This day felt like it was never going to end. She was so tired and emotionally drained that she found it hard to think and walk at the same time. To prove her point, at that moment she found herself falling face first into a stack of boxes. She tripped over a flat spot on the floor. There was nothing around to trip on, but plenty to fall into. She tried to catch herself before she knocked boxes over, but failed completely as she took down five boxes. She knew the contents of at least one of said boxes suffered worse than she did as she heard glass break. Next was a thunder of footsteps coming at her from upstairs.
“Mom! You okay?” Sarah asked.
“I’m fine. A bit of a klutz but fine. Not so sure about whatever is in these boxes though.”
“It was all our cups ma,” Aaron stated with a hint of irritation reflected in his voice. Stephen helped Emma up as Aaron moved boxes and opened them. “They are all in pieces.”
“Good thing we have disposable ones somewhere,” Stephen said.
“You know what, just leave it for now. Clearly I am not in any shape to unpack, so I am going to go sit on the swing out front. You guys go ahead and get ready for bed. It has been a long day.”
“Mom, our talk?” Stephen reminded her.
“Right, swing. Sarah! Aaron! Bed! Now! Let’s go Honey.”
As she walked out the door, she heard Sarah ask, “What is going on with her? She is acting funny.”
Aaron answered, “Today is the anniversary of dad’s accident.”
“Oh!”
“I can’t believe it has been eight years,” stated Aaron.
“I wish I had met him,” commented Sarah.
“Come on, let’s go. I don’t want to get in trouble,” she heard Aaron say followed by footsteps fading up the stairs.
It was peaceful out here, with the sound of bullfrogs communicating, crickets chirping and the wind blowing. A woman could easily lose herself out here. She sat on the swing next to Stephen and enjoyed the gentle sway of it as she tried to clear her head so she could give him all her attention. She failed though. Just as soon as she righted her mind and took a deep breath to relax, the face of the stranger she met flashed in her memory. She could not get past how familiar the man with Pastor Cross seemed to her.
What was his name again? That’s right, David. David, hmmm.
He had seemed so closed off and in a panic that she didn’t dare ask any questions. Not like it was any of her business. The fact that she felt like she knew him began to nag at her. Was it his temperament or the way he looked at her? One side of his face was all scarred and mangled, almost like he had been mauled by a bear or in a terrible fire. The other side had a few scars and marks, but not half as bad as the other. Her heart hurt for the stranger and she decided to put him into her prayers tonight. Everyone needs someone praying for them.
“Mom? You okay?” she heard Stephen ask, bringing her back to the porch swing, sitting next to her son.
“Yeah, I am good,” she gave him a fake smile, “just a lot on my mind.”
“We can talk another time if you want,” He said as he started to get up.
“No, No, No! I told you we would chat. What’s on your mind?”
“So the guy sitting with the pastor...”
“Yeah, Pastor Cross and David.”
“Did he remind you of any one?”
“Well, he seems familiar but I can’t figure out who. Why do you ask?”
“He kind of made me think of, well, of dad. But that can’t be because dad isn’t around here. Is he? I mean if he was, wouldn’t he come looking for us?”
“Oh, Honey, I don’t know. That accident changed him more than we thought. The man I sent off to work that day would not have done this.” At least I don’t think he would have. Maybe I didn’t know your daddy as well as I thought I did.
“I asked God every day to bring him back to us. I really didn’t care how he looked, I just wanted him back in our lives. I wanted to take care of him and help nurse him back to normal but...” she had to stop before she said too much more. She did not want to burden her son with her emotional drama.
“It’s okay mom, I can handle it. But what?”
“I don’t want to burden you with my insecurities Stephen. You already take on too much. You missed out on being a kid so far. I don’t want that for you.”
She heard a heavy sigh coming from her son. He wanted to fix everything, and she could see it, but this was her fight.
“Okay. Well can I ask why you never married again?”
“I don’t know honey. I guess I just never found the right guy. None of them were,” she paused to think. How do I say this?
“Dad?”
She reflected on the emotion and intuition she had with each date. She then realized her son had figured her out better that she could figure herself out.
“You’re right, they weren’t your dad. But also, nothing ever seemed right. I never felt that jolt of excitement with the handful of guys I did go out with. If there is no spark, it isn’t worth it to me. Maybe I am not supposed to marry. I had my time and I was happy. Maybe. Well, oh hon, I really do not know.” She could feel her eyes fill with tears and she looked down to her hand in her lap.
Another hand joined hers, “It’s okay mom. I don’t expect you to know it all. Well, I’ll see ya in the morning.” He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, “Night Mama.”
“Night Baby.”
She followed him inside and grabbed her iPod. She knew where hers was. She found the docking station, plugged it all in and pointed the player out the window so she could listen to some music and relax a bit. The first song to play on her play list was a country song sung by a married couple. In the song, the chorus was saying that this life would kill them if they didn’t have the other person. Emma gave a little huff and said out loud, “It won’t kill you, but you will wish it had.” She turned it off, locked up the house and headed for bed. She was done with the day and all the emotions that went with it.
Good night cruel world.
Chapter 6
Two weeks had gone by and everyone seemed fairly settled in. Rooms were set up and already a mess with laundry all over the floors. Emma’s room on the other hand was still full of boxes yet to unpack. She had the basics out, but that was it. She needed a day or two to get herself settled. Trying to get kids settled, grade papers, and put the house together was proving to be a greater task than she thought she could handle. She just wanted the unpacking fairy to come and finish everything up for her. She was ready to get back to normal and have everything in place and was tired of digging for everything.
Now every mother knows, with changes come arguments. The kids seemed like they had been fighting nonstop since they moved in. It was just silly things like, “Mom, he’s touching me!” or “he is on my side of the room!” There was an inner need to have peace and quiet again. She needed a break from all of it, desperately.
As she sat there in on the porch swing with her coffee in one hand and Bible in her lap, she looked out at the field across the road from her. The corn was still high, but starting to brown from the cold. On the back side of the field was the woods. All the trees were in full color. Reds, burgundies, oranges and yellows, and a few greens as well. It was beautiful. Stephen had taken a picture of the view the day before. Emma had a feeling he was looking for the same serenity she was. She had heard fall blow in a week ago on the back of streamline winds. Today, when it was a cool, sunny morning, she could smell it. She loved this time of year.
As she sat there and enjoyed the sway of her swing, she thought on all she wanted to get done today. Off in her own little world, she heard someone coming down the dirt road. She watched her parents’ SUV pull in the driveway. Surprised, she got up and she met her mom half way between the house and driveway.
“Hi mom! This is a surprise! Come on in!” She waved at her dad as they headed for the house.
“Your dad and I thought we would come and get the kids and take them for
a couple days. You have been here two weeks and we haven’t seen them since the day you moved in. We know you are busy, but I want to have my grandbabies over.”
“Mom, you do know they are not babies anymore, right?”
“They still are to me, just like you are,” she said as she patted Emma on her face. “Now where are they?”
“Up in their rooms still. We just had breakfast.”
“I’ll go get them, you sit and enjoy your cup of coffee.”
Instead of having a seat on the swing, she turned and went out to say hi to her dad. She wanted to make sure she had thanked him for the help with the move.
“Didn’t feel like coming in and saying hi?”
“My knees have been bugging me, so the less climbing and walking I do the better.”
“You up for having the kids around?”
“Well of course. I am going to put those boys to work getting the house ready for winter. They are calling for a cold one this year. You ready?”
“I think so but I will let you double check the house when you feel up to it. By the way, if I didn’t say so before, thank you for all your help with the move and getting settled in. I really appreciate it.”
“Anytime, Pumpkin.” He patted her hand and smiled at her. He looks so tired. Her thought was interrupted with the sound of Sarah yelling “Hi” to her papa and the heavy front door shutting with a rather loud thud.
They both looked toward the house to see her mom and the kids make their way to the car. “You cool with being here by yourself, mom?” asked Stephen.
“I will be fine Stephen. I am a grown woman and the mother of three crazy kids. Go have fun.” She kissed each of the kids as they climbed into the car and she stood on the porch steps and waved until they turned onto the main road. Silence at last! Time for me’ time. Now what do I do? Do I do some house cleaning or go for a walk?
Her inner explorer won the struggle, a walk in the woods it is. She knew that she really needed to unpack, but she was also eager to explore her property some more, to go beyond the two acres of yard. She hadn’t taken time to investigate the back of the property or the pond.
She went in, loaded breakfast dishes in the dishwasher, wiped down counter tops and the table. She put on her hiking boots and packed a small backpack with a water bottle and snacks, locked the house and headed out the back door.
As soon as she walked out the door, she was glad to have made this choice. The temperature had warmed since the kids had left but it wasn’t too warm to go without a jacket. It was going to be a beautiful fall day. The robins and sparrows above her were busy getting ready for the winter. A flock of Canadian geese flew overhead in the shape of a flying V honking their calls back and forth. The breeze whipped at her hair and gave her a little chill. Michigan really is beautiful in the fall. Living in Toledo, Ohio the last few years, she missed the quiet back-roads of her hometown.
The path to the pond was quiet, not an animal to be seen. The only sound was the crackling of branches on the trees as they swayed in the breeze. The colors were even more amazing when she was wrapped in them as she walked under the canopy of leaves. She loved fall. It was a time to think on the past and then let it go. Let the hardships of the year fall to the ground like the leaves, never to return to the tree again. It was time to make room for something new.
Out here in nature she felt closer to God, so this was the time to seek Him out and see what He would show her. So she began to sing praise songs in her mind, then it turned into a hum, then all of a sudden, she was singing at the top of her lungs. Old and new songs. It had been a long time since she felt like singing this way and she was enjoying the presence of the Holy Spirit as she made her way along the path. It was these quiet times that got her through the first five years after Ryan’’s accident. Without some quiet time with God, she would have fallen apart.
“I wonder how he is doing. God, I hope you have watched out for him like you have for us. I couldn’t bear the thought of him living on the streets, or worse. Just be with him. And if you want us back together again, lead him back this way. If not, bring a new man into our lives who will love the kids like his own. More importantly, a man after your heart.” She had been praying that prayer every day. Maybe someday she would see the fruit of it.
She finally came to the pond and went out on the fishing dock. She set her bag down and kept singing as she sat there looking around at the tops of the trees and the forest around her. It was amazing out here. She was going to have to make her way out here more.
She started to ponder all God had done for her these past years, even in the lonely times, she knew God was with her. She could feel His presence in those moments of crying herself to sleep. It wrapped around her like a hug. At the same time, she wanted to feel strong arms around her again, arms that did not belong to her sons. Maybe it had been long enough. Maybe she was just afraid to put herself out there again. Stephen was leaving for college in a few years and Aaron was hot on his heels. Maybe it is time to get serious about dating again?
Something about that didn’t sit right with her. The thought made her feel edgy and uncertain. She couldn’t tell if the thought of moving on with another man scared her or if God was telling her “not yet”. Something always seemed to stop her. The fact that she never connected with another man the way she had with Ryan spoke volumes to her. Almost a decade was a long time to wait for a stubborn, wounded man. “But he can always change his mind, if he knows I am still waiting for him and love him. Right?”
Suddenly, she had the feeling of someone watching her and then she heard a noise. She looked around her surroundings for something unusual. When her eyes caught sight of movement on the other side of the pond, curiosity kicked in and she got up to walk in that direction. She wanted to know that no one was watching her so she made her way through the fallen trees and branches since there was no path. You know what they say about curiosity? “Yes, I know, it killed a cat.” Her pulse started to race. Saplings hit her in the legs while she trudged through the brush. At the edge of a clearing, she came to an abrupt halt as she looked in amazement at what was before her. There, in the middle, sat an old barn.
Chapter 7
Decades of misuse shown from roof to the ground. Missing planks, faded paint and a cavernous hole where doors once stood. The old barn leaned to one side and the roof seemed to have caved in showing her the top of a tree protruding out the top of the barn. Once she approached the place where the door once was, she glanced around to see that it was safe and went right in. Sure enough, the roof had caved in, decades ago. There was a tree growing right up the center of the barn. It was beautiful. The sunlight showed in through the rafters and illuminated the tree. “Beautiful!” she said in awe. She wished her camera was working.
She gave her eyes a minute to adjust to the light change and she looked around. There was a sickle hanging on one wall along with horse tack and leather straps. An old yoke hung on another wall. Grass was growing on the dirt floor. There were horseshoes in the corner of one stall. An anvil between another two stalls. In yet another stall, she was shocked at what she found buried. An old buggy. “It’s like they left and never came back.” She couldn’t believe all the treasures that were just on the walls. Makes you wonder what is buried in the dirt. I wonder what happened. I should bring the kids out here and show them this. If I can find my way out of here and then back again. She giggled and then heard footstep. Well, more like a step and a drag. A shiver went up her spine. She turned to look and see if anyone came in behind her.
“Hello! Anyone else here?”
Nothing, and the steps had stopped but she still felt like she was being watched. She hoped it hadn’t been an animal. She was in no way ready to leave yet and had no way to defend herself. There was just too much to look at and discover. She went from one stall to the next and was amazed. She thought about going up to the hayloft, but the ladder looked unsafe.
Her stomach made a gurgling sound.
&nbs
p; “Guess it is time to eat something.” She sat at the base of the tree and pulled out the snack and water from her bag. She couldn’t believe how long she had been out here. “I should head back when I am done. This place is so amazing it is hard to pull away.” So she just sat there for a while longer.
She closed her eyes and prayed, thought about the kids, thought about her students, what she wanted to change about the house, and then the thinking stopped.
She had fallen asleep. Haunting dreams came flooding in on her; dreams of a garden, a wedding, and Ryan.
He stood at the end of the aisle, waiting for her. He wore a tan suit and she wore a white cotton, eyelet dress. They were surrounded by family and a few close friends. It was a sunny, breezy day. It was warmer than usual for the second day of fall. But Emma was glad for it. It meant no rain on their outdoor wedding.
Fall was a beautiful time of year, especially when standing in Grandmother Daniels’ garden. She had the whole yard planted in flowers and trees so that from early spring to late fall, there were blooming flowers. It really did take your breath away. Emma had helped her get the garden ready for this day since the start of summer. They finally finished, the day before, with fresh mums in decorative pots scattered throughout the yard. As Emma stepped out of the house and into the backyard, she had to pause a moment and take in the scene all around her. It truly was a glorious day.
“You okay, Pumpkin?” daddy asked. She was daddy’s little girl and she could tell he was worried about her due to her age. Nineteen was young to marry, but she didn’t care, she felt ready. She and Ryan were together all through high school and were ready for this next step.
“I am fantastic, Daddy! Let’s do this!” she told him.
As she walked toward Ryan and their future together, she saw his lips pucker up a little bit and a slight whistle came out. One of those that indicated he had been holding his breath a bit and had just released the air before he passed out. She responded with a little giggle and a bigger smile.
What God Brings Together Page 5