Nailed Down: The Complete Series

by Bliss, Chelle

  “I was in the den gawking at the baby.” I downed even more wine. “Besides, I wasn’t sure anyone would tell me anything.” When I stared at Kane, the man’s expression didn’t change, but Kit glanced back at him like it was ridiculous for me to be cautious.

  “Dale had to leave.” She waved her hand again when Kane grunted. “He didn’t want you knowing because he knows how you’d feel about it. He couldn’t just let Anthony rot.”

  I opened my mouth, a complaint of disappointment on the tip of my tongue.

  “And before you start making assumptions, I’ll tell you right now. Trudy was in the middle of it because Tony landed in Seattle off a bus from New Orleans already going through withdrawals from the shit he was on. He was half dead when he got here, and Trudy was the nurse on duty in the ER. She was trying to get Dale here because…”

  Kane cleared his throat again, and this time, Kit quieted.

  She set her glass down and smiled at me. “Well, Jazmine showed up a few days later and knew she wouldn’t be able to handle things on her own. Dale…was going to tell you this but he… Well… Before he…” She fidgeted with her glass, not watching me, looking embarrassed and awkward before Kane walked to her side, laying a hand on her shoulder.

  “Before he spotted you and Carelli in that bar making out.”

  “He… I… What?”

  Kane nodded, not bothering to elaborate.

  “That wasn’t… Johnny was upset because…”

  “So you and Carelli aren’t together?” Kane glared at me like he was determined not to believe anything I said.

  “It’s…no… Not at all. We’re just friends. He was upset that day. He kissed me, and I turned him down. It…wasn’t a long kiss. ”

  “Hmm. Dale thought it was long enough, I suppose.” Kit lifted her hand to thread her fingers with Kane’s on her shoulder. “You love Dale. You love everything about him. Even the stupid shit he does, like helping out his addict brother who is likely to screw him over and over again.”

  I wasn’t heartless. I knew Dale wasn’t either. Of course, I understood loyalty. I understood having your people’s backs, even though I didn’t understand anyone letting themselves be taken advantage of over and over. Least of all Dale. But we’d been friends for so long. All of this, he could have told me. I would have listened…

  But I didn’t. Oh God, I just…didn’t.

  With Kit and Kane staring at me, waiting like they expected an explanation that would excuse away my stupidity, I grabbed at the first thing that popped into my head. “It’s not so simple…”

  “Love rarely is, honey.”

  I tried again, grappling with all the conversations Dale and I didn’t have and should have had when we were together in New York. There’d been so much confusion and not enough honesty. Then I remembered the one sticking point. The baby. Trudy’s baby. Could I stomach being with him if he had a baby with Trudy? Was he worth the risk?

  Glancing at my friend, I blinked, tightening my grip around the base of my wineglass. “But what about the…baby?”

  Kane and Kit looked at each other, surprise coloring their faces like they hadn’t expected I’d discovered that many of Dale’s secrets.

  “You know about her?” Kane said.

  “I…know.”

  “She’s beautiful,” Kit said, her features softening, and something glinted in her eyes. “And sweet.”

  “And you can’t make him choose just because it’s not an ideal situation,” Kane said, defending his friend. When I glared at him, Kane lifted his hand, a surrender and an apology at once. “Sorry, darlin’, but those don’t exist anymore.”

  Some things fit. Kane and Kit. Kiel and Cara, but Dale and me, even Dale and me and this baby? Could we fit?

  Man, the thought of it did something to my insides, made them warm and coil tight, a pleasant sensation that did a lot to crack the walls I’d constructed around my heart.

  He’d told me once, that night in the cabin, that he’d do anything for me. Maybe he didn’t remember it. Maybe everything he’d felt, everything he’d promised, got locked somewhere in the spaces of his mind behind whatever it was war and violence had done to him, whatever Trudy’s betrayal had done, and whatever that anesthesia had done. But when he’d spoken those words to me, Dale had meant them.

  If I really thought about it, he’d meant them when he held me in that New York hotel room, when he took me over and over again that entire night. When he sang in the shower and couldn’t keep the joy out of his off-key tune. He’d meant it all those times, even if he couldn’t remember what he’d said to me in the first place.

  Then, as Kit and Kane watched me, as all the recollections swam in my head, as I fought to find a glimmer that marked what I had said, what I had done, I realized I hadn’t given him the same. Not once since that night in the cabin. I’d been hurt. I’d been embarrassed, and I hadn’t been a good friend to him.

  I hadn’t listened.

  I pushed back the wineglass, throwing the couple in front of me a smile. The rush of energy I felt was tied up in the excitement to see Dale, to finally listen and hear everything he’d wanted to say for over a year. “I think…I have to go.”

  “Gin! Wait!” Kit called after me as I tore out of the kitchen, her steps falling behind me. I was out of the kitchen and into the den as quickly as I could move around the guests, and Kit got blocked by the crowd and the Carelli guards.

  I waved them off, tossing an apology to Cara as I left. I was nearly to the driveway, not knowing how I’d get to Dale or even sure where he was before I heard feet following behind me, then felt a large, firm grip on my arm.

  “Bella.” I heard, stopping just as I reached the edge of the Kaino driveway, Johnny’s voice worried.

  Damn. I had to say something to the man about where I was going. He was my ride, after all.

  “Johnny…” I started, unsure what to say or how to make any sense of what I felt.

  He’d been so good to me for a long time. So willing to lend a hand, so eager to see me smile. He was a criminal, but he wasn’t a villain.

  “Johnny, I’m sorry. I have…”

  Johnny watched me, his expression shifting. His gaze moving over me as I shuffled my feet, and then he seemed to understand where I was going and why I wanted to leave so quickly.

  He smiled, moving his hand to my face. I wanted to thank him, to tell him I wished we were different. I wanted to say that, if I could, I’d pray for my heart to change, for his as well, for my love to turn and shift so that what I felt would leave me just to make this man happy. Just to give him a smile that would reach his eyes. But I couldn’t. Those were prayers I’d never speak.

  Johnny shook his head, shrugging as he slipped his hand into his pocket and stared out onto the empty street. “I just hope that redneck understands what a treasure you are.”

  “Me too.”

  “And if he doesn’t, bella,” Johnny said, his attention returning to me, “you come back to me, and I promise I’ll give you the world.”

  I nodded, taking his hug when he held me close, grateful for the man and the kindness he’d shown me.

  “Angelo will take you to him.”

  “Thank you,” I told Johnny, and I left him standing there in the driveway, not looking back once.

  20

  Gin

  Dale’s place was different from the last time I’d visited. It was set back off the main road and secluded on a private drive a mile down. It was another half mile up the mountain, then up an inclined driveway before you reached a modern-style ranch surrounded by lush trees.

  “Ms. Sullivan, you sure about this?” Angelo leaned forward to look through the windshield at the house. “Looks like a tree house, but it’s all dark, and look at those…” He pointed to several boxes packed neatly against the front entrance landing. “Might not be home.”

  Then as we waited, squinting up at Dale’s place, the light over the front door switched on.

  “It’s f
ine, Angelo, but thanks.” I nodded at the light. “Even if that’s just a motion sensor light, I know where he keeps the extra key. I’ll be okay.” I opened the door, sliding from the car, but I stopped before I left, leaning down to look at the man. “I’m sorry I got your boss clocked.”

  He frowned as though just remembering.

  “It wasn’t your fault. He’s a SEAL.”

  “I appreciate that, Ms. Sullivan,” the big man said, arm stretched out along the back of the seat. “But I’m a Green Beret. No excuse.”

  I nodded at the man and turned to face Dale’s house. I headed across the small bridge elevated above the ravine that ran beneath the house. The small entrance was lit, but there was no activity behind the windows that flanked the wide-paneled wood door.

  How many times had I walked right in without knocking? How often had I hung Christmas wreaths or jack-o’-lanterns in this area just to irritate the always holiday-averse Dale? Even though no kids ever came this far off the main road to trick-or-treat?

  But now, I’d have to ring the bell. Everything had changed.

  There was a tremor in my fingers when I touched the doorbell. I waited and fidgeted with my clothes, brushing back my ponytail free of flyaways, adjusting my jacket, and pulling down my top. All distractions to keep myself from worrying what Dale would say or do once he opened the door and spotted me on the other side. Last he’d seen of me, Johnny and I were kissing.

  From what I could make of Kane’s attitude, my guess was Dale wasn’t overjoyed about that.

  The footsteps I heard on the other side of the door weren’t rushed. My heart still quickened as they approached, and the closer they came, the faster my pulse raced. And then the door flew open and Dale blinked down at me.

  For a second, he had no reaction at all. I had half a suspicion that Kane had called to warn him I’d be on my way. Then Dale moved his eyebrows up and his mouth dropped open before he recovered, and the small whip of surprise on his features shifted to what I could only determine was cool indifference.

  Feeling stupid and awkward, I inhaled, releasing a quick, “Hey,” before I lost my nerve.

  He didn’t answer, but he nodded once, pressing his lips together as he looked me over. He went on watching me, glancing over my shoulder so often that I followed his gaze, then looked back at him, figuring he was likely expecting to see Johnny.

  I wanted to avoid the topic of him as long as possible, so I stepped forward, leaning on the doorframe as Dale continued to hold the door open, not bothering to invite me in.

  I cleared my throat, wondering how long he’d make me stand there, just watching, likely wondering what the hell I wanted, until I couldn’t stomach the scrutiny.

  I glanced at him, hoping my cautious smile did something to relax him. “Think I can come in for a second?”

  He nodded again, stepping back to open the door wider.

  The front room hadn’t changed much. It was still sparsely decorated, but it seemed a bit less so, and I frowned, spotting a box of diapers on the coffee table and a toddler’s sippy cup next to a plastic bin of toys. It was real. This baby was real, and something in my chest twisted, had me inhaling as I rested my hands in my back pockets, scanning the room before I turned to face him.

  “You’ve…got company.” It wasn’t a question, but I knew Dale wouldn’t explain.

  Next to him was a blanket, pink with small unicorns, and when I glanced at it, he leaned toward it, grabbing it to roll it up, and waved me toward a spot on the sofa as he tossed the blanket onto the coffee table.

  I shook my head, unable to get my heartbeat to slow. “I’m…good. I think I need to stand for a minute longer.”

  “All right,” he said, that deep, rich voice like a hum against my spine.

  He looked good, though I knew it had only been three weeks. But there was something in his eyes—tiredness, weariness, I wasn’t sure—that I hadn’t seen from him since Trudy left him. It scared me to see that expression back on his face. “You here to see the baby?”

  I nodded, ready to explain. Then Dale clenched his jaw, folding his arms before he spoke again, his tone sharp. “With Carelli?”

  I knew what he was asking, and there was no way around it. “Cara’s his sister. The baby is his blood.”

  Dale looked away from me, his gaze shooting to the back of the room and out onto the stretch of windows that ran the length of the back wall. The forest was thick in the distance, and seeing it seemed to calm him. Some of the tension left his features the longer he looked. Moving closer, I watched his profile, trying to remember how we’d let everything get so muddled, how we’d let go of the friendship we had so quickly.

  “Kit…told me…why you came back home.”

  Dale jerked his attention to me, his brows drawing together as though I’d called him something insulting and filthy. “She wasn’t supposed to…”

  “She thought I should know.”

  “It wasn’t her place.” He scrubbed his face. I understood his anger. He didn’t want my pity or for me to call him weak. He likely thought I would since I knew how often his brother had played him in fake attempts to get clean. Dale knew how I felt about addicts, but I’d never respected how he felt about his family. I saw that now.

  “It wasn’t her place,” I said, moving closer still. He didn’t stiffen when I stood right in front of him, but he did finally look at me without any of that rigid tension hardening his features. The urge to touch him became overwhelming. The ache I felt when I looked at him, when he looked back at me, left me feeling empty. That was something I’d carried in the pit of my stomach for a long time, and I was tired of it being there.

  “But Kit’s my friend, and she loves me. She loves you too, and she wanted me to understand because she knows…” Another step, this time bringing me so close that I was able to touch Dale’s fingers.

  He watched as I laced our fingers together.

  I stared down at his wide, callused hand against mine when I spoke. “She knows that I have to understand why you sacrifice for your family over and over again.” I picked up his hand, holding it, fingering the lines of his palm, and felt Dale’s gaze on my face. “I never had that, until I came here and had her…and you. But Kit…she says, when you love someone, you have to love everything, even the things you don’t understand.” I finally looked at him, lowering his hand but still holding it. “I don’t understand why you help Tony over and over, but I know you have to, because that’s who you are.”

  His jaw clenched as he tilted his head. “And who do you think I am?”

  I looked at Dale, considering him, raising my eyebrows a fraction while I thought of my answer. When it came to me, I let a smile lift the corner of my mouth, hoping he believed me. “Someone who’d do anything for the people he loves. A protector.” I held my breath, hoping this was still true. “A true friend.”

  Dale dropped my hand, coming to stand in front of me. I could make out the faintest hint of rosewood on his skin and closed my eyes, trying to push down the curl of lust I felt when that scent hit my nose. I’d missed it.

  “I don’t want to be your friend anymore,” he told me, and I jerked my attention to him, hating the frown on his face, thinking this was what my stubbornness had done. This was the mess I’d made for myself.

  “Oh…all right, then.” I looked away from his face, ignoring the way he curled his fists at his sides. How he watched me when I stepped back. I had to navigate around boxes I hadn’t noticed before that littered the living room, some with dark marker scrawls of DEN or KITCHEN written across the sides. “Well,” I said, taking another step away. “I…I hope everything works out with your brother and…”

  I couldn’t find the words. They all got jumbled and tangled in the back of my throat along with the knot of tears I refused to let loose.

  He let me get halfway to the door before he stopped me. He gripped my bicep to turn me around. “You let Carelli kiss you.”

  I blinked, ignoring the wetness
on my lashes when my tears broke free, but I nodded.

  Dale ignored my tears, seemed to disregard everything but my confirmation. “And you kissed him back.”

  “No…not really. I stopped him. It wasn’t that long of a kiss.” I was sure Dale would hustle me to his door and escort me out of his life completely.

  “It was long enough. And it…tore me up. I got no rights to say that, but it’s the God’s honest truth.”

  Something wicked and curious flickered to life inside me, egged me on. I couldn’t have stopped the question from leaving my mouth any more than I could have stopped the sun from setting.

  Dale stood so close to me, his mouth hovering inches from mine, his eyes fierce and glaring as he watched me. It reminded me of that night in the hotel when he wanted to show me just how wrong I was about there being nothing left between us anymore. But the tension in his eyes now felt thicker, the stark rawness of it like a live wire I ached to touch.

  “Why did that tear you up?” I stared at his mouth before shifting my glance back to his eyes.

  I let him lead me back into the room when he inched closer, until my shoulders came in contact with the wall next to the den fireplace.

  “You have to ask?” He placed his palm next to my ear on the wall.

  I spotted the twitching of his lips. How he looked torn between devouring my mouth and continuing to glare at me. My nipples hardened at that look. “You know I do.”

  But Dale didn’t seem at ease or convinced that I was ready to hear the truth. He shifted, holding himself farther away from me as though something had just occurred to him. “And what would your man say about that?”

  The subject couldn’t be avoided forever. I knew I’d have to explain myself. I knew that explanation might not be what Dale wanted to hear, but I still had to try. “I don’t have a man.”

  He pushed off from the wall, hands down at his sides, shoulders straight like he needed to prepare himself for a dose of truth that might do him in or fracture any control he might be holding on to. “You and Carelli—”