“I can tell.”
What did that mean? It wasn’t affecting my teaching.
“I know ending relationships can be hard.”
I put my bag over my shoulder. “He’ll live.”
“And you?”
“I have my job.” Then because I couldn’t be sure I wouldn’t start to rant and rave like a loon, I excused myself and headed home.
As I sat on my couch, eating ice cream and wine again for dinner, I wondered if this was going to be my lot in life. I’d be a spinster teacher, maybe with a cat, or ten. Angela seemed to think there was someone out there for me, but Will was the only one I wanted. The only one I’d ever really wanted. Would time really change that? I didn’t think so. Nope, I was destined to be alone. But at least I had my job.
Chapter 16
Will
I’d have thought, after a nearly two weeks, the burn of Ellie’s dumping me would have worn off. We weren’t really a serious couple. We were friends with benefits. Yes, the sex was incredible. She was fun to be around. And she was wonderful with Mollie, but we weren’t in love.
But if that was the case, why did I have a fucking hole in my chest? I didn’t have that even when Tiffany walked out. I was just as pissed, but not broken. What the hell?
Ellie fucked up all my plans. I was going to finish this marketing project and then put an offer in on the house we’d visited. Ellie and I’d already christened the bathroom. I’d already had visions of her spending time with Mollie and I there, and then making sweet love to her at night.
I shook my head. I had to get her out of my system, but hell if I knew how. I’d called Rick a week ago to go bar hopping. Maybe I could find some curvy woman willing to let me fuck her from behind - because anonymous sex was best if it wasn’t done face to face. But even as the words came out of my mouth, my gut roiled in disgust. It felt like a betrayal to Ellie, even though she was the one who ended things. Fortunately, Rick said he and Angela were back together so his bar hopping days were over again.
“Daddy?” Mollie interrupted my thoughts.
“Yes, sweetheart.”
“Are you and Ms. Webb not friends anymore?”
Fuck. I didn’t know how to talk about this subject with her, so I hadn’t said anything. I thought it had worked, but apparently, she’d noticed how absent Ms. Webb was from our life. Then again, she saw Ellie at school. Did Ellie say something?
“Why do you ask that?”
“Because we don’t see her anymore.”
“You see her at school.” I picked Mollie up and held her in my lap.
“It’s not the same.”
“She’s still nice to you though, right?”
Mollie nodded as she played with the buttons on my smartwatch making the display change. “Yes, but she looks sad.”
My first instinct was to be sad for Ellie, and then I remembered she’d brought this on herself.
Mollie looked up at me with her pretty little blue eyes. “I thought she would be my mommy.”
My gut clenched, that Ellie’s actions would affect Mollie. Granted, there hadn’t been anything to indicate Ellie would ever be Mollie’s mother, but hadn’t I been thinking that perhaps there was a future for us?
“Why did you think that?”
“Because I saw you kiss her. Daddies kiss mommies. And you used to smile when you saw her. Now we don’t see her and you’re sad too.”
Jeez, she was perceptive. I kissed her head. “You don’t need to worry about me or Ms. Webb, okay?”
“Are you guys mad?”
Royally pissed. But I decided to change the subject. “Hey, baby, I think I found us a house. Want to see it?” Of course, I couldn’t buy the house I’d seen with Ellie, because there was no way I could use that bathroom and not think about how I’d fucked her there. But if it would get Mollie on a new stream of thought and have her preparing to move this summer, I’d take her to see it.
“Does it have a pool?”
“No, but it has room for us to build one someday.”
She looked up at me, and I was thinking she was going to be a tough sell. But finally, she nodded. “Okay.”
Surprisingly, Mollie liked the house a lot. The bedroom that would be hers had a window seat that she took to immediately. She also enjoyed the large yard, asking if she’d be able to get a dog. I was non-committal about that, even though I thought it would probably happen. Mollie and I would never have a traditional family. Tiffany made sure of that. And Ellie reminded me why trusting a woman was risky. So, it would just be Mollie and me, and perhaps a dog in our family unit. Along with my parents, we really didn’t need any more than that.
On Thursday, I was finishing the first draft of a sales letter, when Rick called saying Angela would be out that night and asked if I wanted to go out. He offered to be my wingman if I was still wanting to hook up with a woman. I declined the wingman offer but did say going out for a drink would be nice.
We set a time and I made arrangements for my parents to babysit Mollie while I was out. At seven, I strode into the local bar and found Rick already at the back nursing a beer and watching a sports newscast on one of the many jumbo TVs around the bar.
“Hey, man,” he said when I joined him. “Hope you don’t mind, I started without you.”
I raised my hand to get the waitresses attention. “Don’t mind at all.” I ordered my beer and asked Rick, “So, all is right with Angela?”
“Yeah.” He shook his head like he couldn’t believe the situation he was in. “I thought for sure love was a bunch of bullshit, but I have to say, she might be the one.”
“Last week you two were on the outs.” How could he know she was the one when they’d only been back together for a short time?
“I think I knew before and it scared the shit out of me, which is why I went nuts on her.” He took a sip of his beer. “Now, I’m not saying I’m buying a ring just yet, but it feels right with her, you know?”
I shook my head because I didn’t know. All I knew was that even though I was angry at Ellie, I missed her. I missed her humor and how gentle she was with Mollie. I missed her beautiful smile and sweet personality. I was fucked.
“So, what’s the deal with you and Ellie? Angela said she needed to be with her tonight because of something between you two.”
I scoffed as I leaned back to the let the waitress serve me my beer. “She’s the one that ended things, so I’m not sure why she’d be upset.”
Rick tilted his head to the side. “You can hardly blame her with her job on the line. Besides, you said you weren’t serious about her.”
“What?” I stopped mid-drink of my beer.
“You said you weren’t serious—”
“No, about her job. What do you mean her job was on the line?”
He stared at me for a moment. “She didn’t tell you? There’s some crazy rule at her school that teachers aren’t allowed to date parents. I guess she decided to break that rule, but apparently, her boss found out. At least she wasn’t fired, but she was told that it was you or her job.”
“That’s fucked. But she made her choice.” Turns out I may have lucked out if she put her job above her relationships.
Rick leaned forward. “You’re a bastard you know that?”
I jerked back. “She chose her job over me, and I’m a bastard?”
He sat back and studied me again as he took a drink of his beer. “Of course she’s going to choose her job, you fuckhead. She thought she was just a convenient lay to you. No strings attached, remember? You really expect her to risk her job for a guy who uses her for sex?”
“It wasn’t like that.” My hackles rose even though I knew he was right.
“You told me yourself you weren’t serious about her. Did that change?”
I turned to look out over the bar so I could avoid Rick’s pointed stare. Finally, I summoned the courage to look at him. “Yeah, man, it changed.”
“Oh.” He shrugged. “In that case, it is a
little cold she chose her job.”
I shook my head. “She didn’t know. I didn’t get a chance to say anything.”
“I see.”
I sat in the booth as my mind whirled with this new information. Why hadn’t she told me about her job?
“Oh, Angela did say that Ellie was able to keep Mollie in her class.”
For the second time since I got to the bar, I felt like I’d been hit in the gut with a two-by-four. “What?”
“I guess the principal wanted to move Mollie to a different teacher, but Ellie was able to persuade her not to do that. She was afraid it would distress Mollie. So, at least she’s looking out for your kid.”
I went back to what Rick had said about Angela being busy tonight. “You said Angela was with Ellie because of something about me. What’s that about?”
Rick pursed his lips. “Come on, you’re not that dense, are you? The woman lives across the hall from you.”
“I haven’t seen her.” I hated that I was coming out the bad guy in this. But, even more, I hated the idea that I had missed something. If I’d paid better attention, would I have been able to do something different to keep Ellie?
“She likes you, man. She also thinks you don’t give a fuck that you don’t see each other anymore.”
“She’s the one that broke it off.”
“To save her job.”
“She never said that to me.”
Rick leaned forward again. “And if she did? What would you have done?”
I sighed. “I don’t know. But I’d have told her how I was feeling. Maybe it wouldn’t have mattered.”
“I bet it would have. Maybe it still will.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.” While a part of me felt hopeful that I could salvage something with Ellie, the protective part reminded me how much heartache sucked.
“You gotta be brave man. The hardest thing I ever did was show up at Angela’s with my shit. But it was also the smartest thing. When it’s working, love is fucking awesome.”
When it works, was the key concept.
Chapter 17
Ellie
I wondered if I was ever going to stop crying over Will. I was beginning to think that I should quit my job and ask him to take me back.
“Back to what?” Angela asked. She sat on the couch with a wine glass in one hand and my head in her lap as I cried yet again about Will. “It’s not wise to put all your efforts into a man who just sees you as a booty call.”
“It was more than that.” Maybe it wasn’t love and commitment, but I knew it was more than just sex.
“I think you’re just trying to talk yourself into something that wasn’t true.”
“Not all our time together was spent in bed,” I argued.
“Did he ever tell you he loved you or give you any indication that he wanted a relationship?”
I sniff. “No.” I thought about the fact that he continued to see me, which wasn’t his usual MO with women. Before, he’d only see a woman once, but he kept seeing me. That had to mean something, right?
And that night he touched me so slowly and gently. It was like he was making love to me.
But maybe Angela was right. Maybe I was trying to change the past to justify changing my decision. I did have choices. I could try to find another teaching job. But Angela was right. Should I make such drastic changes over a man who simply wanted a friends-with-benefits relationship? A relationship that would likely end when he and Mollie moved into a home?
“Remember that cute guy I was telling you about at my work? Maybe I could set you up with him. He’s not quite as sexy as Will, but he’s sweet, and doesn’t have a ton of baggage, or a kid.”
I looked up at Angela. “Mollie isn’t baggage.”
“I know honey. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just…” She trailed off and sipped her wine.
“Just what?” I sat up and stared at her, wondering what she was trying to avoid saying.
“Will was your first sexual experience and maybe you’re putting too much into that. Sex isn’t love, honey.”
“I know that.” Now, I was offended.
“Don’t be mad. It’s just that intimacy can be powerful and Will was your first. But you don’t have to settle for his scraps. You’re a beautiful, smart, funny, wonderful woman who deserves so much more than that. There’s a man out there who’ll have all the good things Will does without the bad. A man who’ll appreciate you. A man who’d do anything to keep you and not just let you walk away.”
In my head, I knew what she was saying, but my heart desperately wanted it to be Will. “I wish he could be that man.”
“I know, honey.” She wrapped her arm around me. “I wish he could be that for you too. You’re young and there are so many other men in the sea. I was thinking, maybe when school finishes, we can take a long weekend and go away somewhere. Some girl’s only time.”
“What about Rick?”
“Rick is planning some sort of fishing trip, so he’ll be busy with his crew.”
I wondered if Will was going. Did Will even fish?
“We could take a road trip somewhere? Or we can fly. How about the Bahamas or Cancun? We can lounge on the beach and let cabana boys serve us drinks with umbrellas in them.”
I laughed. “That does sound nice.” Although I was picturing Will in his swimsuit, his blue eyes filled with desire as he served me a drink.
“Then let’s plan it.”
I nodded. We sat in silence for a moment, then I asked, “What is Rick doing tonight?”
She rolled her eyes. “He’s with Will.”
I swallowed as new sadness came over me. No doubt he’d find some other woman to satisfy his needs. Someone skinnier and more experienced.
As if she knew what I was thinking, Angela said, “Rick says he offered to be his wingman on a pickup but Will declined. At least he’s not a total fuckhead.”
“It’s a weeknight. Will wouldn’t do anything that might disrupt Mollie’s week.”
“Honey, all he needs is a willing woman and a bathroom stall at the back of the bar.”
I jerked back. “That’s what they do?”
“I don’t know. The point is, it doesn’t take long to jerk a man off. He could be home before ten.”
Just what I needed - the vision of Will in a bathroom stall while some blonde bombshell with huge tits and a tiny waist sucked him off. He wouldn’t do that, would he? Then I remembered how, except for that one night, he’d never take me to his bed. He never let that part of his life into his home, which meant he had to have his sexual encounters elsewhere.
“I can see you’re driving yourself mad with images of Will and another woman. Knock it off. Instead, think about the man you’ll meet next and what he’ll do to you.”
The problem was, I couldn’t conjure up any other man.
“I’m thinking of getting a cat,” I said.
Angela rolled her eyes. “Honey, you’re only twenty-three. You don’t need to become a crazy cat lady yet.”
“It would be warm and keep me company, and I wouldn’t have to sacrifice my job.”
“There are plenty of men that can keep you warm that won’t make you sacrifice your job. Ellie, just give it time. It will get better I promise. I know it’s hard now because he’s across the hall, but he’s looking to buy a house, right? When he’s gone it will be out-of-sight-out-of-mind. Maybe someone even sexier and emotionally available will move in.”
With my luck, it would be another parent or teacher from my school.
Angela’s brows furrowed. “How is it with Mollie? I didn’t even think about that?”
“Mollie is fine, normal. If I’m honest with myself, it’s another indication of how little I meant to him.”
“Why?”
“He didn’t bad mouth me, which is good, but I don’t think he’s said anything. It’s like he’s shrugged and gone on with his life.”
“But that’s good, isn’t it? You can’t risk your job at
this point, and if he was mad or wanting you back, that would make it harder.”
I nodded. “I thought he was upset at first, but maybe it was just surprise I saw.”
“Either way, things are how they should be. In time, you’ll remember him fondly as the man who popped your cherry, but you’ll be married and have kids with a man who loves and appreciates you.”
I nodded again to appease Angela because I didn’t believe what she was saying. Deep in my soul, I was certain I’d never completely get over Will. Maybe I would marry someone else, but Will would always be there, which wouldn’t be fair to my husband. That meant I should just get a cat.
Chapter 18
Will
When I arrived home that night, I wanted to pound on Ellie’s door and ask her about her job and how she felt about me before kicking me to the curb. But two things stopped me. One was that Mollie was fast asleep on my shoulder and I needed to get her to bed. The second was that even if Ellie said she had feelings for me, it wouldn’t change the fact that her job would be on the line. I wanted to think she’d give up her job if she knew I had feelings for her, but that wasn’t rational or fair; I didn’t want to test it in case I was wrong. So, I had to find another way.
I lay in bed that night, the scent of her on my pillowcase. It was the one item on my bed that I hadn’t washed. As it turned out, I was a glutton for punishment. Or, I simply couldn’t let her go.
What the hell kind of employer got in the way of people’s private relationships? Anger burned in my gut at the principal and whoever else made that rule. Was that even legal?
If only Ellie wasn’t Mollie’s teacher. I remembered Rick saying that Mrs. Snyder wanted to move Mollie to a different class, so it was clear that even with a different teacher, as long as Ellie and Mollie were in the same school, we weren’t allowed to be together.
I thought about the house I’d taken Mollie to, but it was in the same school district. I’d done that on purpose, so Mollie wouldn’t have to leave her friends and start a new school. But maybe the answer was to find a home in a different district.
Blind Date: Single Dad-Baby Romance Page 10