by Pat Pattison
a
5 =X
Or this, unrhymed, with equal-length lines:
I hitched to Tulsa worn and frayed
x
4 =X
Stopped a while to get a bite
x
4 =X
Found myself a quarter short
x
4 =X
A lotta broke, a lotta bent
x
4 =X
Food For Thought
How does each section feel? Though all of them are unstable, which one feels most unstable? Least unstable? Why?
We've now seen some of lyric writing's most stable sections, excellent for supporting stable ideas. Of course, having four lines doesn't mean you have to stop there. Unstable four-line sequences often add more lines to stabilize or resolve themselves. But stable four-line, and they often do, to wondrous effects.
COMBINATIONS OF FIVE LINES
Groups With Only One Matching Element
In this first group of five-line sequences, listed from most stable to least stable, any odd lines don't match anything else, including each other. This often creates a “floating” effect. The sections that feel most stable are often the ones that surprise us by feeling resolved without us expecting the resolution. Call it “unexpected closure.” These structures are probably most useful as verses, though they can also work effectively as choruses, given the proper combination of ideas.
AAAAA
It rained the day I left my home
a
4 =A
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
She stared at me before she spoke
a
4 =A
I told her then that I was broke
a
4 =A
I watched her turn around to go
a
4 =A
The fifth line is an unexpected closure, and though it tips a tad toward a sixth line, it just as much leans back in warm companionship with all the other A's. Line five would be an excellent place to repeat a title that's been stated at line one:
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
She stared at me before she spoke
a
4 =A
I watched her turn around to go
a
4 =A
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
XAAAA
It rained the day I left my home for good
x
5 =X
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
She stared at me before she spoke
a
4 =A
I told her then that I was broke
a
4 =A
I watched her turn around to go
a
4 =A
Expectations play leapfrog here. After line three, we want to stop with the matching As, but we can't because of the odd number of lines. When the number of lines is even, the number of As is odd, and so on. It's resolved (unexpected closure) at line four, so the fifth line is an unexpected closure, too. You can feel its instability, like it might just want to move again to balance the number of lines. It's a nice place to spotlight an important idea.
EXERCISE 36
Write an XAAAA section that ends with a stable idea, then juggle the lines so it ends with an unstable idea. Can you feel how the content and structure interact?
XXAAA
It rained the day I left my home for good
x
5 =X
I couldn't start my car
x
3 =X
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
She stared at me before she spoke
a
4 =A
I told her then that I was broke
a
4 =A
As we saw above with XXAA, we have unexpected closure at line four.
Line five creates another unexpected closure, but one that leans forward. We have a pretty strong push for a sixth line, since we could use both another line and another A to even things up.
Let's try it with longer As:
It rained the day I left my home
a
4 =X
I had to get away
b
3 =X
I had to find a place where I could breathe
c
5 =A
A place that had some grass and apple trees
c
5 =A
Where I could finally find a little peace
c
5 =A
Pretty stable. Does the closure at line four fool you, or simply surprise you? The answer depends on whether you have any expectations after the first three lines.
It's clear that a place that had some grass and apple trees stabilizes the section after four lines. If you can predict what should come next, you have expectations. Frankly, I don't have any predictions after line three — it could go anywhere. Thus, the resolution we feel is something we didn't expect — unexpected closure. It's more of the same at line five, with two lines in the spotlights here.
XAXAA
It rained the day I left
x
3 =X
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
My thumb my only ticket
x
3 =X
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
She stared at me before she spoke
a
4 =A
EXERCISE 37
Your turn to describe how this one behaves.
XXXAA
It rained the day I left my home for good
x
5 =X
I couldn't start my car
x
3 =X
I thought I'd try some thumbing
x
3+ =X
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
This feels like it stops, too, though it's predictably off balance because of the odd number of lines. This one's a floater, though there may be a little voice asking for a 3+ line ending in numb me.
XXAXA
It rained the day I left my home for good
x
5 =X
I couldn't start my car
x
3 =X
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
Stopping at the roadside
x
2+ =X
She stared at me before she spoke
a
4 =A
This one is clearly open after line four, without much of a push forward after line three, except by our preference for stable, even numbers. It resolves, unexpectedly, at line five, but floats everywhere else. Even after line five, it feels like it might want to move. Perhaps a 2+ line ending in low ride would settle things down? What sort of ideas would this XXAXA structure support?
AAAAX
It rained the day I left my home
a
4 =A
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
She stared at me before she spoke
a
4 =A
I told her then that I was broke
a
4 =A
I watched her turn her back
x
3 =X
Five-line systems ending with an X will be the most unstable.
Groups With Two Matching Elements
In this first group with two matching elements (As and Bs), the first two
lines are different, creating forward motion. They are listed from most stable to least stable.
ABABB
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
She stared at me before she spoke
a
4 =A
With not a word to say
b
3 =B
Her smile began my day
b
3 =B
Closed and stable, with the additional line leaning more backward than forward. You get a nice spotlight at the end.
ABAAB
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
The waitress stared before she spoke
a
4 =A
I told her then that I was broke
a
4 =A
Her smile began my day
b
3 =B
Interesting case here. Line four fools you — call it a “deceptive closure”: You expected B, but got A instead. Then, at line five, you get what you originally expected but where you didn't expect it, so it's a cross between expected and unexpected closure, making it feel a bit more stable.
ABBAA
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
To find another place
b
3 =B
I told the waitress I was broke
a
4 =A
I watched her turn her back to go
a
4 =A
This one is interesting. Look back at the ABB structure in “Combinations of Three Lines” on page 198 to see the effect created here. Check out the first three lines of the second verse of Gary Nicholson and John Jarvis's “Between Fathers and Sons”:
Now when I look at my own sons
a
3+ =A
I know what my father went through
b
3 =B
There's only so much you can do
b
3 =B
How stable does this section feel? Do you have any expectations of where it might go? Probably not. Whatever you do, it will stay pretty unstable unless you match it with three more lines of ABB.
ABBAB
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
To find another place
b
3 =B
I told the waitress I was broke
a
4 =A
Her smile began my day
b
3 =B
It looks like we've started a second ABB sequence with the addition of AB, asking for the next B, something like:
She said she'd let me stay
b
3 =B
But the push doesn't seem too strong, since the sequence, though visible, doesn't seem too audible. This five-line sequence feels a bit unstable, but only a bit.
ABAAA
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
Stopped to grab a bite
b
3 =B
The waitress stared before she spoke
a
4 =A
I told her then that I was broke
a
4 =A
And watched her turn her back to go
a
4 =A
There's a deceptive closure in line four, thus creating an unexpected closure in line five. As we saw in chapter fifteen “Spotlighting With Common Meter,” the structure leans forward to match the B line with something like:
Have a lovely night
b
3 =B
There are four As but five lines, leaning a little for a sixth line. It stops at line five, but it's not a hard stop. It's a bit of a floater without a sixth line.
ABABA
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
She stared at me before she spoke
a
4 =A
With not a word to say
b
3 =B
I told her then that I was broke
a
4 =A
This leans forward looking for another B. The alternating sequence is responsible for this feeling.
More Groups With Two Matching Elements
In this next group, the first two lines are As, creating a system that stops at the couplet before continuing.
AABBA
It rained the day I left my home
a
4 =A
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
To find another place
b
3 =B
Nothing left to do but go
a
4 =A
This feels pretty stable. Though it has two couplets, the shorter third and fourth lines keep it leaning a bit, like a limerick. The final A seems to stop rather than start a new sequence, as if it's simply referring back to the opening AA.
EXERCISE 38
Rewrite this AABBA with three-stress As and four-stress Bs. What difference does it make to the stability of the section?
AABBB
It rained the day I left my home
a
4 =A
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
To find another place
b
3 =B
Where no one knew my name
b
3 =B
This also feels pretty stable. It has resolutions at each couplet. The third B feels less like it's starting a new sequence and more like it's simply joining the party. There's nice spotlights on the fifth line.
EXERCISE 39
Rewrite this AABBB with three-stress As and four-stress Bs. What difference does it make to the stability of the section?
AAABB
It rained the day I left my home
a
4 =A
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
Salvation took the open road
a
4 =A
I had to find a place
b
3 =B
Where no one knew my name
b
3 =B
This feels strangely stable. It should be crying out for another B, but it doesn't seem to. It's as though the feel of the couplet interferes with the request the sequence makes for two sets of three to create an AAABBB sequence. Perhaps it's having to move to an odd-numbered B that softens the push forward.
If you kept the line lengths and only rhymed the last two lines, it would float a lot more, and you'd get something like Gary Burr's “Can't Be Really Gone”:
Her hat is hanging by the door
x
4
The one she bought in Mexico
x
4
It blocked the wind and stopped the rain
x
4
She'd never leave that one
a
3
So she can't be really gone
a
3
A six-line version of AAABB would feel more balanced:
It rained the day I left my home
a
4 =A
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
Salvation took the open road
a
4 =A
I had to find a place
b
3 =B
Where no one knew my name
b
3 =B
To start my life again
b
3 =B
EXERCISE 40
Rewrite the AAABB example with three-stress As and four-stress Bs. What difference does it make to the stability of the section?
Groups With Three Matching Elements
Listed from most stable to least stable, these structures are groups with As, Bs, and Cs. Technically, any unmatched A, B, or C should be called an X. I think it's clearer here if we don't use Xs.
In the first group, the first two lines are different, creating forward motion.
ABCAC
It rained the day I left my home