Here Be Sexist Vampires

by Suzanne Wright

  “I’m impressed,” I said as I reached the end of the line. “There wasn’t even the slightest spark of energy leaking from any of you. I think that means you’re ready for what I’ve got in mind. Chico, I want you to stand with Damien. Stuart, you stand with Denny. Butch, you’re with David. Max, you stand with Harvey. And Salem, you’re with Reuben. Now, take a look at who’s beside you. This is who I’ll be pairing you up with not just for now, but during the attack. I’d prefer not to have to separate you during an attack, but if it comes to that then pair up as you are now.” Everyone nodded, except for one person.

  “You expect me to pair up with Harvey?” griped Max. “You know me and him don’t get along.”

  I stood directly in front of Slap-head. “I expect you to not be a wanker and to push aside any negative feelings you have for who you’re paired up with. Chico and Damien aren’t the best of friends either. Do you hear them complaining?”

  He spoke through his teeth. “You’re doing this to piss me off because of what happened the other night, aren’t you? Just like you fucked Jared to piss me off.”

  The cheeky little bugger! I ignored the gasps coming from the others; they seemed more shocked by Slap-head’s behaviour than what he’d divulged. “So you think my life revolves around you, do you? And here was me thinking it was Commander Michaels who had the ego problem.” I spoke in a grave, cautioning voice as I continued, “Now you listen to me: Personal business has no place in this arena. If you want to make pathetic, sly remarks then you do so out of training time. Not now, not here. You don’t waste my time or the time of the rest of the squad. You got that?”

  Eventually Slap-head nodded.

  Again I addressed the entire squad, who I noticed were looking at Slap-head with disgust. “As I was saying, I want you to pair up as you are now. Each of you have an excellent, powerful gift but some of those are more offensive than others. I’ve paired you up with people who’ll complement your own gift. Salem, your punch can be deadly when your power is amplified so I’ve placed you with Reuben who can amplify it for you. Chico, although your thorns are great, they can be easily dodged. However if Damien is using his ability to astral project he can have them looking one way while you come up from behind. Stuart and Denny – you can both travel together as mush and molecules, and hopefully get close enough for Stuart to distract the enemy so Denny can then use his ooze or other mimicry. David, once the enemy see how profound your gift is they will want to eliminate you fast. Butch, however, can shield you both and negate any attacks away from you while you do your thing. Also, if Max can steal the senses of any vamps surrounding us they won’t be prepared for Harvey’s telekinesis.” I looked at Max with the latter sentence, driving home the point of pairing him as I had.

  I ushered them aside before strolling to the other end of the arena. “What I’d like you to do is revise in your mind the formations we practised. I’ll just be a sec.” Tapping into the energy of the element earth, I created several boulders and walls and a few ditches. “Now for the main part of today’s training…” I opened the door to the arena and in strode Evan and his own squad of ten. Instantly my squad turned into a crowd of giddy kids. I gave them a look that told them to take this seriously. They each then straightened their posture and met the gazes of Evan’s squad steadily.

  “You sure they’re ready for this, Coach?” asked Evan as he came to stand beside me.

  “Only one way to find out.” I stood between the squads, claiming their attention. “I want my squad on the North side, Commander Evan Michael’s squad on the South. Invade each other’s territory only if you dare. Your object is to annihilate the other squad. First, I want anyone with a deadly or severe gift to come forward so Reuben can weaken it; I don’t want people unconscious or dead, but I’ll expect that anyone who is struck by these severe gifts to subtract themselves from their squad just as they would have been had Reuben not weakened the effects of these gifts.”

  Once Reuben was done with that, one of Evan’s squad asked, “Coach, will you be letting us know in advance who has what gift?”

  “Will the vampires who attack The Hollow stop, smile and fairly announce what their gift is?” When he looked sheepish I nodded. “Then don’t expect my squad to.” Evan and I then went to stand in the spectators’ box. Although during the attack we would be there to guide them, we had both agreed that it was best for them to learn not to depend too greatly on our presence. Listen to our orders, yeah, but depend on our guidance, no. So we decided to simply observe for today. I could see that Evan was confident his own squad would win but I didn’t comment.

  Just as they’d practiced, Damien, Max, Chico and Harvey covered the front boulder. Denny, Reuben and Stuart covered the boulders behind them, and then Salem, David and Butch covered the rear of the squad. Evan’s squad looked as though they were hoping to make the first move but I’d learnt my lot not to give the enemy a chance.

  First Damien astral projected around the first boulder of the enemy which served two purposes; firstly, he could distract the enemy; secondly, he could then inform Chico, Max and Harvey how many were hiding there. Taking advantage of the enemy’s distraction, Harvey used his telekinesis to zoom Max to the boulder and he quickly stole the four members’ senses. Chico used this opportunity to aim his thorns at them. Three other members of Evan’s squad from behind a separate boulder aimed their gifts at Chico but soon they were eliminated when Stuart and Denny travelled as mush and molecules: Stuart distracted the vamps and Denny then oozed them while their backs were turned. Meanwhile Reuben had been hit by the enemy but not before having weakened some of them so their gifts were pretty useless.

  The rest of the enemy – there were only four left – decided to spring forth and get rid of Max and Chico who were of the ultimate threat so far. They were successful, but sadly for them they hadn’t known of David’s and Salem’s gift. While Butch shielded them both, David sent psionic booms and Salem used his psychic punches. At the same time Harvey was sending other members of Evan’s squad crashing into the walls.

  Done and dusted: Evan’s squad had been eliminated. There were still seven left of my squad. Evan and his entire squad looked equally stunned. My lot, of course, were looking rather smug and proud. And so was I. But we behaved like adults and didn’t jump for joy…until Evan and his squad had left, of course. Then they begin basking in their own greatness and I somehow then ended up in the centre of a huddle while a very odd and crap song was sung in my honour while they bounced around me. Max, however, didn’t participate. I pulled him aside as the others were leaving.

  “You and me need to have a little chat if this is how you’re going to behave,” I told him.

  He shrugged. “What’s there to chat about?”

  “You’re acting like a jilted, betrayed boyfriend and, worse still, you’re acting it in the arena. For God’s sake, Max, The Hollow’s going to be attacked soon.”

  “Yeah, and I’ll be ready. It doesn’t mean I have to respect your ass.”

  I placed my face close to his. “Actually, it means exactly that. Not only do you need to respect me, you need to listen to me and follow instructions. And not just mine, but Commander Michaels’ as well. If I can’t trust you to do that then, I swear, I’ll leave you behind.”

  He snickered. “Oh you will?”

  “Oh I will. So here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to take fifteen minutes and then you’re going to come to my office. After I’ve been to see Commander Norton I’ll go there for your answer about whether or not you’re going to get your act together. If you don’t come, I’ll take that as a ‘no’.”

  Predictably, he stormed off.

  (Jared)

  A smile dripping with pride surfaced on my face when I caught up with Evan to tell him about the meeting that was on shortly for the commanders only to be told that mine and Sam’s squad had kicked the ass of Evan’s. As much as I hated to admit it – and I really, really hated to admit it – I had been t
otally wrong. Sam had been indispensible to having the squad in tip-top shape. I doubted I’d ever admit it aloud but stranger things had happened.

  “You’re not trying to tell me it’s the squad who deserves the glory, not her,” observed Evan.

  I just shrugged. Yep, I was right: I couldn’t admit my mistake aloud.

  Evan narrowed his eyes, looking at me curiously and probably wondering why I was smiling like a Cheshire cat. It was a smile that had been on my face all evening. “Don’t tell me there’s something going on between you two. I mean, I know you wanted there to be. But I kind of got the feeling that she wouldn’t be up for the consort lifestyle.”

  “She’s not,” was the only answer I gave him, but Evan wasn’t dumb. He could guess the rest.

  “Why do I get the feeling that you’re not going to let it be a one-off thing?”

  “Because I’m not.”

  “I’d say don’t hurt her, but I’m sure she’s the last person who needs protection and I’m just as sure that she could kick your ass herself if she needed to.”

  She already had – not a good memory for my ego.

  “But I’m asking as someone who considers her a good friend: when you do decide you’re done, don’t do it harshly the way you usually do when it comes to women.”

  I didn’t like the way he thought he had a right to be protective of her. I felt like that was my job, which made no sense and yet that was how I felt all the same. Just like since the day I’d met her I’d thought of her as mine, no matter how much I’d tried to ignore it. Again it was something that made no sense but it was there. And with that thought I just had to see her. Immediately I teleported to the office…and the sight that I found made me feel like I’d been hit on the chest with a sledgehammer.

  There was Sam sitting on the edge of her desk with her arms and legs locked around Max who she was kissing so hard and urgently while he skated his hands down her back. An ache started in my stomach and quickly blossomed until every single part of me hurt. I was in agony both inside and out. I wasn’t even sure if I was breathing, it was like I’d been winded. As much as I wanted to dive on Max and snap every limb off his body I couldn’t seem to move. Shock had me rooted to the spot, paralysed. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from them. I didn’t want to watch but I couldn’t seem to look away. Then the shock and hurt swiftly gave way to anger, and a deep, dark rage surged through me.

  Seething I advanced on them. Both their heads swung to look at me and then Sam gasped and backed away, hiding behind Max. Instantly I stopped still. Sam was backing away? Sam was hiding behind another person? That didn’t ring right.

  Something else occurred to me then, too. My senses weren’t hyper the way they usually were when she was around. I didn’t feel that pull to go to her that I usually felt.

  There was something else I realised too, something that shocked the hell out of me and had me spooked, but I didn’t want to think about that yet.

  “She’s made her choice, Michaels,” said Max. “It’s me she wants.”

  “Is that right?” I asked, folding my arms across my chest.

  “The only reason she slept with you was because she wanted to get back at me.”

  “To get back at you?”

  He nodded. “That’s right.”

  “I’m afraid I’m going to have to hear this from the horse’s mouth.” I raised a brow at her. She was still hiding behind Max. As I expected, she didn’t speak. “If you expect me to believe you want him then I’m going to need to hear you say it.” Still she didn’t speak.

  “Tell him, Sam,” urged Max, stroking a hand through her hair, “tell him it’s me you want.”

  She edged closer to Max but still she said nothing.

  “Did you rob her ability to speak or something?” I asked Max who was starting to look a little confused and unsure. “I’m getting pretty agitated now, Sam. Tell me to my face that it’s Max you want. What’re you hiding for? If you really think I’d ever hurt you then just get out that pretty whip of yours? If you want to defend yourself you can do it easy. Unless…you’re not Sam.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  (Sam)

  I halted mid-stride as I entered the office to find Jared and Max having some kind of face-off. Not only that, but there was a woman cowering behind Max. A woman who was identical to me. “Bloody hell.” Three heads turned to look at me. Max looked stunned, my doppelganger looked anxious, and Jared seemed completely unsurprised.

  Max spun and glared at the woman behind him. Then his eyes repeatedly darted from her to me as though he was trying to work out which one was the real me. “What’s going on?”

  I snorted. “I was hoping one of you three could help me with that.”

  Jared spoke, “Short version is I teleported here and got to watch while Max had you wrapped around him almost sucking your mouth off. Only it wasn’t you, I realised.” His eyes bore into the imitation of me. “Game’s up, Joy.”

  “Joy,” I echoed with irritation. I was even more irritated by the fact that she was wearing my jacket which I’d left on the chair.

  “I think she thought she could cause a nice big rift between us. I told her before that she’d never be you. It’s stupid that she didn’t just listen.”

  Joy’s entire body seemed to twinkle and then she was back to her old self.

  Max stepped away from her, rubbing his mouth as if to rub away any trace of her. He looked over at me. “I came here like you asked me to and she was sat at your desk. She said she’d made a mistake when she slept with him and that it was really me she wanted.”

  “And you bought her little act? You thought that was me?”

  “Well, I mean, I thought you sounded a little weird. Your accent seemed off and your scent wasn’t as strong -”

  “Probably because it was my jacket that had my scent on it, not her.”

  “- but I didn’t think it was someone else. Why would I?” He turned to Jared then. “How did you know?”

  “I just did.”

  Wearing the scowl from hell, Joy began ranting at Jared. “Maybe now you know what it feels like seeing the person you care about with someone else! Maybe now you have a tiny idea of how I feel! Shame you didn’t think it was really her and then attack us. I would’ve liked watching Max steal your senses and then pummel you.”

  “Bloodthirsty isn’t she,” I commented to Jared before then concentrating my focus on her. “I strongly advise you to scarper out of this office before I seriously end up losing it. I have no time for anyone who thinks it’s their right to play with people’s lives.”

  “I’m not afraid of some Sventé.”

  “Then you’re dumber than I thought,” said Jared, his voice heavy with impatience and aggravation.

  “A good lay, isn’t he,” she said to me, wearing a cocky smirk. “I quite like his tongue. Does he call you baby too? I’ll bet he tells you you’re blood tastes real good too. Feels good when he zaps your clit with that gift of his, doesn’t it.”

  “Are we supposed to be comparing notes? Or is this just your way of telling me that I mean nothing more to him than any other woman?” It wasn’t something I didn’t already know. It was dumb that I cared. I shouldn’t care about that fact, I shouldn’t care that when he called me baby it wasn’t because he saw me as more than a shag, I shouldn’t care about him. And yet I did. It made me want to slap myself.

  “It seems only fair that you know. He has this way of making you think you’re special to him when the truth is you’re nothing to him but another piece of ass.”

  I placed my hand over my heart and said mockingly, “Oh, I think I feel it shattering. You’ve killed the dream.” What worried me was that my words were a lot closer to the truth than I was comfortable with. “Now. Get. The. Hell. Out.”

  “It’ll be a pleasure to.” Looking rather self-satisfied, she shrugged passed Jared and Max. As she was passing me she made an extremely stupid move: she abruptly reached out and clawed my face with her nails
like some sort of wildcat. Without hesitation I dived on her, or at least I meant to. Instead, the strangest thing happened. I fell into her. My body invaded hers, fused with hers, melded with hers. It was an odd feeling. It was like stepping into an all-in-one suit, stretching my limbs into place; a suit that I could see out of. Then the other senses came to me; hearing, smelling, touching, tasting. And then the feeling changed again, as though the suit was being burnt into my skin so that it became part of me, but the pain was only slight and brief.

  And just like that I felt utterly invincible. I knew that I wasn’t, but I felt it. Power was coursing through me, making me feel drunk on it. It was like a caged, pacing, agitated tiger: it wanted to be released, and I knew that if I unleashed it I’d have a hard job controlling it.

  “What the hell has happened?” My voice didn’t sound like my own, nor did it sound like Joy’s; it was kind of a mixture of the two. I looked down at my body and gasped: it was neither me nor Joy; there was a likeness of us both. I realised then that I hadn’t possessed her body. By merging with her I had made us one being, one stronger being.

  “Sam,” drawled Jared in a soothing voice. “It’s alright.”

  I looked at him incredulously. “Are you kidding me! I’m far from alright.” I could hear Joy’s voice in my head: it wasn’t a shock that she was cursing me. Oddly, I could pick up everything about her; as though I now had total access to her thoughts and feelings and memories. What I learnt surprised me: she loved Jared, and she believed he loved me. Had she always been daft?

  “Holy shit,” muttered Max. “It looks like you’ve developed a new gift or something.”

  Then it all fell into place. “Antonio. I’ll kill him.”

  Max looked pale even for a vampire. “I think you might be a Merger.”

  “Oh really, whatever made you think that?” said Jared sarcastically before turning back to me. “Sam, I can sense how you’re feeling but I swear you’re going to be fine, just concentrate. You can undo this. I know it must be weird and unfamiliar, baby, but you can control it just like you control anyone else’s gift.”