by Erin Trejo
“Come here, Nessa,” I say, she crosses her arms over her chest but she lets me pull her up against me.
“I’ll do everything I can to get him back. I just don’t know what that means for us. Are you leavin’ me?” I ask the obvious question. Nessa smiles a soft smile as I brace for it. I know it’s coming.
“I’m not leaving you, Ghost. I’m not leaving until you tell me to. We will make it work. You, me, and Melanie. I just need to know that you don’t still love her. I can’t be in the middle of that.” My lips crush in to hers. Before I can stop myself, I’m sliding her jeans to the floor. Our kiss intensifies. Nessa is breathless but taking everything I have left in me. Releasing her lips, I pull back to yank her shirt over her head. She smiles at me. I rip my clothes off in no time, pushing her slowly back toward the bed.
“I’m gonna lick every piece of you.”
I know what she wants to hear and I plan on saying it, I just need her right now. Nessa has been the only thing grounding me these days, and I need to feel that.
Laying her on the bed, I drop between her thighs. I lash at her clit with such force as soon as I lean my head down. Nessa arches her back, shoving her sweet little pussy into my mouth. Running my hands over her thighs, I bring them up to spread her open for me. When I pull back and look at her body, I’m lost in her.
“Do you know how beautiful you are, Nessa?” Dipping my head, I slide my tongue into her waiting wetness.
Nessa moans as I lick and suck at her pussy. She tastes a million times better now that I know she’s pregnant. I don’t know why it makes a difference, but to me it does. Maybe it’s knowing that I put a little life inside of her. Or that she’s mine now, but it’s something. Nessa’s fingers find their way into my hair, tugging me closer to her. I give her what she wants. I lick that sweet juice from her body. When my face is covered by everything she’s giving me, I pull back. Pressing kisses to the insides of her thighs, I slowly make my way up. Kissing her stomach, I smile up at her. Her grin is plastered to her face, so sweet and innocent.
“Are you going to climb up here and fuck me or what?” I can’t help but chuckle.
“Demandin’ are we?” Nessa grabs my shoulders, yanking me down on top of her.
She reaches down and grabs my dick, placing it at her entrance.
“Fuck me, Ghost. I need to feel you.” Her hands wrap around my ass, her nails digging in. I shove into her roughly, giving her exactly what she wanted. Lifting her leg over my shoulder, I plunge deeper inside of her.
“You feel so good around me, Nessa.” The harder I thrust, the tighter she clenches. If the world exploded right now, I’d die a happy man. Rolling my hips, Nessa moans loudly.
“God, yes, Ghost. Right there.” Chuckling, I don’t stop the motions. I know I’m hitting that sweet spot inside of her. The way she tugs at me, the way she holds me, I want to stay in her forever. I never want to let this feeling go. Nessa cums just like I knew she would. We lay there, each other worn out from the orgasms that tore through us.
“I don’t love her anymore,” Whispering the words near her ear, she sighs. I knew that was something that she needed to hear and it actually felt good to say it. I needed to get that out. I needed to make her understand that I don’t love her anymore.
***
“What the fuck do you mean she’s gone?” I roar before grabbing Roc by the front of his shirt. He just shrugs.
“Aria went to check on her and all she found was this.” Roc passes me an envelope with my name scribbled on the front.
I don’t know what the hell all this means. Why would she just take off like that? I rip the envelope open to find a letter.
Ghost,
I’m sorry I left you. I thought it was for the best. I never wanted to keep Jordan from you. I know what will happen to me when I go back. I’ll get what comes to me, but you can’t let them have Jordan. If it’s the last thing you do, save your son.
Please forgive me, Mel.
I crumble the letter in my hand. She’s gone, and this time, there is no coming back. My nerves are firing off. I throw the letter at the wall before Roc steps up next to me.
Roc asks, “Everything ok?” Shaking my head, I know I need to tell the guys what Melanie said. I need to fill them in and decide what to do about Jordan.
“We need a meetin’,” I say, and Roc nods before turning on his heel to go get the rest of the guys. I make my way down to the room we hold our meetings in when Aria stops me.
“Hey, Ghost. Melanie told me.” Looking over at her, I don’t get it. What did she tell her?
“Told you, what?” Aria smiles sadly before grabbing my hand.
“She said that you had a son. She said that she was never coming back after she left.” My eyes drop to Aria’s.
“Yeah, that’s why I was callin’ this meetin’. I need to see what to do next. Her dad isn’t a good man, Aria. He’s ruthless.” She never let’s go of my hand. She only squeezes it tighter.
“So are we. Get your son back.” Leaning down, I press a kiss to Aria’s cheek.
“I don’t know how I’ll handle two babies around here, Aria.” It’s not a joke. I’m being serious. I was scared to death to have one, but now I have two.
“We’re all here to help, Ghost. Never worry about that.” Nodding, I walk away from her when she finally releases my hand. Stepping into the office, my mind shifts. It turns to killer mode. It turns to the mode that I need to be in.
I will get my son back—no matter what it takes.
Chapter 13
The guys filter in and my heart slams in my chest. I will do this solo if I need to. I just hope that I don’t have to. Dragon settles everyone down before taking his seat. “Alright, shut the fuck up. We all know Melanie came and left again. The shit you didn’t know, Ghost is about to fill you in.”
“Like Dragon said, Mel came and left. What she said to me shocked the fuck out of me,” I say. I glance around at my family. At the end of the day, they are my family.
“I have a son. Melanie’s dad took him away from her. He needed an heir to his fucked-up empire. When he found out Mel was havin’ a boy, he knew what he had. Mel’s as good as dead from what she said. I was initially gonna ask you to help protect her, until she bolted this mornin’.” My head bows, I can hear the gasps around the table.
Devil’s on his feet when I look up. “We get your boy back. That’s not even up for vote, brother. Fuck that shit, he’s yours. We go in, we get him out.” Devil drags me into a hug when the guys all start hollering.
“I didn’t want to ask you guys to do this. We all know the chances we take goin’ out on even the simplest of runs. This is far more than that.” The guys shove out of their chairs, looking me in the eye.
“We find a way to move in on them. That boy is family. We protect family. I know a few guys. I can get in easier than the others. Let me infiltrate their organization.” Roc speaks his peace, coming to stand next to us.
Shaking my head, that was not the plan. No way am I letting him go in there.
“Fuck that, Roc. No fuckin’ way in hell. That’s too fuckin’ dangerous.” Roc huffs. He walks past me before grabbing his beer.
“No, it’s not. I know some of the guys over there. I had no fuckin’ clue they were in the same shit until recently. I made a few calls when Aria told me about Mel.”
“I won’t let you get hurt, brother.” I say in a low tone. Roc throws his beer at the wall, completely pissed off.
“You don’t tell me shit, Ghost! You’re my fuckin’ family. That boy of yours—he’s family. I’ll be damned if one motherfucker puts claim to that.” His eyes are on fire. I can see the rage deep inside of him wanting to explode.
“We do this, Ghost. Roc’s right. We’re family. He’s family.” Dragon pulls my attention back to him. I nod.
“Ok. We go to get him.”
It’s not going to be as easy as I thought it would be. I knew getting in with them was going to take time. Roc’s
been using his connections to see what we can find out, but things have shifted within that organization.
“There’s another crew tryin’ to take Vernon down. They want his share of the drug trade. I always knew they ran coke, but recently they have started dabblin’ in meth.” Dragon says. I watch Dragon’s eyes as he looks at his hands.
“Meanin’ what, Dragon?” He swallows hard before pulling his eyes back to me.
“Meanin’ they are workin’ with Columbians. You know they get heated. You know they don’t fight fair. We need to plan this shit out to the final seconds, Ghost. One false move—” He doesn’t finish. He shakes his head.
“We’re all fucked. One false move, and we’re all fucked.” I say the words that he doesn’t want to. I knew shit was going to be difficult but this is going way beyond that.
I run my hand through my hair, wondering. Wondering if my kid is even any better being here with me. Maybe, he’s safer there.
Shaking that thought away quickly, I know it’s a bullshit move. He’s mine, and I am the one that needs to protect him.
“Do we have any pull with the Columbians?” Asking him the next obvious question, Dragon tilts his head back.
“There might be a few I can get with. I don’t know how helpful they will be. Fuck, it’s worth a try.” Dragon shoves out of his chair and leaves the room. He leaves me to my own demons. My own regret. My own hatred. My head drops forward, my hands clenching in my lap. I ruined a lot of things. I ruined Melanie. The thought that she hid a child from me though, that eats away at everything inside of me. How could she do that? How could she take something as precious as a life away from me?
“You know everything’s going to be ok, Ghost.” I feel the warmth of her hands on my shoulders.
“Is it? How many more lives can I fuck up, Nessa?” She throws her leg over mine, slowly straddling me.
“You haven’t fucked up anyone’s life, Ghost. You’ve made lives’. Two of them. Three, including me. You need to stay positive now.”
***
Could she be right? Have I not fucked up anyone’s life? I know I did Mel’s. There is no denying that.
She’s as good as dead because of me.
“She’s gonna die, Nessa,” I say, as the reality slams into me. Nessa’s hands come up to my cheeks. She caresses them softly while looking in my eyes.
“She made her choices, Ghost. You did the best you could for her. She chose to leave and not let you protect her.” How can she act like this is ok? How can she sit here, and not even be the least bit pissed that Melanie was here?
“Tell me somethin’, Nessa. You’re so calm right now. She was here. You could have doubted me.” Her smile is sincere.
“You’re right, I could have. I could have gone on a rant and been a bitch but you know what? You mean more to me than that. I don’t want to push you away.” She says softly. How can one person be so caring?
“What about Jordan? If we get him back. What do I do with that? I have you and this.” I say as my fingers splay over her stomach.
“It’s not an if we get him, it’s when. And when we get him, we take care of him. We love him.” My eyes jerk to hers. There’s a tear in the corner of her eyes when she looks at me.
“We?” My stomach trembles at the sound of that.
“Yes, we. Until you say you don’t want me, I’m here, Ghost. I’m not going anywhere. If we can get Melanie back, she can be the mother he deserves.” So, optimistic. Look at her, so perfect.
“And if we can’t get her back? If what she said was true?” I ask, needing to know. Nessa wipes the tears that have slowly fallen down her cheeks.
“Then I will help you. I will love him like my own. We can handle this, Ghost.” Her words gut me for more than one reason. The thought of Melanie not being there to help raise her own child hurts. It hurts deeply, but the realization of what I have sitting in front of me, I’m in awe. Nessa is willing to take on the role of mother for a child that isn’t even hers, while she’s pregnant with her own.
“Why, Nessa? Why would you do that?” My own tears choke me. The sobs clog my throat.
“Because he’s yours, Ghost. He’s a little tiny being that you made. He’s a part of you, and I want as much of you as I can get. Don’t you see that?” Pressing her lips to mine, I’m lost. This selfless person cares enough about me, that she would take on another women’s child for me.
How the hell did I get this lucky?
Chapter 14
“I’m goin’ in there today, Ghost. One of my boys is on his security team. He doesn’t know shit, just that I need a job.” Roc wiggles his eyebrows while smiling at me. I don’t like this shit. Not even a little. There’s too much at stake here. If Roc gets called out, he’s as good as dead. Aria knows it too. I can see the look on her face and it’s breaking me.
“Fuck!” Roaring, I slam my hands down on the table in front of me. Everyone looks over but they don’t understand.
“Calm down, Ghost.” Dragon grinds the words between his teeth. I know I’m not helping the situation at all but this is all on me. Everything that happens when Roc walks out that door—is on me.
“Calm? You want me to be calm when I’m about to let my boy walk into shit he might not walk out of?” The yells that rip from my throat scare the girls. I saw them all jump and I don’t care. It’s the truth.
“Let me, huh? You don’t control me, Ghost. That boy is family. You caught my ass that first day, robbin’ a goddamn liquor store. You kept my head straight. You gave me a fuckin’ home, man! I’m gettin’ my nephew back! I don’t give a shit if I die in the process. That boy deserves to be with his family!” The look in Roc’s eyes is deadly. Any normal person wouldn’t challenge him.
“You’re my family too, Roc.” Gritting my teeth, I will not lose him. I will not lose him or any of them for that matter.
“So, you’d rather lose your son? You’d rather let that motherfucker kill your ex girl, and keep your kid for his own sick reasons?” Roc hollers. I drop back into the chair, letting that sink in. Of course, I don’t want that. I wouldn’t want that for anyone.
“I don’t want to lose my brother, either. Don’t you get that? You’ve been by my side for a long fuckin’ time, Roc.” Roc finishes zipping his sweatshirt before moving toward me.
“You won’t lose me. You can’t get rid of me that easily, Ghost. Come on, man. Who the fuck is gonna be a better uncle than me?” The smile on his face is one of want. He wants this. He wants to be an uncle.
“No one, Roc. There won’t be a better uncle than you.” Holding his hand out to me, I grab it.
Roc yanks me from the chair and into a hug.
“I got this. Let me do this.”
Nodding, I hate this idea. I hate that he’s going in there alone. If we were moving in as group, I wouldn’t feel so bad.
Roc gives me a quick nod before leaning down and kissing Aria.
I see the look in her eyes. She’s scared shitless that her man isn’t coming home. I can’t say that her fear is warranted either.
Walking around the clubhouse with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth, I contemplate my life. So much has changed in such a short amount of time. The world spins, and I’m going with it. Nessa has been a godsend. She’s everything I could want in a person, and now she walks around carrying another person. Life is crazy. One drunken night has changed so much for me. Having a baby scared the hell out of me when Nessa told me, but finding out that I have another son? That was mind-blowing. I never thought I’d want a child. I never thought I’d want a family after what happened to mine. The raw reality is that I find myself wondering what my kids will be like when they grow up. Will they be happy? Will they be like me?
Will they have my attitude, or their moms?
It never fails to pull at me but when I think of a future, I don’t see myself being a good father. I’m not a good person, that much is clear.
“Where’d you disappear to?” Glancing over at Devil, I shr
ug.
“I’m Ghost. I just go,” Devil chuckles, leaning against the wall next to me.
“What are you thinkin’, Ghost?” He asks. Blowing out a ring of smoke, I look at him.
“I don’t know how to be a dad, Devil. I’ve never had one. Mine was a fuckin’ coward.” Devil nods as though he understands.
“We’ve all had a shitty upbringin’, Ghost. That doesn’t make us them. You can be a better father because you know how it feels to not have that. Be what he wasn’t. Love those kids. Make them realize that you’re a good man, because you are, Ghost. You’re a good man.” I watch Devil walk away, letting his words loom inside of me. I don’t know how good of a man I am. I fucked up with Melanie. Wasn’t that bad enough?
I close my eyes, letting everything shift through me. The way I feel, the way I don’t feel. There is so much fear inside of me. That’s new to me, too. I don’t fear a lot of things but failing my kids–failing Nessa–that’s a huge fear. I grab my beer off the small table and head back inside. Taking a long pull, I need to get my head straight.
“Roc just called. He said it’s good news.” Dragon smiles, as my heart falls. I don’t know what kind of good news he’s talking about.
***
“Come sit with me, Ghost.” Nessa tugs my hand as I pace the front lobby. My nerves are firing off. Being near anyone isn’t working out so well for me. I’m on edge. With a quick nod, I follow her to the couch. I sit down first, pulling her into my lap.
“How’s the baby?” I ask, dragging my fingers over her stomach, she smiles up at me.
“Not making me barf, so I guess that’s a good thing.” She giggles slightly. I smile but my smile doesn’t meet my eyes.
“That’s always a good thing. I don’t have to smell ralph breath all night.” Nessa pokes her finger in my chest, laughing.
“I love you, Ghost. I know you don’t love me but I need you to know that, I do love you. You’ve meant a lot to me in this short time.” I wished I could say it back. I wish I could tell her I love her, but I can’t.