He looked so handsome that she couldn’t believe this was their time. His pale green shirt highlighted his hazel green eyes so nicely. He had combed his beautiful dark locks the way she liked. His hair was just a little on the long side. His smile was that of a young man eager for adventure, with his lovely wife at his side of course. He was much taller than the rest of the men in her family, and was strong and lean. When he held her close, his arms encased her like a cocoon. She loved being in that place. There was safety there. Honestly, he was a giant compared to her five foot two stature, but it never bothered her. He was her gentle giant. And she loved him helplessly and unconditionally.
Her dad handed Ryan her hand, he looked him right in the eyes with an intimidating glare and said loud enough for everyone there to hear, “I like you Ryan, and I am trusting you to take care of my baby girl, but here is your one and only warning. You hurt my baby, I will make you disappear. Understand me, son?” With a wink and a peck on the cheek for her, he went and stood with her mother.
Emma could feel Ryan’s hand tremble under hers as they approached Pastor Cross. The three of them stood under the homemade arch that was made of branches and twigs. It was made by their brothers and it took many hours. Pastor Cross smiled at them, saw how nervous Ryan was after her dad’s warning, and slapped him hard on the shoulder and said,
“Smile son, today is a good day. BUT, I would listen well to her daddy’s warning. I would not put anything past him. You should see what he did to the last guy.” There was a rolling laughter that came from their guests, and the pastor began.
It was a quick little ceremony and before they knew it, Pastor Cross said, rather loudly, “I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Ryan David Daniels! What God brings together, let no man tear apart. Ryan, you may now kiss your beautiful bride!” They faced the each other and what she thought was going to be a chaste little kiss, like they had agreed on, turned out to be a deep kiss full of all the love and longing they could possibly possess. Breathing became hard and Emma felt everything around her spin. The kiss received cheers and applause and a few “catcalls” from the guests. Pastor Cross had to remind them that they were not alone and to save some for later. With a giggle of embarrassment mixed with excitement, they parted. Before looking at their friends and family, Emma said to Ryan, “From this moment on, it will always be you for me, no one else!”
A lone tear fell from the corner of Ryan’s eye but his face shown with all the joy in his heart, “And always you for me.”
As they walked back to the house, they were still gazing into each other’s eyes. Longing to be alone yet happy to have family and friends around them, they had not even noticed other people around them. It was just them, promising each other forever.
A snapping twig made her jump and brought Emma out of her dream. Her mind felt hazy as it focused in on where she was.
She sat there under the tree. Alone. No Ryan to have and hold. No daddy for their kids. No always and forever. “You promised me,” She whispered into the cold air. She imagined that her words were carried out of the barn with the breeze and that he would hear them, wherever he was. She began to sob like it had happened yesterday. Her chest ached with every breath as the weight of the last eight years sat there, reminding her of all that was lost. The hardships would have been different if he had stayed, but they would have gotten through it together. They had all the support they could ever need in each other and their families. “How could you leave us? Leave me? Your ‘Always’ turned into ‘Alone’.”
She got up to stretch and wipe her eyes. She picked up her pack, which felt heavier than before though there was nothing in it. It was like all that has been weighing on her filled that pack. She would have to bear that weight no matter what because there was no one there to carry it for her.
But there is.
“Yes, I know. God can carry it and me through all of this. But right now, I just can’t”, and she made her way out of the barn. She was mad and confused, and right now, in this moment, she wanted to stay that way for a bit longer. She wanted to rage against someone and he wasn’t here for her to beat her fist on and to yell at.
Let it out, you’ll feel better. Then you can give it to Me to take care of.
“No. I need to keep my cool, for the kids. For myself.” She was afraid of what she would say and do if she let it all out at once. She was afraid that she would go over the edge and into pure madness if she let herself feel all that she held inside.
She knew it wasn’t good to hold on to the emotions she had raging through her like a herd of wild horses, but she was worried she would not stop raging if she started. That always led to taking it out on those around her, like the kids. She did that for the first year, and though they are older now, it still wasn’t fair to them.
***
He stayed in the shadows while she slept and he had to smile that she still would talk in her sleep. What he heard her say as she walked out of the barn though erased that smile just as quick. She was still mad and felt, what was the word she used? “Alone”.
He continued to follow her through the trees until she made it to the house. He was surprised where she was living. Things must be going well for her. The Peterson place was worth a quarter million at least.
He was caught off guard by his need to want to protect her. He felt like a peeping tom, but he couldn’t pull himself away, especially now that he knew that the two properties met at the old barn.
He had been out for his nightly walk about the property that the house he rented was on. It was part of his therapy so that his muscles didn’t tighten too much. Sometimes he would wander to Old Man Peterson’s pond to think and he was surprised to see her sitting on the dock. He didn’’t know the Peterson place was even up for sale. He couldn’t turn around when he heard her singing. He had always thought that she sounded like an angel and to hear her voice again was like a healing salve on the wounds of his heart. It felt good, but it hurt too. He wanted to go to her and hold her again, but he wanted her to live her life. Since he couldn’t be closer to her, he would hide in the shadows of the trees.
When she got up from the dock and walked around the pond in his direction, he had to really duck and hide. He followed her to the old barn. He watched her as her curiosity took over and as she decided to sit and take a break. He had gotten a kick out of hearing her talk to herself. He was glad some things never changed.
When she fell asleep, he felt brave enough and moved toward her. He wanted to get as close as possible without waking her. He wanted to inhale the scent that she wore so well, citrus and vanilla, and remember. Maybe it would give him the courage he needed to face her but then he heard her mumble and so he jumped back and on the way out the door stepped on a twig. It was close, but worth it.
Now, he stood in her backyard just inside the tree line of her yard. She walked through the house and turned on lights as she went from one room to the next. Finally, she turned on the light to the back bedroom. Must be hers. God I miss her. Why did you let me do it?
Pastor Cross had reminded him that “God doesn’t make you do one thing or another. He gave us free will.” Well he sure practiced that. It was what he thought was best but the more he watched her and listened to her talk to herself in the barn, he realized that was not the case. So what are you going to do now? He wasn’t sure, but he felt the urgency to fix what he tore apart eight years ago. “God, show me what to do. I can’’t live without them anymore. I’ll do whatever you want me to do.” He would do what he could to make it up to his family.
The next day, David woke with determination and drove to the church. He had to talk to Pastor, and God, too.
As he pulled in the parking lot, he didn’t see any cars so he sat and waited for Pastor to get there. He would wait for a few minutes and then go looking for him. While he sat there, he saw a red late model SUV drive by. It reminded him of a time when she said she wanted a bright red SUV or truck. He teased her about it. He told her jokingly, “
Why? So the oncoming traffic can see you coming from a mile away. Then they would have time to get out of your way.” She had been so mad at him. He never found out why she wanted one, but he now had a feeling that the big red SUV was her and the kids. It was about the right time to get the kids to school. She must be doing well for herself and the kids.
He thought about following them, but then thought better of it. If it wasn’t them he would look like a predator of some kind. He would just stay right here and wait. Besides, if he really thought about it, his scars had actually scared her and the kids. I can’t ask them to go through that. I can’t ask them to live with the man who looks like some horror flick monster. “What am I doing? I can’t tie them down to this monster.”
Just as he decided to leave and forget about having a talk with his mentor and friend, the man pulled into the parking lot. David started the truck up again and pulled out of the parking spot. Just as he was passing Pastor Cross, the man waved him down.
“What are you doing here so early, David?”
“Oh I thought I needed to talk to you, but, um, I think I have things figured out.”
“Are you sure? You don’t sound too sure.”
“Yeah, man. I’m good. Have a good one.” David got out of there as quickly as he could. He was not going to talk to anyone about his plans from last night. In fact, he was going to forget them altogether. He had decided he was not going to bind her and the kids to his life, they deserved so much better than him. “I need to do everything I can to push them out of my mind. It is better for them this way.”
He had made his choice; just like he did eight years ago. This time though, there was no heartache, because they didn’t even know where he was. Well, maybe for them at least.
Chapter 8
It was October second and another wedding anniversary without him. Emma had gone through the last couple of years faintly remembering what today was. She wondered if coming back here was bringing it all back to the front of her memory. All those wonderful moments in their lives. She hated days like today were crippling to her. She wanted to forget and move on. But something wouldn’t let her.
It has been a long couple of weeks at the school and now that all her students were comfortable with her, they were showing their true colors. She was glad her own kids were starting to settle down again. The fighting was tapering back and the boys were not at constant war with each other like they were. They had their moments, but who was she to complain.
The boys had been doing their fair share of help in the yard and around the house. They had gotten things winterized and had been doing a beautiful job mowing and trimming the yard each week. They had been making sure they kept their things in order and had even started to do their own laundry. She wondered who had given them a talking to, but she had a feeling her dad had given them that “man up” talk that she had heard him give her brother once. Sarah was even starting to help out a bit more around the house, but her little eight-year-old brain could only focus for so long before she was off doing something else.
This last week had her looking for some resemblance of peace and quiet, so she let the kids take a walk through the property and just have some fun. She was determined that today would be a relaxing kind of day. She was standing at the kitchen sink, finding that it was very calming doing dishes by hand. Her dishwasher was making a funny noise and she had called for a repairman last night and was told he would be by today. The dishes were piling up, so she turned up the music that was playing the living room while she went to work.
She was startled when the front screen door slammed shut and she heard a familiar voice shout at her over the music. She turned to greet her dear friend, Ann.
“Hey Lady! I am back here. The radio is by the TV if you want to turn it off so we can chat. I am up to my elbows in soap suds.” She heard the music turn off, “Thanks a bunch.”
“May I ask why you are washing your dishes by hand when your dishwasher is right next to you?” Ann asked as she walked into the kitchen with two coffees from the local coffee shop. “Oh, coffee!” Emma replied eagerly while wiping her hands dry. “You must have read my mind.” She took a sip and answered the question. “It is making a funny noise and dumped water all over my floor the other day. I have a repair guy coming by sometime today to look at it.”
“Who did you call?”
“It’s a name Pastor Cross gave me. I had met him once before. David?”
“Good, he does a wonderful job. He didn’t give you a time though? That isn’t like him.”
“No time, but he said it wouldn’t be too late in the day.”
“So, you have time to catch up?”
“Sure do, let’s go out back. The kids went for a walk and I want to keep an eye out for them.” They made their way out to the back porch and got comfy in her matching Adirondack chairs. They were almost as comfortable as her porch swing.
“So how are things going? Everyone settling in?” Ann asked to start things off.
“Not too bad. Kids have been great the last couple of weeks. The students, though, have me ready to bolt outta there.” Emma replied with a giggle.
“I bet. So how are you doing?” The word ‘you’ was stressed like it had an underlying meaning. What she was really asking was “How are you holding up?”
Emma took a deep breath, “Oh, good I suppose. I was in no way ready for the emotions I would come across moving back home. For example, today would have been our fourteenth wedding anniversary. This day has come and gone for the last few years without any thought that was linked with emotion. But this morning, I woke up and started to cry once I realized what day it was. I hate it.”
“You think maybe you just repressed so much that now it is overflowing and you have to just let it all out?”
“Ann, don’t psycho analyze me right now. I am not in a good place to do it.”
“Sometime when you think you are not in a place to do it that is when you need to. Have you prayed about it?”
“Yes I have. I have a pretty good idea why. I know there are things I never dealt with.”
“So when are you?” Her friend was grinning at her like she knew she had Emma caught by the nape of the neck. Emma hated being in this place.
Just as she was about to respond, she heard the sound of a vehicle coming down the driveway followed by shouts from one of her kids. She shot up out of her chair and dumped her coffee and ran around to the front of the house.
Turning the corner of the house, she saw a smoky colored Silverado parked in her drive. A large man jumped out of the truck and as quickly as possible, he limped to the back of the truck. Her mind was racing with different scenarios. The worst was at the forefront of her mind. What did he do to my kids?
“What happened? What did you do to my kids?” Emma hollered at the man she recognized to be David.
Sarah came running to her, “No Mama, it isn’t him. He helped. We found a doggie!” Her baby girl looked like she had been crying a bit.
Emma looked up at David and realized he had an alert but whimpering mutt of a dog in his arms. He walked up to her, “Is he yours? The kids said he was.”
“Oh really?” She stared pointedly at each of her little story tellers. Placing her hands on her hips she asked, “Since when did we get a dog?”
Stephen stepped forward and sheepishly replied, “We found him a week ago in the woods and have been feeding him the leftovers.”
“So that’s where they went. I thought you were going through another growth spurt.” She looked at David. “What happened?”
“I found the kids huddled around him by the road. I stopped to see if I could help and they told me his leg was hurt. Listen I know how to clean and bandage this poor guy up if you don’t mind offering your home as a safe place for him. I know whose dog it is and that person is gone. He moved a week ago. He is a pampered pup who found good friends just in time. Besides, he is awfully heavy and I need to put him down.”
She stood there
for a moment, looking at all four hopeful faces. She had the burly stranger begging for her to be a refuge for someone else’s dog and the kids were right there with him. This all felt familiar to her but she wouldn’t let herself go there right now.
“Okay! Fine! Aaron, go get bandages. Stephen, get whatever Mr. David tells you he needs. Sarah, you just pet and talk to the poor guy. I’ll be right in.” She looked up at David and gave him a look that said, “And you better be as good as people say you are.”
He looked right back at her, “They will be fine ma’am.” And they all walked in to the house. She turned around and walked back to the back porch.
“Well, drama returns to my doorstep. I guess we will have to hold this off.” Ann stood to give Emma a hug.
“It’s okay girl. It was good while it lasted.”
Ann walked to her car and Emma went inside. She did not want to do this today. She wanted relaxation and peace. Unfortunately, it looked like she wasn’t going to get it.
***
He didn’t look up when Emma walked through the back door, but he knew every move she made behind him. He was distracted by the fact that he could be so in-tune to her movement. He heard her turn on the faucet and fill the kettle. He knew she wouldn’t drink coffee in the afternoon, but a day like this called for some hot tea. He was so distracted by her, he lost track of what he was doing for the poor dog he was bandaging.
“Mr. David?” The small, meek voice broke the spell.
“Yeah, sweetie?”
“Will the doggie die?” Her tenderness broke his heart.
“No, I don’t think so.”
“What do you think happened?” Emma was at his left with Sarah between the two of them.
“Looks like maybe a dog fight. We have a lot of wild dogs in these woods.” He looked up at Emma to stress his next words. “It isn’’t really a safe place for someone to be walking around out there after a certain time of day. They will attack humans as well as other animals. They are a mean bunch.” He hoped she got his point. “So this guy’’s name is Max. His previous owner moved away to the next town over to a nursing home and couldn’t take the dog but knew no one to take him. His family didn’t want the mutt so they just let him go. It is a shame, because Max is a pretty good dog. Aren’t ya, boy?” The last part he said as he gently stroked the dog’s head and back. Sarah had been scratching the dogs head and chin, talking to him calmly. It had helped when he had to shave around the dog’s wound.
What God Brings Together Page 6