Healing Hearts: Elle’s Scars

by Kylar Wilde

  The splotches of textured flesh that punctuated my otherwise smooth skin throughout. The mile-long diagonal ones across my back. The jagged pink one which ended with a razor thin tail that peeked out at my chest whenever I wore my favorite V-neck. The numerous furrowed ones. The glossy lightened ones. The raised blotchy ones. The vivid white ones. The burnt ones. The garish lines. They were branded on various parts of my torso, my arms, my legs. Somehow, my face was spared from all the abuses, as if it was meant as a mockery to my life.

  I didn’t know how to handle the consequence of last night and I had no time to sit there and figure it out. I had only two hours to get home and get ready for work. I would need to work this out later when I had the time to properly think about.

  4

  Derek

  I walked through the E.R. to head out front to get some fresh air. I had just had to do an emergency surgery for a patient that had been brought in to the E.R. by ambulance. The patient’s aorta had been torn and he bled out not long after I got him open on the table. He didn’t stand a chance. I needed some fresh air to try and clear my head after that failed surgery, and for what happened last night.

  I didn’t make a habit of drinking during the week or having drunk sex, but both had happened last night. The night was fuzzy, but I did clearly remember how amazing it felt to have sex with Elle. She felt so good against me, I felt so good inside of her. I couldn’t remember the last time I had ever felt like that before. I felt like a drug addict, because my body was already craving her. In fact, it wasn’t just my head down there but my head up here craving her. Is this what they call chemistry?

  Waking up this morning to her curled up against my chest just felt right. I was not one for cuddling. I always made sure any woman I brought home was gone the same night. I didn’t do breakfast or cuddles and everyone knew it. Yet waking up with Elle against my chest, the very last thing I had wanted to do was leave. Besides the drunk sex, what I couldn’t forget about were the scars that covered her body. It was dark and I couldn’t really see all, but she had seven long scars all down her back. I could have sworn she was whipped. Her arms and legs were littered with different scars, some of them faint while others were very much noticeable. She had a few on her stomach and sides as well. Those looked like she was prodded or burnt with something.

  I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to her. I wasn’t one to be squeamish around scars. I was a doctor; it didn’t bother me. What did bother me was knowing how deep some of the injuries would have gone. The pain she would have gone through while whatever happened to her was happening. Plus, the healing time she would have had to go through.

  Before I could even make it out of the E.R. my eyes caught my brother sitting there on one of the beds. I immediately headed over, knowing he must have gotten hurt at work. I saw an intern with him and he was holding some gauze to my brother’s side.

  “What happened?” I asked, once I got over there.

  “Suspect with a knife sliced me pretty good,” Quinn answered.

  “There’s no internal damage, he just needs stitches,” the intern added.

  “Thanks, I got it from here.”

  I wasn’t about to let an intern stitch my brother up. He had his own scars from the war, he didn’t need any more. The intern was smart and headed off to help someone else. I sat down on the stool and took a look at the wound. It wasn’t too deep, but the slash did need some stitches to keep it clean and close the wound.

  “I figured you had a case when you didn’t come home last night,” I said, as I got everything ready.

  “Double homicide came in. I thought you weren’t on shift until four.”

  “Got called in for an emergency surgery.”

  “How’d it go?”

  “Lost him. He came in with his heart basically ripped in two. He didn’t stand a chance. Honestly, I’m surprised he even made it to the hospital.”

  “I’m sorry,” Quinn said with sympathy in his voice. He knew how much I hated losing a patient on my table.

  “Can I ask you something and it stays between us?”

  “Always, you know that.”

  “I slept with a new nurse that started last week,” I began, but Quinn cut me off.

  “Seriously? Are you ever going to stop sleeping around?”

  “Okay, the person who hasn’t dated anyone in over three years doesn’t get to judge me. And it’s not the point of the conversation,” I said, slightly offended.

  “Then what is?” Quinn asked, not even bothered by what I had said.

  “She’s covered in scars. Some looked like she had been whipped across her back. Her name is Elle Walker, she was an army nurse. You ever heard of her?”

  “Name sounds familiar. We could have crossed paths. Nurses don’t just stay in the hospital, they are also active in the field and right in the thick of things. They are badass. Her scars mean she could have been one of the Forgotten Ones.”

  “Forgotten Ones?” I asked, confused.

  “Yeah, remember three months ago when I had to go to that funeral for a buddy of mine?”

  “Yeah, you said he died overseas.”

  “He was one of the Forgotten Ones. I don’t know much, it’s all classified, but a friend of mine who was still enlisted at the time told me what he could. Six months ago, roughly, a small army base was attacked in Afghanistan; a lot of people died in the attack. It was mostly used as a medical center. Those that didn’t die on base or were able to escape were captured by the insurgents. They were called the Forgotten Ones, because no one really looked for ‘em. Upper Brass figured they were dead, but couldn’t find their bodies because of the number of explosions that went off that night. Three months ago, a group of ten of ‘em were found. They managed to escape their captors and got to an army base. They spent three months getting tortured. If you said it looked like she was whipped, she could have been one of those ten.”

  I couldn’t believe it. I knew there were horrible things that happened overseas. I wasn’t a fool. I knew people were killed, captured and tortured. What I never expected was to possibly know someone who had gone through that. Quinn had been through hell, but he was never captured or tortured. Shot, stabbed, blown up, traumatized yes, but it wasn’t anything that thousands hadn’t gone through. If Elle had been one of the Forgotten Ones, there was no telling the level of trauma she was going through. It was no wonder she was drinking after her shift. I didn’t even know how she was functioning right now. I didn’t think I would be able to.

  “Shit. I don’t even know what to say. If she went through that, she’s got a lot more demons than I expected.”

  “She would, yeah, and they might never go away. I know you aren’t one for relationships, but if you care about her at all then you need to either change or walk away. Based on the number of scars you said you saw, then she’s been through hell. The very last thing she needs is some guy that just wants to play around for a couple of weeks and walk away. You’d be doing nothing but harm to her.”

  “I don’t know what I feel. I woke up this morning with her in my arms. The first time in my life I have ever woken up with someone curled up with me. It should have annoyed me and yet all I could think about is not wanting to get up. She felt right and she fit so perfectly against me. I care about her. I don't know why but I do. I can’t explain it.”

  “Life isn’t about always knowing why. Sometimes you just have to go with it and see what happens. All I am saying is that you need to be careful and know that you could be in for a rough ride if you do decide to pursue something with her.”

  Quinn was right. I would need to make sure I truly wanted to be with her in more than just a sexual way. The very last thing I wanted to do was hurt her and I could if I treated her like all of the past women in my life. I had some soul-searching to do and I just hoped I would figure it out sooner rather than later.

  5

  Elle

  Walking onto the cardiac floor for my shift was nerve-wrack
ing. I had no idea how Dr. Hawkins, Derek, was going to react to seeing me. I was hoping we could just forget about this whole thing and be civil with each other. I was really hoping he would agree to not telling anyone about us. I wanted to keep my personal life a secret and that would be very hard to do if the whole hospital was talking about me. As much as I wanted to avoid him, I needed to speak with him and give him his key back. I headed straight for his office, hoping he would be alone. The sooner I did this and got it over with the better. I knocked on his closed door and after a moment he opened the door.

  “Elle, hey, come on in,” he said, as he stepped back to allow me to enter. I was glad that he closed the door behind me.

  I allowed myself to take a moment to look at his office. There was one thing I did know about doctors and that was all of their offices were different. It spoke a lot about the type of person they were. If their office was messy it meant one of two things. They were a messy person or they were so busy they didn’t have time to organize their paperwork. Derek’s office was a mixture of messy and organized. He also had a couch with a pillow and blanket folded on it, so he was not above sleeping in his office when he was needed at the hospital to monitor a patient. That told me that he was a good doctor both in and out of the O.R.

  “How’s your head?” he asked.

  “I’ve had worse,” I said. It had gotten better with the pain meds.

  “I thought mine was going to explode this morning. I can’t remember the last time I drank that much. I don’t know how you were still standing by the end of the night,” he said with a warm smile.

  “Lots of practice. Here’s your spare key,” I said, holding it out to him. He took it easily with a nod of thanks. “Look, about last night. It was a mistake and it can’t happen again. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone. I like keeping my personal life out of work.”

  I just wanted to get to the point and then get out of here. I didn’t want to admit what seeing him was doing to me. I had managed to go eight months without being with another person and now after last night it was like my body was waking up. I wanted to be with him again; my body was craving his touch. I hated it and I didn’t want him to be able to read it in my eyes.

  “I’m not one for gossip, so you don’t have to worry about that. But to say that it was a mistake and should never happen again, well that would be the mistake,” he said, as he inched closer to me.

  “I have no interest in being with anyone, especially at work. I was drunk, we were drunk, let’s not make this into a thing. I just want to focus on my career and do the best that I can for my patients. I suggest you do the same. Besides, we both know you are more interested in short-term relationships and that is not something I am interested in.” I was very proud of myself for keeping him at a distance. I was not going to let him get my feathers ruffled.

  “But you are interested in long-term?” he challenged.

  “No, I’m interested in no-term. Dr. Hawkins, I just want to do my job. So can we please forget that it happened and move on?”

  I was really hoping he would say yes, because the last thing I wanted to deal with was someone trying to get me back in their bed. It really wouldn’t look good if the new nurse kicked the crap out of one of the department heads.

  “Okay, maybe we should take a step back and do things in the right order. How about we work on being friends first? I can always use another friend in my life, especially one that is very good at her job.”

  I was grateful for the peace offering and I gladly took it.

  “Sounds good to me.”

  “I haven’t started the rounds yet, but can you please check on rooms 345 and 356? They are supposed to be getting cleared for discharge today, assuming they still have no post-op infection.”

  “I’ll go check on them right now, Dr. Hawkins,” I said with a warm smile.

  He gave me one back in return and I turned towards the door of his office. I was relieved that he had agreed to not pursue anything. I just needed to be able to focus and do my job, that was all that I could handle right now.

  “And Elle? It’s Derek. Call me Derek.”

  6

  Derek

  I headed into the Attendings’ Lounge to grab my lunch. I had been working very hard for the past week to be only friends with Elle. Ever since our conversation in my office after our drunken one-night stand, I was hoping she would warm up to the idea of going out for a meal together, but so far she was keeping things very professional. I could respect that, but it was also frustrating. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, which made no sense to me. I’ve never been caught up on a woman before. If they were only looking for a one-night stand, I had no problem with forgetting about them and moving on to someone else. Yet with Elle, I wanted her more than just once. It was a new feeling for me, and to be honest, it was kind of annoying.

  I saw Jeff, my best friend and fellow surgeon, sitting down at one of the tables. Jeff was head neurosurgeon and had quite the reputation within the country. He was also single, but unlike me he preferred to find meaningful relationships. Up until this point I never understood why he wanted to date someone long term, but now I couldn’t help but wonder if he was right this whole time and I was wrong. The thought of dating Elle on more than just a sexual level didn’t scare me like it normally did, and that scared me. I grabbed my lunch from the fridge as Jeff spoke.

  “Hey man, how are ya?”

  “I’m all right. Just got finished a surgery and in desperate need of food,” I said, sitting down to join him.

  “I’m heading into a surgery soon. Aneurysm, so it shouldn’t be too bad if all goes according to plan. I got the new nurse, Walker, on my service this week. She seems pretty good. Solid in fact.”

  “Yeah she’s great. I had her last week and didn’t want to give her up. Not many nurses can stand around in an O.R. for over fourteen hours without needing to leave once. She’s got talent and she’s not squeamish. You’ll like her.”

  That was one of the things about Elle that I liked the most. She could handle herself around blood. It sounds silly, because she’s a nurse and all of them should be good with blood, but some really weren’t. I had had a couple try rounds through the O.R., and they didn’t last long. One even fainted. Some nurses were better at being around the patients before or after the surgery. Elle loved being in the O.R. and helping to save someone’s life. Her time as an Army nurse really was beneficial.

  “I’ve heard good things about her and from what I’ve been told she is quite easy on the eyes.”

  “She is fun to look at yes. You thinking you can scoop her up?”

  I was doing my best to ignore the slight ping of jealousy that flickered through my chest. Elle wasn’t mine; if she wanted, she could go and date someone else. I was hoping she didn’t though, because I would very much like to be that person that she enjoyed life with. I really had no idea what it was about her that had me so caught up in her, but she was special, that was the only way I could think to describe it.

  “I’m not really looking right now. I just ended a relationship last month, you know that. I like to get some personal reflection in before I start another relationship. You worked with her for a week, you telling me she turned you down?”

  “You are making the assumption that I tried something,” I said with a smirk.

  “Are you telling me you didn’t? From what I’ve heard she is beautiful and it is not like you to pass up a new nurse.”

  “Are you calling me a man-slut?” I teased. I knew Jeff didn’t mean anything hurtful by it. We have had many conversations in the past about my lack of serious relationships. But I was still young, at least in my mind; I had plenty of time to settle down later on in life.

  “Yes,” Jeff said with a big smile. “Come on, tell me.”

  “Nothing happened. She’s not looking for anything right now and I respect that. A woman who is focused on her career. That’s sexy.”

  “Wow, she turned you
down. I gotta mark that on my calendar.”

  “Ass.” We both laughed before I continued. “She is amazing though, so don’t be too hard on her.”

  “Hm,” Jeff said, just looking at me. He was doing that weird thing he did where he could read you. It was frustratingly annoying and it also made it extremely difficult to lie to him.

  “What?” I asked, as I rolled my eyes.

  “It’s not like you to go to bat for someone, especially a nurse. You also never talk about any woman like you are talking about her. You like her and I don’t just mean in the ‘I want you naked’ way.”

  “She’s got layers. She’s interesting and someone I would like to know more. But that doesn’t mean I want to date her, it means that I wouldn't be opposed to being friends with her.”

  “Liar,” Jeff easily stated.

  I rolled my eyes. Jeff could be really annoying, especially when he was telling me the truth. I let out a sigh.

  “Okay, I might be thinking about dating her, but she made it very clear to me that she is not interested in dating anyone right now.”

  “That’s good though. The fact that you are thinking about dating someone means that you are finally ready for something more than just meaningless sex. You just might be growing up.”

  “Growing up sucks.”

  “It really does, but it’s important to life. Look, she might not be ready to date anyone right now, but that doesn’t mean that one day she won’t be ready. Be friends, get to know her, let her get to know you and let nature take its course. If it’s meant to be, then it will be.”

  “Did you get that out of a fortune cookie?” I teased.

  “Naw, quote of the day,” Jeff said with a smile.

  “Oh even better.” I chuckled. “Still, it’s good advice. I’ll see how it goes, maybe I can finally get her to go out for dinner together just as friends.”