The Hero Complex

by K. A Knight

  The Hero Complex

  This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to places, events or real people are entirely coincidental.

  Copyright © 2019 K.A. Knight & Erin O’Kane, all rights reserved.

  Written by K.A Knight & Erin O’Kane

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Epilogue

  About the Authors

  Chapter One

  The boring, thirty story office building lets me see most of the city as I sit on the corner of the roof, looking around for someone to help. The device on my arm pings again to remind me that I haven't done my good deed for the day yet, and I can’t afford to be reprimanded again for not fulfilling my quota. The watch-like device keeps track of what I’ve done and, depending on how good I’ve been, gives me points which act as currency. Tapping the device, I see my balance is looking shockingly low.

  Life ain’t easy being a Hero. I’m not quite sure how I landed this job, but it’s the same way for all Heroes. One day you wake up as one, and it’s pretty cushy as long as you save the damsels and stop the bad guys. So what’s the problem you may ask?

  Well, I seem to attract bad luck. Every time I go to save someone, something bad happens. I can’t even help a duckling cross the road without something going wrong. That was a bad day. There was the bike and all the blood and god, the feathers...don’t get me started on the feathers. Poor little duckie didn’t stand a chance.

  My device pings again and I glare at it.

  “Okay, okay, I get it. Hold on to your Hero dicks,” I mutter. The other Heroes think I’m mad, but I’m pretty sure these watch things can hear what we’re saying, like they have little ears just waiting for us to say something wrong. I look around again and sigh, I can’t see anyone in need up here, I better go and walk among the humans.

  Spreading my wings I drop down off the building, enjoying the feel of the wind against my skin, it gives you one hell of a bad hair day though. Takes windswept to a whole new meaning, it’s like cum hair, but worse. The boss hates it when I do this, thinks I’m going to scare the little humans, but they never look up. Besides, I’ve pretty much got the landing down to a T now, I barely ever crash into stuff anymore...I mean there was that plane the other day, but everyone got out okay—well, sort of...there was that little old lady who had a heart attack, but I’m calling unfair on that one. She was totally going to have one anyway, not my fault I scared her.

  Aiming for a little back alley I plummet down, throwing my wings out to stop my decent, only I am just a tiny little bit too late, and crash into a dumpster with a bang. Oops.

  Hopping out of the dumpster, I brush down my plain black dress, checking that I’m not covered in leftover food or anything worse. Not today! Victory! Hmm, this calls for a celebratory treat, plus, I’m feeling lucky, perhaps I’ll manage to fulfill today's task! Walking out of the alley, I remember just in time to call my wings back in, just not quite in time. I smack a man walking on the pavement in the face and have to yank them in quickly as he looks around in confusion.

  “Bird,” I say lamely and he nods, walking away muttering to himself. I have learned from experience that humans don’t react very well to people walking around with wings. I stroll down the street towards the donut shop. What? Don’t judge. Even Heroes have cheat days!

  I smile at the couple behind the counter as I walk in.

  “Hello, Ms. Eden! The usual?” Okay fine, maybe I’ve come here are couple of times before, but god damn those little circles of joy with sprinkles are the best bit about this gig.

  “Yes please, Joe!” I respond cheerfully, taking out my magic plastic money card that was given to me—I think the humans call them credit cards? I don’t know, and I don’t care as long as it continues to get me donuts. I watch eagerly as Joe starts to put a dozen pink iced donuts into a box for me when I feel someone press up against my body. God, these humans can be handsy!

  “Put the money in the bag or I shoot the girl!” someone shouts near my head, fucking hell he’s loud. I stare sadly at the donuts when something is suddenly pressed to my head as a bag is thrown onto the counter. Oohhh, this is a robbery and I’m the hostage!

  I’m so surprised that my wings burst out of my body, knocking over the guy pressed against me.

  “Oh shit!” I say as look around, only to see the guy is knocked out on the floor. Wow, that was easy! See! I knew I was cut out for this Hero business. I can’t wait to shove this in Karen’s perfect face when I go back. I pull my wings back in quickly and bend over to pick up the gun that was in the robber’s hand.

  “Yes! Fuck yes! I fucking did it!” I exclaim, doing a little happy dance in the middle of the shop. Unfortunately, I’m still holding the gun as I do this.

  BANG

  I flinch at the loud noise before the screaming begins. Looking around frantically, I see that the gun I’m holding is smoking, and the guy on the floor is now bleeding profusely from where I have apparently shot him.

  “Oops,” I mutter, before the telltale tingly feeling runs through my body.

  I grab the box of donuts just as I’m yanked from this realm. With a groan, I wake up in a chair and across the desk is Boss Man. I grin and he frowns at me, not a shocker really, seeing that is all he ever does. I don’t think the poor bastard would know how to smile even if he got laid. Which I don’t think he has. Ever. Probably why he is so mardy, a serious case of blue balls. I wonder if that is his Hero code name or something like ‘Chastity’ or ‘Virgin Desk Man.’

  “Eden, really?” he asks, flipping his chart. “You killed a human, now he wasn't a great one, but still a human. You know I have to—” He stops and glares as I sneak a donut and shove it whole into my mouth. He watches in disgust. “Finished?” he questions sarcastically, and I nod before swallowing.

  “Proceed.” I wave my hand for him to carry on.

  He shakes his head and starts to lecture me again, I zone out, sneaking donut after donut until he slams the file shut and leans over and grabs the box. This starts a tug of war, his hair flapping into his face as he starts to sweat until I fall back with an umph, to find him holding the box triumphantly. With a pointed look he throws it in the bin and I gasp.

  “Eden, this is serious,” he points out, pursing his lips.

  “Yeah, it’s fucking serious. You just threw away my donuts! I paid for those!” I screech, my wings bursting out of me.

  “Actually, no you didn’t. The guy turned up before you paid, so technically you stole those anyway. Besides, you don’t have money, you were going to use our credit card!” he shouts, before blowing out a breath.

  He’s getting wound up, I can tell from the way his face it getting redder and redder. In fact, he is starting to resemble a tomato and I wonder what will happen if he continues to get mad. Would his head pop off? Would he self-combust? Who knows, but I really want to find out...that is probably against some Hero rule though. He sees me staring at him oddly before he pulls himself together.

  “This is besides the point! You killed someone!” He flicks through a file, which has my name printed on the front. I try to glance at what’s written about me, but he slams it closed so I can’t see. “You’ve been given enough warnings and there is not much more I can do to help you, Eden. Some people here believe that you are doing these things on purpose, and want to get you reclassified.”

  I gasp at that, I bet it was bloody Karen, she has always hated me. To be reclassified means I would no longer be
classed as a Hero, but a Villain, and I would have to spend the rest of my existence trying to avoid the Heroes. It also means no more company credit card—no donuts, cruises, strip clubs. I gulp, I wouldn’t stand a chance.

  Mr. Boss Man obviously sees my distress and leans forward awkwardly to pat my hand. “I’m trying to help you Eden, but this is your last chance. No more cock ups.” I have to bite my lip at his use of the word cock, I didn’t think he was able to swear. Huh, it’s a day of firsts.

  “Language!” I tut, doing my best ‘I’m a responsible Hero’ impression. His features drop from awkwardly comforting to pissed off again.

  “Last chance, Eden. Clean up your act or you will be reclassified.” And with those words, I’m booted out of the office and flung back into the human realm.

  You know when you have a really bad hangover and you lay down and the room is spinning? Yeah, it feels like that. Not cool bro. Groaning, I stumble forward and with a yelp, land in a fountain. Oh, he did that on purpose.

  What a cumguzzler.

  Chapter Two

  After clambering from the fountain, dripping wet and donut-less, I head back to my shitty apartment. It was automatically rented in my name when I became a Hero. I woke up, and bam! Here’s your apartment! Like seriously, we save the world, but a shoddy one-bedroom flat above a Chinese restaurant is the best you can afford? Pu-lease.

  Jamming my key into the lock, I twist and flick until eventually it unlocks. Dragging my wet ass up the wooden stairs, I groan when I spot Mrs. Loret sitting in her usual perch outside her open front door. Mr. Sprinkles, her old and nasty as hell pug is perched on her lap, judging everyone who has the audacity to pass him.

  “You smell worse than the food downstairs,” she grouches, squinting at me from behind her bright pink-framed glasses, with her usual rollers in her hair.

  Rolling my eyes, I flip off the pug and walk past, only to swear when he leaps from her lap and starts tugging at my wet dress, growling away.

  Sighing, I look to the old woman. “Little help?” I ask and she just laughs.

  Motherfucking old ladies man, what is their issue? Just because they are old, they think they can be a cunt?

  “You have two seconds to get your rat from my leg before I decide to make him into a kebab and let old Mr. Lee sell him for specials,” I warn.

  Her eyes narrow as her laughter cuts off. “Come here, Mr. Sprinkles.” He bounds over happily and she picks him up, cooing away to him. “Oh, who’s a good boy, teaching that nasty woman a lesson—”

  Leaving her to it, I push open my apartment door and head straight for the shower, stripping as I do. Tits swaying in the wind and vagalicous on show, I strut until I hear mocking male laughter.

  Screaming, I grab the closest thing to me, which just so happens to be a deodorant can, and spin to face the threat.

  Laughing his gorgeous ass off, perched on my couch like he belongs there, is none other than my nemesis and all around goody-two-shoes, Ted. Or Flash, as everyone calls him.

  “Heard you fucked up again Eden,” he taunts, and I narrow my eyes at him. “Alright, alright, don’t hurt me with your deodorant,” he mocks, holding his hands up as he stands and walks towards me. “Looks like you are going to have to pull a pretty big save this time.”

  “Get the fuck out of my apartment, you creep,” I snarl and he winks at me before popping out of existence, his mocking laughter following him. Seriously, how the fuck does he do that? Do they teach it in Hero school somewhere? That’s obviously a lesson I missed.

  Muttering to myself, I have a quick shower. As much as I hate to admit it, asswad is right, I need a pretty big save. Seems like I’m going Hero hunting tonight, but first...nap time. On my way to the sofa, I shrug on a silk robe that makes me feel super dramatic, like those scorned wives in the films, and grab the already opened bottle of wine on the counter. Chugging it, all ladylike and shit, I pass out face first into the smelly cushions.

  Waking up with my eyes itching and my mouth feeling drier than a nun’s cunt, I roll over half asleep, forgetting I crashed on the sofa, and hit the cold wooden floor with a thud. Groaning at my now throbbing ass and thigh, I roll my eyes when the man underneath me starts banging against the ceiling again. Fucking ass. He plays the bloody flute all day and night, but you have one orgy and it’s all ‘oh, Eden, I’m going to get you evicted!’

  Rude.

  Clambering to my feet, I head to get dressed, I’ve got some people to save, but first, I need to put on pants and maybe brush my hair, it’s been a while.

  Ready in sniff tested underwear, jeans, and a cami top, I throw on my leather jacket and hit the streets looking for criminals to hurt and innocents to save.

  Ooh look, a donut shop—no, focus Eden. Save people, then donuts.

  Fighting crime is more boring than you would think, I patrol downtown for over two hours and the only crime I spot is the man wearing sandals and socks. Shivering in horror at the memory, I sip my overpriced coffee and kick my feet from where I’m perched in a tree in the park. I get odd looks from people, even without my wings out, but I ignore them and scan the streets just outside the park for issues.

  I wonder if I…‘arranged’ for someone to rob a person, and then saved that person, would it count? Probably not, they are so picky. Eden, stop helping kids skip school Eden, don’t laugh at the streaker. Eden, don’t just sit and laugh as a very large fat man falls down a hill, and then starts rolling.

  Giggling at that memory I almost snort my coffee, that one was worth it though. It was so fucking funny, he was like a turtle on his back once he stopped, he just couldn’t get up. This time I do snort my coffee and end up spitting it out on a runner passing under my tree. Oops.

  That’s when I hear it—yes bitches, it’s Hero time.

  Jumping down, I run towards the screaming, because that’s what Heroes—shit on a stick. I fall face first over a can that was left on the ground, and jump up immediately.

  “I’m okay!” I shout, before bursting into a run again. Okay, let’s try this again.

  Running at a speed faster than the human eye can see, I come across a car crash. It’s pretty brutal.

  Three cars are all crashed together, their front ends crushed and smashed, the sides completely caved in. Glass is shattered everywhere as people cry, scream, and yep, video it. I tut loudly as I walk past the rubberneckers, it amazes me that people will stop to video a disaster, but not offer any help. Another car lies on it side and that’s where I see the main group of people.

  Sauntering through the wrecks, I check the cars for people but when I don’t spot anyone trapped or injured, I head over to the crowd.

  Pushing through the people squatting, talking loudly on their phones, or just plain gawking, I spot the issue.

  “Er, ma’am, you seem to be trapped under a car,” I point out helpfully, but the woman ignores me, moaning in pain. Well, at least she isn’t dead. Silver linings, you know?

  “Okay, please stay calm. I will now lift the car,” I announce loudly, holding my hands up. “Please hold in your shock and applause until after.”

  Looking down I frown, all the gathered humans are staring at me like I’m crazy. Muttering under my breath, I push my way to the side of the car, peering around it to the woman who is now crying. Awkward.

  “Hey, lady, I’m going to lift the car now,” I warn. Crouching down I grip the front grill, blowing out a breath I gather my strength and lift. It feels like pushing out a really persistent turd, my face straining and no doubt turning an attractive shade of red until I finally lift it clear in the air. “Nailed it!” I shout, glancing around it to grin at the humans who are staring at me, pale faced and shocked. No one moves and I frown again. One man slowly raises his phone, not moving other than the slow movement until it faces me. I hear the click before the camera flashes and I squeal when it blinds me.

  “Dude, what the hell? You could have blinded me!” I shout, I don’t know why but I look up and freeze. Standing
at the edge of the crowd are three Villains. I know instantly, my Hero senses are going off and I spot the mark on them. It’s not a visible mark, but more of a feeling, something that you just know. I hear a bang, my shock is so loud. Oh wait, that wasn't shock…

  As if in slow motion I look down, a wince already on my face when I see the car back on the ground, crushing the lady from where I dropped it. Except now she is most definitely dead.

  Oops.

  The screaming starts again and I look at the humans nearest the car. They must have been in the splash zone, because gore and blood cover their faces.

  Starting to back away slowly, still cringing, I groan when I feel myself yanked.

  Just before I’m pulled away, I see the smirking faces of the three Villains, like this was highly amusing to them. Oh man. This is not going to end well, I can just tell.

  Chapter Three

  The pinched face of Boss Man should be enough to tell me that I am in deep shit, but it’s not until I take in the three other occupants in the room that it really starts to hit home.

  “Look, I didn’t mean to drop the car on her! I was trying to help, then someone blinded me and it just, you know, slipped,” I explain in a rush, holding my hands out in a placating gesture. These guys could be reasonable, right?

  “It slipped?” Boss Man asks with an arched eyebrow, his face looking like he just sucked a lemon. Man, he needs to get laid. Nodding quickly I smile at him sweetly, he is the leader of the Heroes, he has to be a nice guy deep down, right?

  “Do you really expect us to believe that?” A tight, high-pitched voice causes me to sigh and acknowledge the woman in the corner of the room. Looking over at her, I widen my eyes as if I’m surprised to see her.