s fingers brushed over my knuckles, and we both watched the movement for a moment. I was the first to look up.

  “Do you want to come down?” My voice was small, unsure. Hell, I was unsure. Was I ready for this? For what I was asking for? I didn’t know. But I knew I wanted it. Will made me feel like a whole person, in a way I wasn’t ever sure I would again. He kissed me like I was the key to his survival. Or maybe like he was the key to mine.

  Will paused. I could understand it, sort of. He’d been through enough tonight. If the guy had a severe phobia of people and had forced himself into a crowded bar for my sake, I could understand if he was averse to sex too. He wanted it—clearly—
but some things superseded desire. Sex made a person vulnerable, and I had a feeling that I’d never feel so vulnerable, so naked, than when I was alone with Will.

  “The only person there will be my mom,” I said. “And you already know her. And there’s a good chance she’s already out for the night, if she’s had enough gin and tonics.”

  Will looked up. “Is it really that bad with her? You—and others—seem to bring it up a lot. But she doesn’t seem like that during the day.”

  I shrugged. “She’s very functional. Until she’s not. The nights are the worst. She doesn’t do well with being alone.”

  Will nodded, suddenly looking past me, like he was almost somewhere else. “Yeah,” he replied. “I get that.”

  Before I could ask what he meant, he grabbed a fleece jacket off his seat and got out of the truck. I followed suit, and he met me around the other side, taking my hand again naturally after he finished zipping up his jacket.

  “Do you think we could slow down?” he asked. “Maybe just go sit somewhere and…and talk?”

  I nodded, slightly relieved. As much as I wanted to, I probably wasn’t ready to dive into anything just yet. I wanted him so badly, but something inside me said it was better to wait. Being with Will made me feel like I was racing to jump off a cliff without knowing how far down I was going to fall.

  “Sure,” I said. “Why don’t we go down and light a fire by the dock?”

  Unfortunately, a fire was already lit. When we rounded the far corner of the property around the shack, we found Mama sitting there, semi-awake while she stared into the flames. She started as we arrived, then relaxed and smiled when she saw who was with me.

  “Well, if it isn’t William,” she said, standing up with a wobble. A glass in her hand clinked—yes, the gin and tonics were definitely still going.

  Will awkwardly accepted a hug, and I resisted the urge to hide my face in my hands. If Mama was past the point where she could read any kind of social cues, then she was at least three or four drinks in.

  “Come, come,” Mama urged us. “Sit down. Take a seat. I didn’t expect you kids back for a long time yet, if ever.” She winked. “I guess you’re a gentleman, William. Can I get you anything?”