Truck Me Back to Normal

by J. D. Walker

  I saw a pickup truck coming up the driveway, meaning one of the hands had returned for the work week ahead.

  “Joey!” I heard Bear call out, but I kept on going. Nothing good could come of this, no matter what my dick said, or my fantasies wanted me to believe. Leaving things as they were would be best for everyone, and Bear would realize that, too.

  At least, I hoped so.

  * * * *

  That night, after Bear and I talked, I went to bed at my usual time. And then, I had a dream. In it, my unit and I were under heavy fire and I watched a fellow soldier get blown to bits. I didn’t even have time to grieve because the shooting wouldn’t cease. I kept screaming at the top of my lungs that enough was enough.

  “Fucking stop, goddamn you!” I yelled, tears streaming down my face as I ran toward the enemy line in a howling rage, and then I—

  “Joey!” I heard a voice say but I couldn’t slow down. I didn’t have time. I had to stop these maniacs from killing us all. It was all so stupid, this fucking war.

  “Joey, snap out of it!” the same voice said again, and then I blinked and realized where I was. I’d wandered out of the bunkhouse and ended up behind the big house, where I’d likely wakened Bear, because he was standing before me now, hands on my upper arms, trying to shake me back to the present.

  I closed my eyes for a minute, attempting to catch my breath. And then, mortification set in. “How long was I yelling?” I whispered, afraid of the answer.

  “Not long.”

  “Anyone else hear?”

  “I don’t think so, but the door to the bunkhouse is still open. You were right under my window when you started screaming. I realized what was going on and came out here quick as I could before you hurt yourself.” He pulled me into his chest and hugged me close. God, he smelled so good, it brought tears to my eyes. “You either had a flashback or a bad dream. Maybe a little of both?” Bear rubbed my back and I sank even deeper into his embrace, feeling so safe, for once.

  “Something like that.” I was still too shaky to move so I let Bear take care of me for a few minutes. Not a good idea, but I couldn’t help myself.

  “This happen often?” he asked, still soothing me gently.

  “Not as much as it used to.” We remained like that for a while longer, then I stepped back and wiped my face. “Thank you, Bear. Goodnight.”

  “Hold up. You want me to keep an eye on you? You could sleep with me.” When my eyes widened, he hastened to add, “As in, you sleep in the same bed with me, no sex, just company. Someone to keep an eye on you.”

  I started shaking my head as he spoke. “No. Not a good idea. I know you mean well, but I can’t…” I turned and walked away. It was better to keep my distance. I was fucked up and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Bear would just have to understand that.

  * * * *

  The next two weeks were filled with hard work, lots of sweat, and brooding stares from Bear. Even the hands started to notice the looks and made comments from time to time.

  “You and Bear got a thing going on?” Kendrick teased me once, but I ignored her.

  Ted tried to draw me out. “Man, the two of you would be so hot together. I’d pay money to see you go at it.” He grabbed his crotch as if to punctuate that statement. Geez.

  But it was Tommy who finally got a response from me. “What’s up with you and the boss, Joey?” Tommy asked while we both mucked stalls one Thursday afternoon. It was unusual for Tommy to approach me since he rarely offered any kind of conversation with anyone unless asked a direct question.

  “Don’t know what you mean,” I hedged, hoping he’d let it go. Of course, he didn’t.

  “Sure you do. I recognize the expression on his face. It’s the same kind of look I gave him when I was tripping over myself to get his attention.”

  I sighed. “Let it go, Tommy. Nothing’s going on.”

  “But he obviously wants to get close to you. And I think you want him, too. It’s in the way you deliberately avoid looking at him but seem to know where he’s at all the time. It’s your body language. So what’s the problem?”

  I paused, leaning against the pitchfork and wiping sweat from my brow. “No problem. He wants something I don’t think I can give him. End of story.”

  Tommy was like a dog with a bone. “But how would you know unless you try?”

  I went back to work. “I just know.” I thought about the embarrassing incident that Sunday night and was sure of it. “Why’s this so important to you, anyhow?”

  “Because I like you. You’re a nice guy and you don’t tease me like the others do, though they’re not mean about it. I can tell you’ve been through stuff in your past—you mutter in your sleep sometimes—and I just think that maybe Bear would be good for you. A shoulder to lean on, maybe. Fear of the unknown never got anybody what they wanted. You gotta try, you know?”

  With that, he continued with his tasks and left me to my thoughts. I remembered what Sara had said weeks earlier. Was she right? And what would Derrick say? He’d probably smack me upside the head and tell me to get my head out of my ass.

  * * * *

  Friday morning following breakfast, after everyone had eaten and left to start chores, Meg asked me to stay behind and help her in the kitchen. July Fourth was the next day and I would be spending it at the farm. Derrick had agreed to pick me up Saturday night so I could have the rest of the weekend at home with him and Paul.

  This holiday was a huge deal. Lots of food, a band, games of all kinds. People from all over came every year, I was told. I was happy to do what I could, especially since it would keep me out of Bear’s sight for a while. The whole day, if I was lucky enough to remain in the kitchen or working in the background somewhere.

  Meg showed me what to do and we slipped into an easy rhythm, moving around each other. She demonstrated what to do for the pies, and I helped prepare the chicken, beef and pork. Pretty soon I was manning the barbecue grill, getting lunch ready for the staff since she was swamped otherwise.

  I set the table out back with food and stoked the charcoal while everyone ate. I nibbled on a chicken leg in between tasks. Bear didn’t turn up until everyone else had gone. That might have been deliberate on his part, but was bad news for me. He stalked over to where I was and stood before me, hands on his hips.

  “What do I have to do to convince you to give us a try?” He was sweaty and luscious and I really needed to quit thinking like that.

  “I can’t be what you want, Bear. You saw what happened the other night. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. It wouldn’t be fair to you to—”

  He cut me off. “Bullshit! You’re scared shitless, and I know for a fact they don’t let cowards into the army.”

  Oh, now he’d done it. I threw the tongs on a plate and stomped around the grill to stare him down, which was difficult to do since he was way taller than me. “What the fuck gives you the right to talk to me like that?”

  Bear threw his arms in the air. “How else am I supposed to get your fucking attention?”

  “Try acting like a civilized human being, for one.”

  “Like that was working. You ran from me like a goddamn pussy.”

  I saw red. “What did you just call me?”

  He poked me in the chest. “Pussy. If the clit fits…”

  I lost it. I punched Bear in the jaw, and it felt like I’d hit a rock. He didn’t even stagger, and his head barely moved. My knuckles throbbed. Infuriated, I tackled him to the ground, using my fists but hardly landing any hits as we rolled around, grass and dirt getting everywhere as we cursed at each other.

  Then, as suddenly as it happened, I stopped. What was I doing? Jesus. I pushed off Bear’s chest, trying to ignore the fact that my dick was hard—his, too—and walked away as fast as my legs could carry me. The bunkhouse had never seemed so far before, but I finally made it inside and locked myself in.

  I slumped against the wood, panting hard with my eyes tightly closed as mortification suffused m
e, body and soul. What the hell had I just done? Did I just have a fight with my boss? Man, this whole thing was fucked up. Before I could decide what to do next, someone tried to get inside, but since I’d bolted the door, pounding began.

  “Joey! We gotta talk. Please? Just talk, I swear.”

  Worn out, I turned and leaned my head against the peeling paint. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Bear.”

  “We either talk it out now, or it’ll happen in front of witnesses. You want that? Really?”

  Grrr.

  I opened the door and rested against the doorjamb. I was sure I looked a sight, and the spot I’d punched on Bear’s face was turning purple. Wonderful. “Talk.”

  “Joey, I get that you’re worried about being relationship material for…well, anyone. But you have to try sometime, right? I’m okay with it being fucking around to start with, if that’s what you need. I’m happy to go at whatever pace you want, in fact, as long as you don’t shut me out. Can’t we at least try to be friends? You need a friend, don’t you?”

  I shook my head. “Bear, I don’t—”

  He lifted a finger and pressed it against my lips. “I don’t, either. But maybe we can find out together, huh?” And then, he slowly pulled my traitorously willing body to his, and right there on a hot afternoon, with dirt on our clothes and grass in our hair, Bear kissed me, and I was lost.

  * * * *

  He was so gentle with me, so much the complete opposite of our earlier tussle that I melted into him, limbs and all. Kisses for me had been few—or none—merely a brief prelude to getting to the good stuff. But this kiss had me wanting to explore every inch of his mouth, every cavity, the dips of his tongue, the slight bow of his lip. And his taste! I all but tore his ragged, mud-streaked T-shirt as I strained to wrap myself around him and get more. Always more.

  Bear was a great kisser, and it was telling that I was without thought of the world at large when a throat cleared and I almost jumped out of my skin. I would have moved away from Bear, but he held me in an iron grip. I stayed where I was, his T-shirt tangled in my fists as I dropped my head to his shoulder, too far gone to be embarrassed at being caught smooching the boss.

  Funnily enough, it was Meg. “Sorry to bother you, boys, but I need Joey’s help in the kitchen, and the meat almost burned on the grill. If you wouldn’t mind delaying your gratification for a few hours so we can get stuff done? Then you can screw to your heart’s content. And I’ll give you something for that bruise, Bear, when you come up to the house. Run into a fist, did you?” I could hear her chuckling as she walked away.

  “Oh God,” I murmured, still tightly embraced by Bear. “What have we done?”

  He nuzzled my hair. “Let off a little steam. We’ll continue this later, yes?” He tipped my chin up with a finger to look me in the eye. “Are you with me, Joey?”

  Everything in me said “no,” but my heart had other ideas. I gave him a small nod when faced with his steely determination and kiss-plumped lips.

  “Good.” He nibbled on my earlobe, then left tiny pecks along my jaw until he kissed me once more, a thorough taking that made me actually rip his shirt a little this time. It curled my damn toes, let me tell you.

  Bear gently removed my fingers from his clothing and bussed my forehead. “Go help Meg in the kitchen and I’ll catch up with you later, okay?” With a wink and a quick smile, he was gone.

  I had to wait a few minutes for my dick to go down and my heart to stop racing before going to see his sister. Hot damn! If this was what it was like to just make out with the man, what the hell would happen when we fucked?

  * * * *

  By the time the day was over, I was exhausted, terrified, exhilarated—any word you could think of to describe topsy-turvy emotions after a lot of hard work, interspersed with a fist fight and thorough kissing.

  I’d spent the rest of the afternoon enduring knowing looks from Meg, especially when I’d pause in the middle of a task for no reason, or when she’d have to ask me twice to hand her something. Bear had pushed past my barriers and he’d decided that we were going to try this…whatever this was, whether I liked it or not. I didn’t have it in me to resist, especially since, deep beneath my fear of the unknown, I wanted it, too.

  He’d called me a coward, likely aware it would push my buttons, especially since he knew goddamn well I’d been a hard-assed soldier and remained proud of that fact. Perhaps I was still that man, in a different way. And I wanted to feel…normal, again.

  After I showered that evening, I turned down offers of a movie night in the bunkhouse or a game of cards. Everyone was staying at the farm for the festivities tomorrow. I went on my usual walk, wondering if Bear would find me. He did.

  Magnificent upon Halo, Bear rode up to where I leaned against a fence, a déjà vu moment. “Join me for a ride?”

  “Sure.” I climbed over the fence and he hoisted me up onto the horse so I sat behind him. It was like riding a barrel, but since I had Bear in front of me, I placed my arms around his middle as he urged Halo forward, his gait slow and steady as we headed away from the farm. It was a little after six in the evening, and the sun was getting lower in the sky, bit by bit.

  “Where are we going?” I asked as I laid my head against Bear’s back and breathed him in.

  “I have a blanket set up by a favorite tree of mine.” The rumble of his voice in my ear soothed me. “I thought we’d spend time watching the sun go down. How does that sound?”

  “Very romantic.”

  “Don’t let that get around, or I’ll punch you,” he grunted, but I could tell he didn’t mean it.

  “Wasn’t it me who punched you?” In fact, he still had a bruise on his face. I felt bad about that. A little.

  “I let you hit me.”

  “Believe that if you want to, Bear, but I’ll always know the truth.”

  “Dream on, soldier boy.” I liked that nickname.

  Not ten minutes later, Bear stopped underneath a massive oak tree. A blanket was indeed spread out there with a six-pack of beer, an apple pie, and two forks.

  As Bear lifted me down from the horse, I couldn’t help teasing him. “You got Meg to help you with this, didn’t you?”

  “She volunteered. She’s so happy to see me interested in someone, she’d do anything to get us together.” Bear left Halo to his own devices and dragged me down to the blanket with him. “She also threatened me with a skillet.”

  I laughed as I let him settle me between his legs, my back to his chest as we leaned against the tree trunk. “Meg is awesome. She reminds me of my brother.” I leaned forward to grab the pie and a fork. “Why isn’t she with someone?”

  “Meg was married to a guy who abused her for years. She tried to get away from him, but he kept following her wherever she went, no matter the restraining orders she’d put out on him. She finally ended up here and asked for my help a few years ago. We hadn’t talked in a long time, but I was happy to see her. I’d hoped to maybe mend some fences, you know? And then the dumbshit came to the farm.”

  I turned my head and saw the feral grin on his face. “I hope you beat him to a pulp.”

  “I had lots of help from the hands, but I started it. Kendrick was almost as angry as I was and may have broken one of his ribs with her boots.” Bear ate the pie I fed him before continuing. “I called the cops and that was that. I asked Meg to stay and help me run the farm, be my partner. She may never pursue another relationship, but she’s happy to mother us all. I think she’s content. I hope so, anyway.”

  I handed him a Sam Adams. “You’re a good brother, Bear.” I drank from my own bottle. “You were there when she needed you, like Derrick was for me. Believe me, that means a lot to people who don’t think they have a safety net anymore.”

  “I’ll do that for you, too, if you’ll let me. I know you don’t know what you can handle, but I swear to you, I will be whatever you need me to be, we can go as fast or slow as you want. I just want to be with you, Joey. Truly.
”

  I took the half-empty bottle from him and placed it along with mine in the cardboard container. “How about you show me?”

  Bear pulled me against him and angled my head gently so he could kiss me. I wanted to face him all the way around, but he held me there, back to chest as he ravaged my mouth, making me tingle all over.

  “Bear,” I whispered against his lips as he used a hand to rub my nipples through my T-shirt.

  “I’m here, hon,” he replied and slid his other hand underneath the cotton tee to stroke my belly. He bit my chin then tongued a sensitive spot on my neck.

  My head fell back against his shoulder as he nibbled, sucked, and generally drove me crazy. I whimpered, my cock hard in my shorts.

  “You need more, don’t you, baby?” Bear said as he feasted on my neck, his fingers moving down to grip my dick.

  I thrust up into his fist, my desire for him beyond clear. “Touch me, please?” I begged, turning my head again so I could taste more of his luscious lips. It had been so long.

  “Gladly.” And this time, when Bear took my mouth by storm, he dipped his hand inside my shorts and boxers and stroked me in time with the thrusts of his tongue, my cock weeping at the pleasure I felt. The burn of his fist drove me wild.

  Bear moved away briefly to watch me as I got closer to the precipice. “God, you’re gorgeous, you know that?” He nipped my cheek and sucked on my earlobe, never once letting up that purposeful rhythm.

  All I could respond was, “Uh.”

  He let go of my dick long enough to get me to spit in his hand. And then he stripped my cock hard and fast, all the while whispering dirty things to me, the many ways he planned to fuck my greedy little hole tonight. My release snuck up on me, causing me to gasp and rock upward with a howl, my hands gripping Bear’s tree-like thighs as I wrung every inch of ecstasy from his fist.

  When it was over, Bear brought his spunk-slick hand to my mouth and I cleaned it reverently before sharing a carnal kiss that made me yearn for him. He was addictive.

  I turned in Bear’s embrace and snuggled into his chest as he stroked my hair, which I’d left loose. “What about you?”