Winter Wonderland

by Cassandra Javier

  “What…”

  She imitated his voice, “A boyfriend?” She said.

  “Oh, that,” He laughed, “So…tell me…”

  She laughed, “I never had one.” She said.

  “Why not?” He asked, surprised, “You’re beautiful, you sing well, you’re…”

  “I just haven’t found the right one.” She told him.

  “Well,” He said, “You do deserve the right one.” He went on, “No, more than that, the best one.”

  She smiled.

  Don’t go breakin’ my heart

  After what happened at the treehouse, Terrence and Margot haven’t really spoken much. His trips to her cabin have been reduced to just a “Here’s your food”—“Thank you” stuff and whenever they see each other by the beach, it’s all just…tension-filled, as how Terrence would put it. That morning though, he saw Margot by a palm tree near her cabin, apparently listening to a conversation that involved a young couple breaking up. Terrence didn’t really know what happened but what he heard was the girl was telling the boy that he was unfair, that he just brought her to the beach so he could flaunt someone to his buds and that the Tess girl who was apparently a cheerleader is a flirt. The guy walked out on the girl and she ran after him.

  “Eavesdropping?” Terrence said behind Margot but he was surprised to find her almost in tears when she turned to look at him.

  “Hey, what happened?” He asked and she sat down on this bench in front of her cabin, “You know them?”

  She shook her head and sighed, “That,” She said, “Is exactly how my first boyfriend broke up with me.” She told him.

  “What?”

  “He was a popular guy, I was Miss Eccentric…His pals and him just betted on me.” She sighed, “He used me and after breaking up with me, he just went with Miss popular cheerleader. I ran after him, literally and emotionally. I spent so many months trying to win him back, he was like, this prize and she won…” She closed her eyes then looked at him when she opened them, “Since then, I promised myself I would never ever allow myself to fall for someone that hard again. I won’t ever cry for a guy again. I could go to bed with them, sure, but that’s it…” She went on, “And then you came and…I got scared. I now feel like, like it’ll just happen again, that now…Now feelings are involved, at least my feelings…”

  “My feelings, too.”

  “You don’t mean that.”

  “Of course I do.” He told her, “Margot, not all guys are the same.”

  She sighed, “You’re lying.”

  “Hey, we may have done the deal, but it’s not all I want, okay?” Terrence said, “We should maybe, take things slow, I could do that…we could…”

  “Stop,” She said, “I didn’t came here for a relationship, I came her for…For fun, for nothing like this…I don’t need this.”

  “The very reason you’re scared means something.” He said, “It means we could be something more than this…That…That maybe, we are more than this.”

  She sighed, “No,” She said, “I was just being stupid…” She then stood up and started to open the door of her cabin.

  “Margot,”

  “I’m sorry,” She said, “I don’t think I can give you more than this.” And with that, she closed the door.

  Back to December

  Total Disaster.

  Those words sums up today, Carly thought. It was the first day of Anielle and Kurt’s wedding and dance rehearsal and the tension between her and Alfred was very evident. Not being able to look in each others’ eyes, not being able to hold each other properly while trying to dance, the list could go on and on. Anielle may be smiling but Carly’s a good mind reader, she knew Anielle was disappointed. And that’s when Carly thought this couldn’t go on.

  So, that evening after they got home and had dinner, she decided to come see Alfred at the balcony of the Marquez’s house. He turned to look at the surroundings when he saw her.

  She sighed, “This has to stop.” She told him.

  He looked at her, “What?”

  “Oh, come on, Alfred, don’t play dumb with me,” She said, feeling very much like the Iron lady, “We both know this has gone on for far too long. We can’t be like this every rehearsal, and most especially, not on your sister’s wedding day.”

  He took a deep breath and buried his hands in his pockets, “Fine,” He said, “How do we make it stop, huh?”

  “Well,” She said sarcastically, “I don’t know.” She sighed, “Look, since when did things began to be this way between us? We used to be friends. Good friends.”

  “Correction,” Alfred said, holding his glass of wine firmly, “I was a good friend to you.”

  “What?!” She said, “Well, excuse me , Alfred, but as far as I’m concerned, you’re the one who distanced yourself from me, you’re the one who didn’t answer my texts, my emails…”

  “Hey, wait,” He said, “Wasn’t that you?”

  “What?”

  “You stopped communicating with me after I told you about my feelings for you,” He told her through gritted teeth, “And then out of the blue, you ask me how I am? Come on.”

  She was shocked, she didn’t know about this, “When…When was this?”

  He eyed her quizzically and sighed, “Summer before senior year. I texted you.”

  “I…I didn’t know…I never received anything.”

  “Really?” He asked sarcastically.

  “Stop being so sarcastic, Alfred.” She said, “I’m not gonna lie about that. I never got anything, never heard from you since our last conversation about those plans in life we had…And…For a while, my phone went berserk…”

  He looked at her, trying to search for clues that she’s lying but he can’t. She’s probably telling the truth. He remembered that conversation clearly, even after all these years. He told her he wanted to paint but that he didn’t think it would be good, that it wasn’t “normal”, that he had to find a “normal” job. He said, he wanted to have someone love him (he already wanted to tell her then that he liked her, that maybe, he loved her already, or that he always did but he didn’t. He thought she was still in love with Charles then), he told her about his dreams. And she listened, like she always did. She told him about her dreams of finally falling in love again for the right guy, that yes, she still probably likes Charles and she’ll always love him but that they can’t be together (she didn’t tell him why, and neither did she tell him that yes, she loves Charles, she always will, but she’s not in love with him), She told him he should go after his dreams, that being a painter isn’t wrong. They promised each other they’d be happy, that one day, they’ll make all their dreams come true and that they’d always be there for each other no matter what. And now, here they are, years later, pretending to be fine but both looking like they’re two of the world’s most miserable persons.

  “Say something…” She told him. Alfred didn’t realize how long he’s been disrupted by his thoughts.

  “It’s okay,” He said, himself surprised as well, “I believe you.”

  She was surprised but felt lighter inside. She took a deep breath, “So,” She said, “What did that message say?”

  “Jesus, Carly, it’s been years…”

  “Alfred, just…Just tell me.” She said.

  He sighed, “Well,” He said, looking at the view from the balcony, “I said that I like you, that you were wonderful, you know, those stuff…” He paused then went on, “…I also said that if you liked me, even just like, a 10% thing or something, that maybe we should give it a shot, give us a shot…” He took a deep breath as he looked at her, “And then I didn’t get any answers so I thought, hey, maybe, I wasn’t even worth your time or effort. It hurt me, it was terrible.”

  “I was hurt too, really.” She shot back. “You never answered my texts, my emails, anything…”

  “That’s because I thought you did the same thing to me first.”
He said, and for some reason, it made them both laugh. Revenge. It never really does anyone good when planned. He then realized he hasn’t had a laugh with her in years.

  She sighed, “So, you did get my email? My…my last email?” She was talking about the email he sent him almost four years ago, the one where in she poured her heart out and told him everything she thought he needed to know—that if ever she did anything wrong, she was sorry, that she wished he would talk to him again, that Charles was gay… That she liked him, it was just that she was blinded by so many things back then. But she never got any answers. Nothing.

  “Yeah,” He answered, “And like I’ve said, I didn’t answer you because I wanted you to feel how I felt. Oh, and I didn’t really think you were telling the truth.”

  “What part?”

  “Oh, that Charles is gay?” He said sarcastically, “I mean, come on, Carly, you can do better than that excuse. You were so all for him, you were happy with him, you were like, a giddy schoolgirl---“

  “I wasn’t lying,” She told him, “He’s gay. Well, I didn’t know it initially, not during the times that you’ve met but he told me months later.”

  “But the last time we talked, it was like, you still liked him…No, love, you said you loved him.”

  “Yes, I did,” She said, “Still do. But I am not in-love with him. There’s a difference.”

  “Oh.” He simply said and sighed. “You know, Carly, being with you in all those hang-outs and events with your friends just so you could make someone jealous was okay, I thought it was okay…I mean, if you didn’t think about your schemes, you’re fun to be with but come on, I can’t just be your wing guy everytime, I can’t be the third wheel all the time…You were the first girl I ever held hands with, the first girl I hugged that hard…And for you, it doesn’t mean anything does it?”

  “Alfred, it’s not like that,” She said, “I mean, the first time, sure. You know how much Jimi hurt me (Jimi is Carly’s first boyfriend), you knew how I wanted to hurt him badly…And we did…but after that, I really just allowed you to come with me to the events because…Because I just needed a friend, and…And I enjoyed being with you.” She told him, “And besides, don’t blame this all on me…It’s all not my fault. I mean, come on, if I remember correctly, and I know I do, you were still gung-ho over what’s her name…Di, back then.” She said sarcastically, “Oh, and then there was Judy…”

  He looked at her as if she had dropped a bomb of some sort, “You know about Judy?”

  “Well, I saw your photos back then…But I never really asked you because you weren’t talking to me…” She said, “Anielle just told me yesterday about you being together.”

  “It didn’t work.” He told her, “She’s married now.”

  “Oh.” She said, “And how do you feel about that?”

  “Nothing,” He told her, actually meaning it, “It’s over between us. She deserved someone better and he’s that someone.”

  “I’d go back to December a couple of years back just so this conversation wouldn’t be around, you know?” She told him. He smiled and for quite a while, no one spoke. They were both thinking of what could’ve been—if only they were more patient, if only they understood better, if only he answered her, if only she got his messages. If only’s. Life’s twisted sometimes, he thought.

  She broke the silence, “I saw your paintings,” She told him, “They’re beautiful. Anielle told me you didn’t wanna make it a career though…Why?”

  He just looked at her, “Why’d you leave this country if you loved it in the first place?”

  She took a deep breath, “People grow up, Alfred…” She said, “Priorities change…”

  “So, how’s New York?” He asked after drinking some wine.

  “It’s good,” She said, “Beautiful. But definitely the city that never sleeps.”

  He laughed, “And you work for a fashion magazine?”

  “Yeah, Catwalk.”

  “How’s it like rubbing elbows with the rich and famous, huh?”

  She laughed, “Well, that’s just the good part about the job,” She said, “But I’m telling you, it’s all stress and stuff like that…” She told him, “Oh, well, that’s life…”

  “You live alone?”

  “No, I live with Charles…”

  Another bomb. He looked at her suspiciously, “You’re telling me that you are not in love with that guy and now you’re saying you live with him?”

  “Yeah, I mean, we’re friends,” She told him, “He needs a housemate, I do, too. If not for him, I probably wouldn’t have been in New York in the first place. It doesn’t mean anything,” She said and then sighed, “We’re just friends and that’s all we’ll ever be.” She went on, “Oh, and for the record, I’m single.” She said heavily, “It’s been a while since my last relationship. God, that was a mess.” She told him, remembering Venizio, her last flame.

  “Why?” He asked curiously, “What happened?”

  “He ran back off to Italy…” She said, the memories flooding back, “He said, I wasn’t capable of loving him, that I didn’t know what love was.”

  “Are you serious? You, the hopeless romantic doesn’t know love? Is he like, insane or what?”

  She laughed and he felt like her laughter had that tinge of sadness in it, “He has a point, actually.”

  “What?”

  “It’s true,” She said, “I may not really know what love is anymore, amongst other things. Well, whatever I had with him was more of…I don’t know, a companionship, probably…” She then paused and looked at him as she went on, “Look, I know we haven’t been seeing eye to eye anymore…There are…There are so many things we don’t know about each other now, We’re probably not good friends anymore.” She gave a tiny, sad laugh, “I know I may not be a good friend anymore. I’ve…I’ve severed ties with a couple of my friends, I haven’t been able to keep a relationship with anyone for the longest time, I’m called the Iron lady…” She sighed, “People don’t see me as the person I used to be, and I hate to admit it, but sometimes, I’m not so sure if that’s a good thing…” She laughed again, “But,” She said, “Your sister is very dear to me. She’s like, this sister that I never had, you know? And I only want the best for her, I want her wedding day to be really special, and happy…And one of the ways that could happen is if we stop bickering and having this weird tension between us. I’m not saying let’s be good friends again that fast, maybe that’s not so possible…Maybe, you hate me too much for that to happen,” She went on, “All I’m saying is…We should try. Let’s just…Try to put this all behind us. Even just for your sister.”

  He looked at her and nodded his head, “You’re right,” He said, “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ve been insensitive, I really never should’ve walked away…”

  “I’m sorry I ever let you walk away.” She instantly said, and they stayed like that for a little while—looking at each other, the pain of the past consuming them once again, but this time, not with anger, but with sadness and regrets.

  “Oh,” She said after a while and held out her hand, “So, friends?”

  He smiled and shook her hand, “Friends.” He said. And she smiled. “By the way,” He went on, “You look good. I mean, very different from the way you were, and I do miss that cool, bubbly, laid-back look you used to have but I guess…This is you now…”

  She laughed, “Thanks,” She said, “You look good, too, although I miss your old laid-back, mysterious look…now, you’re like, this total business guy, No offense.” She told him, “But I guess, this suits you, too…”

  He just shrugged, “Wait,” He said, “Have you actually gone home yet? And by home, I mean, your family…”

  She laughed. Her family never really made her feel that much at home. “Uhm, no, actually not.” She answered.

  “Why not?” He asked, “Oh, uhm, by the way, I have no work tomorrow, if you wanna visit them, I can bring
you there…”

  “No, don’t, it’s…It’s okay…”

  “Come on, Carly,” He said, “I know you live in New York now and Christmas may not be a big thing anymore, but Christmas is what? In a week? You should at least visit them, you know?”

  Carly smiled and took a deep breath, “Well,” She said, “I guess, you have a point…Tomorrow, then.”

  “Okay.” He said.

  “Uhm, I guess, I have to go to bed now, you probably need some rest, long week, huh?”

  He laughed, “Yeah, well…”

  She smiled, “Goodnight, Alfred.”

  He smiled back, “Goodnight, Carly.”

  Every rose has its thorn

  Lea was wiping some shelves inside Jack’s house that day. Jack was out for his tutoring session with Mikee, one of the neighbors. She was also talking to someone on her cellphone—Venizio, her boyfriend in Italy. They’ve been together for two years now. She hasn’t told Jack about Venizio yet-Jack still thinks she came back for him.

  “It’s so hard,” Lea told him, her eyes darting from picture to picture across the room, “Do you know he still has all my pictures? My pictures with him? Our wedding photos still line up the walls…” She sighed.

  “Oh.” Venizio said, “So…how long will you be staying?”

  “’Til Christmas or something…” She answered, “He asked me to. He said, if we could work things out, then good, if not, then he’ll give me the divorce…” She said, “I’m so sorry, I wish I could be there now…” Actually, she could. He wasn’t home—she could just run away, but she thought running away again would only make things worse. He deserves a better ending now, she thought.

  “It’s okay, Amore, I understand.” He told her, “Whatever you choose, I’ll respect it.”

  “No,” She told him, “I love you, Venizio,” She said, “Whatever we have is different from what Jack and I had…I just…Just give me more time, I’ll tell him.”