Mountainway Chant

by M J Calabrese

  Calm yourself, Adam. Please for me, don’t make trouble. They’re just two old bastards that no one listens to anymore.

  She had steered him away toward a group of younger people at the far end of the ballroom. Ironically, that was the night he met wife #3. He wasn’t proud that when Maddie suggested they go upstairs that he’d gone willingly and the two of them had sex in a guest bedroom while his second wife, Lindsey, was searching for him. Being six months pregnant, she was tired and wanted to go home. Two days later, Lindsey miscarried and for the first time in his life, Adam felt the deep pain of grief. They had started to plan their future. Were even picking out baby names when her pregnancy ended.

  The baby had been a little boy. He had wanted a son. Even then, promising himself he wouldn’t make the same mistakes his father had. A year later Lindsey caught him with Maddie. The divorce was surprisingly amicable and three years later, Lindsey married again. Thinking back on it, it was an inevitable divorce. He blamed his grief for cheating on her, but, as with most things in his life. It was a lie. A few months later, he made the biggest mistake in his life and married Maddie.

  Adam shook himself from his melancholy revelry. He looked at the letter in his hands, then he rubbed the pages between his fingers, noting there were only two more pages to read.

  Jonathon put Richard through law school. I am the first to admit, my son was ambitious, but he was also greedy, petty and vengeful. Richard met and married your mother, Avril Devereaux. He knew it would piss Jonathon off that he’d chosen a French stewardess instead of a handpicked society wife. She wasn’t a woman of breeding with family connections. Your mother made it very clear she wanted a man with money. She thought Richard had it and threw a fit when she found out he was at his father’s mercy.

  I should’ve realized what was happening sooner, but I didn’t. Richard left for six months prior to taking his exams. He wanted to see the world before he finally got tied down to family and job. Avril refused to travel with him. She stayed in Albuquerque. Again, I should have been suspicious, but I wasn’t. It wasn’t until I caught your mother with Jonathon that I put it all together.

  I’m sorry to tell you this, Adam, but your mother was four and a half months pregnant with Jonathon’s child and she was beginning to show when Richard came home. He confronted his father, demanding enough money to buy into a partnership with Farnam and Reed when he passed the bar. In return, he would claim the child was his and he would raise that child as his own. I’m afraid that child was you, Adam.

  Adam wanted to stop reading. He wanted to forget everything he’d read. The pages in his hands shook, but he felt compelled to continue to the end.

  In short, Richard is not your father. He is your half-brother. The man you called your Grandfather was your father. I hated the subterfuge, but I swear I was only thinking about your future. I blackmailed my husband with the contents of the enclosed envelope. I forced him to leave every penny to me when he died and in turn, I am leaving everything of his and mine to you. It is rightfully yours for the suffering we have caused you by denying your birthright. I have witnessed your pain and this is all I can do to make it up to you.

  Richard will be furious, of course. He had planned on getting the money he doesn’t deserve. I watched how atrociously he treated you.

  Adam started to cry again, “Oh, Grammie, if you only knew what he did.” Adam pushed on.

  Michelle, is, of course, not your sister, but your niece. Richard was 25 when your Grandfather saw a way to save face in our very judgmental society. Only once, that I am aware of, did Richard physically abuse you and fortunately, it was in Jonathon’s presence. He threatened Richard, that if he ever harmed you, he would cut him off without a cent. I cry now because there are more ways to abuse a person than by raising a hand against them. Richard was careful in front of Jonathon, but he wasn’t always as careful in front of me. I tried to help you, Adam. I truly did. I can no longer carry the burden of my guilt in allowing what happened to you. I was weak and I am so, so very sorry.

  My greatest sin was loving Jonathon Coulter too much to leave him.

  Adam’s hands tighten on the fragile paper, crumpling it as all the pieces fell into place. He pushed on to read the last few lines.

  Enclosed are two birth certificates. One is correct. The one with Jonathon Coulter’s name listed as your father. The other was forged about a week later when they realized what had happened. A sleepy Avril had told the nurse filling out the forms the truth. It took Jonathon calling in numerous favors to alter the birth certificate and have Richard’s name replacing his own as your father.

  Adam stopped, blinking rapidly as he tore open the second envelope. He pulled out the two birth certificates both with the official state register’s seals. The two had, as his Grammie said, different names for his father. How his grandmother had been able to get hold of the original was a secret she took to her grave. The evidence he held in his hands was damning, but it explained so much. He picked up his Grandmother’s letter again.

  I love you, Adam. I debated for years about whether or not to tell you the truth. In the end, I couldn’t let this go. You are my step son, Adam and I love you more than my own biological child. You’ve suffered so. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, Adam. I hope this, one day, will help you find peace. I love you. Grammie.

  Adam read her words again. When he finished, he lowered his head to the table. His shoulders shook, but instead of tears, he began to laugh. At first, it was a low chuckle as he shook his head. The chuckle rose to a crescendo. His laugh grew loud, almost maniacal. He tossed back his head. Tears began streaming down his face. As the laughter slowed, he carefully folded his Grandmother’s letter, placing it back in the first envelope. He then returned the birth certificates to the second envelope.

  Numb and exhausted, Adam tossed his grandmother’s letter onto the top of his refrigerator. He couldn’t deal with anything anymore. The revelations heaped on him in the past 24 hours had drained him of what little physical and emotional energy he had left. His eyes were dry and red from lack of sleep and shedding too many tears for a relationship that probably wasn’t fixable. Seeing Eagle at Hal’s crime scene saddened him. His husband had been easier on him than at the crime scene in the desert.

  Perhaps their knockdown-drag out fight was what caused the change in Eagle’s attitude even though Adam could still feel that undercurrent of anger. It seemed unlikely that Eagle would forgive him, but he could hope. He loved Eagle more than he ever thought he could love another human being, but he knew if he was being honest with himself, he did blame Eagle to some extent for the assault he’d suffered. A lifetime of trust in Eagle had caused him to accept Kessler's ill-planned venture. It still irritated him that Eagle trusted Rick that day. That he’d followed his dick instead of his head and unfortunately this time, the result was catastrophic.

  Moving through the living room toward the bedroom, shuffling like a zombie he leaned against the doorjamb between his cramped bedroom and his kitchen debating on whether or not to go to an AA meeting or just fall asleep. The siren call of his bed proved too strong as he stumbled forward then fell onto his unmade bed. Adam closed his eyes but sleep eluded him. Oblivion taunted him. All he wanted right now was to block out all the pain and betrayal he was feeling.

  Suddenly, there was a loud knock at his door. Adam ignored it. At this moment the last thing he wanted to deal with were other peoples’ problems or, God forbid, Jehovah Witnesses. The silence that followed gave him hope that the unwelcome caller had walked away, but then he heard the sound of his front door opening. Adam frowned. He couldn’t remember if he’d locked the door or not. If it was a brazen thief or murderer with the way he felt right now, he was fine with that. One look at his apartment they’d know he had nothing to lose. He turned over onto his back, waiting for the intruder to appear.

  *****

  Eagle Woodard peeked around the corner into Adam’s darkened bedroom. The sight of Adam splayed out with
abandon on the bed sent electric pulses straight to his hardening cock. Eagle shook his head. Why did this man always affect him this way? He was here to deliver a file from Kessler and return Adam’s car keys nothing more. But his cock seemed to have different ideas.

  “Adam?”

  Adam just looked at his soon-to-be ex-husband. This was the last thing he needed was another fight with Eagle. Face schooled not to show his true irritation, he closed his eyes. “What do you want, Eagle?”

  Eagle stepped further into the room. A frown creased his face. “I brought your Jeep back.” He jiggled Adam’s car keys. “You look like shit, Adam.”

  “And I don’t feel any better than I look, unfortunately. I was up all night holding my ex-wife in my arms as she passed away. I sent you a text, by the way. I found my sponsor murdered and I just found out why Richard Coulter hates me so much. So, if you don’t mind….” Adam pointed to the manila envelope in Eagle’s hand. “I see, once again, you’re Kessler’s errand boy.”

  Adam’s words caused Eagle to bristle, but he tapped down his knee-jerk reaction. He wasn’t in the mood for another fight.

  “I didn’t read your text. I was kind of pissed at you, so I blocked you. Sorry. Which ex?” Eagle asked softly, offering the envelope to Adam.

  Adam was surprised to hear a note of sympathy and concern tint Eagle’s voice. He frowned, uncertain what to make of this so he reached out, taking the envelope from his hand then he stopped. For a few moments, he studied his friend. “Why, Eagle, you almost sound like you care.”

  Eagle stepped closer. “I do care.”

  “Number four.”

  “What?”

  “Claire, ex-wife number four.” Adam replied as he took the pages from the envelope. He didn’t expect that as he mentioned her name his eyes began to tear up. Angrily, he used the heel of his hand to brush away the evidence of his emotions. Adam wanted to blame it on exhaustion, but he knew that was only part of the reason he was on the verge of tears. From the minute she had told him the reason for her visit, his whole life changed.

  Surprisingly, Eagle sat down on the bed beside him and wrapped his arms around Adam, pulling him into his embrace. At first, Adam resisted, but the warmth of the other man, the feelings of sympathy as he crooned softly in his ear worked to make him weaken. He was too tired to fight Eagle’s attempt at empathy and it worked. He collapsed into Eagle, drawing strength from him to work through his loss.

  “God, Eagle, I’ll be honest. I love you and I hate you. Everything is all screwed up and I don’t know how to fix it. I hate not having you in my life, yet I feel like killing you. It just doesn’t make sense.”

  Adam felt a soft kiss on the side of his head, then another branded his temple. Eagle’s warm breath tickled his neck before the next kiss landed there. Adam turned his head, looking into Eagle’s eyes. There was lust and longing there in those dark chocolate eyes, but there was also sadness and loss tinged with anger. Eagle waited. Adam knew his husband sought permission to continue. With a sigh, Adam raised his hand touching his husband’s face. He drew his fingers over his cheek in a tender caress.

  They both knew what this was about and there would be no other expectations beyond this moment. They both needed closure. An expression of both love and hate. Of unspoken desires combined with a bit of anger and loneliness. Adam knew from the look in his lover’s eyes, he would try to dominate him. This was a power play on Eagle’s part. The winner would be the one to decide whether this relationship continued or ended and Adam wasn’t in the mood to play nice. There was too much at stake.

  Grabbing his lover’s denim shirt, he pulled Eagle to him. Lips parted. Teeth gnashing. As Adam nipped Eagle’s lower lip with his teeth, but was careful not to break the skin. Claire’s words lay at the forefront of his mind. Breath quickening, they fought with the buttons, fabric and leather belts until both men lay naked, tangled in a mess of arms and legs.

  Adam knew what he wanted. He knew what he needed to do. The pain and feelings of betrayal he’d carried for so long poured into their lovemaking. Adam rolled Eagle onto his back then quickly climbed up to straddle his chest, trapping his arms over his head. Adam’s hard cock poised for an instant against Eagle’s lips.

  “Suck me.” He growled. His command demanded compliance. Eagle’s eyes widened, uncertain as to how he had ended up in this submissive position. When he opened his mouth to speak. That was when Adam took the opportunity to lean in and let his cock fill the space. He rocked forward and back, but it was quickly obvious that the angle was wrong and there was only one way to fix it.

  “Grab the headboard with both hands, now! If you let go, this ends! Do you understand?”

  Eagle nodded and grabbed the cool, metal rail. Something clicked in his mind. He wanted this. He wanted to release control. Placing one hand beneath his lover’s head and the other on the bed rail to brace his weight, Adam corrected the angle. He plunged deep, feeling Eagle gag. “Stick your tongue forward, Tonto, then swallow when you feel me push in. You know how to do it.” He instructed and with the next thrust Eagle’s throat opened allowing the glans of his penis to pass. He felt Eagle’s teeth just scraping the root of his dick. The pain spurring him on.

  Again, and again, he thrust forward as he cooed filthy platitudes in Eagle’s ear. His single testicle bounced against his lover’s chin making him moan with pleasure as Eagle greedily sucked his cock.

  “Yes. You can do this, bitch. Take it all. God, yes…, suck!” Adam knew his lover’s kinks. Eagle loved it when Adam spoke this way to him. He swallowed despite Adam’s punishing pace and felt his cock harden with each stroke and word. Even Eagle knew this was what they needed. A cleansing. An absolution of sin. An ending of hostilities so a new beginning might happen.

  He could feel his impending orgasm building. The desire and anger Adam felt tried to seduce him into dragging Eagle Woodard into his own personal nightmare. As he laid with Claire in his arms, he’d asked himself the question of who would be there for him when it was his turn to die. For a moment, as he looked down at his lover, he considered condemning him. Tying them together with the disease he knew in his heart he had.

  It would be so simple. Come in his mouth then lean down for a rough kiss, splitting his lower lip and voilà the deed was done. Or better yet, pull out of his lover’s mouth, grab Eagle’s legs, forcing them up and back before brutally plunging into his tender ass, tearing him, coming in him. It would have the same result.

  Adam looked down into Eagle’s chocolate brown eyes. Eyes filled with angry tears as he tried to keep up with the punishing cock in his mouth. In that instant, he knew he couldn’t do it. He felt love well up in his chest. Even if he died alone, he wouldn’t condemn anyone else to his fate.

  Suddenly, Adam pulled back, leaving Eagle gasping for air. Quickly, he drew his left hand from behind his lover’s head and jerked himself off fast and rough. Thick, white cords of semen flew from the tip, smearing his lover’s chest and face.

  “You bastard!” Eagle screamed as his outrage and pain took over his common sense. His hands grabbed Adam’s arms in a bruising grip.

  “Do you want to fuck me, Tonto?” Adam growled his challenge. “Do you? Do you want to hurt me? Punish me?”

  “Yes!” Came the heated reply.

  “I’ll let you, but only if you have a condom.”

  Eagle frowned. It looked like his lover might disregard Adam’s demand as his fingers dug deeply into Adam’s flesh, but then he pushed his husband to one side.

  “Fucking bastard! Get off me!”

  Adam rolled to one side, releasing his captive. Eagle flipped off of the bed. He grabbed Adam’s shirt from the floor, stopping to wipe the cum off face and chest before reaching down to snag his trousers. He pulled his wallet from his pocket and pulled out a relatively fresh foil wrapped condom.

  “Always the fucking boy scout, eh, Tonto? Lube is in the bathroom under the sink.” Adam lay back, pointing to the side door.

  He cou
ld see Eagle considering simple rape, but luckily his common sense prevailed.

  “I want you on the floor and on your knees, Kemo.” Eagle shouted from the other room.

  “No! Bed, knees. Too old for the goddamned floor.”

  Adam turned, getting up on all fours. He didn’t have long to wait. The bed shifted as his lover moved up behind him. A cool, moist finger cleaved his ass and disappeared directly into his hole. No warning was given as the finger pushed past Eagle’s first knuckle and into Adam’s body. They weren’t in the mood to be gentle with one another. Adam welcomed the burning ache. It’d been so long since he’d bottomed for anyone. The last time had been with Eagle. He almost laughed at the irony. Beginning and end. He hissed at the cold, but didn’t complain or pull away.

  “More fingers, more lube.” Again, his demands were met as Eagle’s fingers wedged in, going deep. He gasped as those fingers hit his prostate, massaging it and working him into a frenzy of need. “Bastard! You, fucking bastard!” The movement created a light show of sparkles behind Adam’s closed eyes.

  “Come on, Woodard!” Adam goaded, “I thought you wanted to make me your bitch! Do it, you fucking pussy!”

  Eagle’s response was harsh and swift. He drove his swollen cock home. Pulling back he laughed. “I really believed you were a fucking ass virgin, Adam. When you left, your former lovers came out of the freaking woodwork. All of them were happy to tell me about you. Dammit! I thought I knew you, Kemo. I never knew how wrong I could be. That crazy bitch was right, you are a fucking liar.”