What God Brings Together

by Melissa Wardwell

  A few short minutes later, she was following the police car to the hospital. She did her best to keep a clear head. They couldn’t tell her much due to privacy laws. She took comfort in the fact that they had said that last they knew; Ryan was still alive. She could handle caring for him for a while, but she wasn’t sure about losing him permanently.

  Summoning images that were pleasing so her mood stayed positive, she recalled the look of awe that came over the silent soldier’s face when Tiffany walked in her door. The thought made Emma giggle for a moment and then she began to cry. She could feel hysteria begin to settle in. “God, I can’t do this alone. Help me out here.”

  As they pulled into the parking lot, Ryan’s parents were huddled together with his brother outside the sliding ER door. She sat there in the car watching them. She wasn’t sure she could go in but knew she had to. Before she could open her car door, it opened for her and before her stood the soldier.

  He knelt down in front of her. “Ma’am. I was on the scene before the EMT’s were able to arrive. I pulled him from his truck. I know I probably shouldn’t say anything to you but I think you need to be prepared. I also have a message from your husband.” They both took a deep breath. She figured he was dreading telling her what he had to as much as she didn’t want to hear it. “First of all, he said ‘Tell her, love her.’ Then he lost consciousness. Second, there was a fire and explosion.”

  She felt the breath leave her, “Oh dear God” was her breathy response.

  He touched her hand, “He was alive last I saw him, like the officer said. Your husband was burned pretty badly. I had gotten him out just seconds before the explosion. That is when he gave me the message. I think he thought...well, it doesn’t matter. You need to get in there.” He rose back to his full height and backed away enough for her to get out of the car. He put out his hand to help her. Once she righted herself, she looked deep into his eyes. She could see he was dealing with a few demons of his own because of this.

  “What’s your name? Ryan will want to know - to thank you.”

  “Corporal Bradley Jones, ma’am,” he told her.

  “Thank you for caring, Corporal.”

  She didn’t remember walking to the doors or even walking to the nurses’ station. What she did remember though was the blood curdling scream coming from one of the rooms. The nurse looked up at her with eyes as wide as saucers. It had clearly startled her as much as it did Emma.

  “Um, I am here about Ryan Daniels.”

  The nurses behind the desk all looked at her now with pity and sorrow and then looked down the hall to where the scream had come from. She followed their glances in time to see a doctor walk toward her.

  “Are you Mrs. Daniels?”

  “I am,” she felt hesitant to respond.

  The doctor pulled her aside and told her the extent of his injuries, which he was presently sedated, and they were tending to his wounds. She then heard a gasp beside her and a large hand encase her shoulders. She looked around her and saw her in-laws were with her. Her father-in-law had her and his wife in his arms. She didn’t even realize they had walked up beside her.

  He suffered serious, disfiguring third degree burns down his whole right side. He had sustained some broad lacerations on his head, face, and arms. He also had several broken ribs.

  For the first week she paced the halls waiting for a change in his condition. Maybe even a chance to talk to him. Eight days after the accident, she was informed that an infection that had started in his leg. The doctors said that if it didn’t clear up soon, they would have to amputate his leg just above the knee. They warned her that he would need some massive reconstructive surgery on his face. He wouldn’t look the same ever again. They had kept Ryan in a coma for weeks so that he could heal without a lot of movement. It all felt like an out of body experience to her.

  The silver lining to all of this was that insurance was covering everything. So she felt blessed enough that there would be no medical bills hanging over her head. Ryan’s boss had called her and told her that Ryan would still have a job to come back to when he was ready. By doing this, insurance would stay active.

  She had started to believe that Corp. Jones was an angel in uniform. About a week after the accident, as she was making her way to the car one morning, she almost tripped over four sacks of groceries. She could not believe that someone would care so much. On one of the bags was a brief note, “an angel.” The next week she watched out the window of the living room as she fed Sarah. She was touched to see the corporal walk up to the house with an arm-full of grocery bags. He had done that once a week for quite some time.

  Those weeks were stressful for Emma and the kids. The boys didn’t understand why their daddy wasn’t home. They had even started to act up more than normal. The experts say babies can feel your tension, and Sarah was proving that to be true. She was constantly fussy and didn’t eat well. Emma had been nursing Sarah at the time of the accident, but she could feel that her supply was starting to dry up. It didn’t matter how often she pumped to keep it going, she continued to lose her milk. Sarah did not like the formula for quite a while. It hurt Emma’s heart that her kids had to suffer so much.

  One day, on her way to Ryan’s room to sit with him, Ryan’s doctor stopped her in the hall and asked if she would join him in his office. Her heart dropped to her feet. She was concerned that the infection had not improved. She didn’t even remember walking into the elevator and then walking down the hall to his office. She was seated in a heavily padded, high back chair with him sitting across from her. She knew this news would be really serious if he didn’t sit behind the desk like normal. She remembered the sadness in his eyes and the hesitation in his movements.

  He started with telling her that Ryan was awake and that he was healing nicely. The infection was down drastically and that he was coming out of the worst of his injuries. She recalled the relief she felt and said a thank you to God for the healing that she and so many were praying for. She didn’t see that same relief in the doctor’s face. With a heavy sigh, he took her hands and looked her in the eyes. “He doesn’t want any more visitors.” She was confused by this comment. She didn’t have a problem with that but then the doctor told her, “that includes family, and it includes you, Mrs. Daniels.”

  She couldn’t believe her ears. In fact, she had no idea what he had said after that. The flood of different emotions that washed over her fell heavy on her chest. First, it was confusion, then clarity, then heartbreak, but it was when anger set in that she had stormed from the office, marched her way down the hall and to the elevator. She slammed her finger on the button that would direct her to the floor Ryan was on. Inside the elevator, she grumbled and mumbled about what a coward he was. The doors to the floor slid open and she marched her way down the hall and right into his room.

  She knew he was awake because his left eye was open and he had the TV remote in his hand. He appeared to be watching TV. She stood at the end of his bed, happy to see he was awake, but still furious at him. She crossed her arms I over her chest and cocked one hip up and glared at him. He should have seen her because she was standing in front of the TV he was watching, but he didn’t respond. He just looked right through her. The right side of his face was bandaged up like the rest of his body. He looked so helpless. Seeing him like this softened her heart a little bit, enough so that she didn’t yell at him. But she was still mad.

  “You won’t see me? I’m your wife!?” No response.

  “Why? Why would you make a request like that? I don’t understand Ryan!” She was at his side. She looked at him, but he didn’t indicate in any way that he had heard her. The only move he made was to close his eye and turn his head away from her. All she had seen then was the back of his head. She was beyond mad. She wanted to continue with a verbal vengeance, but he had shut her out. She had no understanding of why. No explanation. He had indicated to her that he was done and was not going to explain himself. She was stunned by his response.
She turned to leave the room and she discovered that the doctor had come in. She walked his way and as she passed, she heard him say that he would keep her posted. Her only response was a nod of the head. She was not sure she could say anything yet.

  She slowly walked to the elevator for trip three. The anger turned to sadness and then to despair. As the doors slid shut, she slowly sank to the floor. She recalled the feeling of falling and rising as the elevator transported visitors and staff. She had sat and cried with her knees up to her chest. Her arms squeezing her legs like she was squeeze the pain of his rejection away. She couldn’t understand what had happened. All she knew is her husband didn’t want her around. He didn’t want anyone around.

  She didn’t know how long she had sat there. She had heard voices and saw legs move around her as people entered and left the elevator. A couple of nurses even knelt down to talk to her, but she barely noticed them. She finally pulled herself together enough that she could walk to her car. When she was in the safety of her vehicle, she cried out to God, “Why? Why God? Why is this happening? I don’t understand! I don’t know what to do! I don’t know what comes next!” She sat there for a little bit longer before she felt like she had herself together enough to drive and made her way to his parents’ house to get the kids.

  Later, she walked into the home of Ryan’s parents and was surprised to see Corp. Jones sitting on the couch with Tiffany. Hmm when did that happen? At least someone is having a normal life right now.

  Tiffany had seen the curious look and whispered, “I’ll tell ya later.” With a nod that Emma had understood, she gathered his family around her and gave them all the news.

  “How can they let him make a decision like that?” his mom asked with a hint of a whimper.

  “He still has free will, Hannah. His body was injured, not his brain. But clearly he is not in a place to use it right now,” stated Robert, his dad, shaking his head.

  “Should we petition the court or something to get him to let us make the decisions since he is clearly not sane at the moment?” asked his brother, Mike.

  “Mike, you know he isn’t that far gone,” Tiffany stated, in her sassy tone.

  “We’ll just pray for him. Not much we can do but follow his wishes, for now,” remarked Robert, trying to be strong and hold it together. Everyone just sat in the living room in silence until it was broken by the cries of baby Sarah.

  “I’ll go get her,” said Tiffany, as she jumped up from the couch. She stopped in front of Emma, “Anything you need, let me know. Cleaning, babysitting, you name it, I will be there. Free of charge.” With a quick hug and a sniffle, she was up the stairs.

  Help did come, daily. Her mom and dad came and stayed with her for a week or so, but had to head back home. Her dad had gotten a small maintenance job at a local RV park. When they left, Ryan’s mother, sister and ladies from the church would come and check in on her and the kids. After a few more weeks, that stopped. The world kept moving when theirs had not. Ryan’’s sister, and Corp. Jones, still came by every other day to sit with the kids so Emma could go to the hospital to see if Ryan had changed his mind. It was all in vain. He still held firm to his choice.

  Emma gradually moved passed some of the anger and was no longer calling him names in her head, but now she was just heartbroken and depressed. Her own doctor had even prescribed her some antidepressants to help get her through this. Some days it was all she could do to just change her clothes, let alone shower. She quit sleeping in their bed as it was too painful to lay next to where he should be. So she laid out a sleeping bag in Sarah’s room and would sleep on the floor.

  It had been the beginning of September when Ryan had his accident. One snowy Saturday afternoon in early December, Ann, one of Emma’s closest friends, came to visit her. She was startled by the state of Emma’s physical appearance as she answered the door.

  “Emma girl, what have you done? Or not done I should ask. Where are the kids?” She glanced around the living room looking for the kids as she stepped in through the door and noticed it was quiet.

  “Ryan’s mom came and took them for a few days. I just couldn’t do it. Aaron is fighting with me on everything. Stephen hasn’t talked much since the accident. Sarah still doesn’t like the formula. So, yeah...” She paused for a moment then let it go. “Ann? I don’t know if I can keep doing this.” Shaking her head and wobbling on her feet, Emma slouched over and Ann caught her as they both hit the floor. Emma began to sob, loudly. All Ann could do was silently pray as she held Emma. Not a single word was said.

  After several minutes, Ann helped Emma up to the couch to sit.

  “Emma? When was the last time you showered?”

  “I don’t know. Tuesday maybe.”

  “Girl that was 4 days ago. Come on. Let’s go.”

  “I can’t!”

  “You must, you stink!” she said with a chuckle. “Let’s get you cleaned up and dressed in some clean clothes and then we can figure the rest out.”

  Emma remembered being so weak that Ann had to guide her on the seat of the toilet while Ann started the shower for her and got clean clothes to wear. Ann was a hospice nurse, and Emma had watched as she went into nurse mode.

  Ann came back into the bathroom, knelt in front of Emma and held her hands and looked searchingly at her.

  “Emma, you know you can’t keep going like this. You act like Ryan has died.”

  “He has, in a way. I mean he might as well have. Maybe this would have been easier.” Emma paused and considered what she was about to tell her friend.

  “On Monday, a man showed up at my door with divorce papers. Ann, I don’t understand, why is he going to such …. extremes to push us, me away? Doesn’t he know that when I said ‘for better or worse’ that I meant it? I just don’t get it. Why would God do this to us?”

  What her friend had said next changed how Emma had seen the situation. “God didn’t do this to you, you know that. God spared Ryan’s life. Things just happen. Human error is what happened here. God is with you and Ryan and your kids. Just don’t lose sight of all you know in your heart. I don’t know what makes a person decide to do the things they do, but we can only pray that God helps us through these times until we see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now let’s get you in the tub and cleaned up. Get dressed and then you and I are going to go get some dinner. You have to keep moving forward, if nothing else, do it for the kids. They need you now more than ever. So let’s go.” From that day on, Emma thought of only what was best for the kids.

  After lots of prayer and counseling with their pastor, she signed the divorce papers. She thought she was going to die as she did it. There were even water stains on them from her tears; tears of anger and sadness. She wanted to hit him and hug him all at the same moment but he wasn’t there. He had promised to be there and he wasn’t. Her emotions were all over the place and she hated it. She was a strong person, but she felt weak, helpless, and alone. Ryan had made sure that Emma and the kids were taken care of, at least for a little while. He had cashed out his 401K and made sure it was provided to her. Originally he had written in that she was to get all of the winnings of the lawsuit against the driver of the car that caused him to swerve to begin with. Emma had said no to that part of the agreement. Ryan needed something to live on.

  Shortly after the divorce was complete, she had to make a hard choice – stay in the house they had bought and live penny to penny, or sell all they could and move in with her parents. She decided to sell. She was having a hard time living there without him anyway. She sent a message to Ryan through his lawyer of what she was doing and told him to let her know what he wanted but she never heard back. So she packed up most of his things and sent them to the thrift store. She kept a few mementos but for the most part she was still so angry that she was tired of looking at his things.

  It had broken her heart to sell his motorcycle. They had shared so many memories on that bike, but he wasn’t here to ride it and didn’t send for it. So
along with both cars, all their furniture, and all other housewares, she sold or gave things to friends in need. She sold the house and moved across state to live with her parents.

  She hated doing it. They had married right out of high school and she only had worked part -time until she became pregnant with Stephen. Without having much work experience or a degree in anything, she knew if she didn’t move in with them all the money would be gone quickly. Thankfully, her parents’ house had plenty of space for them. By Valentine’s Day, they were moved and settled in.

  It was hard to have to sleep in a room with her children, but it was better than sleeping in a big bed next to where he had once slept. The boys slept on the floor or in bed with her. Sarah slept in an old port-a-crib at the foot of the bed. It was a comfort to have them so close at night. It was as if the kids knew they needed each other. There was a feeling of comfort and a resemblance of peace returned to what was left of their family.

  After giving the kids a month to settle in at mom and dad’s, she had to do something for an income. She got a job at the local superstore. The pay wasn’t the greatest but it had insurance, so it was enough. She knew she needed something more than just a job though. So at the age of twenty-five, when her high school classmates were graduating college, she was enrolling into college. She would major in Secondary Education with minors in History and World Cultures.

  A loud, blistering ring of a school bell brought her back to the present. Things had been difficult but the rewards made it better.

  She put on a big smile as her classroom filled with students. It was the first day of the new school year and a new life for her and the kids. Change was in the air.

  “Good morning freshman! Welcome to World History!”

  Chapter 2

  He couldn’t believe it had been eight years. Eight long, agonizing, foolish years. He knew now that he could have stayed, but he had been crazy enough to think otherwise.