Love Series (Complete Series)

by Natasha Madison

  I roll my eyes. “You lie. You loved Eric. Fuck, everyone liked Eric. I used to get the ‘Where is Eric?’ before you asked how I was.” I finally smile. I think it’s my first smile in a month.

  “Honey, he is gone and not coming back. So you have two choices. One, you wallow, which I have to say you’ve been doing quite well, or two, you dust yourself off and live again.”

  “I choose three,” Crystal says. “Purge him from your system.”

  “She can’t have sex with someone now; she isn’t in the right head space,” Nanny says. “I mean, she would probably cry in the middle of it.”

  “Are you two done?” I ask, relieved to find everyone back to normal and no one listening to us. No one is pointing anymore, but I see a couple of people look over, smile sadly, and then turn around and continue their meal or conversation. The meal is long or, at least, it feels long. I ordered soup but pick fries off Crystal’s plate. When Nanny drives us back home, we wave goodbye to her as the walk inside the house feels stale, stiff.

  Sitting on the couch, I feel the memories come floating back. “I hate this house,” I say as I grab the remote and turn on the television.

  Crystal hangs with me until she has to go to work, and then I sit on the couch all night flipping through the channels. Night turns to morning as my eyes never tire or close, but my mind spins.

  I finally get up sometime after dawn to walk upstairs to the bathroom and then make my way to the spare room. I look at the bed and realize it’s not made. The sheets are still in the wash. So I turn around and look at the closed door.

  The door I shut a month ago; the door I swore never to open again. I walk toward it slowly, the floor creaking under my soft footsteps. My hand reaches out to grab the handle, feeling the cold metal under my warm hand. Turning the handle, I push the door open slowly, the hinges squeaking when I finally push it all the way open.

  The stale air has specks of dust floating in the sunlight streaming in the side windows. The bed sheets lay crumpled from when I first got home on that fateful day. The pictures on the side tables have a light layer of dust on them. I still smell him; it’s faint but it’s still there. I walk in, treading lightly, almost as if I’m the stranger in the house. As if I don’t belong here. As if this isn’t my room.

  I walk toward the closet and open it, seeing his dress shirts hanging there, waiting to be worn, but I know they will never see the light of day.

  Taking one out, I bring it to my face, hoping to smell him or feel him, but instead, I smell soap. I place it back then go to his side table, opening the first drawer.

  My hand traces the Kindle that sits on top of everything else.

  When I spot a flashlight, I take it out and turn the light on. A rubber band from the music festival we went to last month sits in the corner, and another watch he needed a battery for is tossed to the side.

  I spot the condoms, right beside everything, and laugh awkwardly. “Well, we know why he didn’t want to have kids right away. Asshole,” I say out loud, hoping he’s here, hoping he can hear me. I slam the drawer closed and march downstairs.

  Grabbing a garbage bag from under the sink, I storm back upstairs, this time whipping open the closet door. Yanking his shirts off the hangers, I stuff them in the bag. Some hangers fly to the floor while others just dangle on the rod empty. Empty like this house. After filling up the bag with his clothes from the closet, I walk over to his chest and open the drawers to find his t-shirts all folded perfectly. I pick them up and toss them into the bag. Drawer after drawer till the bag is almost full. I still have a couple of drawers left when I hear the doorbell. Looking over at the clock beside the bed, I see it’s almost ten thirty. I open the door and come face to face with a huge bouquet of red roses in a beautiful crystal vase. “Um, I have a delivery for Hailey,” the man says as he takes in my rumpled attire.

  “That’s me,” I tell him as he hands me the bouquet and walks back to his yellow van.

  After I close the door, I walk into the kitchen and place the roses on the table then pull the card out. Finding the front of the white envelope blank, I turn it over and flip up the flap, taking the card out.

  Thank you for opening that door one year ago and changing my life.

  Forever Yours,

  Eric

  The sob escapes me no matter how much I try to fight it. My hand covers my mouth, and my legs get wobbly. My hand holds the table as the card falls to the floor, floating left and right before it lands right by my foot. My hand shoots out, tossing the vase to the floor and shattering it into a million pieces.

  Chapter Four

  Hailey

  I sit in that chair watching the tiny crystal pieces glitter in the sunlight, afraid to move in case I slice open my bare feet. The door opens, and my brother, Blake, comes in. “Hey,” he says from the door as he walks into the kitchen. Taking in the shattered vase and the roses in a heap on the middle of the floor, he hears the crunching of glass under his boots. “What the fuck is this?” he asks as he spots the card. Bending down, he picks it up and reads it. “Cocksucker had everyone fooled.” With a shake of his head, he walks to get a broom and dustpan then cleans up the floor. As he’s pulling the vacuum out, another knock on the door has us both looking up.

  “Knock, knock, knock,” Nanny says as she walks in.

  “What the fuck is this? Grand central station?” I try to get up but then sit back down.

  She comes in with papers in her hands. “Oh good, you’re up.” She takes in the roses tossed in the garbage can with the shattered glass on top, but the look from Blake tells her not to ask. “So yesterday after lunch, I was thinking you need to get away. I think …” She holds her hand up when I open my mouth to speak. “Hear me out. You aren’t comfortable here; you sat here yesterday hoping to fall through the floor. Don’t deny it,” she says. Blake finally finishes cleaning up and sits down in front of me. “I got home and called my oldest friend, Delores. Remember her? She came down a couple of summers ago.” She opens the papers she is holding. “Anyway, she owns some houses that she rents out down in the Carolinas right on the water. And she has one available for as long as you want it.” She pushes the paper to me, and I take in the picture of the house. The only thing my eyes go to is the swing hanging on the front porch. The house looks cute and quaint. I flip through the pictures, taking in the backyard, and see another swing, but then I see the ocean, the calmness of it.

  “She just can’t leave,” Blake says as Nanny looks over at him.

  “And why not?” He doesn’t answer because Nanny doesn’t give him a chance to. “She has nothing here. Nothing. Yes, she has her family, but she needs to find herself. Staying here in this museum she calls a home isn’t helping anyone. Besides, she can work from home. All she needs is her computer, and she is good to go.”

  “Yes.” The sound comes out in a soft whisper. “Yes.” I look up as Nanny smiles and Blake scratches his head.

  “Good, but I will tell you that no one has been in that house for over four years, so it’s dusty and you’ll have to clean it yourself.”

  “Okay.” My fingers move over the swing in the picture. The weight of everything lifting off my shoulders a bit.

  “I want to have a yard sale.” I look at my brother. “I want to sell everything. I want nothing.”

  I look at Nanny. “Will you help me?”

  She puts her hand on mine. “I’ll make the posters today.” She gets up and walks to the door. “I guess this is like that song ‘Cleaning out the Closet.’ Remember, Blake? You used to sing it each day in the mirror wearing your white t-shirt and your jeans hanging low under your ass.” She laughs. “Until I told you that inmates wear their pants like that to have …” She cups her mouth with her hands and whispers, “Butt sex.”

  I snort as Blake throws his head back. “Oh, good god,” he says as Nanny slams the door on her way out. “You sure you want to go there and be all by yourself?” he asks me, looking at me for an answer.


  I don’t have to answer because Crystal comes in. “Hey, you guys,” she says, tossing her purse on the couch and coming in to start the coffee. “Whatcha looking at?” she asks as she picks up a picture of the house. “This is so pretty.”

  Blake fills her in. “That is where Hailey is going to, as Nanny says, ‘find herself.’” He uses his fingers to make air quotes.

  She doesn’t say anything, so I ask, “Okay, who wants to help me with this garage sale?” I look around. “I think I want to sell the house.” They look at each other and then at me, both nodding. “I know I had this house way before Eric ever lived here, but I can’t live here, not after.” I don’t bother talking. Instead, I nod and get up, going to the fridge.

  No one said anything, but we did end up cooking breakfast, and Blake called someone he went to school with about listing the house. By the time night came, the walls that had felt like they were closing in on me stayed the same.

  I lie awake most of the night, my mind working a mile a minute as I think about the next step in my life. The next chapter of my book.

  My mother and father come over the next day as soon as the real estate agent hung her sign. I stand there in jeans and a sweater, my bare feet cold on the cement porch. “Your grandmother was not kidding when she said you are making changes,” my father says as he carries in grocery bags. “We brought you some food.” I watch them both walk in with their hands full.

  “I also told your aunt Ginette to come and help organize things,” my mother says of her sister and Crystal’s mother. I just nod as I look down at the card from the real estate agent. She said it should sell quickly. I look around, seeing my next-door neighbor outside. She was always very friendly, but this time, she just smiles and raises her hand to wave.

  I do the same as I now sit and take in what I thought would be the house where I would raise my kids, where I would mark their first everything. Instead, I think of all the lies it holds.

  I shake my head as a tear comes out, and I realize it’s been eighteen hours since I last cried. It might not be much to anyone else, but to me, it’s a step in the right direction. The front door opens behind me, and my mother comes outside to sit next to me. She puts her arm around my shoulder, and I lay my head on her shoulder. “I really hate him, Mom,” I say as she squeezes my arm. “I hate what he did, but most of all, I hate that I will never know why. Why the fuck did he marry me if he was already married? Why create this life with me when he already had it all? Why? That is all I want from him.”

  “Oh sweetie, I don’t think you would have ever gotten those answers. They say everything happens for a reason, and I have no idea what this reason is, but it has to be for something bigger, something better. I honestly believe that, and you have to also.” I don’t say anything else. I don’t want to tell her that it’s all a lie. There is no reason this happened and no good that could come from this. Nothing.

  We stay out till the sun sets, only getting up and going in when Dad’s cooked his famous lasagna and my aunt comes over. “Hey there.” She puts her purse down on the couch. “It smells so good in here, Henry,” she tells my father as she opens the oven door to smell the lasagna he made. She comes to hug me, and I shed tears. She must know because she doesn’t let me go. “It’s going to be fine, little girl.” She has always called me little girl, since I was the baby.

  “I think I’m going to take a shower before we eat,” I say and quietly excuse myself to go upstairs. I take a shower and get out right as Crystal knocks.

  “It’s me,” she says, and I tell her to come in.

  “We never will get closure,” I tell her as she closes the door and blinks at me, not sure what to say. “I mean, we didn’t have a funeral. We didn’t have”—I throw up my hands—“well, anything. It was just here today, gone tomorrow. Oh and your whole life was a lie.” I shrug.

  “It wasn’t all a lie,” she says softly. “He had to love you to try to do the whole Sister Wives with you. Even without you knowing you were the second wife.” She tries to smile. “You didn’t even pressure him to marry you. That was all his idea.”

  “I know,” I say as I put my bra on. “I never once said you need to pay for the milk because this cow isn’t free.” I mimic my Nanny’s words. “He was the one who wanted to get married right away.”

  “You don’t know if he was happy; I mean, maybe the other woman …” she starts, and I put my hand up.

  “Samantha, her name is Samantha,” I say as I lotion my legs.

  “Okay, fine, Samantha. You don’t know whether he was happy.”

  “I don’t even want to discuss him, and nothing you could say would ever lead me to understand why he did what he did,” I tell her as I put on a sundress and tie my hair on top of my head. “Nothing.”

  She holds up her hands. “Fine, fine, fine. Do you want to maybe have a celebration of his life?” I glare at her, and she puts up her hands again. “Fine. Okay, okay.” She drops the subject as we make our way downstairs, and I see that almost my whole family is here with the arrival of my other cousins Lydia, Victoria, and Peter. They just smile at me as they take a plate and go to the dining table. Extra chairs have been added so everyone can squeeze in.

  I just take in the love and support of my family as Nanny arrives with cake. “Oh good, I’m not late,” she says as she air kisses me and brings the cake to the kitchen.

  “What the hell is going on?” I lean in and whisper to Crystal who watches everyone moving around my house with me as she shrugs.

  “It’s a celebration of YOU,” Nanny says when she walks into the room. “To show you how much we love you.” She smiles as she grabs the plate Ginette hands her. “Thank you, dear.” I shake my head as tears start to form. “Hey, none of that. Besides, we need all the help we can get to move this stuff outside for tomorrow.”

  I smile as I sit down, and it feels like old times. I’m in this bubble of love, and I know that no matter what happens from here on out, it’s going to be okay. I mean, how much worse can it get?

  Chapter Five

  Hailey

  “I can’t believe we sold everything,” I say to Blake as I bring my bag to my car and put it in the front seat. He follows, carrying out my two suitcases. I look back at the house with the lights on inside, the sun peeking out from the horizon. The bright red sold sign sticking up. It took three days for a cash offer to come in, and here we are, seven days later as I load my car and make my way down to my escape house. That is what we are calling it.

  I donated Eric’s clothes to the homeless shelter and then sold off everything else he had in the house. His tools were the only thing I kept, and I gave them to Blake—under protest, since he didn’t want them. I may have lost a husband, but he lost the closest thing he ever had to a brother.

  He shuts the trunk once he places the luggage inside, and I lean in to hug him around his waist. “What am I going to do without you?” I ask him as tears start to form in my eyes.

  He smiles down at me. “You know I can be there in eight, maybe seven hours. Just call and I’ll be there.” I nod my head as I hear a car stop behind us.

  I turn to see Crystal get out of a strange car. “You came to say goodbye,” I say, wiping the tears from my eyes.

  “Pfft,” she blows out. “As if I would let you leave without me,” she says as she opens her trunk and pulls out two large suitcases.

  “What is this?” I ask her as Blake grabs them and puts them in the back seat.

  “This is me and you taking on the world,” she says, smiling as she wipes tears from her own eyes.

  “You can’t come with me; you have a job here,” I tell her as Blake laughs, and I turn and glare at him.

  “No, I had a job here. Now, I have a job there.” I look at them in question, so Crystal continues, “I left my job, but good news, I got one in town. It’s a family practice. No gunshot victims and no stabbings, so it will be a walk in the park.”

  “You’re coming with me?” I ask her, shocke
d and happy at the same time.

  “Of course, I’m coming with you,” she says as if it’s the craziest thing in the world.

  “But,” I say stuttering, “but we had a goodbye dinner last night.”

  “Well, it was a free meal. How could we not?” she says as she grabs another bag from her car. “So what do you say? Should we start our new adventure?”

  I smile, looking down at my feet. “I have to lock up the house,” I say as I walk up the steps. “Um, if it’s okay, I’d like to do this on my own.” I don’t wait for them to answer as I walk inside the empty house. I’m taken back to when the house was filled with laughter, when it was filled with love, when it was filled with promises. I walk to the kitchen, thinking of the first time I cooked for him, and then he made me breakfast the next morning. I flip the lights off, heading upstairs.

  The bedroom door is open with the blow-up mattress that I slept on gone. The room where we spent most of our time, the room where we told each other our dreams and our hopes … gone. I close my eyes, trying to hear his voice one last time, but nothing is there. Nothing but emptiness and silence. I shut the light off before I grab the door and close it for the final time. “Coward,” I whisper, hoping Eric hears me. I turn around and wipe a tear from my face. Walking down the stairs one last time, I turn off the final light and look at the darkness.

  I lock the door, making my way to the car with Blake leaning on the back trunk next to Crystal. “Here is the key.” I hand him the key to the house. “The real estate agent will stop by the firehouse at three p.m. to pick it up.” Blake is a firefighter, and he’s on shift this week. He grabs me around the neck and pulls me to his chest where I sob out the pain I’d pushed aside the past two weeks; the pain I thought was gone but was only lingering.