by Pat Pattison
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
I had to find a place where I could breathe
c
5 =C
Salvation on the open road
a
4 =A
Where I could finally find a little peace
c
5 =C
Line four suggests that a sequence is taking shape: ABCABC. Then you get the closing element immediately. To the degree that line four raises expectations that B will be matched, line five fools you, thus creating deceptive closure. You get very strong spotlights at line five.
ABCBC
It rained the day I left my home
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
I had to find a spot where I could breathe
c
5 =C
Where freedom rules the day
b
3 =B
Where I could finally find a little peace
c
5 =C
This is stable, and it seems to carry a little milder surprise at line five than ABCAC. You don't hear the sequence starting again at line four with an A, so it doesn't direct you forward as strongly. But once you hear B, the sequence kicks in, even though it's “out of sequence.” Another deceptive closure.
EXERCISE 41
Choose either ABCAC or ABCBC and target to a title from the unrhymed line. Construct a title that matches the unmatched line in both rhythm and rhyme. Target an inner vowel of the title line rather than the end rhyme.
ABCBB
It rained the day I left my home
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
I had to find a spot where I could breathe
c
5 =C
Where freedom rules the day
b
3 =B
Where peace has come to stay
b
3 =B
You can feel the effect of the longer C line on the motion if you compare it to this:
It rained the day I left my home
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
To find a spot to breathe in
c
3+ =C
Where freedom rules the day
b
3 =B
Where peace has come to stay
b
3 =B
The longer “C” line “sticks out,” calling attention to itself, diminishing the feeling of XAXA's expected closure, and making line four float just a tad. When we shorten the “C” line, the structure really closes.
The shorter C brightens the spotlights on line five by allowing line four to resolve solidly.
ABCAA
It rained the day I left my home
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
I had to find a place where I could breathe
c
5 =C
Salvation on the open road
a
4 =A
Nothing left to do but go
a
4 =A
This feels unstable. It feels like it should continue forward, perhaps to something like:
Spend my hours to see what I could see
c
5 =C
Again, the arrangement of line lengths here can change how it feels. Consider:
It rained the day I left my home
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
To find a place to shelter
c
3+ =C
Salvation on the open road
a
4 =A
Nothing left to do but go
a
4 =A
EXERCISE 42
Describe how the shortened line in the previous example affects the structure's motion.
ABCAB
It rained the day I left my home
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
I had to find a place where I could breathe
c
5 =C
Salvation on the open road
a
4 =A
Where no one knew my name
b
3 =B
Unstable. This one pushes forward pretty hard, to something like:
Spend my hours to see what I could see
c
5 =C
Even with a shortened third line:
It rained the day I left my home
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
To find a place to shelter
c
3+ =C
Salvation on the open road
a
4 =A
Where no one knew my name
b
3 =B
It still wants to move to:
To lose this helter skelter
c
3+ =C
That's the power of sequence.
Though, mathematically, there are more possible combinations of five lines, this should more than suffice to increase your awareness of structural motion.
COMBINATIONS OF SIX LINES
ABCABC
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
Miles to go, no promises to keep
c
5 =C
She stared at me before she spoke
a
4 =A
Without a word to say
b
3 =B
She led me off to bed and off to sleep
c
5 =C
This sequence moves relentlessly forward to a satisfying and resounding resolution at line six. It's the six-line version of common meter, working according to the principle of sequence.
ABABAA
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
The waitress stared before she spoke
a
4 =A
Then asked if I could stay
b
3 =B
She vanished like a puff of smoke
a
4 =A
I heard the chimes and then I woke
a
4 =A
This closes after line four (ABAB), with a final couplet finishing it off. It's very stable, especially when the couplet matches one of the elements of the quatrain.
ABABCC
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
I had to get away
b
3 =B
She stared at me before she spoke
a
4 =A
Without a word to say
b
3 =B
She led me off to bed and off to sleep
c
5 =C
No miles to go, no promises to keep
c
5 =C
This also stops after line four (ABAB), with a final couplet closing it down. Very stable. The final couplet decelerates a bit with the longer lines, but makes up for it with the immediate (and thus accelerating) rhyme.
AABAAB
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
Miles to go, no promises to keep
b
5 =B
She stared at m
e before she spoke
a
4 =A
And presto in a puff of smoke
a
4 =A
She led me off to bed and off to sleep
b
5 =B
Another solid citizen. It's a favorite structure of Leonard Cohen's. It doesn't push forward as hard as ABCABC, since the opening couplet stops the section. It's also harder for sequence to kick in, though it's in full force at the end of line five.
EXERCISE 43
Rewrite AABAAB with B=3 stresses. Is there a difference in how the section feels?
ABABAB
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
Stopped to grab a bite
b
3 =B
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
A half a dollar light
b
3 =B
She stared at me before she spoke
a
4 =A
And offered me a ride
b
3 =B
Another solid citizen, though the final AB might clear its throat a bit, wondering whether the larger ABAB sequence will be matched again to make ABABABAB. So, just a touch of instability — looking forward to another AB.
ABBABB
With miles to go and promises to keep
a
5 =A
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
b
4 =B
A little bent, a lotta broke
b
4 =B
Without a bed without a place to sleep
a
5 =A
She stared at me and when she spoke
b
4 =B
My past became a puff of smoke
b
4 =B
This feels stable, though we might add another line, something like:
I felt my spirit finally breaking free
a
3 =A
With this added A, it still feels stable, perhaps more stable than the six-line section. Interesting, those line lengths.
But look what happens if we shorten the As:
With promises to keep
a
3 =A
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
b
4 =B
A little bent, a lotta broke
b
4 =B
Without a place to sleep
a
3 =A
She stared at me and when she spoke
b
4 =B
My past became a puff of smoke
b
4 =B
It feels a bit more solid. Again, it shows the power of line lengths. The challenge with this structure is that it doesn't establish sequence, and thus doesn't raise much expectation, giving it a tendency to float.
ABABBA
I hitched to Tulsa worn and soaked
a
4 =A
Stopped to grab a bite
b
3 =B
A little bent, a lotta broke
a
4 =A
A half a dollar light
b
3 =B
She offered me a ride
b
3 =B
And vanished in a puff of smoke
a
4 =A
I like how this one plays tricks. Two unexpected closures, but in reverse order, creating a nifty surprise to support her vanishing act. Neat.
At this point, because you've done the exercises and understand the principles of motion, you should be able to construct all sorts of sections, both stable and unstable, using whatever number of lines you need to say what you have to say.
You're an expert at assessing and controlling motion. Now use that skill to create motion supporting your lyric's message. Have fun.
CHAPTER TWENTY
FORM FOLLOWS FUNCTION
BUILDING THE PERFECT BEAST
OhMyGod, Artie, stop!” yells Herbie. Artie's '69 VW microbus wobbles over to the side of the road, next to a cream-and-baby-blue Maserati convertible parked in the lot. “Boy, I'd like to drive that beauty. Looks like it really flies.” “Whew,” whistles Artie, “look at it — low, wide wheelbase, scooped front, rear foil. Definitely built for speed.” A physicist or aeronautical engineer could give a more precise description, but Artie and Herbie have it nailed anyway. As much as they love Artie's microbus, they know it won't win any races, because it isn't built for speed. But that Maserati sure could. Intuitively, they apply the principle form follows function. If you asked them the right questions, they'd be able to describe the two ways this principle works:
When you look at an individual car, you can figure out what it's built to do (function) by its design (form). Conversely, when you build a car, you figure out its design by what you want it to do. If you want a racecar, build it heavy, wide, and lower in front than in back so the wind will press it to the track. If you want an economy car, build it light and shape it to cut wind resistance. You already know this as the principle of prosody.
When you look at two cars, you see whether they're different or the same. When they're the same design, they should have the same function. When they have different designs, they should have diff erent functions. This is the principle of contrast.
It doesn't matter whether we're talking about cars, rhyme schemes, architecture, or lyrics.
As a writer, you'll usually look from a car designer's perspective — from function to form. You know what you want to say, so you have to design form to support your ideas.
As we've seen, your tools for designing your lyric's shapes are phrase lengths, rhythms, and rhyme schemes. For example, say there's a place in your verse where emotion gets pretty active or intense. You might try putting rhymes (both phrase-end and internal rhyme) close together, and try using short phrases. Like this:
You can't play Ping-Pong with my heart
a
You dominate the table
b
My nerves are shot, you've won the set
c
Your curves have got me in a sweat
c
My vision's blurred, can't see the net
c
I'm feeling most unstable
b
Built for speed. The consecutive rhymes, “set/sweat/net,” slam the ideas home. The internal rhymes, “nerves/curves/blurred” and “shot/ got,” put us in overdrive. The acceleration creates prosody, the mutual support of structure and meaning — form follows function.
You can think of rhyme as a car's accelerator: The closer the pedal is to the floor, the faster the car moves. The closer the rhymes are to each other, the faster the structure moves. The farther away the pedal is from the floor, the slower the car moves.
Let's see what the ride would feel like if we toned down the rhyme action in the previous example:
You can't play Ping-Pong with my heart
a
You dominate the table
b
My nerves are shot, I've come apart
a
You wink and smile, still feeling playful
b
Weak and numb, I miss the mark
a
Feeling most unstable
b
Out pops the rear parachute. Prosody evaporates, or at least diminishes, when the rhymes are spread out into a regular pattern. But the short phrases in lines three, four, and five still press on the accelerator. If we lengthen some of the shorter phrases, we let off the gas even more:
You can't play Ping-Pong with my heart
a
You dominate the table
b
My nerves are shot, I've really come apart
a
You wink and smile, still feeling pretty playful
b
Weak and numb, I really miss the mark
a
Feeling most unstable
b
Look at what happens if we ease off on the rhymes, too, pushing them further apart:
You can't play Ping-Pong with my heart
x
You dominate the table
b
My nerves are shot, at last you've won the point
x
Your slams have put me in an awful sweat
x
My vision's weak, can't even see the ball
x
I'm feeling most unstable
b
Now the structure acts more like a slow-moving '68 VW microbus, while the meaning still dreams of checkered flags on the Grand Prix Circuit. Bad combination.
EXERCISE 44
We might as well destroy prosody completely while we're at it. This time, you do it. Rewrite the example below so lines three and five contain one long phrase each, instead of two shorter ones. Be careful not to rhyme.