by Erin Trejo
“How old were you?” She wipes at her cheeks before I look down.
“Seven. My dad told me to run to the neighbors and call the police. I heard the shot when I got out the front door.” I hadn’t noticed, but tears now fall down my cheeks, too. It still hurts. It still haunts me. Nessa grabs my shoulders, pulling me into her.
“I’m so sorry, Ghost. You’re the strongest person I know, to overcome that,” She says sweetly. I know her words are meant to comfort me, but they don’t. I’m not strong, I turned to crime.
“I’m not, though. Can’t you see that? I turned to this—I’ve become the killer.” Her fingers travel up to my cheeks, caressing them softly.
“You became what the world made you. There is no shame in that. I care about you just the way you are.” She says. Pulling my head up from her chest, I look her in the eyes.
“I can’t say that I love you, Nessa. I don’t know you. I want to, though. I want this.” My fingers roam to her stomach, caressing it gently.
“You don’t have to do it, Ghost. I know you have a life here.” My fingers don’t stop moving, though. Telling her about my family took more out of me than I thought it would. It hurt, physically.
“I told you this because I want this, Nessa. I may have been lost for a while but I think this is somethin’ good for me.” Nessa smiles before I lean up, pressing my lips to hers. Jerking back, I look at her in fake shock.
“That hurt! Did you just bite my lip?” I ask her with a grin. Nessa laughs before grabbing my hair.
“Don’t be such a baby.”
“I am a baby.” I say with a whine. Tugging at her shirt, I figure I might as well play along.
“Now feed me.” Grabbing her nipple, Nessa laughs the most beautiful laugh I’ve ever heard.
Chapter 10
They say everything happens for a reason, and lately, I’ve been thinking that may be true. Nessa has brought out a new side of me. One I never knew I wanted. I do now, I want it. I want her, and I want that baby.
“This is stupid, Ghost!” When she does this little rant of hers and stomps around the room, it does nothing but make my dick hard.
“I don’t give a shit. I said no.” Crossing my arms over my chest, I lean against the wall as she stomps a little more.
“Devil, please tell him this is stupid!” She says throwing a fit. I glance over at him and I already know he’s on my side.
“I don’t think he’d listen to me.” Devil says. The smile on his face pisses her off more.
“Aria! Angel! Come on!” The girls laugh before pulling Nessa into a hug.
“I agree. I don’t think you should work. It’s not your place.” Dragon says to my surprise. Of all the people to speak up, I didn’t expect it to be Dragon.
I laugh out loud, turning to look at him.
“See that! He’s a man!” Pointing at Dragon, we all laugh. It’s about time someone agrees with me.
“I need to work, Ghost. I have bills to pay.” Shaking my head, I don’t think she understands me. Stalking toward her, I wrap my hands around her waist, pulling her against my body. God, I love feeling her there.
“I told you, I got this. You, are mine. This, is mine.” My hand rests over her stomach, making her smile.
“I can’t pay rent without a job.” Licking her bottom lip, she moans slightly.
“Rent’s free when you’re here in my bed.” Sucking on her chin, I move to her neck. Nibbling and kissing, I can feel her body tremble.
“I can’t stay here.” She’s so breathless I can barely stand it.
“Oh, but you can. Now shut up and kiss me.” Biting on her neck softly, Nessa pulls back. She presses her lips to mine, sucking my bottom lip into her mouth.
“Mmmm.” I can’t stop the moan that falls from my lips. She is turning me on in ways that I never knew were possible.
“Get a room!” Devil yells. Grinning against Nessa, I plan on it.
“Is that a yes?” Her eyes meet mine. So much unsureness settles in them.
“Everything will work out, Nessa. I promise.”
She’s so unsure of me, of everything. I can’t say that I blame her either. Everything happens for a reason, and I feel like Nessa is something that was bound to make me better.
***
Time travels by slowly. Each day brings me closer to being a dad. Some days, that scares the hell out of me, others, I can’t wait. Either way, there is a part of me that’s afraid to ruin a child’s life. I don’t want my kid to be messed up the way most of us are. Dragon drops onto the couch next to me. “Wanna talk about it?”
“I’m just scared, Dragon. I’m scared my kid will end up like us. We’re all fucked up in some way and I don’t want that shit for anyone.” Dragon nods, looking down at his hands.
“I get that, brother. None of our lives were ideal. Hell, even now we’re as fucked up as ever, but you know what you got?” Glancing over at him, I shrug.
“You have a good heart. You have a great head on your shoulders. As fucked up as we all are, we’re good together. We make sense. You have all of us, Ghost. If there’s one thing I’ve been thinkin’ about, it’s changin’ this club for the better.” I didn’t know he was thinking about that.
“What do you mean?” Dragon leans back, resting his head on the couch.
“If my past has taught me anything, man. It’s that we need to be better. We need to make better choices and try to filter some legit shit in here. Think about it. We’re gettin’ older. What the fuck do we have to leave to future Fire’s?” Nodding, it does make sense.
If there’s anything I’ve learned about living this life, it’s that I want my kids to grow up and have people that care about them, the way I do.
“You have plans for that?” Dragon smiles, pulling a cigarette out and lighting it up.
“I’ve been makin’ a few moves. Gettin’ some calls out there. There’s a few things that I will bring up in church later. I think it’ll be a good move for us if the money part plays out right.” I can’t stop the smile that crosses my face when I look at him.
Dragon’s one hell of a leader. He always has been. If anyone can make shit happen, it’s him. We sit in silence when the front doors fly open. A woman stumbles in, completely fucked out of her mind. Dragon and I share a glance before we both stand, chuckling. It’s not until I realize who it is, that I freeze.
“Ghost, Nessa’s looking for you.” Aria’s voice fades as she stops to look at the girl lying in the floor.
“Who is that?” Aria says as she points. Dragon and I look at her and shrug. Taking the lead, I reach down and roll the girl over.
“Melanie.”
I stand there stunned. How is she here? Why is she here, and what the hell happened to her?
“What the fuck?” Dragon stands over her, glaring down the same way that I am.
“What the hell is she doin’ here?” I ask. Glancing up at Dragon, I shrug and shake my head.
“Are you two idiots going to stand there, or are you going to help her!” Aria’s on her knees next to Melanie, brushing her hair away from her face. She’s bruised and bloody. She’s obviously been beaten at some point. More than once by the looks of it.
“I’ll call Doc,” Dragon says. Nodding to him, I kneel down next to Melanie.
“Mel? Can you hear me?” My hand comes to her cheek. My heart stumbles in my chest. I don’t know what to do here.
“She’s breathing,” Aria says. I don’t look over at her though, I can’t.
“Mel, sweetheart. Can you hear me?” Melanie tries to move when I stop her.
“No, don’t move, darlin’. We don’t know what’s hurt. Everything’s ok. I’m here.” Saying the words, I hear the gasp. Looking up, my eyes lock with Nessa’s. Tears falling down her cheeks. Melanie’s hand grips mine. I look between the two of them lost. The girl that’s mine now, and the girl that’s my past. The two worlds collide in my chest and I almost pass out.
“Ghost?” Melanie’s whisper
s pull my attention back to her.
“I’m here.” I see Nessa turn and run, out of the corner of my eye. I can’t look up at her, though. I can’t see the pain that I’m causing in her eyes. Dragon stalks over. “Doc’s on his way. Let’s get her to a room.” Lifting her in his arms, her hand never let’s go of mine. So many feelings are tearing through me. I’m torn as to what to do. Do I go with Mel, or go to Nessa? How can they both be here now? How is Melanie back, and what the hell happened to her?
“Lay her down,” Angel says standing next to the bed with a wet rag.
“Ghost.” My name falls from her lips once more.
Chapter 11
This is bad. This is beyond bad. Pacing the hallway while the Doc is in with her, my mind races. I don’t know how to control it or what to make of the things hovering around inside of it either. My heart slams in my chest. Tugging at my hair, I wander. How did she get here? There was no car out front when Trick went to run a perimeter check. There are no signs of anyone being out here. How the hell did she get here! Dragon pulls the door closed behind him as he talks to me. “She’s stable. Doc said whoever it was, beat her up pretty bad. She’s awake, though.”
“Did she say anything?” I ask. Shaking his head, he looks at me.
“Just wants to talk to you.”
“You think that’s a good idea?” I ask. Dragon laughs before leaning against the wall.
“I didn’t say to run in there and fuck her. Talkin’ ain’t shit, Ghost.” He’s right. I’m getting worked up over nothing. She’s here because she needed help. She called, because she needed help. And I didn’t help her. I hung up on her. I told her to stay away. I told her not to come near me or call.
“Fuck!” Slamming my fist into the wall, I don’t know what to do.
“Calm the fuck down, man. Just see what the hell’s goin’ on and we go from there.” Nodding once, I reach for the door when the Doc comes out.
“She’s been beaten badly. She won’t say who did it to her. I left pain medicine. She wouldn’t take it.” Dragon follows the doctor down the hallway talking when I reach for the handle. My nerves are on high alert. My stomach churns within me. It’s been two long years since I’ve seen her. And yet, here she is. Lying on that bed looking like hell.
“Hey.” That’s all I can say. I don’t know what to say to her. Her head turns slowly, her half-swollen eyes coming to meet mine.
“Ghost.” Just hearing her say my name sends shudders throughout me. I can’t do this, though. I scrub my hand over my face, moving closer to the bed.
“Who did this to you, Mel?” She closes her eyes, taking a deep breath.
“My dad. I tried to call you, you didn’t want to hear anything I had to say. I can’t blame you. I was a bitch.” Fuck, I don’t want to do this.
“Just rest, Mel. We’ll figure it out.” I see her shake her head before she opens her eyes again.
“No. You have to go after him, Ghost. You have to get Jordan and raise him. I fucked up. I did things I shouldn’t have, and I will take that responsibility. You can’t let them warp Jordan. Please, Ghost.” I don’t know what the hell she’s talking about. I wonder how hard she hit her head?
“Melanie, I don’t know what you want me to do but I have a life now.” Shoving herself up, she stares at me.
“I left you because I was pregnant, Ghost. We have a son. Jordan, is your son. My father took him away from me when I threatened to end his little reign.”
It feels as though someone plunged a knife straight into my stomach and with every word that leaves her mouth, it twists.
It’s cutting me so deeply.
I nearly fall to the floor when the words leave her mouth. It’s sucking the life right out of me.
“You’re lyin’,” I say. Melanie moves, reaching into her pocket. She pulls a small photo out, holding it out to me.
When I look down, I almost cry. She’s not lying. That’s my son. He looks just like me.
“You kept him from me? Why?” I ask, feeling slightly pissed. Looking at the photo, I refuse to look up at her.
“I didn’t want him to grow up like this. I didn’t want him to be in the middle of any wars. That’s what he got, though. He got stuck in the middle of my father’s war. He never wanted a daughter, he needed a son. One to take over for him. You can’t let him have Jordan, Ghost. You can’t.” She talks as if I’m his only parent. What about her? Why didn’t she protect him?
“I see the look in your eyes, Ghost. There was nothing I could do. I tried, and this is what I got.” Looking up at her, I can’t believe it. I can’t believe her father did that to her.
“You guys were always so close, Mel. Why would he do that to you?” I watch her face now. I watch for any sign that she may be lying to me. I will kill her myself if she’s lying to me right now.
“I made you think we were close. We weren’t. My mom left him a year ago—he blamed me for it. He made everything that happened, my fault. I tried to leave, I thought running away with Jordan would be the best for everyone.” That pisses me off. How could she do that to me?
“After all that time we were together, you thought keepin’ my son from me was a good idea?” My voice rises. How could it not? She lied to me for years!
“It wasn’t like that, Ghost.” I begin to pace the room once again. She’s a liar. She took my child away from me like it was nothing.
“You lied! Our whole fuckin’ relationship was a lie! How the fuck could you do that to me?” Forcing myself to look at her, she doesn’t cry or flinch. Cold hearted bitch.
“I did what I had to do to live. You wouldn’t understand.” Shaking my head, that’s the biggest load of shit.
“I wouldn’t understand? I live in this cynical fucked up world, Melanie! What the hell is wrong with you!” Her eyes slowly fill with tears before she blinks them back.
“I won’t be in your way, Ghost. Just get your son.”
***
As I tug at my hair, my mind wanders. I don’t even realize that I’m standing in front of my room. Opening the door, my stomach churns. My heart hurts but when I see Nessa standing by the bed, it drops to my feet.
“What are you doin’?” I ask. My voice shakes as I watch her pack a bag.
“You don’t need me here. You need to handle your problems,” She says, and my head bows forward. She wants to leave me. She wants to take my baby too, just like Melanie. I can’t let that happen. I can’t. No, fuck that, I won’t let her take my baby.
“You aren’t leavin’ here,” My voice sounds firm. Nessa turns to look at me, knowing I’ve never taken this tone with her.
“Don’t talk to me like I’m some club whore.” Is that what I’m doing? I take a step toward her, she backs up a step.
“You aren’t takin’ my baby anywhere.” I won’t lose another child because of some woman.
“Don’t you dare tell me what to do, Ghost! Your whore of a girlfriend is right down the hall!” She snaps. I move swiftly. I have Nessa pinned by the shoulders against the wall in no time. She didn’t even see me coming.
“She took what belonged to me! She fuckin’ stole a life from me. You won’t fuckin’ do the same thing!” Screaming in her face, she studies me. She’s trying to read me. Do I let her? I can’t hurt her, and I know that’s exactly what I’m doing right now. I slowly release her shoulders, my hands falling to my sides.
“She said I had a son. She took him from me. She took my son, Nessa. I never knew I had a kid. How can someone do that?” I say, feeling like I’m lost. Her mouth hangs open before snapping it back closed.
“She took him away from you?” She asks. Nodding slowly, I feel sick. The room spins around me.
“I don’t feel so good, Nessa.” I start to take a step back but Nessa grabs a hold of me.
“I’m never going to take your baby away from you, Ghost. You have to trust that.” Dragging my eyes back up to meet hers, there’s a sadness there but I can see it in her. She wouldn’t take that away
from me.
“You won’t?” Nessa shakes her head, her hand coming up to my cheek.
“I’d never do that to you, Ghost.” A tear slides down my cheek. I rest my head against her shoulder before slowly sliding to my knees in front of her. I wrap my arms around her waist as she holds me around my head. My stomach trembles, bile rises in my throat. I’ve never felt so fucking sick in my life. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m losing myself.
“I’m sorry, Nessa. I’m so sorry.”
Chapter 12
Nessa held me for a long time. I think I needed that. She makes me feel safe and complete. I’m a fucking mess as I pull myself off the floor.
“Come here, Ghost.” Nessa climbs on the bed next me, waiting for me to come to her. I reluctantly climb on, moving toward her. She wraps her arms around me, pulling me against her body. Her fingers roam through my hair like they often do.
“Where is the baby?” She speaks to me so softly that I want to get lost to her.
“She said her dad took him away. She kept sayin’ that I need to get him and not let him have him.” I uncurl my hand–the one the picture’s been curled up in. Holding it up to Nessa, she takes it slowly.
“He’s beautiful, Ghost. He looks just like you. What’s his name?” How is she so calm? How can she just talk like it’s no big deal?
“Jordan. Why are you so calm about this? I have a fuckin’ kid, Nessa,” I say not really understanding her reaction. I hear her sigh. I know she’s about to say something.
“Because he’s a baby, Ghost. She should have never taken your son from you. You need to get him back.” My head jerks up, looking Nessa in the eyes.
“I don’t know how. That will be a war.” She quickly shoves me off her lap. She looks more pissed than I am.
“I don’t give a shit! That boy deserves to know his dad.” I can see just how mad this is making her. I agree he needs me, but how do I go about getting him back? I shove off the bed, walking toward her.