Food for Love

by C. Fonseca

  On her way to the car, Jess looked over her shoulder. Fine rays of sunlight dappled the neat rows of headstones, casting a warm glow over her mother’s final resting place. “I miss you, Mum.”

  Next month would mark the nineteenth anniversary of her death, and waiting for Usha outside the Wylie Hospital made it seem like yesterday.

  Usha climbed into the Jeep and fastened her seatbelt. “Thank you for collecting me, Jess. It was nice to see so many of my old friends again,” she said. “Some of the guests knew your mother, and you may have met them when you were a child.”

  “I’m surprised there are still people in Wylie who remember Mum,” she said, turning the Jeep left into the town’s main street.

  “We were a close-knit community, and Doctor Aruishi was well-respected and loved. You must remember Marion Neville. She was here when we first arrived in Wylie, and became our chief nurse and a close friend. She only just retired after thirty-two years of service.”

  Her mother and Usha had signed a five-year contract to work here in exchange for residency in Australia. Unmarried, with no family to support, they’d accepted the relatively poor pay conditions offered in a country practice.

  “I do remember Nurse Neville,” Jess said. “Everyone at Wylie Primary was petrified of Mad…Marion.”

  Usha chuckled. “Her bark was always worse than her bite. Did you children really call her that?”

  “Yes. We were subjected to vision, hearing, and scoliosis screening and head lice checks on a regular basis. And Marion’s tetanus jabs were the worst.” Jess shuddered. “Thank goodness it was only Prep that received the full undress examination.”

  “She helped improve the health of our community. We had three doctors in the town. Even though most of the patients were nonsurgical or postsurgical, the doctors and RN’s were responsible for everything. Marion was a town asset, and we relied on her to get a lot done.”

  “I understand.” Jess smiled. “She was still scary to a child.”

  “You were always sensitive,” Usha said. She rested her head back and sighed. “I should have come with you to the cemetery, Jess. Were you okay going alone?

  “Yes. Someone’s left roses near the headstone.”

  “Your mother loved roses.” Usha sighed, again. “The Women’s Historical Association look after the cemetery grounds even though it’s been closed for years.”

  “They do a good job, then. Everything looks neat and well cared for.”

  “Did it help visiting your mother’s grave?”

  “It did. I found it comforting. It was a reconnection to Mum, and my childhood,” she said. “Will you tell me what led up to Mum and Dad’s divorce? I was too young to understand. I can hardly remember him then.”

  “Oh, child. Because of his commitments to his sport, he wasn’t around much. I don’t remember him being in Wylie for more than a few months here and there. Back and forward overseas.” Usha tapped her hand on the dashboard. “Whenever he returned home, it was honeymoon time all over again. She was over the moon when she fell pregnant with Ben and they married, even though she knew your father would never be a stay-at-home dad.”

  “If he was away so much, why did they have me?”

  “They loved each other, Jess,” she said in a serious tone. “Your father returned from a successful Olympic Games. Two medals. He made a lot of promises to Aruishi about settling down. I tried to warn her, but what could I do when she was so in love?” She patted Jess’s knee. “Your mother really wanted another child, and she was blessed with you, nine months later.”

  “Obviously he couldn’t keep his promise.”

  “It was something your mother hoped.” She shook her head. “He based himself in Wylie for nearly a year after your birth—only riding in Australian events. But he got restless and tried to convince Aruishi to give up her work and travel with him.”

  “Why didn’t she?”

  “She wouldn’t do that with two small children. I think, also, by then his lack of commitment to the relationship and his family couldn’t be ignored. Benjamin Harris could not be happy in one place,” Usha said. “Your mother wanted to provide a stable home for you and Ben.”

  “Mum…did that.” Jess stared straight ahead at the road.

  “Yes. Her children were always her first priority. Work was important, but you and Ben were her world.”

  “Unfortunately, she didn’t talk much about Dad, at least nothing personal.”

  “She didn’t want to burden you with her troubles,” Usha said. “The divorce was inevitable.”

  “After that, you were always there. Mum wouldn’t have coped without your help.”

  They continued travelling towards their motel in silence until Usha said with a weary smile, “I don’t know about you, but I could use an afternoon nap. I always feel like this when I have days off. Once I stop, I’m tired.” She patted her stomach. “Mind you, eating a roast and all the trimmings in the middle of an unusually warm day doesn’t help.”

  “I had forgotten how hot it can get here, even in spring.” Jess parked the Jeep in the motel carpark. “I thought I’d do a few laps at the swimming pool, if there is still one in town. I need a workout.”

  “Good idea. The shire pool closed years ago, but there is a swim recreation centre near the botanical gardens,” Usha said. “I’d join you, but I’d sink to the bottom like a stone after the lunch I’ve eaten.” She laughed heartily.

  Jess knew Usha and her mother had never learned to swim. “I’d be there to rescue you,” she said.

  “I’ll stick to my nap, thank you. I’m tuckered out after standing up and talking in front of all those people. If you don’t mind, I’ll just nibble on the snacks I brought and have an early night.”

  “That’s fine with me, Usha. That way you’ll be well rested and we can head back early. I promised to look after Ru tomorrow night. Lili is working, and Helen and Scott want to go to the cinema.” Jess jumped out of the driver’s seat and ran around to the passenger side to help Usha, who accepted Jess’s arm as she stepped onto the pavement.

  Usha gave her hip a light squeeze with her hand, then looked up sharply at Jess. “Old age, Jess,” she chuckled. “Not only have you grown into a beautiful woman, your manners are impeccable. You were an attentive companion last night at the town gala and turned many heads. I think a few of the women there would’ve liked to get to know you better.”

  Jess was sure she now wore a shocked expression. She looked away. Did Usha know she was a lesbian?

  Usha squeezed Jess’s arm. “I’ve kept track of your career and your London life, as you know. There are stories in the tabloids, my dear.”

  “Don’t believe everything you read.” Wasn’t that what she’d said to Lili?

  “I never read anything bad. Just stories of an athlete who’s achieved a great deal,” Usha said. “I guess it’s open slather with your personal life. You are young, successful, and attractive. And you attract a lot of attention.”

  “You know that I’m…” Jess hesitated; she just couldn’t say the word.

  “Gay? Of course. Your mum and I talked about it when you were ten years old.”

  “But even I didn’t know then.” Jess couldn’t believe she was having this conversation in a motel carpark.

  “Your mother did.” They’d reached Usha’s room, and she put the key into the lock and opened her door. “Don’t be surprised. We watched you win a handful of track and field medals at the school sports, and she commented that when you were old enough to have a boyfriend, it would be a girl.”

  Jess leaned against the doorjamb and rubbed her temples. She could only stare at Usha incredulously.

  “Your mother was an astute woman.” She ushered Jess into the room and wrapped her arms around her. “She loved you unconditionally.”

  “Thank you. I can’t explain how much that
means.” She’d never doubted her mother’s love, but learning she would have accepted her sexuality was immensely comforting.

  Usha let go of Jess and yawned. “Your mum picked up on a lot of things. Anyway, I’ll let you get to the pool.” Usha covered her mouth with her hand as she yawned again, loudly.

  “Have a restful evening, Usha. Call me on my mobile if you need anything.” She turned, walked towards the door, and opened it.

  “Jess,” Usha called.

  She turned back to face her.

  “Your mother would have been so proud of you.” Usha blew her a kiss. “Enjoy your swim.”

  Jess hummed all the way to her motel room, but when she reached the door, her eyes welled up. It made all the difference that her mother knew she was gay. At the cemetery, Jess would have told her about Lili’s kiss and that she’d run off.

  Why had Lili run off? Jess wasn’t that bad a kisser. Maybe she was scared. That was understandable. Why would she get involved with Jess? She was Ben’s sister. She was Aruishi’s aunt, and she was in Australia fleetingly. Wasn’t she?

  Jess rested her forehead on the motel room door. Her head felt too small to contain all the conflicting thoughts and emotions spinning around inside.

  She pushed the key into the lock. Had she really thought she was all cried out? Good thing Wylie still had a swimming pool. No one would notice her tears in the water; red eyes could always be explained by an over-chlorinated public pool.

  Chapter 18

  Lili wiped her hands on the towel that draped over her shoulder and moved to stand beside her apprentice at the plating station. “Keep the broth at eighty-eight degrees Celsius, ready for pouring,” she said. “Fill the jug three-quarters full when the server is ready to collect.”

  “Yes, Lili.” Sky took the food thermometer from her jacket pocket and wiped it on a cloth before inserting it into the bain-marie filled with tomato-and-mussel broth.

  “It’s sitting just above eighty-eight. I’ll maintain the temperature until we serve.”

  The door swung open. Owen whooshed into the kitchen and approached the service bench. “Table twelve, diner four has requested to see you, Lili.”

  She tilted her head and frowned. “Oh? That’s the table that arrived late. Is there a problem?”

  “I hope not. It’s those urban creatives from the big smoke. The woman’s a looker and an affable guest, if anything. Maybe she wants you to share a recipe.” Owen grinned.

  “It’s not the same woman who forgot to tell us she’s lactose intolerant, is it?” Lili asked. “Can it wait until after we serve the snapper?”

  “No, not her. This guest did say no rush.”

  “Okay, thanks, Owen. I’ll take care of it.”

  “No problem.” He turned and headed back to the dining room.

  Urban creatives? Did that make them a table of yuccies? She shrugged. The children of yuppies? Whatever. Lili didn’t know what category she’d fit into, if any.

  Using an oven glove, Lili grabbed five shallow bowls from the under-bench plate warmer and lined them up in a neat row along the plating counter. The ceramic bowls had to be piping hot, as they would cool when carried out into the dining room. She swiftly spooned three poached mussels into each bowl before placing the julienne of gingered pear and purple onion alongside the plump, orange shellfish. Lili carefully sat a portion of golden, lightly salted snapper fillet onto the julienne and garnished the fish with crispy snap-fried rocket leaves. She wiped the edges of the bowls and placed them under the heat lamps. “Sky, fill the jugs now.” Lili hit the service bell, and the apprentice poured the broth, releasing a light tang of lemon myrtle. Lili removed the order receipt and spiked it on the cheque spindle. “Four pork, and this table’s done,” she said, massaging the aching muscles in her lower back with both hands. It had been a long night, but so far, everything had run smoothly.

  Sky had followed her instructions to perfection. “Good job,” Lili said.

  The apprentice looked up quickly, her face flushed crimson. “Thanks, Chef.”

  “I mean it. You’ve done well tonight.”

  “Shall I ask Alex if she needs help with the dessert and petit fours?”

  “Good idea. I’m going to clean up before I see what our guest at table twelve has to say.” Lili wiped her forehead with a towel from the laundry trolley and turned back to Sky. “I spoke to Alex, and she’s rostered you to work desserts and pastry next week as you requested.”

  “Thanks so much.” Sky’s shy smile reappeared, and her dark eyes lit with excitement.

  “You’re welcome.” Lili headed towards the change rooms. In some ways, her second-year apprentice reminded Lili of herself—passionate and driven. Earlier in the year, she’d won a silver medal for her Almond Praline Gateau in the Culinary Federation National Apprentice Competition. However, unlike seventeen-year-old Sky, Lili had never been timid. They’d have to work on building her self-confidence and encouraging her creativity.

  Lili stared at the mirror and rubbed her eyes. She couldn’t believe she was two weeks shy of turning thirty-seven. Nothing significant, just another birthday.

  She was healthy and strong, with a beautiful child who filled her days with love. She had family, good friends, and a business that was rewarding—she truly enjoyed what she did. But she’d spent a long time last night lying in bed and staring into the darkness, finally reaching the conclusion that she wanted what Alex and Tash shared—a loving relationship. Spending time with them reminded her of what she was missing. She took a deep breath and then another before jiggling her shoulders and standing up straight. Just because one relationship had failed didn’t mean she didn’t want another.

  When Aruishi had been a newborn, Lili was fully occupied—caught up in the wonders of motherhood, too exhausted and too busy for a relationship. What was her excuse now? The truth was that she did have time to date. How often had Alex and Tash tried to set her up? At least a dozen. How often had she accepted their offers? Twice, if that. Alex was spot on: she was scared.

  Right now, there was an alluring woman sharing her house. A woman whose presence threatened her self-control, her equilibrium. Being around Jess made Lili wish for more than just friendly company, more than just a kiss. It was a damn shame that Jess would soon return to England; there was just no future for them.

  She turned off the tap, dried her face, and glanced down at her jacket. It had remained surprisingly clean under the full-length apron. She quickly applied a touch of clear lip gloss, ran her fingers through her hair, and replaced the black skullcap on her head. “Here I go.”

  Lili walked through the swing doors and stood beside Owen at the bar. With the dessert plates cleared, the petits fours were about to be served with coffee and sweet wine. Mei entered from the kitchen, skilfully carrying three ceramic plates on one arm, with the fourth plate in her hand. She stopped briefly in front of Lili for her appraisal.

  “Dark chocolate wattleseed brownie and lavender-honey macaron. Good to go,” Lili said.

  Mei headed for table three and placed the final offering in front of the diner. His eyes widened, and he smiled appreciatively. Without hesitation, he lifted the fudgy chocolate chunk to his mouth. Paired with the delicate lilac macaron, the bittersweet treat was created to make an enticing finale. By the look on his face, it worked. Lili couldn’t suppress her grin. I got it right.

  Owen subtly nodded in the direction of table twelve. “That’s her with her back to us. The one in the sleeveless black dress,” he said to Lili. The woman at seat four was talking to a bearded hipster in a navy-blue suit. Mr Hip looked up as Lili approached, a smile across his handsome face. The woman straightened her tanned shoulders, and she reached up to tuck a curl of auburn hair behind her ear.

  Lili smiled, as the other guests at the table looked up.

  Mr Hip cleared his throat. “Your chef is here, Danielle.�
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  Danielle turned around in her chair to face Lili. She smirked, pushed her chair back, stood up, and moved towards Lili in a sweeping movement. Her dress shimmered and clung to every curve of her body. Lili fought the urge to run and clenched her fists to her sides. Their gazes met, and as Dani took another step forward, Lili instinctively stepped back.

  “Lili. Gosh, it’s good to see you,” she gushed.

  Lili tried to speak, but nothing came out. She snapped her mouth closed—suddenly reduced to a speechless robot.

  “You are as impressive as ever.” Dani’s wide grin showed off that tiny little gap in her two sparkly-white front teeth.

  “Dani. What are you doing here?” Lili asked finally in a casual voice belying her anger and disbelief that her ex-girlfriend would turn up unannounced.

  Dani gestured to her companions, who had resumed their conversations. “I’m here with friends. We’re in Queenscliff for Jackson and Avril’s wedding.” She motioned to the couple wound in an affectionate embrace.

  “No, I didn’t mean that. What are you doing here? I thought you were still in London.”

  “I’ve been back for six months.” Dani rubbed the palm of her hand down the side of her dress and caressed the silky fabric with her fingers. “I’m living in St Kilda, actually. The law firm is strengthening its Melbourne offices, and I have a better chance of making partner here.” Dani leaned towards Lili and held out her hand as though she was about to touch her. Lili recoiled and stepped back again.

  “Lili, could I please have a word?” Owen whispered in her ear. She’d been so preoccupied, she hadn’t noticed him approach.

  “Please, excuse me for a minute,” she said to Dani before following Owen back behind the bar.