Mojo

by Jez Butterworth

POTTS. Yeah?

  BABY. Yeah. Feel… tired like when you see old people and they look tired. You know what I mean?

  POTTS. You’ll pick up. It’s the shock. (Pause.) You shouldn’t have done that.

  BABY. What?

  POTTS. Had a look. You’ll only have a bad dream now. I remember when I was four I saw this dog get ripped up by these pikeys. They had it tied up on a swing and they had these pinking shears and a rake. (Pause.) Carried that little doggie round in my head for weeks.

  BABY. Yeah. Maybe I’ll have a bad dream or something.

  Pause.

  POTTS. You should hear what Skinny was saying about you Babes.

  Pause.

  BABY. About me?

  POTTS. What?

  BABY. You just said.

  POTTS. Yeah. He was saying stuff to Mickey. About you.

  BABY. What about me?

  POTTS. How now’s the time to brush you off.

  BABY. Did he say that?

  POTTS. Fucking bad breath… He opens his mouth something uncouth plops out.

  BABY. What did he say then?

  POTTS. He saying to Mickey he reckons we should brush you off. That ‘blah blah pissing on we don’t need the Jew no more’.

  BABY. Ah… He doesn’t mean that.

  POTTS. He said it. Something like it…

  BABY. He doesn’t mean that. He only says that because he loves me.

  POTTS. Yeah? They’re up there right now. Luke and Mickey. He’s fucking got his feet nicely under the table.

  BABY. I take no notice. I know it’s just because he wants to walk like me. You all right Sid?

  POTTS. Me? Tops.

  BABY. You look white.

  POTTS. It’s the pills. I’m crampy. My stomach’s all shrunk.

  BABY. Your tummy? Does it hurt?

  POTTS. It’s like a lump of stone.

  BABY. You had a sleep?

  POTTS. What? No. I can’t.

  BABY. You should have a sleep Sid. I’ll keep watch.

  POTTS. Go and stick your head under the tap. Clear your thoughts. (Pause.) I’m fucking shitting myself Baby.

  BABY. Ah I shouldn’t worry. Mickey’s got it all under control.

  POTTS. He ain’t even got a plan. Besides, they made him God I missed it. Fucking getting cuffy with me.

  BABY. He hit you?

  POTTS. Right on my eardrum. It’s ringing.

  BABY. Mickey hit you? Did he hurt you?

  POTTS. What? Not bad. But it knocks you back you get a cuff.

  BABY. I’ll say. That’s not like him.

  Re-enter SWEETS.

  SWEETS. Here you go. Nice chilly drink.

  BABY. Thank you Sweets.

  POTTS. You run it for a bit? The nippers climb up there slash in the tank. Always run it count to six.

  BABY drinks the water.

  SWEETS. You ever seen him before?

  BABY. Who?

  SWEETS. Mr Ross.

  POTTS. Fucker’s a legend South of the River.

  SWEETS. Last year. Last year, when the Billy thing. Billy the…

  POTTS. The Billy thing.

  SWEETS. The fuckin’ Billy thing. The fucking Billy the Bass.

  POTTS. The double bass –

  SWEETS. The double Billy thing. The stand-up bass player. Getting his own –

  POTTS. Says he wants –

  SWEETS. About his own manager. Shows up one night he’s got his own manager along. He’s the bass player. What happens? Eh? I’ll tell you what happens.

  POTTS. To the manager. This is the Hyde Park –

  SWEETS. They find him lying in Hyde Park. I’ll tell you what happens. They find him lying in Hyde Park.

  POTTS. (… fuckin’…)

  SWEETS. They find him twitching in the park.

  POTTS. (… fuckin’…)

  SWEETS. They’ve woken him up driven up the Hyde, staked the fucker out and and and and and –

  POTTS. The lawn –

  SWEETS.…and drove a lawnmower over him. Over his face. Drove a lawnmower over his face.

  POTTS. Fuckin’ hell.

  SWEETS. Over his face.

  POTTS. Fuckin’ hell.

  SWEETS. Lawnmower. Over his face.

  POTTS. Fuckin’ hell.

  SWEETS. The bloke’s a vegetable.

  POTTS. He’s chopped liver.

  SWEETS. His face is chopped liver.

  POTTS. (… a pool of its former glory…)

  SWEETS. A mockery of its former self. Then they’ve had breakfast, gone round the bass player’s and they’ve cut his thumb off.

  POTTS (simultaneous with ‘cut’). Cut his fucking thumb off.

  SWEETS. Lah-di-dah – they’ve cut his fucking thumb off. Round his mum’s. In front of his mum. Him in his jimmyjams.

  POTTS. (Pyjamas.) Thereby depriving him of his livelihood.

  SWEETS. Thereby depriving him of his thumb. The livelihood speaks for itself.

  POTTS. You do that and it can speak for itself.

  SWEETS. Then exactly.

  POTTS. Good.

  BABY. I don’t know him no. But I’d like to meet him.

  POTTS. Yeah? Well it looks like you’re going to get the chance my son.

  SWEETS. I know one thing. He comes back here I’m over the roofs and in Stepney before he’s had time to get his saw out again.

  Re-enter SKINNY and MICKEY.

  POTTS. So what’s he like?

  SKINNY. What?

  POTTS. You ought to brush your teeth more.

  SKINNY. What?

  POTTS. Me? Nothing. What’s that smell?

  SKINNY. What are you talking about?

  POTTS. Mickey, can I say something. As it’s all up in the air, I’m a bit jumpy, Sweets is a bit jumpy, can we have the little councils down here in the open. Not up there with the cutlass. I mean I love you both but I’m a bit scatty with the pills and I might get the hump kill you both in your sleep. I’m not saying you’re planning nothing but my mind might be damaged. You never know.

  Pause.

  MICKEY. You all right Baby?

  BABY. I’m fine thank you Michael.

  MICKEY. You feel better?

  BABY. Sweets here got me a nice drink of water.

  SWEETS. He’s looking the part now.

  BABY. Mickey, can I have a word with you?

  MICKEY. What?

  BABY. In private.

  MICKEY. What do you want to say?

  BABY. It’s not for everyone to hear. It’s like… (Laughs.) It’s private.

  MICKEY. Baby –

  BABY. Seriously, I want a word.

  MICKEY. Anything you want to say, say it to us all.

  POTTS. Hang on. Hang on. Do I have to point out the fucking obvious here?

  SKINNY. What?

  POTTS. Giving me the what? Mickey. Come on.

  MICKEY. What’s your problem Sidney?

  POTTS. Why don’t I tell you. I get a thump in the head Skinny gets a massage upstairs.

  SWEETS. Let’s all take a step back.

  POTTS. You should hear the stuff he says when you’re not here.

  SKINNY. I do not.

  POTTS. ‘Mickey should have done this…Mickey fucked this up, Mickey knew all about the deal did nothing.’

  SKINNY. Mickey I did not.

  POTTS. He did. He said you knew all about Sam wanting the kid and you done nothing.

  SKINNY. He’s lying Mickey.

  MICKEY. Sid, relax.

  POTTS. I’m not happy Mickey. My ear’s still ringing.

  MICKEY. I’m… Listen. Relax. I’m sorry I hit you.

  POTTS. I’ve got some things I could say. I’ve got some ideas.

  MICKEY. I know.

  POTTS. I’m not happy Mickey.

  MICKEY. Just relax Sidney. Everyone knows you’re here.

  BABY. Mickey, I want to say sorry. (Pause.) Uhhh. (Pause.) All right. I think… Well. (Laughs.) I know I don’t do much to run things, in the past. And I haven’t like… Well, I’ve de
cided to buck myself up. Make improvements. Because I want to stay round here, and I think if we’re going to uhh… Well, that’s it.

  MICKEY. It’s still too early for –

  BABY. No. I’m serious. I’ve thought about it.

  MICKEY. I’m pleased.

  BABY. I know what you must think. But you know, there’s nothing like someone cutting your dad in two for clearing the mind. (Pause.) I do think that, what with my making improvements, I should be allowed to be more of a help to you Mickey. As if we were going to run things together. I mean, obviously you’re in charge, but we could like run the club together. Like I could tell people that we run it together. Do you know what I mean?

  MICKEY. I’m glad you’ve thought about it. We need you here, like I said.

  BABY. I know. And I know why and I understand. I’m happy with that. I mean, where else would I go eh? Where else would I have this much fun?

  MICKEY. Baby, I’m going to make you a deal. You don’t dance me around, you leave Skinny Luke alone, then you help out a bit more then in a week we’ll talk. That’s all I’m gonna say.

  BABY. I want to try.

  MICKEY. You do that, you leave Skinny to get on with it, we’re in business. Yes?

  BABY. Okay.

  MICKEY. You start squeezing his nuts I’ve got a problem. Because he’s a good little worker, and he’s telling me now he’s walking out of here you give him any more niggle.

  BABY. You said that.

  SKINNY. I’ve just had enough Baby. I want us to get along.

  BABY. Skinny, I’m sorry. I’m not going to squeeze your nuts any more.

  SKINNY. It’s just it really hurts. I might want kids one day.

  BABY. I’m sorry.

  MICKEY. Right. What time is it?

  POTTS. It’s sunset. Getting cooler.

  MICKEY. All right listen. Skinny, get the other mattresses. Bring in the painting covers and stuff, make some blankets and things.

  SKINNY. Right.

  MICKEY. You two, take some full beer barrels from in there, push them up against the back door.

  SWEETS. Right.

  MICKEY. Baby, give them a hand.

  BABY. Okay. Uh. Mickey.

  MICKEY. What?

  BABY. What are you going to do?

  MICKEY. I’m making a call.

  BABY. Right. I’ve had an idea.

  MICKEY. What’s the problem?

  BABY. I think maybe you should give them a hand.

  MICKEY. Sorry.

  BABY. I think you should. With the barrels.

  MICKEY. That didn’t last long then did it?

  BABY. No. No. Hang on. It’s just… What are you going to do?

  MICKEY. I told you.

  BABY. What was it again?

  MICKEY. I’m going to make a fucking telephone call.

  BABY. Who to?

  MICKEY. What do you mean ‘Who to’?

  BABY. Just who might you have to call?

  MICKEY. I’ve got to call a band.

  BABY. Which band?

  MICKEY. What do you mean what… a band that was gonna play here Tuesday lunchtime.

  BABY. Right.

  MICKEY. An oldies’ band.

  BABY. I’ll tell you what Mickey. You help them. I’ll make the call.

  MICKEY. I’m sorry?

  SKINNY. Mickey –

  MICKEY. It’s all right. What do you want to prove Baby?

  BABY. Nothing. I just think you should carry the barrels. Pushing them up against the door. It’s a good idea.

  MICKEY. You want to make a big deal out of the first fucking thing we do?

  BABY. No. No. I just think we should start like it’s all fair, and you should help with the barrels.

  MICKEY. I’ve asked you to.

  BABY. And I’ve asked you to.

  MICKEY. Have you finished being hilarious? Because if you have I’ve got a phone call to make.

  BABY. What’s the number?

  MICKEY. Fuck off.

  BABY. Tell me. Tell me the number. What’s the big deal? It’s only a phone call. Don’t you trust me to make a phone call?

  SWEETS. Baby –

  BABY. What? Mickey, listen, if Ezra asked you to carry the barrels, what would you do?

  SWEETS. Me and Sid can manage the barrels. You put your feet up.

  BABY. Mickey. You know? If Ezra asked you what would you do? Because the other day Ezra asked you to stick five thousand sequins all over here and you crawled round on your hands and knees all day. You did. I saw you.

  POTTS. Babes that ain’t going to help.

  BABY. What? I don’t see the problem.

  MICKEY. It’s all right Sid.

  SKINNY. Mickey.

  BABY. What’s the difference now? Just imagine I’m Ezra.

  Pause.

  MICKEY. All right Baby. You’re the boss. Tell me what you want me to do. Why don’t you tell us all what we’re going to do?

  Pause.

  BABY. Are you serious?

  MICKEY. I’m waiting. Tell us all your plan.

  BABY (laughs). All right. Who wants to go and find the kid?

  POTTS. Don’t fuck around Baby.

  BABY. I’m serious. Why don’t we all chip up Sam Ross’s let him know how we feel. Let him know we’re not happy and all. I reckon we ought put up a bit of a struggle. What do you reckon Sweets? All chip up at Sam Ross’s door ask for him back Sidney. (Pause.) Skinny. Fancy it? That’s not very Dunkirk of you. I bet your Uncle Tommy would be game.

  SKINNY. Baby, just do this and it will make Mickey happy.

  BABY. What?

  SKINNY. What?

  MICKEY. Go upstairs Skin.

  SKINNY. What did I say?

  MICKEY. Just go upstairs.

  SKINNY. What did I say? What… Mickey? What did I say?

  Pause.

  BABY (quietly). Kiss my pegs.

  SKINNY. Fuck off.

  BABY. Kiss my pegs.

  SKINNY. Fuck off. Mickey –

  BABY. Do it. Kiss my pegs.

  SKINNY. Two minutes. Two minutes and we’re off again.

  BABY. Kiss my pegs. Kiss my pegs.

  POTTS. Baby.

  BABY. Kiss my pegs.

  SKINNY. What did I say?

  POTTS. Kiss his pegs.

  SWEETS. Kiss his fucking pegs…

  BABY. Do it. Do it. Do it.

  MICKEY. Baby, why do you do this. Go upstairs cool off.

  BABY (to SKINNY). Fucking get rid of me you cunt…

  MICKEY. Go upstairs.

  BABY stops. He goes upstairs.

  SKINNY. That’s it. I’m off.

  MICKEY. Skinny –

  SKINNY. I’ve had it Mickey. I’m going to get hurt I stay here.

  SWEETS. Just wait down here. He’s in shock.

  SKINNY. Fuck shock. He’s a nutter.

  POTTS. It’s an act. He’s a bullcrap. Go up there, punch him in the face, he’ll turn into Little Bo Peep.

  MICKEY. Skinny. Stay down here.

  But BABY is coming back down out with the cutlass.

  POTTS. Here we go.

  SWEETS. Oh for fuck’s sake Baby. Who do you think you are?

  SKINNY. Now I’m going to get hurt. Now he’s going to kill me.

  POTTS. He’s not going to kill no one. It’s bullcrap.

  SWEETS. Don’t shame yourself up Baby. Put the sword down. Look. Just stand there. Million pounds says he doesn’t.

  SKINNY. Sorry but that’s not enough.

  POTTS. We can do this again or we shift the barrels. That bolt won’t hold.

  BABY. Kiss my pegs.

  SKINNY. All right. I’ll do it.

  POTTS. No you won’t.

  BABY. Do it.

  POTTS. Tell him to fuck off.

  SKINNY. Fuck off. I’ll do it.

  MICKEY. Baby. Get out.

  BABY. I’m sorry?

  Pause.

  MICKEY. I’m sorry for you, but I don’t want you around here any more.

  Pau
se. BABY is taken aback. He laughs.

  BABY. That’s not very nice.

  MICKEY. Just go.

  BABY. I see.

  MICKEY. I hope you do. I hope you do. I’m sorry, but I want you to leave.

  Pause.

  BABY. Now?

  MICKEY. Yes. Now.

  BABY. Right now. This second.

  MICKEY. Yes.

  Pause.

  BABY. Uh, Mickey.

  MICKEY. I’m not listening to you Baby. You’ve fucked around here for too long. I’m sorry.

  BABY. I’ve always liked you Mickey…

  MICKEY. Leave.

  Pause.

  BABY. Oh. Mickey. You’ve… You’re so… You’re a very decisive person aren’t you. I mean, you’ve always been a bit of a dark one, a bit of a Mrs Mopp for my dad and now… Well, you’re showing qualities aren’t you. You surprise me.

  MICKEY. I’m sorry. I’m not going to ask you again.

  Pause.

  BABY. Mickey. (Pause.) Watch what you say to me.

  MICKEY. I don’t think I have to. I don’t think any of us do.

  BABY. This is my dad’s place. And there’s… I’m his son. There must be deeds, and it passes on to me.

  MICKEY. There’s no deeds. You’d ever opened a drawer here you might know that.

  BABY (quietly). Well.

  Pause.

  Be-bop-a-lula she’s my baby, be-bop-a-lula I don’t mean maybe…

  Pause.

  Be-bop-a-lula, she-hee-hee’s my babuh, mah babuh. Mah Babah.

  Very long pause. On and on. BABY stands around. He lifts the cutlass and holds it over MICKEY.

  MICKEY. Go on. Do it. Do it!

  BABY stands there. In the end he lowers the cutlass.

  Now fuck off. And don’t come back.

  BABY stands there. He leaves. Pause.

  SWEETS. Jesus.

  POTTS. Mickey –

  MICKEY. Put the barrels against the back door.

  SWEETS. What? Right. Come on Sid.

  Exit SWEETS and POTTS.

  SKINNY. Mickey –

  MICKEY. Skin, get the sheets.

  SKINNY. Right. Thank you Mickey.

  MICKEY. Get the sheets.

  SKINNY. It’s really got to me. I’ve been sleeping bad.

  MICKEY. Use all the ones don’t have paint on them. You can tear them up into… well, you know.

  SKINNY. Leave it to me Mickey.

  MICKEY. And check all the doors and windows. You finish that, help the others.

  SKINNY. Right. Mickey. Where are we sleeping tonight?

  MICKEY. You can sleep down here.

  SKINNY. Good. Good. I just thought we could sleep up there with… all together. I just thought it would be better if we were all together.

  MICKEY. Okay. Take the mattresses up.

  SKINNY. Is that all right?