One Small Step

by MA Binfield

  Cam had found herself watching quietly and trying to understand who Iris was most friendly with, where her alliances lay, and once Vicki had made it clear that Iris was a lesbian, if she was in a relationship with someone in the team. She didn’t think so but it was hard to tell. Cam couldn’t help being curious. Ryan always teased her that she was pretty nosy in that way, and she had spent the previous weeks wondering the same way about the other players, not yet discovering any pairings within the team. She didn’t really care, but as much as she loved soccer, she had joined the team hoping also to make a friend or two, and she didn’t want to play on a team full of established couples who had no time for new friendships.

  Iris reversed the Mini out of its parking space and headed for the main road. She gave Cam a friendly wave as she passed. It was enough to make Cam want to overcome her tiredness and join everyone in the pub for the usual after training drinks. If she was going to make friends, she had to be sociable and not let her tiredness get in the way of that.

  * * *

  The pub was barely a five-minute walk from the sports center, but the freezing temperatures tonight made Iris thankful she had chosen to drive rather than walk.

  As the players arrived in twos and threes, they settled themselves in small groups at the square tables that populated the pub’s lounge area. A fire was blazing away at one end of the room and, being midweek, the lounge was empty except for a group of middle-aged men sipping pints at a corner table close to the bar. The TV near them was showing a football match, and they were watching it halfheartedly with the sound down.

  The team always got a warm welcome from Jackie, the landlady of the Dog and Gun, who was glad both of the midweek business and of the company.

  “Hello, darling.” Jackie wrapped her arms around Iris in a hug, stopping her passage toward Hazel and the tables nearest the fire. She pulled away and looked Iris up and down, whistling softly. “Well, look at you. You look like you’ve been somewhere sunny.”

  “Dubai. For work. They worked me like a dog, but I managed a fair bit of reading by the pool on the weekends. Don’t tell that lot though. I’ve got them all feeling sorry for me about how hard I had to work.”

  “Well, we missed you, and it’s been freezing here so you’re getting no sympathy from me.”

  “My hotel didn’t serve any alcohol. Not even shandy.” Iris pouted.

  “Okay, okay, you got me. I’m finally feeling sorry for ya.” Jackie pushed Iris toward the fire. “Make sure you make up for it tonight, and the first one’s on me.”

  Iris turned back and gave Jackie a quick peck on the cheek. “Thanks.” She made her way to the table.

  Vicki and Hazel were sitting as close to the fire as they thought they could bear while Jess was getting the drinks. Iris had quickly pushed two of the tables together wanting to make room for Megan and Cam to join their group when they arrived. Jess’s progress with the drinks was being slowed by the fact that the barmaid was showing more interest than usual in Jess’s attempts to chat her up. She leaned across the bar and played with her hair flirtatiously—doing all the things she could to respond positively to Jess’s presence except pour the drinks that had been ordered.

  “We might have to wait a while,” Vicki said. “Jess is in full seduction mode. I can’t remember if she’s an old flame or a new conquest. Keeping track of Jess’s women is a full-time job.”

  Iris shook her head. “I just don’t have the energy for it.”

  “I would have said the same, but then I met Princess Harry and I feel like a teenager again.” Vicki clutched her heart playfully.

  Vicki had snagged herself a posh girl called Henrietta—Harry to her friends—one of the associates at her new firm, and they were still in that madly loved up phase. Henrietta had reddish hair and a cut glass accent that made her sound like royalty so Hazel had come up with the Princess Harry nickname. Vicki had loved it so much that she now called her by it routinely and, to be fair, Harry thought it was hilarious.

  “Still going well?” Iris asked, already guessing the answer.

  “Yeah, totally. I’ve never had so much fun. And by fun, I mean sex obviously.”

  “As long as you’re not going to go into the gory details, I’m happy to hear you say that,” Iris replied.

  Hazel was on the phone to Casey, her wife. She was complaining loudly about Megan, who had yet to arrive. “Honestly, babe, she was like a bad-tempered army fitness instructor tonight.”

  Hazel being on the phone saved Iris from being teased about the fact that she was very obviously watching for Cam through the window and had even saved Cam the seat next to her with her coat. She was just being friendly, but she knew that wouldn’t matter to Hazel.

  At that moment, Cam entered the pub with Megan and a couple of the other players. As she looked around to see where people were sitting, Iris smiled and waved indicating the spare chair next to her. Iris wondered where the hell all this friendliness had come from. It wasn’t her normal way of behaving with strangers, but something about Cam made her feel that she was worth not being her normal self for. Cam gave a little wave back and made her way toward the table, and Iris couldn’t help but smile. This time Hazel noticed.

  Cam’s approach was delayed by Megan inquiring what she wanted to drink, and this gave Hazel the chance to nudge Iris. “Three words, Iris—she’s not interested. Don’t let yourself go there.”

  “Thanks for the advice, Haze. Three words for you—I’m. Not. Stupid. I know she’s not interested like that. I just want to get to know her a bit, that’s all.”

  Cam reached the table and Iris took the coat off the chair beside her so that Cam could sit down. The fire in the lounge was roaring now, and it made the pub feel very warm, especially when compared to the icy temperatures outside. Cam stripped off her jacket and hung it across the back of her chair. Iris wanted to initiate conversation with her, but something about Hazel’s comment had made her self-conscious. At least she assumed that was what was making her tongue-tied and it was nothing to do with how attractive Cam looked in the soft light of the room.

  This is silly. I’m behaving like a schoolgirl with a new crush.

  Megan joined them at the table with a drink for Cam and raised her glass to make a toast to the team.

  “I’d join you in that, but I can’t lift my arms off the table thanks to all those extra push-ups you made me do,” Iris said.

  “Is it my fault you can’t put the ball in the net from twelve yards? You know the forfeit,” Megan replied. “And anyway, Vicki did twice as many push-ups as you and she’s still got both arms working. You’re just a weakling.”

  Iris loved the banter of the post-training drinks—so much more relaxed than after a match when people were still worrying about chances they’d missed or how well they’d played. “But we all know that Australians have a genetic advantage with their overdeveloped biceps linked to the pints of lager they drink from childhood.”

  Cam offered Iris her palm for a high five. Iris obliged, pretending she had hurt her arm while doing so. Vicki joined in by flexing her muscles playfully and Cam grinned. Iris liked seeing her smile.

  Megan, Hazel, and Vicki began to chat earnestly about the state of the team’s finances, and whether Cottoms could be approached for more money. And this left Iris and Cam able to talk to each other properly for the first time.

  “I gotta say that Megan takes the training way more seriously than any other coach I’ve played for.”

  “Have you played a lot previously then?” Iris’s question was pretty stupid as Cam was obviously an experienced player. She was hopeless at small talk.

  “I have. I played at school, all through college, for the varsity women’s team. Soccer’s much more popular with women in the US than it is here. Lots of opportunities to play.” Cam sipped her wine. “I was so happy when I found out that Cottoms had a team. I missed playing so much when I moved to London that I was almost ready to just try to find a random team to join online,
but I knew I’d have been a bit shy about turning up and not knowing anyone, y’know.”

  “When did you move to London?”

  “About eight months ago now I suppose. Ryan…my boyfriend…well, I suppose I should call him my fiancé now that we’re engaged…he got the chance to transfer to the London office of his company and decided he wanted to give it a go. I wasn’t really doing much to keep me in Seattle, and London was a place I’d always wanted to experience, so…”

  “And do you miss home?”

  “I miss friends sometimes. I do the ‘catching up with them on Skype’ thing, but it’s obviously not the same. I miss the mountains, the forests, the lakes. Washington is really beautiful. I miss my family, well, I miss my sister at least.” She paused. “Mom, Dad, Alison, they’re all back in Seattle. My sister and I are close. We used to cook for each other every week and make sure we were caught up on each other’s news, and I really miss that.” Cam looked wistful. “What about you? What do you do at Cottoms?”

  Iris didn’t really want to talk about herself—she never did—and she certainly didn’t want to talk about work. She wanted to hear more from Cam. “I’m the operations director. As dull as dull can be. It’s okay though. There are worse jobs. I like the people I work with. Most of them anyway. And I like making things work better. Plus it keeps me busy.”

  “And what do you do for leisure?” Cam anglicized her pronunciation of the word “leisure” a little self-consciously. Iris liked hearing it. She also liked Cam’s interest and her openness. It was not natural for Iris, and she surprised herself by answering honestly.

  “I do what most people do, I guess. I run, I read, I see films, I see friends, I try not to watch too much TV, and I spend too many long evenings in the pub like this. Footie takes up a lot of my time. I really miss it when the season’s over.” Iris felt a little nervous, worrying about how she was coming across and feeling like she sounded dull.

  “And love? No time for that?”

  Iris was surprised by Cam’s forthrightness. She tried to determine whether the question was meant humorously or needed a proper answer, but found it hard to read Cam’s expression. She decided to be herself—guarded, flippant, avoidant.

  “I schedule it in every Wednesday at six just after my spin class. It’s getting harder to do though—a local shortage or something. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.” She carried on, leaving no room for Cam to come back with a follow-up question. “And how about you? How do you spend your time?”

  “Same as you really. I also like to run, I watch TV, and I read a lot. I like to cook. I try to get out to the movies, the theater, galleries. Ryan works long hours though so it’s not always possible.”

  Cam stopped and Iris thought she looked pensive, worried even, but she still seemed very relaxed talking about herself. “I need to make some new friends. It’s always difficult, but London makes it harder somehow. I hadn’t expected that. Everyone’s always so busy and so far away. My last place of work was a snake pit, and I didn’t dare make friends there in case I ended up on the wrong side in some way. I have more hopes of this place, especially since we have a soccer team and people seem so normal and friendly.”

  Iris really hoped she would be one of Cam’s new friends.

  “Cottoms isn’t all sweetness and light, but it’s definitely better than most. I like the fact that we’re a really diverse company. And it’s not one of those macho environments where people compete to be seen working the longest hours, and it’s really good that the partners support and encourage extracurricular activities like the football teams. We even have a book club, though at last count we only have four members, including me. If you like to read though, you should definitely come along.”

  “That sounds awesome, I will.”

  “We take it in turns to choose the books. I’ll send you the title for next time. In fact, I can just lend you the book. I’ve just finished it. It’s not one that I chose and, spoiler alert, I think it’s absolutely terrible. Not that I’m trying to sway your opinion in advance.” She leaned over to Cam and stage-whispered. “I am actually, but don’t tell anyone.” They both laughed.

  Jess returned to their table to top up her glass from the bottle of white wine on the table. She sat down, sighed, and looked at her watch.

  “What’s the matter, Jess? Is she behind schedule in succumbing to your moves? Is there anything I can do to help? What I lack in charm I make up for in experience,” Hazel teased her.

  “Would your wife approve of you chatting up a barmaid for me? I don’t think so. She’d stop baking you cakes if she found out, and you wouldn’t want that would you?” Jess’s response was a little snarky.

  “What about telling her you’ve only got a week to live? Might make her hurry up a bit.” Iris chanced her own joke.

  Jess looked at Iris intently before responding. “I know I should take dating advice from you, Iris, considering the barmaid is probably the only woman in this pub you haven’t slept with, but I’m not sure about that line, not one of your best. Of course, my favorite is ‘What winks and fucks like a tiger?’ It worked on me anyway, not that I like to remind myself of that very often.”

  Hazel put up a hand to try to stop Jess’s flow, but she ignored it. “Not heard that one, Cam?” Jess winked at her.

  Cam took a second to understand and then looked down at the table. Iris’s own embarrassment was acute and obvious to everyone at the table.

  “That’s enough, Jess,” Megan spoke up quietly.

  “What?” Jess stood up. “Are we not allowed to remind ourselves of Iris’s glory days anymore? Where’s the fun in that? Surely it’s important that we remember she’s the only person to get awarded Player of the Year for her efforts both on and off the pitch in the same season.” Jess toasted the group and returned to the bar.

  An awkward silence fell upon the table. Vicki spoke first. “Hey, Iris. Sorry, mate. Don’t worry. She’s just having a bad night.”

  Iris hung her head in shame, hating being reminded of those days and dreading to imagine what Cam would think of her now. Hazel put her arm around Iris’s shoulder.

  “She’s just used to being able to take her shit out on you because you’re so tolerant of her. Don’t let her get to you.” Iris nodded.

  “And I, for one, would like to come out and say that, to my great relief, I have never slept with Iris.” Hazel nudged Iris playfully.

  “Me neither.” Megan lifted her own glass to join Hazel in the toast.

  “So I guess we’re saying it should be me that changes the subject then,” Vicki said sheepishly, pulling her hood over her face.

  Cam was silent and fiddling in her bag looking for something. She extracted her phone and sent someone a text message. She looked up and caught Iris watching her, then looked away quickly. Iris felt sure she was sending a message to her fiancé to say that she was coming home early. Jess’s stupid comments had ruined what had been a pleasant evening up to then.

  “I’m kind of tired.” Cam stood as she drained her glass. “I’m gonna head off.” As the group offered Cam their good-byes, Iris wondered sadly if Cam would give her a wider berth in the future.

  Chapter Two

  Cam sat at her desk answering emails and trying to ignore the fact that Graham was sighing and tutting as he pored over the expense reports that she had just put in front of him.

  After a month of working there, Cam already knew that the noises were her cue to ask him what was wrong and then receive a long lecture about the many different ways the company was “profligate” with its finances. So far this week, he had ranted about the lack of wisdom the company showed by providing free tea and coffee in the lunchroom (“encourages time-wasting”) and about the needless extra cost involved in buying recycled copier paper. From her position at the desk opposite his, Cam considered the top of his bald head as he leaned over the document. It might be great for Cottoms to have such a frugal finance director, but his joyless penny-pinc
hing made working with him less enjoyable than it should be.

  Last week, Graham had asked Cam about her engagement ring and nodded thoughtfully as she awkwardly told him about Ryan, and them getting engaged before coming to London. He’d then spent twenty minutes telling her just how much money people waste on weddings and how she would do much better not bothering.

  Cam had quite enjoyed that particular rant and imagined having the same conversation with her mother as a means of putting a stop to the over-the-top fairy tale wedding she’d been planning for her for years. The conversation had actually made her call her mother that night.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Cameron, dear, how nice to hear from you.”

  They both paused. Cam wasn’t really sure why she’d called. Just a feeling that it had been a while and she owed her mother some contact.

  “Are you calling with news?” The way she said the last word made it clear that her mother was asking whether they had set a wedding date. She always sounded so excited at the prospect.

  Face it, it’s actually all she cares about. Cam couldn’t stop the thought from popping into her head. She decided to deliberately misunderstand the question and started telling her mother her actual news, about her new job at Cottoms and the football team and Ryan’s work. Her mother was too well mannered to interrupt, but her interest was limited. She managed some sympathy for Ryan when Cam told her how hard he had been working lately but didn’t muster a single question or comment on the rest of it. It didn’t matter that Cam expected it; her mother’s indifference to her interests, her achievements, and her life was always hurtful. Eventually, Cam ran out of things to say and her mother pounced.