by Pat Pattison
b
That's all they've got
b
That's all they've got is the climax of the section. The balancing position allows us to savor it by letting it rest in the spotlight a few seconds. Note, however, that the rhyme scheme, abbb, is a little unstable. Though the line lengths and rhythms match, we have the same effect at the end of line three that we saw earlier in the second verse of “Fathers and Sons” — the abb rhyme pattern raises no expectations:
Some people's lives
a
Run down like clocks
b
One day they stop
b
Adding the fourth line provides a balancing position, but we still have an odd number of rhymes:
Some people's lives
a
Run down like clocks
b
One day they stop
b
That's all they've got
b
Compare how it feels to this:
Some people's lives
x
Run down like clocks
a
One day they cease
x
That's all they've got
a
Now it feels really stable. The stability actually adds an emotion (motion creates emotion).
Whereas the real version's rhyme scheme, because it's unstable, adds a different emotion:
Some people's lives
a
Run down like clocks
b
One day they stop
b
That's all they've got
b
Isn't it sad? It makes me feel like something's missing. It's especially noticeable when you look at the first three sections together:
Rhyme
Verse 1
Some people's lives
a
Run down like clocks
b
One day they stop
b
That's all they've got
b
Verse 2
Some lives wear out
a
Like old tennis shoes
b
No one can use
b
It's sad but it's true
b
Chorus 1
Didn't anybody tell them
x
Didn't anybody see
a
Didn't anybody love them
x
Like you love me?
a
Both verses have the unstable rhyme scheme abbb. The chorus is very stable. So we have two unstable sections (sad lives), moving into a stable section — “our love makes me stable. I wish everyone had this kind of love in their lives.” If the rhyme scheme in the verses were stable, the arrival at a stable section in the chorus wouldn't have the same power:
Verse 1
Some people's lives
x
Run down like clocks
a
One day they stop
x
That's all they've got
a
Verse 2
Some lives wear out
x
Like old tennis shoes
a
No one would want
x
It's sad but it's true
a
Chorus 1
Didn't anybody tell them
x
Didn't anybody see
a
Didn't anybody love them
x
Like you love me?
a
Now we feel stable for the whole trip. The chorus, and therefore the singer's gratitude for the love she receives, is diminished by the stable rhyme scheme. The chorus is less of a landing place than it is in the original version.
2. PUSHING ONE SECTION FORWARD INTO ANOTHER SECTION
Rhyme scheme can create instability, but you can get even more dramatic results with an odd number of lines. It can work wonders when you want the audience to hold their breath. Ian and Fleming teeter on the wire in verse four, then pause (gasp), then they step forward into a balanced chorus:
Verse 4
Some people laugh
a
When they need to cry
b
And they never know why
b
Chorus 1
Didn't anybody tell them
x
Didn't anybody see
a
Didn't anybody love them
x
Like you love me?
a
The chorus settles us down, but some tension still remains. Three phrases plus four phrases still leaves us a little uneasy. The last phrase of the chorus is a question; the problem of loneliness still looms for some people.
3. CONTRASTING ONE SECTION WITH ANOTHER ONE
The number of lines in the first three verses of “Some People's Lives” are even and balanced:
Verse 1
Some people's lives
a
Run down like clocks
b
One day they stop
b
That's all they've got
b
Verse 2
Some lives wear out
a
Like old tennis shoes
b
No one can use
b
It7's sad but it's true
b
Verse 3
Some people's eyes
a
Fade like their dreams
b
Too tired to rise
a
Too tired to sleep
b
The contrast with these balanced sections gives verse four its power.
We expect stability. Instead, it totters on the brink for a moment:
Verse 4
Some people laugh
a
When they need to cry
b
And they never know why
b
The crowd tenses up and begins to sweat. Will she fall?
Another way to unbalance a section is to add a phrase. Look again at “The Great Pretender.” Verses one and two are balanced, so we expect verse three to be balanced as well:
Verse 1
Yes I'm the Great Pretender
Pretending that I'm doing well
My need is such, I pretend too much
I'm lonely but no one can tell
Verse 2
Yes I'm the Great Pretender
Adrift in a world of my own
I play the game but to my real shame
You've left me to dream all alone
Verse 3
Yes I'm the Great Pretender
Just laughing and gay like a clown
I seem to be what I'm not, you see
I'm wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you're still around
The extra phrase in verse three is a surprise. Line four, the balancing position, is still a spotlighted power position, but the extra phrase stumbles forward on the wire to turn additional spotlights onto the most important phrase in the song.
Ian and Fleming pull the Great Pretender trick at the end of “Some People's Lives.” The balanced first and second choruses set up the surprise of the third chorus:
Chorus 3
Didn't anybody tell them
x
Didn't anybody see
a
Didn't anybody love them
x
Like you love me?
a
'Cause that's all they need
a
The crucial idea gets bathed in spotlights.
4. CREATING A NEED FOR A BALANCING SECTION OR PHRASE
The real beauty of “Some People's Lives” is that the two short sections, verses four and five, each prepare us for a headlong pitch to the saw-dust. Chorus two left us queasy, since we were still struggling to balance an odd number of phrases (seven):
Verse 4
a
When they need to cry
b
(unbalancing) And they never know why
b
Chorus 2
Doesn't anybody tell them
x
Doesn't anybody see
a
Doesn't anybody love them
x
Like you love me?
a
The bridge balances again with an even number of phrases:
Bridge
Some people ask,
a
If tears have to fall
b
Then why take your chances?
a
Why bother at all?
b
But again, verse five loses its balance (the crowd holds their breath …):
Verse 5
And some people's lives
a
Are as cold as their lips
b
(unbalancing) They just need to be kissed
b
The last chorus tries to get home, but seems to end short of the platform:
Chorus 3
Didn't anybody tell them
x
Didn't anybody see
a
Didn't anybody love them
x
Like you love me?
a
The crowd remains restless. Things still wobble on the high wire. The bridge / verse / chorus last system certainly did need something more, a need set up by the unbalanced three-phrase verses. Something more finally arrives, in spades: 'cause that's all they need.
Spotlights blaze onto the extra phrase as it balances the entire last system with an even number of phrases (twelve), and steps onto the platform at the other side of the high-wire journey. We breathe a sigh of satisfaction and relief, not only because we have arrived, but because the trip has been fraught with danger and the result has been so satisfying. The last phrase stands firm and strong in the carefully prepared balancing position and delivers its message forcefully: Love is all you need. The crowd goes wild.
You can try this stuff yourself. First try some simple balancing and unbalancing of a single section. Take something like:
Eenie meenie minee moe
Catch a tiger by the toe
If he hollers let him go
Eenie meenie minee moe
Add a phrase:
Eenie meenie minee moe
Catch a tiger by the toe
Take him to a picture show
If he hollers let him go
Eenie meenie minee moe
Take one away:
Eenie meenie minee moe
Catch a tiger by the toe
If he hollers let him go
Or maybe:
Eenie meenie minee moe
Catch a tiger by the toe
Eenie meenie minee moe
EXERCISE 46
Pick a couple of your own lyrics and try it. Then take the next step and surprise us by unbalancing a section we expected to be balanced. Set up the surprise by starting with a balanced section, like:
Eenie meenie minee moe
Catch a tiger by the toe
Take him to a picture show
Eenie meenie minee moe
Eenie meenie minee may
If he hollers make him pay
Fifty dollars every day
The technique works best in lyrics with at least three verses. Try it, taking small steps at first, and advancing further until you can work without a net.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
SONG FORMS:
(IM)POTENT PACKAGES
Song form should be your friend, helping you deliver your message with power. But too often, an inefficient or inappropriate form weakens your message, weights it down, and drags it helpless and sagging into the dust. Beware, oh beware, of song form. Consider it carefully before you choose.
Verse / verse / chorus / verse / verse / chorus is a common but relatively impotent song form. We've all used it, but, if your experience is anything like mine, too often you've gotten mixed results. This song form probably attracts more of the dreaded “seems too long” comments from friends, co-writers, publishers, producers, and even mothers than any other song form does.
There have been some great songs written in this form, so why pick on such a successful form? What makes it inefficient?
Simple; v / v / ch / v / v / ch repeats the same melody, chords, phrase lengths, and rhyme schemes four times. Four times is a lot. You risk boring your listeners when you make four trips through the same structure. Your verses, especially the crucial fourth verse, had better be very interesting to risk all that repetition. At best, if your message is powerful and compelling, the v / v / ch / v / v / ch song form won't get in the way, but at worst, you risk it working against effective delivery of your message.
Look at this version of Jim Rushing's “Slow Healing Heart,” arranged as a v / v / ch / v / v / ch lyric:
Verse 1
When I left I left walking wounded
I made my escape from the rain
Still a prisoner of hurt
I had months worth of work
Freeing my mind of the pain
Verse 2
I had hours of sitting so lonely
Singing sad songs in the dark
Feeling my days
Slipping away
Woe is a slow healing heart
Chorus
A slow healing heart
Is dying to mend
Longing for love
Lonely again
When a spirit is broken
And the memories start
Nothing moves slower
Than a slow healing heart
Using two verses before the chorus runs a small risk. Sometimes publishers (bless their hearts) might say “it takes too long to get to the chorus.” But here, the problem comes more from “commercial considerations” than boredom.
After the chorus, verse three starts the second system:
Verse 3
How I prayed for blind faith to lead me
To places where I'm not afraid
Now I'm doing fine
Both in body and mind
But some hurts take longer to fade
Now the crucial fourth verse. Here's where you run the risk of making the song seem too long:
Verse 4
There's a part of me still on the lookout
Alert for those cutting remarks
Looks that are sweet
Soon will cause you to bleed
Woe is a slow healing heart
Chorus
A slow healing heart
Is dying to mend
Longing for love
Lonely again
When a spirit is broken
And the memories start
Nothing moves slower Than a slow healing heart
Now, go back and read the entire “Slow Healing Heart” lyric without the interruptions. Does it seem too long? Maybe, maybe not. The answer can vary for individual listeners. All I know is that it's a risk — even if verse four is killer, it's still a risk. If you can avoid the risk effectively, you should. There are three risk-avoidance techniques outlined in this chapter. Get familiar with all of them.
First Risk-Avoidance Technique
Try dumping a verse. This is not as easy as it sounds, because unless you've written a real dead dog for one of your verses, you probably need at least some of the material in each one. So try to select the most important stuff, on a sort of “best of” principle, and distill one verse from two. Let's try it with verses three and four. How about this as a distilled verse:
Verse 3
There's a part of me still on the lookout
Alert for cutting remarks
But the sweetest of words
Only sharpen this hurt
Woe is a slow healing heart
Or how about this:
Verse 3
How I prayed for blind fait
h to lead me
Away from those cutting remarks
Now I'm doing fine
Both in body and mind
But woe is a slow healing heart
Now, go back and substitute each one into the lyric. Read the whole thing together. Why did you keep reading? Go back and read the lyric with each distilled verse.
This resulting verse / verse / chorus / verse / chorus song form is more streamlined. It gives the second chorus a boost by seeming to get to it early — a distinct advantage. And the distilled verse is often stronger than the two separate verses it came from.
EXERCISE 47
What do you think of my distilled verses? Did I lose too much, or did I keep the necessary stuff? You try it. Distill the original third and fourth verses into one verse of the same structure. Remember to end the verse with the refrain: Weak is a slow healing heart.