Falling Over (Falling In Series Book 3)

by Andrea Hopkins

  Can’t say the same for myself, though.

  The girl—no, the woman—is so fucking sexy, and she doesn’t even know it.

  But damn, I do. I can’t get the image of her out of my head. It only lasted about thirty seconds before she was on the table, shielding that body from me, but that half a minute was long enough to make an impression. Cady is the definition of hourglass. Perfect olive skin and curves for fucking days. Her breasts are brimming handfuls, perky and barely contained in a cherry red cotton bra. Hips that were made to be seized by my hands and a stomach that looks so soft and delicious, I’m fucking dying to trail my tongue from navel to her downy lips.

  My jeans tighten uncomfortably and I squirm in my chair for the hundredth time, garnering an annoyed glare from the Goth-fairy currently torturing my arm.

  Fuck, the woman is lucky there’s a partition between us. I’m about one more naughty thought away from grabbing her and making good use of the utility closet behind me. I lift my head as far as it can go, trying to sneak a peek at my girl, but I can’t see shit.

  “Unless you want this tat to look like a child did this with his eyes closed, stop fucking moving,” the dark nymph scolds, shaking her head in exasperation. But then her red lips curve to the left and she nods her head toward Jack’s station. “Although, I can’t blame you. She’s fucking hot. Those curves…shame she’s only into penis.”

  I choke on my own spit and cast my wide eyes over to the sprite in black who cackles at what I assume to be a dumb-fuck expression on my face. “How do you know she’s only into penis? She could totally be into lady gardens too.”

  “First of all, never, ever, call pussy ‘lady gardens.’ And second, the girl kept her beautiful blue eyes on you until the very last second. She’s definitely into dick, or more specifically, your dick.”

  “She has a boyfriend.”

  “And yet, you’re the one here with her. Step up to the plate or get the fuck out of game, dude.”

  “What do you think this is?” I gesture to the work she’s nearly finished on my arm. “This isn’t just stepping up to the plate, this is going full-on Ichiro—this is a walk-off homerun, baby.”

  My little punk bisexual brownie and brand-new accomplice smiles proudly.

  “Well then, let’s get this shit finished. Sit still and don’t fuck it up.”

  I nod. My fucking-up days are long over. I’m going to make damn sure of it.

  I have to.

  For her.

  For me.

  For us.

  ***

  “C’mon Ben, you’re killing me! Can we show each other now?” Cady whines adorably through a mouthful of vegan puttanesca panzarotti.

  After our tattoos were finished, we said our goodbyes to the Keep Portland Inked crew and walked home. During the fifteen-minute trek, our hands brushed a total of seven times. Each time, Cady’s breath caught. It was barely noticeable, as her mouth kept yammering on to fill the silence. But I heard it. Once we got home, I made us an early dinner while she sat on the countertop and begged to see my tattoo between stealing bites and singing along to Miguel. Now, we’re sitting in front of the TV, watching an old episode of Project Runway, eating our weight in fried pizza dough filled with olives, capers, mushrooms, spinach, and fake cheese and her pleading has yet to stop.

  “I’ll show you mine, and then you can show me yours,” she says innocently.

  “Are we still talking about tattoos?”

  Yeah, that earns me a punch to the shoulder. Damn, she’s got an arm.

  “C’mon, Benny.” Cady gives me those eyes—those fucking heart-stopping blue eyes, while jutting out her pouty bottom lip, on top of using her little nickname for me and yeah, I’m done for. Fucking sucker.

  I sigh dramatically, pretending to not be happy about this when really, I’ve been dying to show her, but fear is a bitch and she sunk her evil claws into my courage the moment we left the shop. “Fine, you show me yours and I’ll show you mine.”

  Cady smiles brightly. But as her fingertips graze the bottom of her shirt, she bites down on her lip, her eyes looking at me through long lashes and that sweet smile transforms into pure fucking seduction. My mouth goes dry but I gulp anyway. And fuck, I’d be lying if I said my heart wasn’t about to beat out of my chest. I feel like time has slowed down—like I’m having a total fucking Fast Times at Ridgemont High swimming pool moment right now.

  She pulls her shirt off and I stop breathing. Just mother-effing stop. That red bra …makes me feel like a bull, ready to charge and dominate, but then Cady turns around so her back is to me and she’s just as fucking sexy. Perfect. So effing perfect. That ass… Damn, that ass…

  Before I even know what’s happening, the small distance between us is closed and my trembling hands are on her hips, gripping her flesh with my fingertips. She sucks in a breath as mine hits her bare skin. I release my hold on one of her sides and run my index finger from the top of those damned tiny jean shorts—just above that ass and up the line of her spine. She shivers and I smile. I tilt my head to read the words newly inked on her skin.

  Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself. -Coco Chanel

  I whisper the words and she shudders once more as her skin awakens with gooseflesh. She doesn’t turn around when she begins to speak, her voice small and timid, so un-Cady-like, it fucking shreds me.

  “When we were little, I thought I was the shit. I could climb the tree in our backyard faster than any boy in the neighborhood. My style was on point. And my mud pies were so bomb, they were almost edible. I had the coolest brother and…” her voice cracks, and I feel like I crack along with it.

  “Cady—”

  “No,” she exhales and turns around to face me. Her bright blue eyes are glossy and when she shakes her head, a single tear falls down her cheek. I erase it with my thumb and she closes her eyes before speaking again. “And I had the most amazing friend—best friend. I never saw him coming. I never thought I needed another one—I had a built-in since birth. But then this quiet, green-eyed boy moved into my life as quickly as he moved in next door. For years, he was everything, and the way he looked at me—like I was everything, too, it made me feel…beautiful. Validated. Like I was right all along. I was the shit. And then one morning I woke up and all of a sudden and I had an ass, and tits, and a middle, and that green-eyed boy stopped looking at me like I was everything and started looking elsewhere. I felt like I wasn’t that cool, weird girl anymore, I was just weird. And different. I felt like everyone around me looked like they’d just stepped off the runways of New York or Paris while I was just a homely stagehand. And I know I wasn’t the only one who felt that way, but it felt like I was. Even surrounded by friends and family, I still felt alone. But sometimes I would catch you looking at me…like I was still your everything. I clung to those looks.”

  “Fuck, Cady, I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

  Broken. I’m fucking broken over her and the role I’ve played without even knowing it. I pull her into me and hold her like I’ve never held anyone—so tight you’d have to pry us apart, unyielding, whispering apologies on loop into her thick hair.

  “It’s okay. I’m okay,” she reassures me against my chest and pulls back to stare up at me and I lose all thought. “Since forever, I looked to other people to validate my worth. It wasn’t until after you left, after all of the bullshit that followed that I realized I don’t need any approval from those assholes. Or from you. I just need mine. At some point, I looked in the mirror, and through the dark circles and tears, I saw me. Flawed, but beautiful. Strong, stronger than I thought. I stood up for myself. I guess that’s the only good thing that came from the Luce—that came from that night. It led me to myself. It took awhile and a lot of tears, but I became myself again. On my own. This quote is kind of everything. She was a smart woman.”

  “I didn’t think you could get any more amazing than you already are. But damn, Cady. I know you don’t need it but I need you to know
that I never stopped seeing you. I was a coward. When you kissed me that night, when you put yourself out there and told me—when you told me you loved me, I froze. I just fucking shut down and went on default mode. You’re right, from the second that little girl with eyes as bright and blue as the sky threw a mud pie in my face, she became my everything. And those feelings, they just kept growing and getting more intense as the years passed by. It was too much, too soon. And all I kept thinking was that I’d lose you, somehow, someway and the thought of losing you… I already lost my parents. Losing you…well, I already know how that feels and let me tell you, it fucking sucks. I thought losing them was the worst pain I’d ever feel but I was proven wrong.” My own voice cracks on the words that tumble from my mouth. I have to ball my fists to stop the threatening tears from finally falling in front of her. Don’t fucking cry, Ben. Whatever you do. Don’t. Fucking. Cry.

  I stare at Cady’s tear-streaked face as I carefully peel off the gauze covering my tattoo. She gasps when the vibrant piece of art comes into view. Her hand grabs my arm while her fingers hover over the multicolored ink, eyes wide and sharp, examining every detail.

  “I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s breathtaking. What is it?” she asks, her eyes lifting to mine, her brows furrowed in the most adorable fucking way, I can’t help but to smile. “What? Why are you looking at me funny?”

  “It’s you, Bug.”

  Her brows furrow even more and damn, this girl. I just want to grab her and taste that sweetness I’ve been craving every moment of every fucking day for weeks. Months. Years.

  “The tattoo, it’s you. It’s my Cadybug. Well, what I envisioned a Cadybug to be,” I shrug like it’s no big deal, but I can see from her face that it’s pretty much everything.

  “You drew this?” she asks in disbelief as her eyes trail the lines of the yellow to red ombre wings with tiny black polka dots. The bug is in flight, free and graceful. It looks like a fairy/butterfly/ladybug hybrid. It really is beautiful. Just like her.

  “I’d love to take credit for that, but no, Kayla did, actually. I went in last week and explained to Jacks what I wanted, we roped Kayla in because mythical creatures are her thing, and this is what she came up with. If you look closely at the edge of the right wing, she added a little something extra.”

  I watch in rapture as she leans in closer. I know the second she sees it. Her watery eyes snap to mine and her plush lips tremble as she stammers. “My name? You have my name on your skin. Why? Why would you do that?”

  I cup her cheek and her breath gets lost in her throat. Goddess, this girl owns my fucking soul and she has no clue. Which is my fault. A problem I’m about to remedy right the eff now.

  “I know my timing is shit. I know you have this great boyfriend, who I seriously hate, by the way. And I know you still might hate me a little bit, and that’s fine ’cause I still hate me a little bit, too. But damn it, Cady, I love you. I’ve loved you since the day you brought me back from the dead with a fucking mud to my face and the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. It’s my sunshine, Bug. You are my sunshine. I love you. I love you so much. I’m so motherfucking in love with you, nothing else matters. Just you. All I see is you. All I want is you. All I’ve ever wanted was you, and I’m so fucking sorry it took me this long to find my balls and tell you.” The words tumble from my mouth in a single breath, immediately relieving the harrowing heaviness that has weighed down on me for the last ten years.

  “Ben.” My name is a wrecked sob on her lips. She’s shaking her head back and forth as the tears now flow freely down her beautiful face. I stop the movement, holding her head firmly in my hands. She looks at me with wide, bloodshot eyes, disbelief, confusion, and what looks like fear written all over her face. I bring my face to hers and cautiously set my lips to her warm skin, kissing away each tear that falls as I murmur my love for her over and over until she melts into me. I wrap her lush body into my arms as hers lock around my waist, clutching the back of my t-shirt and merging us together so tightly it’s almost hard to breathe. But breathing is overrated, anyway.

  It doesn’t last long, though. A few stilted breaths and she pushes me away at arm’s length. Her eyes are downcast, attention sharply focused on her lime green toenails.

  “Cady?”

  She doesn’t answer or acknowledge me in any way. I try again. “Cady? Goddamn it, Bug, look at me!”

  Finally, she lifts her head and the degree of despair on her face makes me take a step back. Fuck, she’s going to run. She’s going to fucking run.

  “I don’t…” she starts and stops, her voice scratchy and timid. Her head shaking back and forth again. She exhales a shaky breath as her eyes scrunch tight. When she opens them, they look a little less flighty, but the uncertainty is still there. “You said everything I ever wanted you to say…everything I needed…and yet I don’t—I don’t know what to say back.”

  Slowly, I invade her space. Her eyes follow the small movement, looking up at me with wild, vulnerable blue eyes that have the power to cut through me with a single glance. My tall frame towers over her petite form. I grab the stray curl that always seems to be in her face and push it behind her ear before wrapping my hand around the back of her delicate neck while staring down at her with intention, needing her to hear the words that are about to fall from my mouth.

  “You don’t have to say anything. Just don’t run. Please, don’t run, Cady. I can see it in your eyes—the impulse to sprint to your room and shut me out. I know. I know this is a lot and I know you’re still hurting, I know you’re scared—I’m scared, too. Fuck, I’m terrified. But please, just stay. Stay and let me love you.”

  There it is.

  I just laid myself bare for her…for her to take it or leave it.

  Oh fuck, please, take it.

  She doesn’t say anything. She just stares up at me with those big-ass blue eyes and I can’t do anything but stare back, completely effing entranced.

  So, it takes me a few seconds to realize she turned away from me. I finally manage to snap out of it as she’s walking toward her room.

  Fuck.

  My shoulders drop and all my hope goes along with them.

  I turn around to get the fuck out of here when she calls out to me. My eyes lift back to hers and I find her standing by her bedroom door, hand outstretched, gazing at me with the smallest but most promising of smiles I’ve ever seen. But she must see the question in my eyes because that smile grows wider, her eyes soften, and she exhales deeply before whispering four words I didn’t know I needed to hear until now.

  “Come love me, Ben.”

  Thank. Fuck.

  I don’t need to be told twice.

  Thirty-one

  Songs to listen to:

  “Electric” by Alina Baraz & Khalid

  “Fade into You” by Clare Bowen &Sam Palladio

  “Hands to Myself” by Selena Gomez

  “Two Weeks” by FKA Twigs

  “Fire” by Jack Garrett

  “Gimme All Your Love” by Alabama Shakes

  Cady

  Don’t say it. I already know, okay? I know. But I don’t care. Right now, I don’t care about anything but Ben. He’s completely taken over my mind. All thoughts are surrounded by this man who is now gripping my hand with his clammy palm. Words keep replaying in my head, over and over. They’re a salve to all of my cracked pieces, mending what he broke all those months ago, and what I had promised myself to never hand over to him again.

  We stare at the door in front of us, then we stare at each other before our eyes move back to the door—our labored breathing and the distant chatter of the TV are amplified in the otherwise quiet backdrop of our apartment.

  With a deep exhale, I open the door with my free hand and pull Ben inside, closing the door behind me—the sound almost deafening in our silence. I start to walk but stop once I realize he isn’t following. I look at him and find his eyes on my bed. I follow his line of sight and spot the penguin gift bo
x still lying there, unopened. My eyes flick back to Ben, finding his attention laser focused on the damn box, his face unreadable. I whisper his name and tug on his hand once more, and that seems to break the trance he was in. He shakes his head and smiles that crooked smile, which eases my nerves. Marginally.

  Ben sits down on my comforter, his ass firmly placed on Audrey’s pearls as I reach over and grab the box, carrying it to my dresser. I know his eyes are on me, I can feel the heat of his gaze on my back, warming me up in places that make me squirm. I make my way back to him, wishing I were brave enough to hold his stare, but the intensity, the promise of what’s to come so evident, it’s too much for me to take. I chew my lip nervously, suddenly feeling like the Cady I was a year ago.

  Ben sighs and I wince. He stands up and pinches my chin with his thumb and forefinger, bringing my anxious eyes toward his.

  “Baby,” he says in such a low, sexy and gravelly way that I’m pretty sure my vagina just winked. “We don’t have to do anything. I’d settle for an effing cuddle. I just want to be close to you. Feel your body against mine. Whatever you want, I’m yours, and I’m not going anywhere.”

  I search his eyes and the sincerity I find has me exhaling deeply, my breath quivering restlessly.

  I shake my head and press my body against his, winding my arms around his middle while I place my cheek on his hard chest and whisper into his soft t-shirt. “No, I want this. I want you. I’ve always…it should be you, Ben. I’ve always wanted it to be you.”

  Ben’s arms tighten around me and I chance a peek at his face. The right corner of his mouth lifts almost cockily. His green eyes shine, relieved and content, darkening quickly as they find my lips. He licks his own, and I can’t help but to reach up and drag my thumb over the glistening flesh. A low growl erupts from his mouth and on a gasp from me, his hand weaves through my hair, tugging ever so slightly before his mouth descends onto mine.