All I Want is You

by Patricia Mar

  I have the opposite problem: my head spends way too much time up in the clouds. I am pretty good at giving other people advice, but when it comes to myself… I can never get my act together and behave rationally, I always rely on my instincts and my sixth sense. I guess I must be a little crazy, but isn’t life a constant surprise? Why shouldn’t I believe that what’s in store for me will turn out to be positive?

  By the way – while we were at the wedding reception, my suspicions were proven right!

  Daniel and Sara had organised their reception at a castle near Gubbio, or at least, what’s left of it: the part of the building that’s been restored and can now be rented for events. Daniel and Sara were dancing in the huge hall while outside it was pouring with rain. I thought the atmosphere was amazing, and it’s a tradition with us Italians that rain brings a bride good luck.

  But that’s not what I wanted to talk about. So anyway, they were dancing and staring into each other’s eyes as if there was nobody else there when suddenly, the musicians – violin, harp and piano – started playing this really romantic melody that I didn’t recognise and I saw my sister and her husband whispering into each other’s ears and laughing and then kissing passionately. It was amazing, I really hope something like that happens to me, sooner or later. I mean, I think I deserve it! I’m a nice girl, I believe in true love and in following your dreams, although at times I think there are actually things you can do to help make them come true…

  Everybody was staring at the newlyweds as if they were Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, but I was checking out the guests, looking for a face that, against my better judgement, I’ve grown pretty fond of.

  And there he was: Alessandro, sitting there with a distracted expression on his face, his chin propped on the palm of his hand and his elbow on the table. Not our table.

  He’d been sitting next to me during the meal and I had even managed to talk to him quite a bit. Contrary to what you might imagine, I hadn’t forced Daniel and Sara to put us at the same table, they’d done it themselves. I have the impression they would both like to see Alessandro and me become a couple, but I am not completely sure that it would work, to be honest. Sometimes he seems really into me and we have these very stimulating discussions about loads of topics, and it almost seems that our brains are making love using only words. It always feels like we’re off to a good start, but then he inevitably backs off and starts ignoring me, the way he did at the party. He went to the bathroom and when he was done, instead of coming back to his original seat, which was next to me, he went off to sit at another table. Was he afraid that I would invite him to dance again?

  Well, if that was what he was thinking, he wouldn’t have been far wrong. When I saw all the other couples going to the dance floor, I had indeed thought about asking him to come and dance with me.

  I suppose he must have guessed what my intentions were and got scared. I can’t understand why he is so afraid of me though, though – I’m completely harmless! Well, most of the time…

  When I spotted him, I started wondering what I should do. Should I go over there and invite him? Or would it be better to wait for him to come back? Or should I just go and invite ‘family jewels’ Giovanni instead? That last option would serve him right, I thought; you can’t expect a girl to constantly try and get your attention without giving something back, can you? Or maybe he’s just having an acute attack of ‘virginitis’ – in layman’s terms, an allergy to yours truly.

  So I decided that enough was enough and that I would try and hook myself the Alpha Male of the party. And I won’t deny that part of me was actually hoping to make Alessandro jealous…

  I stood up and instead of heading towards him, I went looking for Giovanni, and when I saw him I realised he was smiling at me. We had already exchanged a couple of words before lunch, but then we’d gone to our assigned tables, and he had said he was disappointed that he couldn’t sit with me for the whole meal. Of course he was – I’m not as bad looking as Alessandro would like me to think, and Giovanni appreciated that even though he doesn’t wear spectacles. I reckon that Clark Kent over there is so short sighted that he hasn’t noticed me yet, but I’m confident I’ll attract his attention one day. But I just couldn’t be bothered with any more tactics… being a maid of honour is hard work, and I decided that I just wanted to enjoy the party.

  Anyway, while I was thinking about all that, Giovanni started walking towards me. I was relieved that I was finally dealing with a man who knew how to show a bit of initiative!

  “Are you having fun?” I asked him with a big smile plastered all over my face. I felt confident – I knew that he liked me because he couldn’t stop looking at me. He was very pleased and was doing nothing to hide it. Great!

  “I am now! I’d just been thinking of coming to look for you so I could ask you to dance, and here you are! It must be magic.” It was the type of line you could imagine Gregory Peck coming out with in some movie from the sixties.

  “I wouldn’t say it’s magic – we’re practically the only single people here, so there was a fairly good chance that we would bump into each other again before the end of the party.”

  “And you decided to turn a probability into a certainty by coming looking for me.”

  Well spotted! Added to his well known physical attributes, it made him seem absolutely charming to me. “I was indeed planning to ask you to come and dance with me.”

  “I’m all yours.”

  “Just for a dance!”

  “I’ll settle for that.”

  We went over to the dance floor, where dozens of other couples were twirling around the newlyweds. Sara and Daniel were still unaware of what was going on around them. I reckon I would have been lost in Alessandro’s four eyes too if I’d been in my sister’s place and he in Daniel’s.

  Wait a minute, why was I still thinking about Alessandro, damn him?!

  Giovanni took me in his arms and we started dancing. I have to admit that he’s a pretty good dancer. He is taller than me and really knows how to lead. I felt very comfortable and it was fun.

  We chatted while we danced, and I discovered that he’s actually quite a witty guy. Unfortunately, though, nothing clicked – there was no chemistry at all. I just couldn’t imagine having a relationship with him, which is such a shame! But I told myself that I had at least tried to get to know him better. I guess I should have known!

  Anyway, while I was in Giovanni’s arms, I noticed Alessandro staring at me persistently. He was studying my every move, but I pretended not to notice and continued having fun. I decided not to give Alessandro another moment of my attention.

  I knew very well that he was still observing me, though – I could feel it. After a while, I stretched my neck and checked over my partner’s shoulder: yes, he was still there, staring at us.

  What did it mean? I didn’t want to read too much into it, but I couldn’t help but notice how his attitude had changed, and how he suddenly wasn’t all distracted and apathetic any more. I was still trying to understand what was going on when the music suddenly ended.

  Everyone went back to their places, including the newlyweds. They were holding each other’s hands and smiling. I suppose some people might have thought they were a bit over the top with the gooey eyes and all that, but I thought they were adorable. I would have loved a bit of that sweetness for myself!

  In the meantime, I came up with an idea to find out just how interested Alessandro actually was in what I was doing. I decided to go outside and see if he would follow me. It was still raining hard, but the canopy was big enough to keep me dry.

  “Do you want to go out for a minute?” I asked Giovanni while fanning myself with my hand. “It’s so hot in here.”

  “Of course,” he replied very gently, and then led me out through the French door. I couldn’t of course, turn to see if Alessandro was still observing me, I could only hope! But I was sure that if he was indeed looking, then it was a sign that he was jealous.


  Once we were outside I tried very hard to see what he was doing, but I realised that I couldn’t see him, which meant that he couldn’t see me.

  It occurred to me that I was probably the worst strategist ever.

  I started watching the rain falling and thought how romantic it was, even if I was out there with the wrong man. Even though he might be a bit cocky, Giovanni was certainly very attractive, and funny, but he just wasn’t my type, and all of his charms had no effect on me. I didn’t feel in any danger with him, though, and found the stories he was telling me pretty entertaining.

  I wondered why it was that I didn’t feel anything for him, but I already knew the answer, of course: my heart had already been stolen by a loser who was currently sitting at a table on his own – the one looking gloomy and wearing a pair of the thickest spectacles on earth. There must be something deeply wrong with me. Why had I developed such an obsession with that guy? I’d started fantasising about him after only having heard other people talking about him. After chatting with him on the phone I felt like I’d had an epiphany, and when I saw him in person I realised instantly that he was the right man for me. I know it’s crazy, but that was really how I felt.

  Anyway, after a while I started getting thirsty, I guess from talking so much. Giovanni was kind enough to go inside and get us a couple of drinks.

  When I was alone, I relaxed, listening to the sound of the rain and smelling the fresh scent of the wet grass. While I was lost in my thoughts, I heard the door opening.

  “That was quick!” I said, turning and expecting to see Giovanni.

  But to my total surprise, it was Alessandro who was standing in front of me, holding my jacket. I was wearing quite a light dress, but even though I wasn’t cold at all, I was really touched by what a thoughtful gesture it was. It was hard to believe he was even the same guy that hadn’t come back to sit at our table before.

  “I thought you might need this,” he said, handing me the jacket. I put it on. I did feel better, but I wasn’t quite sure whether the pleasant warmth came from the additional piece of clothing or from the idea that he had done something nice for me.

  “How is it going in there?”

  “Same as before… People are still dancing and drinking, and I reckon Daniel and Sara can’t wait to escape this place and go and consummate their marriage.”

  I burst out laughing. “God, you sound like you’re from the seventeenth century or something!”

  “Well, thanks for letting me know that you think I’m old fashioned.”

  “Were you getting bored?”

  “A little. A lot, actually. I thought I could take advantage of your verbosity to kill some time before I decide to beat a retreat and go home.”

  “I’m flattered, I really am.”

  Alessandro grimaced and sat down at the table I was leaning on. “This rain is so depressing.”

  “Do you think so? I think it’s romantic.”

  “So that’s why you came out here with Daniel’s cousin – you wanted some romance, right?”

  When I heard how bitterly he said those words, I suddenly felt great. I felt as powerful as Wonder Woman. I knew that I could do whatever I wanted. The realisation that seeing Mr Jewels and me together had annoyed him was an amazing feeling.

  “Well, well – the vet is curious!”

  “I was just making conversation, don’t bother answering. But be careful, Giovanni is a womaniser, don’t let him fool you.”

  “So you’re worried about my honour and my heart… That is very nice of you.”

  Alessandro took his spectacles off and put them on the table and then set about massaging his nose, a thoughtful expression on his face. But he didn’t say a word.

  I didn’t need to keep silent. “Daniel and Sara are so amazing together. I am really happy that things worked out well in the end.”

  “Yes, they can be quite silly at times, the pair of them. Luckily they came to their senses, eventually.”

  Did he really think that he was not being daft as well? “It was luck, but I think I played my part too.”

  “So did I.”

  “I wouldn’t be so sure!”

  Alessandro lifted his eyes up and gave me a serious look. “I’m his conscience.”

  “And he is yours.”

  “That’s not important.”

  “Of course it is,” I said. And then I did something very stupid: I sat down on the table. I was trying to come over as self-assured, but what I actually managed to do was crush his glasses under my bottom. We both heard them cracking.

  He looked at me as though thinking ‘why did this woman have to appear in my life?’

  I was absolutely mortified. I picked up the broken glasses and immediately realised that they were beyond repair.

  I gave them to Alessandro, who took them and stood up.

  I had a very contrite expression. “I am so sorry! I’ll buy you a new pair!”

  “Don’t worry about it, I keep a spare pair in the car just in case this kind of thing happens. I’ll go get them.”

  “Ok. Sorry again!” I shouted, but he was already going back inside and waving goodbye to me.

  Damn it! I had done something unforgivable, I had ruined everything! He had come looking for me for the first time since I’d known him, and my stupid backside had ruined it all. I was sure he would always associate me with disasters.

  In the meantime, Giovanni was coming back holding two glasses of something fizzy. I downed mine in one gulp, and he gave me a perplexed look. He couldn’t have known but I really needed a drink.

  We chatted for a while, but my mind was somewhere else and my heart was aching.

  Alessandro had come to me and had spoken to me about Giovanni. Those things hadn’t happened by chance. Him showing some interest in me made me feel hopeful, even if I had just broken his glasses. Maybe I could help him choose a new pair – something that would show off his beautiful eyes.

  Dear Diary, maybe I’m just fantasising too much – I know that overcoming his resistance is going to be a long, hard job. But I am totally committed into succeeding, and I promise that I’m going to tell you all about it as soon as I do.

  We hope you enjoyed this book.

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  Thanks

  Whenever I have to thank people at the end of a book, I find myself staring at an empty page which stares back at me mercilessly. I’m overwhelmed by emotion and absolutely sure that I will never be able to express what I’m feeling in words.

  I am immensely grateful to Daniel Gant and Sara De Michele. They taught me to believe in dreams and to recognise them when they finally come true. They allowed me to write a truly romantic love story that was maybe a little old fashioned, but nevertheless sincere. They felt so real to me, with all their problems, feelings and insecurities.

  Right now my heart is full of emotions and fears: All I Want is You is the first novel I have written in two years. From my perspective, it’s a sort of testbed, while for readers it is going to be a vote of trust.

  I’m grateful to Newton Compton and to Alessandra Penna, who gave my characters – and me – another chance.

  I had never hoped that my work would be so lucky and that people would love it so much. After Stuck on You, I received a lot of kind comments from readers. All the compliments and empathy I got made me feel truly loved, and I will never forget it.

  Another thing that I could never forget is that I was never alone while I had this beautiful adventure: my husband and my young daughter were always by my side, supporting me with their love at every step. You two have been my strength.

  I want to especially thank my family and my friends, who have always helped me and believed that I coul
d do what I did. It was really important for me.

  And now a few special thanks…

  Amabile Giusti, you are the best Beta ever. Thank you for always being willing to patiently and enthusiastically read whatever I write. What would I do without you, my friend?

  Angela C. Ryan, Elena Mattiussi, and Germana Riccitelli: you are special people. You’ve been by my side since the very beginning, and your support was fundamental for this novice author. Please never abandon me.

  Bianca Marconero: you are my wise, precious and irreplaceable Mickey.

  Alessandra Paoloni: is there anything funnier than sending each other WhatsApp voice messages?

  Thanks to all the bloggers who have believed in me since the very beginning, when I first decided to self-publish my books. I am grateful that you decided to take this incredible journey with me. You know who you are: I adore you all.

  Thanks to everyone who attended my presentations, and who was patient enough to listen to me talking nonsense.

  And thank you again, reader, because you’re still walking and dreaming with me. I hope I will never let you down.

  About Patricia Mar

  PATRICIA MAR was born in Ravenna. Her great passions have always been writing and reading. She never leaves home without a book in her handbag. Stuck On You, originally self-published, has been a bestseller in Italy.

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