Writing Better Lyrics
Page 20
A single quarter light
a
3 =A
Now we're missing the big rhyme push forward at line three; the line length pushes, but without the additional momentum rhyme creates. This moves forward pretty strongly, but without the urgency we feel at line three of ABAB.
EXERCISE 32
Modify your earlier ABAB structure to an XAXA structure. Feel the weaker push at line three?
ABAA
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
I stopped to get a bite
b
3 =B
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
I bummed a meal, bummed a smoke
a
4 =A
We saw this structure in chapter fifteen, a deceptive resolution; it's a great way to call extra attention to the last line. Make sure there's something there worth looking at. ABAA is also a handy structure for putting a title on top and bottom:
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
I stopped to get a bite
b
3 =B
I bummed a meal, bummed a smoke
a
4 =A
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
The same targeting strategy we saw before works here, too: If a verse were ABAA, you could use a sound in the verse at the end of line two to target an important sound in the chorus. For example:
Verse
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
I stopped to get a bite
b
3 =B
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
She smiled at me before she spoke
a
4 =A
Chorus
Baby I like what I see …
As before, we hear like with more intensity: “Baby I like what I see.” Again, we could try targeting baby:
Verse
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
She smile at be before she spoke
a
4 =A
Chorus
Baby I like what I see …
Now we hear baby with the same sensual overtones. Compare this to if we don't target a vowel sound in the chorus:
Verse
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
Stopped to get some grub
b
3 =B
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
She smile at be before she spoke
a
4 =A
Chorus
Baby I like what I see …
A wasted second position? Maybe not. But it's there for the picking if you want it.
EXERCISE 33
Make up your own title, and, using it as the first line of an oncoming chorus, write an ABAA structure leading up to it, with the second line targeting a vowel sound in the title. Try not to target the end rhyme. Instead, give the words inside the title a sonic boost. Then rewrite the end sound in your second line to target a different vowel sound in the title.
XXAA
I hitched my way to Tulsa
x
3 =X
Stopped to get a bite
x
3 =X
I bummed a meal, bummed a smoke
a
4 =A
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
This is a surprise. We had no expectations after either line two or three, so the resolution we get at line four surprises (but doesn't fool) us. It's resolved all right, but without much pushing or raising expectations to get there. Resolution coming out of chaos, as it were, which can be a useful tool to support a similar motion of ideas. It's pretty unstable for a resolved section.
Vary the rhyme, but not the line lengths, and you'd get something like:
I hitched to Tulsa worn and frayed
x
4 =X
Stopped a while to get a bite
x
4 =X
I bummed a meal, bummed a smoke
a
4 =A
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
The lights still go on the last line, but not as brightly, given the more balanced journey through line lengths.
XAAA
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
x
4 =X
I stopped to get a bite
a
3 =A
A single quarter light
a
3 =A
And such an appetite
a
3 =A
Still stable, but getting less so. Again, changing both the rhyme and line length gives us a clearer view of the motion.
With the shorter A lines above, the sequence leans a bit forward, almost as if it were asking to duplicate itself for balance. It still feels closed, but a bit unstable, certainly less stable than this:
She stared at me a while
x
3 =X
She said the day had come to go
a
4 =A
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
As usual, longer lines following shorter lines create more stability. Think of longer lines as laying a foundation under the shorter line above them. This version of XAAA is pretty stable, as it would be if all the line lengths matched, like this:
She stared at me a little while
x
4 =X
She said the day had come to go
a
4 =A
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
What creates the instability in all three versions is the odd number of A's. There's a mismatch between the number of lines, and the number of matched elements. The structure doesn't push forward very hard, it more “floats,” because when we get our first match at line three, we have an odd number of lines preventing the rhyme and rhythm match from creating stability. We don't quite know what to expect next, making the final A create what feels like a stopping place, but without much fanfare when it arrives.
AABA
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
I stopped to get a bite
b
3 =B
I bummed a meal, bummed a smoke
a
4 =A
This structure fools us, too, but not drastically. To the extent that we expect a match for B, we're fooled when it resolves with A.
This structure doesn't move much. It balances after line two, so there's no push forward there. The B line provides the only push, but only by being different and asking politely to be matched. We get a little spotlight on the last line.
EXERCISE 34
Make up your own title, and, using it as the first line of an oncoming chorus, write an AABA structure leading up to it, with the third line targeting a vowel sound in your title. Then, find a different end vowel for your third line to target a different vowel sound in your title. Then see what happens when you target the end rhyme.
ABBA
I hitched to Tulsa getting worn and soaked
a
5 =A
I stopped a bit to ge
t a bite
b
4 =B
Found myself a quarter light
b
4 =B
A little bent, a lotta really broke
a
5 =A
As you'd expect, the longer line at the end of the example above makes it feel pretty resolved. But it feels less resolved with the longer lines inside:
As thunder rolled across the sky
a
4 =A
I hitched to Tulsa getting worn and soaked
b
5 =B
A little bent, a lotta really broke
b
5 =B
Found myself a quarter light
a
4 =A
It certainly feels less stable with the shorter line on the outside. Look at it with equal-length lines:
As thunder rolled across the sky
a
4 =A
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
b
4 =B
A little bent, a lotta broke
b
4 =B
Found myself a quarter light
a
4 =A
In poetry, this is called an In Memoriam Quatrain, after Alfred Lord Tennyson's lovely poem of the same title. He used an ABBA rhyme scheme and equal-length lines, creating a suspended feeling at the end of each quatrain, much as you'd do in a eulogy. The structure's feeling was so appropriate for the message of his poem (an actual eulogy), that the abba rhyme scheme has carried the poem's name ever since.
ABBA structures float. I think it's unresolved, but sometimes it's a close call. No matter, though; it's the effect of the structure that counts. It leans a bit, asking maybe for:
As thunder rolled across the sky
a
4 =A
I hitched to Tulsa getting worn and soaked
b
5 =B
A little bent, a lotta really broke
b
5 =B
Found myself a quarter light
a
4 =A
I knew I'd have to stay the night
a
4 =A
Or maybe even:
As thunder rolled across the sky
a
4 =A
I hitched to Tulsa getting worn and soaked
b
5 =B
A little bent, a lotta really broke
b
5 =B
Found myself a quarter light
a
4 =A
The waitress said she'd maybe take me home
b
5 =B
Then vanished in a lovely puff of smoke
b
5 =B
ABBA is an interesting section. Check out the verses to James Taylor's “Sweet Baby James.”
AAAX
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
I bummed a meal, bummed a smoke
a
4 =A
Bummed another ride
b
3 =X
This is an unstable section. As you've already seen, AAA doesn't push very hard, but it does lead us to expect another A, so when we don't get it, we still want it (the targeting principle). Most likely, we'll look for a whole section to match it:
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
I bummed a meal, bummed a smoke
a
4 =A
Bummed another ride
b
3 =B
She'd closed her eyes before she spoke
a
4 =A
Said the time had come to go
a
4 =A
To vanish in a puff of smoke
a
4 =A
A phantom in the night
b
3 =B
See the verses in David Wilcox's “Eye of the Hurricane” on page 163 for an effective use of this eight-line sequence.
Another possibility for this structure is to use the X line as a title position, like this:
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
I bummed a meal, bummed a smoke
a
4 =A
Looking for something more
x
3 =X
Okay, even though it's a dumb title, you see the point: The structure supports the content.
AXAX
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
I stopped to get a bite
x
3 =X
I bummed a meal, bummed a smoke
a
4 =A
Found a room
x
2 =X
This one pushes ahead pretty hard, asking for a match to line two. When the match isn't forthcoming, we fall forward. This might be a good technique for setting up a title:
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
I stopped to get a bite
b
3 =X
I bummed a meal, bummed a smoke
a
4 =A
Found a room
x
2 =X
Lighting the fire inside
b
3 =X
Here's a more normal version, with lines two and four matching lengths:
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
I stopped to get a bite
b
3 =X
I bummed a meal, bummed a smoke
a
4 =A
Found a quiet room
x
3 =X
Lighting the fire inside
b
3 =X
Each structure is what it is, but always keep an eye out for what else it could become — for what could come next.
Here's AXAX with a longer last line:
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
I stopped to get a bite
x
3 =X
I bummed a meal, bummed a smoke
a
4 =A
Found a place to sleep before it rained
x
5 =X
Again, the section with the longer last line feels a little more stable, since it has matched line two's length (our expectation) on its way to the end. Still, it's pretty unstable, but not as unstable as it was with the shorter line.
XAAX
I hitched a ride to Tulsa
x
3 =X
I stopped a bit to get a bite
a
4 =A
Found myself a quarter light
a
4 =A
A little bent, a lotta really broke
x
5 =X
As usual, the second A takes the wind out of the sails by throwing off any expectations of what might come next. It doesn't push forward too hard, and the section continues to float.
I hitched to Tulsa getting lost and worn
a
5 =X
I stopped a bit to get a bite
b
4 =A
Found myself a quarter light
b
4 =A
A lotta really broke
a
3 =X
This version looks forward, hoping for a stable place to land, wherever that might be.
EXERCISE 35
Using the previous example, see if you can find our friend a landing place.
XXXX
<
br /> I hitched to Tulsa getting worn and frayed
a
5 =X
I stopped to get a bite
b
3 =X
Found myself a quarter short
b
4 =X
A lotta broke
a
2 =X
Or:
A lotta broke
a
2 =X
I hitched to Tulsa getting worn and frayed
a
5 =X
I stopped to get a bite
b
3 =X
Found myself a quarter short
b
4 =X
Or:
A lotta broke
a
2 =X
I stopped to get a bite
b
3 =X
Found myself a quarter short
b
4 =X
I hitched to Tulsa getting worn and frayed