The Hacker and his Heart's Desire

by James, Rebecca;

  Nick looked around as though making sure no one was within hearing range before leaning toward me.

  “You might have heard that while you were gone, I was appointed to be Jeovanni’s personal assistant.”

  I had heard about it, along with the hilarious stories of Nick haranguing Hung into being on time for his shoots. By all accounts, Nick had taken the incorrigible Brazilian by the balls and come out on top.

  “I heard. Is that why Jeo quit porn?” I teased.

  Nick shook his head. “I think he just got sick of it. He’s been wasting his life doing that kind of thing. He could do so much more.” Nick looked at the ground and fidgeted. “The secret is…I’m attracted to him.”

  I groaned, leaning my head back against the chair. “No. You’re much too level-headed to fall for him.” I started laughing, and Nick pouted.

  “You’re right; I am too level-headed to be with someone like him, which is why I’m not. I’m not stupid—I know he’d take me up on the sex then drop me like a hot potato before the cum dried.”

  I sobered, as that hit a little too close to home for my comfort.

  Nick shrugged. “Besides, I have a boyfriend.” His face softened. “But I do like Jeovanni. Not his slutty ways, of course, or even the times when his voice sounds like pure sex and those big brown eyes melt all my defenses. And I’m not a size queen, if that’s what you’re thinking.” He shuddered. “Just the thought of being impaled by that huge cock makes my asshole close up. But Jeovanni has a soft side. He’s a good person who cares about his friends. He just covers it with annoying behavior and his over-the-top sexual antics.” Nick looked into the distance, eyes sad. “Sometimes I wish I’d never seen that side of him.”

  I’d seen it too, of course, but I was quiet, and I noticed things. The fact that Nick knew so much about that side of Jeo frankly surprised me. And made me feel bad for him.

  “It’s your turn” Nick said, snapping me out of my thoughts like a rubber band to the face. I took a deep breath, drawing up my courage before speaking.

  “I’ve been attracted to Cane since day one.”

  “Big newsflash there,” Nick said, rolling his eyes dramatically. “Is that all? Because I feel cheated. After the scenes you filmed, everyone knows you and Cane are attracted to each other.”

  I shook my head. “No. I mean, not really. We have chemistry, but that’s all it is. After we did the promo scene, I’d thought maybe there could be something between us. But the second the cameras were off, Cane was different, so I made myself stay away from him. At one point I even wondered if he was straight, but I don’t think that’s the case. Might be easier on me if it was.”

  “I’ve never seen him with anybody,” Nick said.

  “Me neither. But I don’t think any man could kiss another man the way he can and be totally straight. And he doesn’t seem to care whether he’s doing gay or straight porn. He’s probably bi.”

  Nick rested his chin on his gloved fist. “Go on.”

  Shame enveloped me. “I don’t like talking about this because it’s so embarrassing.” I glanced back at Nick, and his look of empathy encouraged me to continue. “Julianne wanted us to do that scene, and although everything in me screamed not to, in the end I had to see if there was anything there. Or maybe I just wanted Cane to fuck me that badly. You remember, we did it and then had to do it again because Lake interrupted by freaking out and running?”

  Nick nodded. “He had some kind of a flashback or panic attack.”

  “Yeah. The first time we did the scene, it was hot, but when we redid it later…” I sighed, remembering, and melted into my chair. “I don’t know if I was just kidding myself or what, but I honestly thought there was something there. I mean, he was supposed to bring emotion into it, but he’d never struck me as much of an actor, and there were moments…I don’t know.” I shook my head. “I was fooling myself. I made a stupid decision and got the embarrassment I deserved.”

  Nick’s blue eyes widened. “What did you do?”

  I couldn’t look at him. “I went to his bedroom and seduced him. And, hell, even then I really thought there was something there.”

  My face heated up, but I forced myself to finish. I had to let it all out. “Afterward, he told me it was nothing but a fuck, and he didn’t want any kind of relationship with me. End of story.”

  God, it still hurt thinking about his words and how I’d done the walk of shame back to my room. I’d been rejected a few times in my life, and the wound was raw.

  Nick frowned. “What a douchebag! You mean he just fucked you and said get out?”

  “Keep your voice down!” I looked around. Thankfully no one was outside or in the kitchen where I knew it was possible to hear everything being said on the porch. “Yeah, pretty much. That’s why I had to leave town for a while. I just couldn’t face him every day.”

  “You shouldn’t have had to go,” Nick protested. “Blaze would have thrown him out of the club. This is your home; you were here first.”

  “I really did want to get away for a while, and there was also something I needed to do. Besides, I’m pretty sure this is the only home Cane has, and it wasn’t his fault I came on to him and he didn’t want more. I’m not so sure Blaze would have thrown him out anyway. He’s more loyal to club members than that.”

  Nick made a face. “You’re a nicer person than I am.”

  I laughed. “I don’t know about that. Anyway, now you’ve heard my horrid little secret.”

  “And you’ve heard mine. Believe me, I don’t want anyone to know what I told you, particularly the man himself. His head’s big enough as it is.”

  “Agreed.” I said. Letting it all out to Nick had felt good, but I wasn’t dumb enough to think I could let it go now. Unfortunately, time away hadn’t dimmed my attraction to Cane, and avoiding him seemed to be my only choice.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Cane

  Watching Tony when he didn’t know I was watching him had become my new pastime. The day I’d first laid eyes on the young biker slash computer whiz, he’d immediately reminded me of Jude Law in the movie Wilde, a film I’d watched more than a few times. Hearing his smooth, sultry laugh as he’d looked up at Hung, one foot on the top basement step and the other resting on the landing, had made my dick hard and my heart flutter. He’d had on a pair of frayed jeans that had hugged his lean form, and a ridiculous Tweety Bird T-shirt, and his blond, curly hair had glowed in contrast to his light olive skin. Later I would find out those curls felt soft as silk between my fingers, and his eyes when turned on me brought to my mind the endless blue skies of Montana and made me ache with longing. Maybe I could have resisted him if not for those eyes. I’ve thought about it often but never quite convinced myself what I felt for Tony was as simple and uncomplicated as the reaction to seeing a man who looked a little like a character in a film I loved and had eyes that filled me with half-forgotten memories of happier times. Something had grabbed hold of me that day, and I hadn’t been able to shake it since.

  After Tony had left, Blaze had refused to tell me where he’d gone, and I’d refused to admit the part I’d played in his leaving. You wanted him to leave, a voice inside reminded me.

  No. I’d wanted him at a safe distance from me but not out of my sight completely.

  Added to the ache in my chest over Tony’s absence, the accusing stares of my club brothers had constantly reminded me what an ass I’d been, even though I felt sure none of them knew the specifics of what had happened. Frankly, I was shocked they didn’t kick me out. I hadn’t allowed myself to form any real friendships with them, and I’d assumed my place in the club was tenuous. Blaze, however, had treated me like family from day one and that didn’t change after Tony left. As club leader, he set the standard, and the guys followed, however reluctantly.

  None of the Hedonists, not even Blaze, knew I had family in New York City. Axel had given me a ride a few times to a place in Brooklyn, but I’d taken the line 23 bus from there t
o my cousin Karl’s building in Germantown. I didn’t want the club to know anything about my cousin or his hold on me. If I could erase the man from my life, I would, but I was tied to him. I felt lucky I’d been able to carve out a slice of private downtime.

  As it was, I split days between the clubhouse and my cousin’s building. I don’t know where my club brothers thought I went when I wasn’t with them. I did a good job of keeping to myself, and they’d never asked. As for Karl, I’d told him in no uncertain terms that as long as I did as he asked, my private life was none of his business. So far, he’d respected that, but I was always on guard with him.

  Walking inside the clubhouse after a long ride on my bike, I almost collided with Tony. Automatically, I put my hand out to steady him, but he slipped out of my grasp, mumbling a faint “Sorry,” and walked into the kitchen.

  “Take a picture; it’ll last longer,” a familiar accented voice said in my ear.

  Jeovanni Mendoza, Sergeant-at-arms of the Hedonists, and until recently, chief draw at Hard Time Productions, pinned me with disapproving dark eyes. A self-professed pansexual and too charming for his own good, the man had had more lovers in the relatively short time I’d known him than the rest of the club combined would likely have in a lifetime, and that didn’t even include the man’s porn career. He was full of contradictions and lately seemed hell bent on taunting me.

  “Tony says you didn’t do anything to him, but I don’t believe it. Stay away from him,” Hung said low enough Tony wouldn’t hear him in the next room. The entire club was protective as hell over Tony, whom they all seemed to regard as a younger brother.

  I turned and stepped closer to the other man so our chests almost touched. At just under six and a half feet tall, I towered over most men, but despite that and the fact I had at least twenty pounds of muscle on him, Hung didn’t back down.

  “I’m nowhere near him,” I said.

  “Keep it that way.” Hung shoved past me and strutted into the kitchen.

  I’d planned to make a sandwich before heading over to my cousin’s but decided it would be better to avoid Tony at this point. Pulling the keys to my brand new bike out of my jacket pocket, I turned and left the clubhouse.

  ****

  My cousin Karl was an even bigger man than I was. The muscles in his arms, shoulders, and thighs had become obscenely large in the last couple of years, leading me to suspect steroid use. He usually had at least three beefy guys with him, most of them second or third cousins, and today was no exception. Two of his henchmen stood silently on the other side of the room, hands folded in front of their beefy torsos. His current girlfriend, a beautiful Japanese woman, stood massaging his shoulders as he ate at the marble bar separating the kitchen from the living room of his penthouse apartment. The woman’s sharp floral perfume pricked my nose, and I was having trouble holding back a sneeze.

  “Cane, how nice to see you again.” The woman kneaded the muscles of Karl’s thick neck. If it were me, I’d like to give it a quick twist to the left and hear it crack—that’s how much I hated him.

  Karl saluted me with his beer bottle. “You want a drink?”

  Before I could answer, he said over his shoulder, “Shika, go get the man a beer.”

  Shika walked silently to the stainless steel, doubled-sided refrigerator.

  “You eat yet?” Karl asked me.

  I shook my head as I shrugged out of my leather jacket and draped it behind my stool.

  “Shika,” Karl said, but she was already reaching into the refrigerator for the cold cuts.

  “Thank you,” I told her. My stomach growled as I watched her put together the sandwich.

  Karl’s phone buzzed, and he answered it with his typical, “Bruder.” There followed a one-sided conversation consisting mostly of grunts and two-word replies.

  I’d started on the second half of my sandwich when Karl abruptly stood from his stool, knocking it over.

  “What the fuck do you mean he didn’t fucking meet them? I told him to be there at ten goddamn thirty!”

  I glanced up at Shika, who’d taken out a bottle of nail polish and begun touching up her nails, seemingly unbothered by Karl’s outburst.

  Karl made a growling sound and righted his stool before sitting back down. “Find Travis and bring him to my office.” He disconnected and held out his arm for Skika, who rose and walked to his side, careful of her wet nails. Arm wrapped around her waist, Karl rested his hand possessively on Shika’s ass, giving me a close-up view of the gold rings on his beefy fingers. The largest had been left to him by my Uncle Reiner, Karl’s father, who’d died several years ago. Made of heavy platinum, the ring depicted the Schwarze Sonne, or black sun, a symbol employed in post-Nazi Germany. Like his father who had owned the ring, my uncle had been a Neo-Nazi. Karl was more tolerant than Uncle Reiner, willing to suffer anyone who could benefit him in some way. That didn’t stop him from wearing the ring though. I doubted most people recognized it for what it was.

  “I got a job for you, Cane,” Karl said as, nails dry, Shika went back to massaging his shoulders.

  I waited, pushing back the dread that always curled in my chest when I heard those words.

  “I want you to deliver these instructions to Bruno.” Karl scribbled something on a piece of paper. He ripped it off the pad, folded it up, and handed it to me. “He’ll be at the docks.”

  I took the paper and left, knowing better than to pause to finish my meal.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Tony

  “Tell me you’re cookin’ dinner tonight,” Hung said, flopping down on the lounge chair on the back porch where I sat painting, struggling to convey emotion I wasn’t feeling onto the canvas.

  “Fuck,” I muttered and put the brush down.

  “Sorry. Didn’t mean to spoil your concentration,” Hung said.

  I turned to look at him, brow raised.

  “Jeovanni Adaulfo Mendoza apologizing for his behavior? Am I dreaming?”

  “Oh, shut up. I’m not that bad, and I told you never to repeat my middle name.”

  I grinned and turned back to study my work.

  “No, you aren’t that bad,” I said sincerely.

  Months of quiet watching in my early days in the club had taught me the cocky, sexy, Brazilian went much deeper than his off-color jokes and huge dick led most people to believe. When I’d figured that out, I’d slowly made the effort to get to know him and hadn’t regretted it since.

  I painted for a few moments while Hung continued to stare outside.

  “Jeo? You okay?”

  He blinked and turned back to me. “Sure, kid.”

  I watched as Hung’s face took on its familiar cockiness. “So, what about it? Are you gonna make dinner tonight? You haven’t done much cooking since you’ve been back.”

  “I will if you want me to.” I really wasn’t that great of a cook but compared to the rest of the Hedonists, I might as well have been Gordon Ramsay. Most of them could barely boil water without scalding the pot.

  “Make that chicken pot pie with all the vegetables,” Hung said.

  I smiled. “Okay.” Most of that recipe was from a can, but I had to admit it was pretty good.

  Scooting to the edge of his chair, Hung examined my painting. “Who is that?”

  I studied the pale figure lying on a bed, face turned toward an open window, red hair burning like fire in the sunlight. “Someone I met in Nevada.”

  “You went all the way to Nevada?”

  “I went all over.”

  Hung’s expression turned dark. “Fucking Cane really messed with your mind.”

  I wasn’t sure if he meant Cane was a fucker or that literally the act of fucking Cane had messed with my mind. I wasn’t going to ask. Everyone knew we’d fucked on film—it was the off film time they didn’t know about.

  “I just needed some time away. It had nothing to do with Cane.”

  Hung looked dubious.

  I sighed. “I told you before; we just do
n’t get along, okay?”

  “You get along with everyone.”

  Irritated, I turned on him. “Ever thought you don’t know everything about everyone, Jeo?”

  “No.” He smiled widely, and I relaxed. “Come to The Yellow Banana with me tonight.”

  The Yellow Banana was a gay club in downtown Brooklyn where Axel worked as a bartender and Lake as a server. I’d been meaning to go since I got back but hadn’t as of yet. Clubs weren’t really my thing, but I did like to dance.

  “Okay. After the chicken pot pie,” I said and turned back to my painting.

  Hung grinned and ruffled my hair, making me scowl and push his hand away.

  ****

  As I’d anticipated, The Yellow Banana was packed, loud, and a major sensory overload. I balked the moment I walked in the door, but Hung grabbed me by the hand and pulled me after him. He flirted all the way to the bar with me in tow, like I was his kid or something.

  “Shit,” he swore.

  “What?” I stopped and looked up at him, and then let out a yelp when someone goosed me. I turned to give whoever it was a tongue lashing and had to bend my neck in order to look up at the giant. He gave me a lascivious grin, a gold tooth flashing in front. I swallowed hard, realizing engaging with the man in any way would be a mistake, and hightailed it around Hung to nab a seat at the bar.

  Axel grinned at me. “Tony, you finally made it.”

  “Yep, I came to see you, handsome.” I loved watching Axel blush. He was such a big, burly guy, but inside he was a kitten.

  “Don’t let Caleb hear you talking that way. He’s the jealous type,” Axel joked.

  When I’d returned from my sabbatical and found Axel was with Caleb, I’d been surprised but pleased. Caleb had a lot of issues due to the trauma he’d been through, but Axel’s careful patience around him had paid off. They seemed good together.

  “Give me a vodka on the rocks,” Hung said over my shoulder.

  “I’ll have a beer,” I said, my eyes roaming the area. I froze when I met an ice blue pair across the bar.