Pride's Remedy

by Erin Butler

  We weaved in and out of swaying bodies, couples dancing, groups laughing until Janie spotted him. Miranda had him in a private conversation, tucked away at the edge of everybody else. What a surprise. Another monkey.

  “Perfect. Too perfect!” Janie said. “We have our in. Miranda might get mad. Well, she will for sure, but she’ll get over it. Come on, let’s go.” Janie grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the opposite gym wall.

  I took in Will. Janie was right, he was handsome. Almost Cole Foster gorgeous. Perhaps a little too rogue for a Mr. Darcy. His hair styled a little too disheveled in a Yeah-I-know-what-I’m-doing kind of way. All in all, my heart did a little pitter-patter when he smiled my way. Even I can appreciate the cuteness of monkeys.

  “Hey,” Janie said. She walked right into their two-person conversation. “Here you are Miranda. We’ve been looking for you. How’s it going?” Miranda laughed and opened her mouth. Janie cut her off. “Hi. You must be Will. I’m Janie and this is my best friend, Eliza.”

  Will’s angular jaw dropped a little. “I’ve only talked to, I think, ten people today. How does everyone know who I am?”

  Janie and Miranda both started talking at the same time, but Janie’s persistently loud voice won out. “I’d get used to it if I were you. Small town, less people, equals small incidents, long talk time.”

  “That’s another piece of good advice,” Miranda interjected. She smiled a killer smile at Will. I took a step back. This could get ugly. Miranda then turned to us. “I’ve been giving Will the ins and outs of East High. Nothing exciting ever happens here, so when something finally does, it’s show time.” She gave Janie a pointed look.

  “Yeah, like---” Janie started.

  “Like when Ryan Wick jumps from girl to girl, and girl to girl.” Miranda laughed. Her bright white teeth shone under the colored lights.

  Poor Will. He didn’t know what was coming. I tensed up for Janie’s reaction, but only a giggle rang out. “I know, right? Or when Derek Faye finally gets a girlfriend.” Janie turned toward Will. She missed the pink blush that spread over Miranda’s cheeks. “That has only happened once before, but people talked about it for months.”

  “Why? What’s up with…?”

  “Or when Mrs. Lucas has to punish her daughter.” Miranda interrupted, keeping a steely glare on Janie.

  “Or when a certain cheerleader…”

  Janie and Miranda went back and forth. Like a tennis match, I watched, looking from one face to the other and then back again. Pretty comical even.

  A hot breath tingled my ear. “Do you think they realize we’re not listening anymore?”

  Now it was my turn to turn all red. “Probably not.”

  “How long could this…” Will trailed off and pointed back and forth between them.

  “An hour, tops.”

  He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s kind of exhausting.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  “So, Eliza.” Will paused and looked at me. I mean, really looked at me. “Did you hear about me today?”

  “Only from Janie.”

  “Really? Just Janie?”

  “Yeah. I don’t pay as much attention to gossip as she does.”

  “A new kid isn’t exciting to you?” Did this guy ooze confidence or what? Chalk one up for Darcy-esque.

  “Um, well, yeah. I just know Janie will tell me, so I don’t bother trying to hear it myself.”

  “Oh, okay. So, what do you do when Janie’s out gossiping?”

  “Well, I actually try to learn in school for one and two, everybody gossips here. You’ll have to get used to it.”

  The corner of his lip twitched. “Everyone, but you?”

  “I listen to Janie’s gossip, isn’t that the same?” His insinuations ticked me right off. I’m not better than my best friend just because I don’t pay attention to the monkey grunts.

  “Hmm, maybe,” Will said. His brown eyes deep, soulful almost.

  I didn’t care for the way he stared at me, thinking about me, pondering me over in his brain, tearing me apart with his eyes, trying to judge me. “What do you care anyway?” I fired back.

  “Whoa.” His hands shot up. “I’m sorry. I’m just making conversation.” When I didn’t answer, he leaned forward to whisper in my ear again, and placed his hand on my shoulder. “I actually just wanted to keep you talking. There’s this guy across the gym that’s been checking you out.” I turned to look, but Will squeezed my shoulder and a new tickle warmed my ear. “I didn’t want him to come steal you away from me. He’s not your boyfriend, is he?”

  I had to clear my throat before I could talk. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

  “Let’s get a drink then.”

  I looked to Miranda and Janie. Hands still flew everywhere in wide erratic circles. Fingers pointed, eyebrows arched, and a glint still shone in my best friend’s eye. They weren’t done yet. “Sure.” I walked toward the punch bowl, and peeked in the direction Will had looked. I didn’t see anybody. Then I drifted my eyes to Janie again. She stared at me now, eyes wide and smiling, and gave me two thumbs up. Then she went right back to arguing. I smiled too, happy that Janie approved.

  The now becoming familiar hot breath touched my ear again. “Here comes your stalker.”

  I looked up to see an impossibility. “Ryan?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “New kid, remember? If Ryan’s wearing a white Knicks shirt and dark jeans and looking at you right now. Then yes, Ryan.”

  I turned just in time for Ryan to stop in front of us. “Hey, Liza. How are ya?”

  “Fine.” I resisted the urge to check for Janie behind me. “How are you?”

  “Doin’ pretty good.” I just nodded, so Will intervened and introduced himself. “I figured,” Ryan said, not at all caring. “Are you guys here together?”

  I crossed my hands over my middle. “No. We just met.”

  “Ahh, Janie, huh?”

  “Yes. Janie.” I added pepper to my voice. Janie was off-limits.

  “Okay, okay.” He motioned behind him. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

  “Will and I are bringing back punch for Miranda and Janie. Sorry.”

  “Yeah, I think we need to go back and be referees,” Will joked.

  Ryan wore the faintest hint of a frown and I still had the smell of spice cake in my nostrils, terrorizing my brain. I winced, “Well, maybe for just a minute. But only a minute.”

  Will walked around us and picked up a conversation with a senior while they waited for the punch.

  Ryan put a hand on my shoulder and led me to the bleachers where he motioned for me to sit down.

  “What do you want, Ryan?” I asked, exhausted all ready. Thirty minutes at a school dance and I couldn’t stand the stupid chatter and tension everywhere. I wish I lived back in the days when you absolutely could not talk to people you didn’t know. Then I’d go back in time and figure out a way for Ryan and me never to be introduced.

  “I thought we should talk about what almost---”

  My heart squeezed inside, like someone took a clamp to it. “Why right now? It’s been months.”

  “Whoa. What’s with the attitude? That’s kind of harsh coming from you.”

  “Harsh, huh? You broke my best friend’s heart. That’s harsh.”

  His eyes widened. “I know. But don’t pretend you hate me.” Stupid spice cake. Stupid, stupid spice cake. I will never eat a piece again. “Besides,” Ryan continued, “Janie’s obviously moved on if she’s after Will.”

  “Of course she moved on. It just took her longer than an hour. Unlike you.”

  “I don’t deserve that. You know I don’t.”

  I would believe anything he said if he had just kept looking at me that way. I pinched the skin on my thighs to wake myself up. “I’m not sure.”

  “Eliza,” Ryan said, “I brought you over here to say something nice to you. Now will you just be quiet and let me do it.”

  “What could you possibl
y have to say to me?”

  “You look hot.” He shrugged when my mouth dropped open. Okay, that I felt. Half surprise, half I couldn’t believe he would even say those things to me after what we---he, I mean he did---to my best friend. “You look so good tonight. I saw you in the hallway and I had to do a double take. I know you’re pretending to hate me. Though I don’t know how you could after---”

  “The point Ryan?”

  He shook his head. “I just figured you’d like to hear that someone thought you looked really awesome tonight. Wearing shirts that aren’t covered in that dead girl’s face really agree with you.”

  Inside, I groaned in response to the dead girl comment. Even deeper inside though, I got a little fluttery. “Thanks, I guess.” I dropped my eyes, which happened to land on his hands. Not good. Once they were on his hands, I thought of those hands touching my face, just for a second, right before we heard the door slam and… Okay, stop it. Just stop it.

  He must have noticed because he reached for me. I scooted back. Thankfully. He took a deep breath. “Is there any way we might be able to hang out sometime?

  “I don’t think so, but…” But? Why did I say but? There wasn’t a but.

  “But maybe? Maybe if Janie stopped hating my guts?” Ryan asked.

  “Yeah, maybe. And maybe you’ll be president one day.”

  Ryan laughed and I ran my fingers through his honey-colored hair. No. No, I didn’t. I only thought about it. He ran his own soft fingers through his hair. “Are you interested in the new kid?”

  My stomach erupted in butterflies. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  “Maybe? Like maybe you’ll get an A in English, maybe?”

  “Yeah. Like that kind of maybe.”

  “He won’t deserve you,” Ryan said. “He didn’t see you for the first time with a dead girl on your shirt.”

  My body tensed. “Okay. What’s wrong with my usual shirts?”

  “Nothing. I think you’re cute all the time.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Sure. Listen, I’m gonna go now.”

  “Yeah.” He looked past me. “And here he is. Right on time.”

  Over my shoulder, I glimpsed Will heading toward us. “I’ll talk to you later.”

  He caught my arm before I turned away. “Just remember what I said Liza.”

  ***

  Miranda and Janie weren’t arguing anymore. They both looked at me with smiles that screamed, “Oh, you are so going to spill later.” That was worse than the actual being at the dance. I knew I’d have to talk about it for days to come.

  I could also tell Janie didn’t have a clue Ryan spoke to me. Or asked me out. Or for that matter, even looked my way because that would be a conversation that could not wait. A stop everything, Janie doesn’t care if Mr. Bing has a heart attack in the corner of the gym. I am not going to do anything, even call 911, until she knows what Ryan said to me. I think I’ll tuck that one away with the other and never say anything. It would hurt Janie and I could never do that.

  Will, and eventually Miranda, left us. Not together, and not at the same time. A few guys in a spiral of testosterone-fueled sports insults carried off Will. It was amazing to me that he could fit in with anyone. Just drop right into a conversation with two guys walking by and start talking as if all three knew each other since elementary school. He waved bye to us when he remembered.

  Miranda? A boy asked her to dance.

  Janie, deflated, sunk down onto the bleachers and said things like, “I guess it’s just not our night, Liza.”

  We sat and talked about everyone else having a good time. Janie kept tabs on Will and I’d hear every once and a while how cute his smile was, how hot he was when he was listening to other people talk, and how she wished she knew what they were saying. She even thought he looked over at us a couple times.

  I think she dreamt it.

  “Remember when your mom took us to her cousin’s wedding because your dad got sick and couldn’t go?” Janie asked.

  A familiar tightening squeezed my chest. It was as if a wrench turned and turned a screw tighter into my heart. Haze clouded over me. “Yeah.”

  “That was a lot of fun.” Janie’s voice was tiny. Janie’s voice was never tiny, except when she talked about my mom. “We felt like princesses that day. I can remember turning around and around in circles with you, letting our dresses spill out in frilly circles.”

  “I remember.”

  “How come that day was so special, but now, when we’re older like we dreamed about, does it suck so much more?”

  I shrugged.

  “How come we can’t feel that way anymore?”

  Because my mother is dead, I wanted to answer. But of course, I didn’t. I just shrugged my shoulders again and played the cool girl card.

  Janie let it drop like she always did. She’s never too persistent about my mom, never too forceful. She’s the exact kind of best friend I need.

  Janie grabbed my leg and dug her nails into my skin. “Holy crap! You’ve got to be flippin’ kidding me!”

  “What?” I turned in the direction of Janie’s plastered eyes. “Uh-oh.”

  “What is that, Liza? What the hell is going on?”

  It was Ryan. And Miranda. It was Ryan and Miranda. Dancing. Together. “I have no idea Janie.” Acid reeled in my stomach. “He’s scum. I thought we agreed on that.”

  “He is scum. Why is Miranda dancing with him?”

  The better question is, why is he dancing with her? Did he not just ask me out? “Maybe she asked him?”

  “Maybe he asked her!” Janie said, turning her fiery eyes on me. “Of course he asked her. Why did she say yes?”

  “Miranda never professed to be your best friend.” A twinge of guilt nailed into me for saying but before. I had to make sure that but never came out again when Ryan Wick was around.

  “My best friend? She’s not even a friend. She’s not even an acquaintance. She’s not even a person I’ll let look at me anymore.”

  “You’re better off without him. And to Miranda’s defense, maybe she thinks you’re over him.”

  “Of course I’m over him.”

  “It doesn’t sound like it.”

  “Well, if you ever had a boyfriend, you’d know you’re not supposed to dance with another friend’s ex.”

  “Thank you. I think I could have figured that one out on my own.”

  “Oh really? Good to know. Good to know you won’t ever need advice from me.”

  “Calm down.”

  Janie exhaled quickly. And just when I thought it would be over, she mumbled, “You wouldn’t know. You won’t ever get a boyfriend to have to worry about something like this.”

  I curled my fingers around the edge of the bleachers. “Newsflash. Too far.”

  “I know you don’t like hearing the truth, but there it is,” Janie spat out.

  “Whatever.”

  “No. I’m not letting this one go. I was going to, but I’m not.” She pointed out at the dance, motioned toward all the kids our age having fun like we were two separate entities. There was them. And there was us. “You had a chance and you didn’t even take it. You go off with Will, then don’t come back with him. Then, he goes off to get you a second time. You come back with him, but don’t even talk to him for the whole time he’s standing here.” She paused for a moment, gathering up her courage, wondering if I’d forgive her for what she’s about to say. “He was so obviously into you and you did nothing. He kept trying to talk to you and you did nothing. You need to get out of your head and into reality.”

  “Reality?”

  “Yes Liza. Reality.” Janie pressed her finger into the bleachers, making invisible periods. “What’s happening right here, right now.”

  “Maybe reality is that I don’t like Will.”

  I tried to turn away, but Janie wouldn’t let it go. “And why is that?”

  My pulse sprinted away at full speed. It whooshed in my ears. “Because Will is just another monkey. Anot
her mindless Christopher Kronin. Another boy who’ll get together with all his awesome friends, and talk about all the awesome things they do, and…and…talk about Miranda’s cleeeeavage. Because. It’s. Just. So. Nice.”

  Janie’s face flipped. It wasn’t the shocked face of someone who just got told off. It was sad. And it wasn’t looking at me. It looked past me.

  I turned around.

  Will.

  Now there’s the face I expected Janie to have. Shock. Indignation. And a little bit pissed. “I guess you’ve got me pegged, huh?”

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