Waiting on Love

by Tracie Peterson

  Duran’s anger was barely under the boiling point. He’d never tolerated a man insulting him—not even someone in the position of being his boss. “Look, I’ve done nothing wrong. Those men are just jealous. I don’t have to cheat to beat them. I can’t help it if they aren’t able to hold their own in a game of cards, but I’ll just stop playing with them. It’ll give me more time to sleep—when I’m not on watch,” he said, his sarcasm thick enough to spread.

  “I used to be just like you, Duran.”

  “I doubt that, Captain. You don’t strike me as the kind of man who’s been kicked around like I have.”

  Captain Wright squared his shoulders. “You’d be surprised. Before I made my peace with God, I was in quite a few jails for beating men half to death. My temper always got the best of me.”

  Duran could see the truth of it in the captain’s eyes. “Why are you telling me this? I have to finish this jib.”

  For a moment the captain stared hard at him. Duran didn’t like the sense of the man’s disdain. He’d read it on the faces of others every day of his life. People didn’t like him. He didn’t fit in their world, and they despised him for it. Well, one of these days he’d see that they learned to accept him, and if not that, then they’d tolerate him with respect . . . or die.

  “Booker, like you, I used to fight my way through everything. I did it so no one could claim a hold on me or the right to control me. I even became a captain because I wanted no man telling me what to do. What I didn’t realize was that having all the authority meant I’d also have all the responsibility. While you’re on the Mary Elise, you answer to me, and that in turn makes me responsible for you—just like all the others. I want . . . need my men to get along. I’m suggesting you find a way to make that happen.”

  “Aye, Captain.” Duran refused to look him in the eye. He hated the captain almost as much as he hated his first mate. The day was coming when he’d show them both that neither of them had command over him. Booker Duran—Robert Wayfair—was his own boss, and no one else would ever take that from him.

  Elise finished rearranging the room and stood back. This was how it used to be when she and Caroline shared a cabin. It had bunk beds that Caroline would no doubt hate even though she was raised in them. Elise had already decided she would take the upper bunk. As the youngest of the two, Caroline would have slept there when they were children, but her years of being a socially perfect lady would never allow her to climb up to bed, so Elise had resigned herself to the position. She wanted Caroline to be as comfortable as possible.

  With this job complete and still another week to reach Oswego, Elise felt anxiety course through her. She’d tried to keep herself busy, but there was so much going on that she couldn’t figure out how to tell her father her concerns about Duran. She had started to on more than one occasion, but the conversation always led back to Caroline’s situation and the coming winter. Father was very glad things had happened when they did so that Caroline wouldn’t be forced to remain in Oswego. He couldn’t imagine her wanting to leave her uncle’s care, but since she did, he feared things had developed into an even more critical situation. It appeared to Elise that he was barely able to keep his mind on sailing.

  After supper, the men took up their various instruments and played a little serenade for the captain and Elise. Mother had been the one to encourage them to form a small band. Two of the men played guitar, and of course there was Tom’s harmonica. Ollie could handle a squeezebox well enough to charm them all, and Sam managed the fiddle. It was quite the merry band.

  Duran seemed unhappy with the affairs of the evening and went to bed early. Elise found herself glad for his absence. She had never known such a dislike for anyone, but more than that, she feared what he could do to the rest of the crew. He always seemed ready for a fight or insult.

  She walked to the rail to look out on the black water. The boys broke into their own rendition of “Cottage by the Sea.” Those not playing an instrument joined in by singing. Elise thought it all quite lovely. The lake . . . the music . . . the night.

  “You look so contented here that I hate to impose myself,” Nick said, joining her. “But I’ve given something a lot of thought and would like your opinion on the matter.”

  Elise smiled up at him in the soft glow of lantern light. “I would be happy to hear your thoughts on most anything.”

  “Good. That makes this easier.”

  She waited for him to continue. Even though he said it was easier, he looked nervous. He glanced out at the water as if trying to find the right words, then finally straightened and looked her in the eye.

  “Elise . . . I . . . well, I have feelings for you.”

  She smiled. “I have feelings for you, as well.”

  He let go a sigh and seemed greatly relieved. “I’ve never felt this way, so I can’t say for sure exactly what the depth of those feelings are . . . but they seem very deep.”

  She chuckled. “I’ve wrestled with the same thing, but I believe it must be love.” She surprised herself by speaking so frankly and hurried to apologize in case she’d said too much. “I hope that doesn’t offend you.”

  It was his turn to laugh, and for the first time since joining her, he relaxed. “You haven’t offended me at all. In fact, just the opposite. I wasn’t sure I could use that word without offending you.”

  Elise leaned back against the rail and gazed at Nick. “I’ve never known anyone like you. I’ve always avoided getting to know any man very well for fear of falling in love, because you know of my pledge to care for my father. Yet you like my father and sailing, so I see the possibilities of us all being able to remain on the Mary Elise . . . together.”

  Nick nodded. “I’m not trying to push for something at this point. I just wanted to share my feelings and see if there was a chance you might feel the same way.”

  “I think we both knew we were feeling the same thing. Sometimes I see it in your eyes, and I know you can see it in mine. I think in important matters it’s best just to be forthcoming.”

  “I’m glad you feel that way.”

  “You two seem mighty talkative over here,” Elise’s father said, coming to join them.

  “We’ve just declared that we have feelings for each other.” Elise’s tone was serious.

  “Well, it’s about time.” Papa turned to go. “I won’t be the cause of interrupting talk of love.”

  “But we can speak more of that later.” Elise caught her father’s arm, and he turned back to face her. “Papa, I’ve needed to tell you something since we were in Duluth, but it always seems something else comes up. The weather . . . my sister . . . something with the ship. Or Booker Duran is around, and I cannot speak.”

  “Why not?” her father asked.

  “Because it’s about him.” Elise frowned. “You know there was a murder in Duluth when we were in port sometime around July or so?”

  “Aye. Are you thinking the man responsible was Duran? The description did fit, but he isn’t the only tall, broad-shouldered man in Duluth. There are a lot of Dutchmen and Scandies who match that description.”

  “I know, but he had a bloody shirt. Just after we left Duluth, it showed up in the laundry. I asked him what had happened. He told me it was just a tavern brawl, but it seemed an awful lot of blood.”

  Nick shook his head. “Why didn’t you show the shirt to one of us and let us deal with him?”

  “I didn’t think of it. I was doing laundry and had already started the process of getting the blood out before I even asked Duran about it. Since he had a quick and ready answer, and I knew nothing about the murder . . . I simply dismissed any further thought. It was only when Mina told me there had been a murder that I thought of it again.”

  “Perhaps I can ask the other men. It’s been a long while, but if he came back to ship with a bloody shirt, someone must have seen him.”

  “I hadn’t thought of that, Papa. It wouldn’t surprise me if one of the men had even been drinking wit
h Mr. Duran. Maybe they saw the whole thing.” She relaxed a bit. “I don’t want to be quick to judge him just because he makes me uncomfortable. In fact, I’ve chided myself more than once about even making note of the matter.”

  “Nick and I will see to it. You leave it to us now and worry no more.” Papa kissed her on the head. “Do you understand? If he is a murderer, I certainly don’t want you having any chance to be harmed by him.”

  She nodded and hugged her father’s waist. “I understand and will leave it with the two of you.”

  “And I’ll leave the two of you to discuss your interests in each other.” He gave a big smile. “If it matters to either of you, I approve.”

  Elise glanced at Nick, who seemed a little embarrassed. “Thank you, Papa.”

  She waited until her father left them, then took a few steps backward, pulling Nick with her farther into the darkness and away from prying eyes.

  “What’s all this about?” Nick asked in a teasing tone.

  “I don’t want anyone to see us. I’m glad you and Papa are going to check further into Mr. Duran’s dealings, but if there is something I can do to help, let me know. I don’t want to worry Papa, but I think this is a very worrisome situation.”

  He drew closer. “Is that the only reason you pulled me into the darkness?”

  She smiled but doubted he could see her face very well. “No. I thought you might be encouraged to kiss me.”

  He gave a soft chuckle. “I need no encouragement.” He wrapped her in his arms and pulled her close. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to do this.”

  “Probably as many times as I’ve wanted you to.” She sighed as she turned her head up to meet his lips.

  Chapter 17

  “No, I won’t go back to him,” Caroline told her uncle. “I don’t care what he has promised or threatened.”

  “He hasn’t threatened anything. He knows what he did was wrong. He said the strain of all that happened on his wedding day was what brought on his poor behavior.”

  Caroline rolled her gaze toward the ceiling. “I’m sure he was filled with all sorts of remorse. He should be, but I will not go back. You don’t know half the truth about him, and neither did I. I probably still don’t, but I know enough to say he’s not a fit human being.”

  “Gracious, child. I could hear you on the porch outside.”

  She looked toward the entryway and saw her father and Elise. “Oh, I’m so glad you’ve finally come! Maybe you can explain to Uncle James why I will not stay married to Nelson Worthington.”

  “Perhaps if I understood the reason, I could,” her father replied.

  “You have us at a disadvantage,” Elise added. “We don’t know what all has happened or why you have telegraphed saying you wish to sail to Duluth on the Mary Elise.”

  “You what?” Uncle James asked, shaking his head. “You can’t be serious.”

  Caroline turned and met his look of disbelief. “I believe that’s better than remaining in a marriage where I will forever come in second to Nelson’s mistress.”

  “What’s this?” her father asked, his brow furrowing as he frowned.

  “That was the emergency on my wedding day. That was why we canceled our wedding trip. His mistress tried to kill herself because Nelson had married.”

  There. She had finally revealed the ugly truth. Well, at least part of it.

  “I threatened to tell his father and mother about the entire matter once I learned about it.” She sat down on the chintz-covered settee. “That’s partially why he beat me . . . the first time.”

  “I knew nothing about this,” Uncle James said, staggering to the nearest chair. “I swear.”

  “No, no one did. I told no one of the beatings, and Nelson is a superb liar and quite cunning when it comes to hiding his mistress from public scrutiny. She knew about me but thought that since it was an arranged marriage, it would mean nothing. She figured me for a homely creature who had to pay in order to get a husband.”

  “Why did her opinion change on your wedding day?” Elise asked.

  “She was at the wedding. I had no idea, of course. She snuck in with a group of invited guests. She wore appropriate clothing, so no one thought anything of it. She saw us take our vows and saw how beautiful I was and how happy we both looked, and realized this wasn’t a marriage in name only, as she’d thought it to be.”

  “I’m mortified that she was allowed into the church,” Uncle James said, shaking his head.

  “Be that as it may, how did you learn of her attempt to end her life?”

  Caroline looked at her father. “She sent a letter to say good-bye. We had barely arrived at our new home to allow Nelson to change for our trip when the butler met him with the letter in hand.

  “Nelson raced out of the house, telling his valet to cancel our trip and see that I was installed in the house. I was stunned. I thought surely something must have happened to his mother or father, but since we’d left them at the reception, I couldn’t imagine what it could be. It wasn’t until the next morning that Nelson returned. He was haggard and clearly hadn’t slept. I demanded to know what was going on. He didn’t want to talk to me and went to his bedroom.”

  Caroline drew a deep breath. “You know me. I wasn’t satisfied with his refusal to speak. I followed him upstairs and let myself into his room unbidden. He was angry but grew angrier still when I demanded to know why he had abandoned me on our wedding night. I told him that if he didn’t tell me everything, I would go to his parents. That was the first time he hit me.”

  She could see her father’s jaw clench. Elise’s eyes narrowed.

  “I think at first he was shocked by his own actions. He told me he was sorry that my pressing to know had forced him to react in such a violent way.” She gave a bitter laugh. “He made it clear that it was my fault that he hit me.”

  “Nonsense,” her father declared. “His lack of restraint was his fault and the reason for your despair. Go on.”

  “We argued. I reminded him again that we had just been wed and I felt I had a right to know what was going on. He finally told me. He said his mistress had been so distraught over our marriage that she had tried to take her life. Had she died, he said it would have been my fault. That was when he struck me again. I fell to the floor, and he kicked me several times. I begged him to stop. I kept reminding him that I was his wife.” She felt the tears come and tried to sniff them back and control her emotions.

  “That only served to irritate him all the more. He yanked me up from the floor and threw me on the bed—” She shook her head. “I can’t go on.”

  She didn’t have to. She could see by her father’s expression that she didn’t need to.

  “Why didn’t you tell me this when we first found out you’d left him?” Papa asked, his voice barely audible.

  “I was still in such shock myself, and besides that, I feared you would kill him if you knew. I thought, too, that he’d be reasonable about ending the marriage. Instead, he locked me in my room and would not let me go. He said there would be no divorce. When I finally managed to get away and come here, I did so with little more than the clothes on my back.”

  Her father said nothing, which frightened Caroline all the more. She could see that Elise, too, was disturbed by his silence.

  Her uncle spoke up. “I swear this is the first I’m hearing of anything about the physical abuse. As you know, I took Caroline in when she arrived. I thought it was just a lover’s spat that would be easily resolved. Nelson came to me to talk, I suppose to see if he could figure out just how much Caroline had said. He’s been here several times since, demanding she return to her home. He told me his father will not abide even a hint of scandal, much less a divorce. He told Nelson to do whatever it took to see this marriage remained intact or he would disinherit him. Furthermore, I learned that the inheritance he received from his grandfather was conditioned on his being married.”

  Uncle James looked so haggard that Elise couldn
’t help feeling sorry for him.

  “I am not going back to him,” Caroline insisted. “I am not with child, so there is no issue there. I will even lie and tell the court the marriage was never consummated. I want my divorce or annulment or whatever I can get that forever divides me from being Mrs. Worthington. Then he can marry his pregnant mistress.”

  “Pregnant? His mistress is with child?” Uncle James asked.

  Caroline shrugged. “So she says. That was in her letter the day we were to leave for Europe. She said she was going to bear him a child, but since he had done this horrible thing—marrying me—she knew they’d have no place in his life and so had decided to end both lives.”

  Caroline watched as her father got to his feet. He didn’t look at anyone. “Caroline, you may come with us to Duluth. Pack your things and have them ready in an hour. I’ll send some of the boys to get them.”

  “She can’t go. Don’t you see? We must not come between them. It’s bad enough that she’s taken refuge here in my house,” Uncle James declared. “A judge will see that as us alienating the relationship.”

  Their father turned and fixed James Monroe with a hard look. “She’s coming with us whether the court likes it or not.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t know,” Elise told her sister after getting her settled in their cabin on board the Mary Elise. It would soon be suppertime, but thankfully the crew would be eating in town. Uncle James had promised his servants would bring something for them so Elise didn’t have to cook. It was a welcome break from their schedule.

  “I know it’s bothersome, but would you brush my hair?” Caroline asked. “Mama used to do that when I was upset, and it helps so much.”

  Elise was happy to comply just for the chance to be closer to Caroline.

  Her sister began to speak as the brush glided through her hair. “I never planned to tell anyone about the beatings, you know. I thought it was something I’d forever keep hidden, but as Nelson became more demanding of my return, I knew I had to tell the truth.” She took a long pause, then added, “Even about his forcing himself on me.”