That is supposed to be my smile, God.
It was his weekend to work again so he would witness them at the bar. He had a week to figure things out. He could not let her fall for this guy without him getting a chance again. In that moment, he decided he wanted Emma and the kids back and no doctor was going to ruin that chance. Not yet at least.
He was now a man with a mission.
He stopped at his truck and turned to look at the house. He felt an ache in his chest that no matter how hard he tried to ignore, it would not go away. He hated leaving. It felt like home here, like he belonged here.
He got into the truck, never taking his eyes off the house. Just as he turned the key, Emma walked out to the porch and gestured a wave. Her facial expression was asking him if everything was alright. He waved a reply and looked up at the upstairs windows. There, he saw a light on in one with the silhouette of a little girl. She waved to him as well. That sealed it. He was going to figure something out this time. He had to get his family back.
Chapter 13
That night was on Emma’s mind all week. She was baffled by the way David left without saying goodbye. She hated that she didn’t even get to apologize. She felt terrible for lashing out at him. It wasn’t his fault that she had so much built up. She really surprised herself when she let loose like that.
She had gone to the church to look for him. Pastor said he hadn’t been in all week. She asked him about who had made the food, so she could thank them, but he said he had no idea what she was talking about. No one had dropped a basket of food off for her family. So that had her mind spinning as well.
She was a little excited about her date with Doctor Mike. He had called her almost every day this week. It was never at a good time, and sometimes he said he was calling to check in on Sarah. She knew better than that. He was a nice man and he had paid extra special attention to Sarah. She just wasn’t sure about the timing. She thought she was ready to date again but that old familiar tug to slow down and think had a hold on her. The longing to no longer be alone was a strong emotion and sometimes, it was hard not to give in. She lived by the saying “Listen to your gut first” and it had proven successful. But now she was wondering how much of that was fear and how much was discernment.
So she called up her dear friend, Ann, and asked if she could meet after school for dinner and have a good chat. Ann’s husband took her kids so “the moms could get out”. She was so thankful to him for doing that. She just hoped and prayed that this night out was not ruined by an accident with the kids again.
***
“So, where to?” Ann asked as she got into Emma’s car.
“I want to just have some girl talk and peace. How about Gino’s?”
Ann agreed. Emma had a lot on her mind that she had to get off her chest and didn’t want a lot of noise and interruptions.
Emma had said all that was on her mind on the drive to the restaurant. It was about a thirty-minute drive, so there was plenty of time to chat. Ann sat, silently, and didn’t say a word while Emma rattled on about everything - Dr. Mike, being lonely, how the boys needed a man around and Sarah needed a daddy figure, and how she was tired of waiting. Ann just sat and nodded as an indication that she was listening.
Before the one sided conversation was finished, they arrived at the restaurant. Once orders were placed, they enjoyed lighthearted conversation about life, work and kids. Ann always avoided talking about her marriage with Emma, she didn’t want her friend to be hurt more than she already was.
After the dinner plates were taken, and before dessert was brought out, there was a quiet between the two friends. Ann didn’t want to say what she felt like she needed to, but she knew she needed to. This was a time to minister to her friend and she was not going to pass it by.
“Emma, have you ever prayed about all the things you told me on the ride here?” Emma fiddled with her silverware, avoiding Ann’s stare. Ann could see that she had struck a nerve.
“Ann, I am ashamed to say I have not. I have been so caught up in everything, I guess I forgot.” Emma finally admitted.
“Well, as moms and working women, we have a tendency to do that. But I have to ask, why? Are you doing okay? Really? Because from what I see and hear, you sound stressed and kind of bitter. What are you stressed about? Who are you mad at? Really?”
***
Emma sat in silence as she dug deep and looked for an answer. “Why” was a good question. She had always had a strong prayer life but she had felt tension and, now that Ann mentioned it, growing bitterness and anger ever since that night in the barn. It just seemed to activate feelings and emotions she thought were long gone. Something about coming home had brought everything back to the front.
Ann’s voice broke the silence, “Emma? Honey? Have you ever really dealt with all your feelings about Ryan and the accident? It’s not a good idea to get into a relationship when you still hold on to so much from the last one. It isn’t fair to the next guy. “
“So what do you suggest? I break the date? I can’t do that to him. Not when he is clearly looking forward to it. He has called me every day this week.”
“Okay, well take this time then to have a very serious conversation with Dr. Mike about what you are dealing with. He is a doctor, he will understand. I hope. But I would suggest you really pray and evaluate your heart and mind. Take care of things before you move forward too much with any man. And I mean ANY man.”
As Emma thought about everything her friend was saying, her throat tightened and her eyes began to burn. Then she felt a tear hit her hand. She felt a churning in her chest and stomach that had nothing to do with the food. She looked up at her friend, through the pool of tears that filled her eyes.
With a whimper, she managed to say,
“You’re right...I’m not ready.” She looked back at her hands and tightened up her brow. She knew Ann was right, and she knew right where to start. She took a deep breath, wiped her eyes dry and said with determination, “I know right where to start. Can you take me to the site of the accident?”
A smile crept across Ann’s face and she stood and said, “Let’s go!”
Emma knew it was time for closure, no matter how much it would hurt. Time to stop looking back and letting the past keep her from all that God had in store for her life and the life of her children. No more grieving. It was time to say goodbye.
Chapter 14
Ann offered to keep the kids for the night so Emma could have some quiet and recoup from her emotional night. Ann took her home with a promise to bring the kids and her SUV over as soon as Emma called and told her she was ready. It didn’t matter that it might take one night or a whole week, she had told Emma she wanted to see her friend whole again.
She helped Emma to the door and stopped to wait for her to unlock it.
“I’ve got it.” Emma told her with a sleepy smile. “This isn’t like it was eight years ago. This is release, not despair. I’ll be okay.” She took Ann’s hand, “Thank you for keeping the kids. You are right, I need sleep and time to think, and as you reminded me, pray.” With a hug and a smile, she sent her friend on her way before she turned and walked in the door. She was so glad to have a friend who would give it to her straight but do it so gently that you didn’t know you had just been reprimanded.
The house was dark. Emma had forgotten to turn on the porch lights. As she shuffled through the threshold, her foot kicked something that made a crinkling sound. It sounded like a bag of some kind. She stepped over it and turned on the lights. On the floor of her doorway, was a bouquet of varying colored roses. They were beautiful but she was baffled at who would do such a thing. She held the flowers up so she could smell how wonderful they were. The scent filled her heart and made her cry more. She thought she was out all her tears at the accident scene. The fragrance filled her with such warmth and tenderness that she began to feel sleepy. Instead of going to a chair, she just knelt on the floor and sobbed. She hugged the roses like they were a life
line. She couldn’t explain the reason someone would show such an act of kindness, she didn’t care. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to know who had given them to her. She just hoped that whoever it was would be blessed in return.
Once she could finally get herself off the floor, she shuffled to the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase of water. Her feet and legs tingled and made it hard for her to walk straight. She reached for her favorite vase, one Ryan had gotten for her as a wedding present, and proceeded to fill it. She cut open the packaging and found a little card tucked between the roses. Her hands shook a little with anticipation as she opened the little envelope. She gasped and put her hand to her mouth. The card read:
All is Forgiven
She was shocked. As she studied the card, she went through the list of people in the area who she knew. She didn’t think she had wronged any of them. Then it hit her, David. Her behavior the other night was terrible and she felt like a bully for taking out all her anger concerning her husband out on him. She had to find out where he lived. She had to apologize, even though he had clearly forgiven her.
She went to the kitchen and clipped the stems and placed them in the vase. The colors of the antique, mosaic vase blended beautifully with the roses. She decided to take them with her to her room and enjoy them in there. They were for her, and she felt unusually selfish about them. Almost obsessive about not wanting to share their beauty with anyone else in the house. Sometimes, mommies need something just for them.
She was so humbled by his kindness and mentally praised him for having a good eye for something so beautiful. When she reached the sanctuary of her bedroom she closed the door and closed out the world, just for tonight. She searched her room for a place to put the flowers decided right next to the bed would be perfect. That way she could enjoy them first thing in the morning. The intoxicating scent filled her room and for the first time in weeks, Emma took a deep breath and felt herself relax.
She barely had taken off her shoes when she heard the chirp of her phone in her pocket. With a sigh, she looked at the name on the ID and saw it was Dr. Mike. She clicked the answer key and without a greeting, she said, “It has been a long night, I will call in the morning.”
With a sound of shock, he said, “That’s fine, sleep well and I will talk to you tomorrow.”
She turned off the phone and slipped into bed. She paid little attention to putting on her pajamas or washing her face or any of her normal routine. She was checking out for the night and within minutes she was fast asleep.
The next morning, as the sun shone brightly into her room, Emma woke with a smile on her face and a feeling of peace. Once she opened her eyes and saw the roses, she realized the bright colors mirrored what she felt in her heart. Bold, bright, and beautiful. She reached and pulled out the only lavender rose in the bouquet. It was her favorite of all the roses. In fact, she planned to plant a lavender rose bush in the spring right by the porch steps. Its fragrance was so strong, but it didn’t overwhelm its admirer. Maybe I will use this one as a starter. Just have to get it to root.
Putting the rose back in its place with the rest, she reached for her Bible for the first time in a long time, and began to read in the book of John. When she came to chapter 14 verse 27, she stopped, read it over and over again. It said:
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
It was a promise she knew she could hold onto. God knew what she needed and was going to make sure it happened. In knowing that the timing of what happened the night before was all in His timing and it was one of those Divine appointments she heard another friend talk about. She was going to hold on to this and keep it in her heart.
The peace she felt in her heart had nothing to do with what the world had for her. Not the comfort of her job and whoever was around her but in the healing He had started in her heart the night before and that was more special than anything else the world had to offer her.
With a new spring in her step, she jumped out of the bed and proceeded to get ready for the day. It had been a long time since she felt like the weight of the world was not on her shoulders. It was a beautiful day.
She went to the bedside table and reached for her phone to call Ann. As she waited for it to boot up, she remembered that she had to call Dr. Mike back. She didn’t want to break the dear man’s heart, but she would, as gently as possible.
As she pushed send, she heard a knock on the front door. While the phone rang, she made her way to the front door. She could see who it was through the glass front door and she was glad that she had gotten herself ready. Mostly, her hair was still up in the towel. She unlocked the door and opened it to the subject of her call. Dr. Mike.
“Well, hello there Sunshine!” he greeted her with a grin that could melt any heart. She hated to make that handsome smile disappear. “I come bearing comfort food and warm drinks for this chilly fall morning. If it is you calling me, I can’t answer it right now, but you can leave a message after the beep.” His smiled and then said, “beeeep”.
The comment and wistful look on his face made her laugh. The fact he brought her food, melted her heart. This was going to be tough. Do I have to break his heart and turn that gorgeous smile into a frown? It is such a nice smile. She knew her answer to that. She knew now that she just wasn’t ready to date, no matter how much she wanted to get to know this man.
“Come on in, Mike. Sorry I am not completely ready for today but if you don’t mind, I don’t mind.” She opened the door for him and took the bag of goodies he held.
“Not a problem. I know it is early, but you sounded so...spent, and exhausted last night that I thought you would appreciate the surprise. You sounded like you need a friend.”
She guided him to the kitchen and began to get plates for whatever was in the bag, and paper towels, just in case it was what she thought it was. “It’s fine. I needed to talk to you about the date tonight anyway. First, let’s eat! What did you bring to drink?” She was eager to get this over with, but wanted to enjoy his company.
“I don’t think I like the sounds of that, but I have a Pumpkin Spice Latte and a Traverse City Cherry coffee with no frills.”
“I am going to safely guess the latte is for me.”
“Please say yes?” He gave her a weary, pleading smile.
“You’re right. I hate straight coffee, even if it is slightly flavored. Have a seat.”
She peeked inside the bag, and became excited and sad all at once. He even guessed right on her favorite muffin, Blueberry Cheesecake.
“Oh, Mike you’re killing me! How did you know this was my favorite?”
“I will admit, I asked the lady at the counter. I knew you were a regular there.” He gave her a sheepish, don’t-be-mad kind of look.
“It’s fine. I am glad you took the time to ask.”
She served him his muffin and they began to enjoy the scenery outside and ate in silence.
Then he chimed in.
“Okay, I can’t take it. What happened last night? And what is the issue with tonight?”
“First, it is a long story, but just know it was a long night of discovery and healing.”
“Healing from what? Are you sick?”
“I had to deal with some things from my past. They were difficult things. Things that hurt in ways I didn’t realize. If it had not been for my dear friend, I would have never come to the realization that I was still holding onto a lot of things. That in turn brought me to the realization that...” She paused and let out the breath she was holding, “that I am in no way ready to date. I am sorry Mike, but I just can’t. I thought I was ready, but I was too torn and bitter. I still am in a way. I don’t want to put you through all that I am dealing with.”
“Okay.” He sat there for a moment, moved his empty coffee cup around a bit while looking down at the table. With a heavy sigh, he smiled and took her hand. “It’’s okay, Emma. I
had a feeling you were a bit unsure. I can wait. But I do have a request, can we still go to the bar tonight and have a good time, as friends? I like you enough that I don’t care what place you hold in my life; I want you in it. Friend or... more than friends. I don’’t care which one. You are a special person.”
She looked at him in amazement. She was stunned. She had expected a completely different response. She wasn’t quite sure what, but not this. She smiled at him and shook her head in amazement.
“Please say something?”
“No fancy restaurant, just bar food for dinner tonight. No dressing up, jeans and t-shirts. Friends. Is that what you are saying?”
“Exactly!”
“Then I accept. Oh, but you should know, I don’t drink.”
“Alright. Then why do you like to go to the bar?”
“Karaoke night and laughter. I get a kick out of watching some of the people and I love to sing. I can get any cocktail without the liquor in it.”
“Can I ask if there is a reason you don’t drink? Is it a religion thing?”
“Sure, my answer is simple - Stephen, Aaron, and Sarah. They are my main three reasons. Also, I am a control freak and the thought of getting so drunk I lose control does not sit well with me. I have had drinks in the past, but it is a glass of wine. Last time was...” She paused as she thought about it. It hit her like a ton of bricks to the chest. “It was nine years ago. Just before Ryan and I decided to try to have our third baby. Hmmm, I hadn’t thought about it in a long time.”
They sat in silence for a long time as she remembered the excitement in the choice that she and Ryan had just made. They were ready to welcome another member to the family. Before the memory could really play out in her head, Mike touched her hand and brought her back to the present. She startled and looked him in the eyes.
***
“Yeah, I can see it now, Emma. You need friends more.” He just hoped to one day have a woman get a starry, far off look in her eyes when she thought about him. His thoughts on this Ryan guy were nothing he would ever share with her, but the guy better hope they never meet. He wasn’t sure he would forget about his oath to preserve life and plummet the guy.
What God Brings Together Page 10