The Fairy-Tale Detectives

by Michael Buckley

  “When the mirrors told us that I would lead you, I admit I was afraid. I haven’t fought in any wars, so I put my faith in the hands of a few well-meaning people. They wanted me to throw a party to cheer you up, then reach out to the Scarlet Hand for help, then train for battle in front of you, then attack at the heart of our enemies. Those people were wrong. But I don’t blame them. They were doing what they thought was right. Unfortunately, the prophecy is not about them. It’s about my sister and me. I shouldn’t have tried to put that responsibility on others. Last night happened because of me—my doubts and fears. It’s ironic, because ever since my sister and I showed up in this town, I’ve complained that no one takes me seriously.”

  “I can vouch for that,” Daphne said.

  “Now that you are listening, it’s scary. I mean, I’m still just a kid. So I had to ask myself, what’s so special about me and Daphne? What do we do that is so different from the brains, muscles, and magic that you all have?

  “Well, once upon a time, before any of you met the sisters Grimm, we had a reputation as very successful juvenile delinquents. We were good at moving quietly, good at running and hiding, and good with keys and locks. We were good at getting each other out of tough situations and very good at tricking people into doing things we wanted them to do.”

  “What my sister is saying is, it’s time for shenanigans,” Daphne said.

  The Cowardly Lion growled. “What do you have in mind?”

  “Pack your things. Pack everything you can carry. We’re abandoning the castle,” Sabrina said.

  “Abandoning the castle? That’s crazy,” the Widow said. “This is the only safe place we have.”

  “Not anymore. If the Hand isn’t on their way, they soon will be, and they will find this castle because we have a traitor in our midst,” Sabrina said, turning to Chicken Little.

  The hen stepped forward and Sabrina bent over to face her eye to eye. “You are the traitor.”

  “What?” the chicken squawked.

  “You told your old friends in the Hand what we were planning,” she said.

  Uncle Jake snatched her by the neck and lifted her off the ground. “What you did cost us some dear friends.”

  “I had to!” the bird cried. “They forced me.”

  And then Uncle Jake tossed Chicken Little through the iron gates, where she landed with a thud on the drawbridge. She dusted herself off and walked indignantly back into the woods.

  The crowd broke into worried chatter, but Sabrina called for their attention. “We have to prepare to go. We leave for the forest as soon as possible.”

  “And what are we going to do in the woods?” Goldilocks asked.

  Sabrina smiled. “We’re going to lay traps, build cages, and create every obstacle we can to make the Hand’s lives miserable. We’ll attack in small groups, capturing one or two of them at a time; then we’ll slink back into the trees and disappear.”

  Pinocchio nodded respectfully.

  “But there are thousands of them,” Little John said. “We’ll never catch them all.”

  “There won’t be thousands of them soon,” Sabrina said. “Where are the birds?”

  “On patrol,” the Scarecrow said.

  “When they get back, I want them to deliver a message, and Scarecrow, I want you to write it,” Sabrina said.

  “I’d be honored. What would you like it to say?”

  “It’s a final offer to the rest of the Hand to join us. Let them know this is the final time we will reach out, and after this there won’t be a third chance.”

  “Do you think any of them will listen?” Beauty asked. She was obviously still holding out hope for her husband and daughter.

  “If they don’t, they’re going to regret it.”

  Henry eyed Sabrina curiously. “What are you two planning?”

  “We’re going to save the world,” Daphne crowed.

  As the hours slipped away, the small, tired army packed. Sabrina instructed everyone to keep weapons both magical and normal on their bodies, no matter how cumbersome. Carrying food was also encouraged.

  Sabrina sat with her sister and watched as the army limped off to bed. It had been a long day, and tomorrow promised to be even harder.

  “Can you get your coven to pull it off?”

  Daphne rolled her eyes. “Daphne’s Fabulous Ladies of Magic can do anything. I just need to get the spell from Uncle Jake. Apparently, you have to hold it in your hand to make it work.”

  “We can’t screw this up,” Sabrina said.

  “You worry too much,” Daphne said. “My girls got the right stuff. They put the pow in powerful.”

  • • •

  That night Sabrina waited up for hours for the Widow to return from delivering her message. The more time that passed, the more nervous she got. At around midnight, Henry drifted out of the castle and joined her at a picnic table in the yard.

  “Responsibility is hard,” her father said.

  Sabrina nodded. “I don’t know how you do it. You must go out of your mind worrying about us.”

  Henry nodded. “That’s probably the best way to describe it. There are times I’ve been so angry I wanted to pull my hair out, and other times so scared I’ve had to go somewhere and cry.”

  “We haven’t made it easy.”

  Henry laughed. “That’s the understatement of the year.”

  “I’ll do better,” Sabrina said.

  “You’re doing fine. Just do me a favor and every once in a while remind yourself that your mother and father love you.”

  Sabrina nodded. “You do the same. Oh, here she comes.”

  The Widow flapped into the courtyard and landed on the picnic table. “Well, I spread the word, but it doesn’t look good. Most of them laughed. They like to remind me that they are winning the war.”

  “What did you say?” Henry asked.

  “I reminded them that they’re fighting the Grimms. That gave them something to think about. Unfortunately, I don’t think we’re going to get too many takers this round. They’re pretty confident. Want to tell me what you plan to do?”

  “Not yet, Your Majesty, but soon,” Sabrina said. “Why don’t you go and get some rest. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day.”

  The Widow hopped off the table and wobbled toward the castle, only to stop for a moment to look back at Sabrina. “Hey, kid. We’re all behind you.”

  Just then, Daphne raced toward Sabrina eyeing her father warily.

  “Uh, Sabrina, I need to talk to you,” the little girl said.

  “About?”

  “It’s . . . um . . . about our messy room,” Daphne said.

  “Huh? Daphne, this is important stuff we’re doing. If our room is a mess, then just clean it up.”

  Daphne yanked her out of her seat. “No, this is a huge mess. Sorry, Dad. Sabrina’s a slob and I’m sick of it.”

  The little girl dragged her halfway across the yard before Sabrina could get her to stop.

  “What is this about?” she said.

  Daphne frowned. “Someone got into our room again. They threw everything everywhere. The bed is broken and our stuff is everywhere. But that’s not the worst part. Whoever did it took the Book of Everafter again!”

  “This is the strangest crime spree I’ve ever seen. Whoever is taking the book brings it back, then steals it again. Who would do that?”

  “Maybe they aren’t stealing it. Maybe they are borrowing it,” Daphne mused.

  “But why?”

  • • •

  In the morning, Sabrina took a bath knowing it might be the last one she would get for a long time. She washed her hair and face, brushed her teeth, and flossed. She dressed in a set of clean clothes and pulled on her sneakers.

  When she stepped out of the castle, she found the rest of her family helping the Everafters load the last of the carts. As their belongings rolled through the gate of the fortress, Buzzflower hovered overhead, zapping them with a purple dust from her wand. It would cl
oak them in the same magic that hid the castle, allowing them to travel through the woods undetected.

  “There’s too much stuff,” Robin Hood complained. “We need to travel light.”

  “We aren’t bringing this with us,” Sabrina said. “We’re hiding it. When the birds did their flyover, they found a cave near the base of the mountain. It’s well hidden and deep enough to keep everyone’s things safe. We’re sending all the young children and elderly there until this is over. We’re going to keep our magic mirror there too.”

  Daphne approached. “There’s no sign of the book,” she whispered.

  “Keep looking.”

  Daphne raced away.

  Snow White approached. “I just don’t understand the plan.”

  “It’s better that you don’t,” Sabrina replied. “Just keep your bo-staff ready.”

  “Are you going to blow this place up?” Mr. Boarman asked. “Seems like a waste.”

  “Just remind everyone that when they hear the signal, it’s time to go. They will only have five minutes to exit, and if they don’t, they’re in for a world of trouble.”

  Red and Canis rushed forward. “What can we do?”

  “Go with the kids,” Sabrina said, though before she finished she could already feel Canis’s disappointment. “Listen, I know you’re used to being in the action, but I need someone I can trust to keep things calm. I will never ask you to babysit again. I promise.”

  Canis sighed, and his backpack fell from his shoulder. A glass jar rolled out onto the ground. Inside it a terrible black shape snapped and scratched. Sabrina felt sweat form on her brow as she eyed it. The Big Bad Wolf was in that jar. Canis scooped it up and put it back in his bag. Then he turned to Red. “Gather the little ones, child, and any animals that are slow-moving.”

  Red smiled and ran off to complete her task.

  “You’re good for her,” Sabrina said. “You’re like the father she never had. It would be sad for her to lose you.”

  The old man lowered his eyes and hobbled off after Red, picking his way carefully with his cane.

  By mid-afternoon, the birds reported that the supplies and children were safe in the woods. The army was checking the castle one last time for any useful weapons or supplies. Most of the cabins had been torn down for firewood, so it was easy work. Sabrina poked her head into the blacksmith tent and found a hammer that might be helpful, so she shoved it into her belt loop. The kitchen was empty, as was the medical tent. Her people had done an excellent job. She took a quick peek at the cemetery and found her uncle and Morgan standing over the graves of the ones they loved.

  Morgan noticed Sabrina standing behind her. “I see the necessity of this and I support your plan, but . . . it’s more than I can . . . It’s just so wrong,” she said.

  “I’m sorry,” Sabrina said. “I knew you two would suffer the most from what we’re going to do.”

  “I feel like I’m abandoning her,” Jake whispered as if he were afraid Briar Rose might hear.

  He leaned down and took a rose off of his love’s grave and slid it into one of his shirt pockets. He closed his eyes tight, as if preparing to jump out of a plane. “OK, I’m ready. Let’s do this before I change my mind.”

  Sabrina took his hand. “I couldn’t do this without you. I think she would be proud.”

  “Just be careful,” he said. “If that piece of paper lands in the wrong hands, things are going to go from terrible to nightmarish in Ferryport Landing.”

  Uncle Jake and Morgan headed for the castle yard and Sabrina followed. As they turned the corner, she took a look back at the little graveyard and remembered those who lay there. She said a quiet prayer for their eternal peace, then ran to the yard where her army was gathered. Many of them had never held a sword or a bow in their hands before. More than a few had never been in a fistfight, but they were the bravest people she had ever met.

  “Your mother and Basil are safe,” Henry said as she approached.

  Relieved, Sabrina turned to the assembled crowd. “Thank you all for being so patient. I know you’re all a little freaked out because I’ve kept what we’re doing a secret, but you can’t be sneaky if everyone knows what you’re up to. So let me explain. We’re going to lure the Hand into this castle—as many as we can. You’re going to fight until you hear the signal. Then you’re going to run! Get out of the castle. We’ll meet at the gathering site, and that’s when our war will really begin. I wish you all luck. Daphne, are the witches ready?”

  “They are,” Daphne said.

  “All right, Buzzflower, drop the cloaking spell,” Sabrina said.

  “Are you sure about this?” the fairy godmother asked.

  Sabrina nodded, and Buzzflower waved her wand into the air. Suddenly, the sky went from blue to sparkly purple. Tiny crystals drifted down from above like snow and blanketed the ground, then vanished.

  “Here we go,” Henry said.

  Sabrina took her sister’s hand. “Any luck with the book?”

  Daphne shook her head. “We can’t leave it here.”

  “I’m not worried about that. I’m sure whoever took it has got it with them,” Sabrina said, scanning her army and feeling sad to know one of them was a thief. “Don’t worry. It’s too important to leave behind.”

  Then she turned to the crowd.

  “Open the gates,” Sabrina ordered.

  “Wait? Really?” the Frog Prince croaked.

  “Yep,” Sabrina said.

  “Have you lost your mind?” the Cheshire Cat cried.

  “She knows what she’s doing!” Snow White said. “Now stop with the blubbering and get ready. They’ll be here any second.”

  And Snow was right. Sabrina could already feel the rumbling of feet and the clanking of swords. The first attackers rushed through the door and were met by Arthur and Robin Hood’s men. Steel crashed against steel, shield slammed against shield, and a mighty roar filled the air. While they fought, Henry, Uncle Jake, Sabrina, and Daphne crouched beneath a hay cart and prepared for the next part of the plan.

  The next onslaught from the Hand came courtesy of the Ice Queen, standing in the open gate. The temperature of the air dropped wildly, prickling Sabrina’s skin. The Ice Queen waved her hand at a few of Arthur’s knights and they were immediately encased in solid blocks of ice. Luckily, Mordred cast a spell to warm them rapidly. They were soggy, but at least they were alive.

  The third wave of attackers was a motley crew of monsters in all shapes and sizes. They swung clubs and hammers with vicious intent. Two of King Arthur’s knights were killed within moments, and dozens more creatures piled through the doorway every second.

  “Widow, how many more are coming?” Sabrina shouted.

  The Widow flew up into the air and circled the battle. A moment later she returned. If a bird could look worried, the Widow was troubled. “At least a thousand, with more on the way.”

  Puck was in the middle of the action, and Sabrina kept a close eye on him. The boy was arrogant—too confident in his abilities. He fought like war was play, and though he slashed and poked and leaped about, his opponents meant to kill him. She cringed to watch him, but she reminded herself that Puck had been alive nearly four thousand years. He knew how to take care of himself.

  Her attention was torn away as another massive wave of fighters stormed into the castle. In this group, there were wizards and witches and mechanical men. They roared as they raced across the drawbridge like they had already won the battle. Sabrina couldn’t help but smile. It was exactly what she wanted them to think. Keep coming, she thought to herself. Every last one of you.

  Magical animals followed. Sabrina saw the Swan Brothers and Hans My Hedgehog. Shere Khan and the Ugly Duckling. Large bearlike creatures with the faces of cats leaped into the fighting with merciless ferocity.

  And finally a sixth wave stormed into the yard. Strange Everafters she had never seen before. There was a woman who carried her head in her hands, a cat who appeared to be made of glas
s, a girl made from patchwork quilts, a giant serpent, a stampede of intelligent horses, and a fleet of forks that leaped about, stabbing at anyone close enough to feel their tines.

  It was time for the signal. She turned to Daphne, and the little girl nodded.

  “Retreat!” Sabrina shouted.

  “Sabrina, what are you up to?” Henry asked.

  “You don’t want to know yet, Hank,” Jake said.

  Sabrina grabbed her father and her sister by the hands and they darted from their hiding place and raced for the drawbridge. Uncle Jake led the way, delivering punches to anyone that got too close. Bunny, Morgan, and Baba Yaga followed, unleashing spells that hit the charging army like a tidal wave. The Old Mother’s house brought up the rear, charging through the crowd and sending bodies flying in all directions.

  They ran past the Cowardly Lion, who was mauling a troll.

  “Time to go,” Sabrina said.

  The lion leaped off his victim and followed them. Along the way, Boarman, Swineheart, and the Pied Piper joined them. Goldilocks and her bears were next, trailed by Rapunzel and the Scarecrow, shedding his straw.

  And then Uncle Jake came to an abrupt stop. On the ground in front of him lay Mayor Heart, injured. He looked down at her, initially in disgust, but then reached down and helped her to her feet.

  “I won’t—I won’t go quietly,” Heart stammered.

  “You’re not a prisoner, but I suggest you come with us. We’re your only hope,” Jake said.

  “Jacob, what are you up to?” Henry said. “She can’t be trusted!”