Writing Better Lyrics
Page 16
b
2 stresses
This is The End of the Innocence
b
4 stresses
All the mixing and matching of four-stress couplets and common meter has led to this chorus. Here's the payoff for all the balanced lines and even numbers of bars. With a maddeningly simple move of inserting only a piece of the last line, but this is the end, everything is thrown off balance. There are now an odd number of lines in the chorus. There is an odd rhyme scheme. There is a two-stress line for the first time. And the chorus stretches beyond the eight-bar units we saw in the verse and pre-chorus into eleven bars. An effective way to showcase the title. This is The End of the Innocence.
Throwing it off balance keeps it from closing solidly; it supports the emotion of the idea — a sort of bittersweet longing that feels a little airy and suspended, matching the unstable structural perfectly. Very impressive. And all done in couplets and common meter.
EXERCISE 20
Here are a few exercises to get you moving. Write a section for each of the following models and watch it in action. Then put a few of the more unusual rhyme schemes in your toolbox for later use. Offer your listeners some nice surprises.
Pretty easy stuff, step by step. But you can build interesting structures by mixing and matching couplets and common meter. Obviously, there are more lines available in the universe than are found in these two philosophies, but they, with their combinations and variations, can take us a long way without stopping anywhere else. We'll look at more of the essential building blocks later, in chapter nineteen, “Understanding Motion.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
MANAGING COUPLETS
Let's do some work with four-stress couplets. Couplets are dangerous because too many of them can march lockstep in small, repetitive units that make your song feel too long and old before its time.
When your lines are all the same length and rhyme in pairs, your structure is probably working against you — no matter how interesting your ideas may be, they have to work harder to overcome the interruption of stopping and starting, stopping and starting, over and over again.
I'll bet you've done this a lot in your lyrics. I know I have:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and frayed
a
4
Stopped inside a small café
a
4
The waitress stared before she spoke
b
4
Then smiled and showed her petticoats
b
4
Not so bad for just four lines. But admit it, you have songs that march lockstep from beginning to end in matched couplets: aa bb cc dd ee ff gg, etc. ad nauseam. Those are probably the songs that feel too long. It doesn't have to be that way if you remember that structure doesn't happen to you. You can make interesting things happen in your songs. You have choices.
Here's a tip: The more words there are in your lyric section, the larger your structure should make it feel. Couplets are units of two lines. If you have couplets in your verse, you can expand them into something larger. Size can make all the difference.
EXERCISE 21
Write your own four lines of matched, four-stress couplets. Then, as I manipulate my Tulsa example, follow along by changing yours.
Okay, first, let's build our pair of couplets into something larger in one easy stroke: Unrhyme the first couplet and leave the second one rhymed. Like this:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and tired
x
4
Stopped inside a small café
x
4
The waitress stared before she spoke
a
4
Then smiled and showed her petticoats
a
4
Rather than a section that subdivides into two units of two, we've created a section that doesn't end until the final line. It feels better, more interesting.
EXERCISE 22
Now, shorten the second line to a three-stress line, like this:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and tired
x
4
Found a small café
x
3
The waitress stared before she spoke
a
4
Then smiled and showed her petticoats
a
4
Doing this, you unleash all the techniques we saw in chapter fifteen on spotlighting. You can also add extra lines.
Now, using your version, add a five-stress line between lines two and three, and add another five-stress line that rhymes with it at the end. The rhyme scheme will be xxaxxa. Your line lengths should be 435435. Don't look ahead unless you absolutely have to.
This is what I came up with for my lyric:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and tired
x
4
Found a small café
x
3
The pláce was cóld, the wáitress cáme at lást
a
5
She stopped and stared before she grínned
x
4
Then flashed her petticoats
x
3
And disappeared, a vision from the past
a
5
Now the long third and sixth lines provide the main glue, creating a six-line section that keeps moving all the way to the end. Of course, you can use more rhymes, too.
EXERCISE 23
Now rhyme line two with five, as well as three with six. Don't look ahead.
Here's what I did:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and tired
x
4
Found a small café
a
3
The pláce was cóld, the wáitress came at lást
b
5
She stopped and stared before she grínned
x
4
Then quickly turned away
a
3
And disappeared, a vision from the past
b
5
The movement feels stronger, not quite so loose.
EXERCISE 24
Now rhyme line one with four so the section rhymes abcabc. Again, take your time and write something you like. It's good practice.
Mine is:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and tired
a
4
Found a small café
b
3
The pláce was cóld, the wáitress came at lást
c
5
She stopped and stared before she smiled
a
4
Then quickly turned away
b
3
And disappeared, a vision from the past
c
5
Now the motion is even more organized and precise, even with the imperfect rhymes. Which rhyme scheme should you use? It depends on what you're saying. If the lyric's emotion deals with uncertainty or loss (unstable), keep it looser. If its ideas are more factual or resolved (stable), tighten it up. Make your structure reflect the emotion of the lyric. Prosody.
Here's another way to approach the process. When you have something already written with matched couplets, like my beginning lyric:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and frayed
a
4
Stopped inside a small café
a
4
She stared a while before she spoke
b
4
Then smiled and showed her petticoats
>
b
4
You can “clean it out” by first unrhyming both couplets. Then, insert five-stress lines in the middle and end. It should be easy. Do it to your matched couplets first.
Here's what I did. First, I unrhymed them:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and tired
x
4
Stopped inside a small café
x
4
She stared at me before she turned
x
4
Then smiled and flashed her petticoats
x
4
Then I inserted rhyming five-stress lines:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and tired
x
4
Stopped inside a small café
x
4
The pláce was cóld, the wáitress cáme at lást
a
5
She stopped and stared before she grínned
x
4
Then smiled and flashed her petticoats
x
4
And disappeared, a vision from the past
a
5
Pretty easy, huh? And the structure has become a lot more interesting.
EXERCISE 25
Now try keeping your four-stress couplets intact and adding the rhymed five-stress lines into the lyric. Like this:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and frayed
a
4
Stopped inside a small café
a
4
The pláce was émpty, shé appéared at lást
b
5
The waitress stared before she spoke
c
4
Then smiled and flashed her petticoats
c
4
And disappeared, a vision from the past
b
5
Here's one more way to escape the deadly march of couplets: Create an eight-line structure using four-stress rhymed lines with shorter fourth and eighth lines.
Here's mine:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and frayed
a
4
Stopped inside a small café
a
4
Then she appeared, an angel's face
a
4
I sat there hypnotized
b
3
She stared at me before she spoke
c
4
Then smiled and flashed her petticoats
c
4
And vanished like some ancient ghost
c
4
A phantom from the night
b
3
This rhyme scheme, unrhyming line four and matching it at line eight, was David Wilcox's move from “Eye of the Hurricane.” Without the rhyme scheme's organizing larger motion, the eight lines could really have been dull city:
Rhyme
Stresses
I hitched to Tulsa worn and frayed
a
4
Stopped inside a small café
a
4
When she appeared with angel's eyes
b
4
I knew she had me hypnotized
b
4
She stared at me before she spoke
c
4
Then smiled and flashed her petticoats
c
4
She turned away and disappeared
d
4
A phantom who was never there
d
4
With couplets, the lines themselves have to work hard to keep the song interesting; the structure isn't helping a bit. Any weakness in the lines is exaggerated. Even if the lines were great (which those above clearly aren't), the message would still be stronger if the structure helped, too. Any of the structures we went through earlier in the chapter could be useful alternatives.
Once you rearrange your couplets into larger units, you can invent new and more exciting possibilities. Look at these lines from Leonard Cohen's “Closing Time”:
Rhyme
Well we're drinking and we're dancing
a
And the band is really happening
a
And the Johnnie Walker wisdom's running high
b
And my very sweet companion
a
She's the angel of compassion
a
And she's rubbing half the world against her thigh
b
Okay, so it's a little quirky. What did you expect from Cohen? He's built a six-line structure using longer third and sixth lines (with five stresses each) contrasting with shorter lines (basically three-stress lines with weak syllable endings). The structure is interesting enough, and the language is interesting, too. A nice combination. But wait, there's more:
Rhyme
Well we're drinking and we're dancing
a
And the band is really happening
a
And the Johnnie Walker wisdom's running high
b
And my very sweet companion
a
Shes' the angel of compassion
a
And shes' rubbing half the world against her thigh
b
Every drinker every dancer
c
Lifts a happy face to thank her
c
And the fiddler fiddles something so sublime
b
These three new lines make listeners expect another three, ending in an -ime rhyme. They're waiting for another first six-line structure to match the first six lines. Of course, once you raise their expectations, you are free to play tricks that turn on spotlights:
Rhyme
Well we're drinking and wer'e dancing
a
And the band is really happening
a
And the Johnnie Walker wisdom's running high
b
And my very sweet companion
a
Shes' the angel of compassion
a
And she's rubbing half the world against her thigh
b
Every drinker every dancer
c
Lifts a happy face to thank her
c
And the fiddler fiddles something so sublime
b
All the women tear their blouses off
d
And the men they dance on the polka dots
d
Now we have five of the six lines we're expecting. All that's missing is a five-stress line with an -ime rhyme. The new lines aren't quite matched with what came before, since they end with strong stressed syllables rather than weak, but they're close enough to prepare our ear for the final line with its -ime rhyme. Instead, though, we get:
It's partner found and it's partner lost
d
This line delays the resolution and leaves the structure unbalanced; we still want to hear the -ime rhyme. At this point, you could produce the expected line, satisfying the listeners and spotlighting the final idea (because you have made the listeners wait for the resolution). But not Leonard Cohen. His next move is:
And it's hell to pay when the fiddler stops
d
This extra delay builds even more pressure for a resolution. But it's like stretching a rubber band (Minnesotans call them “binders”, New Englanders call them “elastics”… weird): You don't want to stretch them too far or they'll break. If you don't stretch it far enough, though, they won't hurt when you snap someone with them.
The delay is madden
ing. Spotlights are flashing on. We still want the -ime rhyme, and we're right at the brink of the whole thing falling apart when he finally gives it to us:
It's closing time
b
Whew! Look at the whole thing now:
Rhyme
Well we're drinking and wer'e dancing
a
And the band is really happening
a
And the Johnnie Walker wisdom's running high
b
And my very sweet companion
a
Shes' the angel of compassion
a
And shes' rubbing half the world against her thigh
b
Every drinker every dancer