by Rowan Shaw
Did it make me a bad person that I hoped he did?
"Do you have plans today?" she asked.
I shook my head.
"Come with me to the Center. It'll distract you." She winked at me. "There are plenty of hot bi men there."
"I don't know if I want to deal with the whole drama today."
She laughed at that. "If I can deal with it, then so can you."
We spent another hour chatting before I followed her out. In spite of the deepening ache in my heart, I could kind of forget about Hugo for a few hours. Or at least, I did until I got back to Adrien's apartment, opened the Internet browser on my phone, and made the mistake of looking for said pictures. I didn't know why I was doing this to myself, but seeing Hugo kiss the actor broke something inside me again. There was a spark in his eyes when he looked at his new boyfriend that had never been there when he looked at me. A part of me cracked, and so did the dam I had tried so hard to build.
Chapter 7
NOAH
I wiped my eyes fast when I heard the front door open, and Adrien's footsteps hit the ground. I stood to my feet from the couch, ready to go hide in my room, but I wasn't fast enough.
"Hey, what's up?" he asked as soon as he walked into the living room and raised his head toward me, catching the despair on my face. "Uh oh."
I couldn't stop the tears from welling up, so I looked away. When Adrien closed the distance in three long steps and pulled me in his arms, I couldn't hold the grief back anymore. I cried against his chest while he held me tightly and whispered sweet words in my ear.
"I'm not sure what happened today, but I want you to know you're worthy. Whatever he did has nothing to do with you."
I wasn't sure how he knew I was crying over Hugo, though what else could I be crying about? I nodded against his shoulder, but the betrayal still hurt so damn much.
"Come with me," he murmured, then wrapped his arm around my shoulders to lead me to his bedroom. I snuggled against him on his bed and pressed myself against his long frame with my head on his chest while he rubbed my back in between soothing sounds.
"Where's Raphaël?" I asked.
"He insisted he wanted pizza tonight. He's picking it up."
When my sobs subsided, Adrien asked me what the problem was. I took out my phone and searched through my history until I found the pictures. Not caring to see them again, I handed him the device. Adrien clicked his tongue as he flicked through the shots, his eyes darkening with each one.
"That's him with his new beau?" he asked, reading the headline of the tabloid.
I nodded. "We were supposed to go to his moms' for Christmas. I guess he's taking his new boyfriend instead."
Adrien let out a groan. "That guy isn't even as hot as you."
I chuckled in spite of the tears still burning my eyes.
"I'm not kidding. Look at him. Fucking loser."
I couldn't repress another tiny laugh. "You don't even know him."
Adrien pushed my hair away from my forehead and cupped my face to look me in my eyes. "No, but I know you. That actor has to be a loser if he had to steal a taken man instead of finding one of his own."
He handed me the phone, but I made the mistake of glancing at it again, my eyes catching on the picture of them making out against the wall of what used to be our building. Hugo had kissed me pinned against that wall more times than I could remember, mostly to piss off our homophobic neighbors. I could barely stand to see him do the same with another man. It was like I'd never existed and he'd already forgotten all about us. I pressed my face against Adrien's shoulder to stifle the sounds of my sobs, and he caressed my hair as I cried in silence.
Chapter 8
NOAH
Christmas Eve arrived almost too quickly. Instead of wasting my days sulking, I spent my time making two full videos. Though I wanted to be honest with my fans, I'd decided to cut a huge part out when I broke down in front of the camera. I refused to make a public display of myself, and I sure didn't want Hugo to know I was still devastated. I hadn't heard from him once since leaving the apartment. It cut me to realize he wasn't going to try harder to check on me. I could have died on the curb of a street, and he would be none the wiser.
I inhaled deeply as I leaned over the oven and breathed in the sweet scent of clafoutis. It was one of the few desserts I could actually make without screwing it up. I knew Adrien would be preparing most of the meal tomorrow. Out of us three, he was the only one who could cook without burning the whole place down.
When the front door clicked open—its sound followed by Opale's excited snorts—I knew he was home. I heard him drop his keys on the entrance table and take his shoes off while whispering sweet words to his dog before he entered the kitchen. He was wearing his leather jacket over a black turtleneck sweater covered in melting snowflakes.
"Where's Raphaël?" he asked, taking a whiff of the air. "What are you cooking?"
"He's in the bathroom, and I made a clafoutis."
"A cherry one?"
"Yes. I used the frozen fruit from your freezer. Is that okay?"
"Of course." He flashed one of his breathtaking smiles and sat astride the seat of a chair. "I'm glad you made us dessert. They ran out of chocolate bûches at the bakery, and I'm not in the mood to drive through Paris to find one."
"That's fine." I wasn't fond of the Yule log cake anyway. Too heavy for me.
"Do you need help?" He shouldered his jacket off and picked Opale up from the ground when she wouldn't stop jumping on his legs. Once she was comfortable between him and the backrest of the chair, he petted her fur, his dark eyes turning back to me. His gaze crawled all over my body. It was the same look he used to give me back then, right before he would shove me against the wall and fuck my brains out. I looked away. I was imagining things. He was with Raphaël now, and neither of them was open for more.
"We're eating lobster?" I asked, clearing my throat when I realized he was still staring.
"You know Hugo is a jackass, right?" he asked.
His question took me by surprise. "I don't know that I would go that far—"
"Anyone stupid enough to dump you and break your heart has to be a fucking idiot, Noah. I hope you realize that."
"Says the guy who never agreed to date me," I replied, hoping I didn't sound as resentful as I thought I did.
"It never would have worked. I could barely stand him, and you know it. I tolerated him because I wanted you. But a relationship involving him was never an option. All those years, I watched him stifle you and prevent you from being who you really are. You deserve someone who won't cage you into their own selfish needs."
"Yeah, well, I don't see where I'm supposed to find such a unicorn. It's not like poly bisexuals are flooding the streets each day. Anyway, you didn't answer my question earlier."
"Yes, we're having lobster and salmon. I wanted something different this year."
I gave a faint smile. "Thank you for having me over."
"That's for all the years you invited me for Christmas when I had no family to go to."
When Adrien's eyes filled with grief, I changed the subject. "Are we eating in the kitchen tonight? I can set the table if you want."
"No, we're having something simple. The seafood is for tomorrow. We'll celebrate in the living room this evening."
When the oven signaled that my clafoutis was done, I took it out, inhaling the sweet, sugary scent, then helped Adrien get the coffee table ready in the living room. We set a white cloth on top with some mistletoe and candles. It was a bit too romantic for my taste, but I wasn't going to force my will.
Raphaël walked out of the bathroom right as we were done, dressed in black slacks and a white button-down shirt. He looked at our outfits. Adrien hadn't changed, and I was in my black leather pants and black top with the long sleeves cut at the shoulders.
"You're not dressing up?" he asked.
Adrien shrugged. "I don't see why we should."
Raphaël looked down at
himself, disgruntled, but Adrien beckoned him forward with a wriggle of his finger. He pulled Raphaël in his lap and teased his earlobe when they fell on the couch. "You look great. Please stay like this. I want to tear that shirt off of you later."
A ball rose to my throat. He'd whispered the words, probably thinking I couldn't hear. I knew they couldn't help the constant dry-humping. They were always all over each other. It was like second nature. I could only imagine how hot it got when they didn't have an audience.
When he caught me looking, Adrien let go of Raphaël, but not without a slap on his butt.
The three of us spent the afternoon watching TV. Adrien and Raphaël were spooning on the couch. I hadn't realized I'd taken Ila's armchair until she showed up and hissed at me. I didn't want the Siamese cat to claw my clothes so I moved to the other seat, where Opale invited herself on my lap to snuggle.
"Maybe we could play a game," Raphaël suggested when he noticed I was getting bored and lonesome.
"What game?" I asked with a bit too much enthusiasm.
"Truth or dare."
Adrien made a face. "We're not twelve."
Shaking his head from side to side, Raphaël mimicked his words unhappily, "We're not twelve."
"Is that a ploy so you can make out with Noah?" Adrien said in his ear.
I pretended I hadn't heard, but it had to be a joke, right?
Raphaël slapped his wrist and rounded his eyes at him. Apparently, Adrien wasn't kidding at all.
"Fine. You go first. Truth or dare," Adrien started.
"Truth," Raphaël replied.
"Coward. What's your least favorite food?"
"Pfff that's lame. And you already know that. It's cauliflower." He seemed to reflect upon that. "Oh and celery remoulade." He made a face, his body shuddering like he wanted to throw up when mentioning the salad, then he looked at me. "Noah, truth or dare."
"Dare."
Raphaël gave a wicked grin. "I dare you to go to the balcony wearing nothing but that rainbow thong I saw you packing the other day. Wear it with those fuck-me boots you own."
"It's freezing outside, Raphaël," Adrien protested.
I raised my hand. "No, a dare is a dare. I'll do it."
I stood and began to undress. Adrien rubbed his mouth with his hand, not believing I was actually doing this, while Raphaël held his gaze on me as I took off my shirt first, then my socks and leather pants. I stood in front of him, wearing nothing but my thong that was so tight, it hid none of my package.
"Oh you're wearing it now?" Raphaël asked, his eyes glued to my crotch.
I gave a satisfied smile. "Of course. I own more than one."
His stare never wavered, though his eyes widened a bit.
"Enjoy the view while you can. When I come back, my junk will have shrunk to the size of a pickle thanks to you."
He shifted his gaze and cleared his throat. Who knew he was so coy? It was a sharp contrast to Adrien, who didn't even hide how much he enjoyed ogling me. I gave a smirk and rolled my neck, then went to my room to get the boots. They made me gain enough height that I'd be as tall as them if we stood together. The heels were difficult to walk in, but I'd mastered the skill perfectly over the years. When I returned and proceeded toward the library, I could feel them both staring at my ass. I sashayed to give them a full show, shooting one last glance their way before entering the library.
I took a deep breath before going inside, then stepped straight toward the balcony. The room was dark, but I found my way thanks to the opening between the thick drapes. The instant I opened the door, the cold seized my entire body, making me shudder with goosebumps. It was freezing. I rubbed my arms to warm up, but all effort was in vain. Raphaël never said how long I was supposed to stand here, so I dashed to the railing, ready to get back inside just as quickly. But when I was about to scurry back in, I noticed two guys down the street. They were looking right at me. One of them whistled.
"Nice ass!" he shouted with a thick Italian accent to his French.
Well, I sure hoped I had a nice ass. I didn't hit the gym the way Adrien did, but I forced myself through enough squats every day. I waved at them when they whistled again.
"Are you alone tonight, baby?" the other one called. "My boyfriend and I could use some company."
I gave a tiny smile, but I didn't reply. I went back inside without a word, then cursed myself for not accepting the invitation. It'd been a while since the last time I got laid, and despite the breakup, I was horny as hell. I took one look out the sliding glass door, but the two guys were gone already. I shook my head, both disappointed and relieved.
"Done," I exclaimed after retreating to the living room with my chin raised high.
I stared Raphaël straight in the eyes. It was hard to act proud when my teeth were still chattering from the cold, my body shuddering out of control, and my dick shrunken to the size of a toothpick.
"Get dressed; you'll catch death," Adrien scolded, then turned to Raphaël. "Don't ask him to do something like that again."
I had goosebumps all over my skin, but the Italians' comments were definitely worth it.
"Are those two Italians living in this building?" I asked Adrien as I got dressed.
"Two Italians? How would I know?"
My shoulders sagged. "Too bad."
"Why?" Adrien asked.
"They were hot, and I haven't had sex in two months."
He gave a pause, staring at me. "What do you mean you haven't had sex in two months?"
"My sex life took a serious hit when Hugo met the actor," I acknowledged reluctantly. "Why would he bother fucking me when he could be fucking him?"
Adrien's eyes darkened, his frown announcing nothing good. "So let me get this straight: he wouldn't let you sleep with other people, and he forced you into celibacy for two months? While he was cheating with that moron?"
Well, said like that, it sure made me sound pathetic. After sliding my leather pants on, I let myself drop on the armchair. "I thought he wasn't in the mood. After ten years, sex isn't always the same as it used to be." I didn't want to talk about it. "Anyway, your turn, truth or dare."
Adrien clicked his tongue but moved on. "Truth."
"Coward," Raphaël teased.
Adrien raised an eyebrow at him but didn't change his option.
"What's the wildest thing you've ever done sexually?" I asked.
Adrien made a face and shifted in his seat. "Do I really need to reply?"
"Yes, or you lose."
He let out a long sigh. "Fine. When I was dating my ex, Kevin, we had a threesome with that one guy, Arthur. He forced us to do certain things to each other."
Raphaël narrowed his eyes. "Is that the jackass we ran into at the Mylène Farmer concert three years ago?"
Adrien nodded. "Yep."
"What did he force you to do?" I asked.
Adrien looked to the side, his mouth curling into a wince. "Golden shower, for one."
"Ewww!" I couldn't help my reaction. I was into a lot of stuff, but I drew the line at anything involving urine.
"And scatophilia," Adrien added, slouching deeply in the couch as if he meant to hide inside it.
"Wait, he made you eat your own shit?" I shouted in horror. My whole body shuddered.
"No!" Adrien exclaimed, his face twisting in disgust. "That'd be pushing it."
I pressed my palm against my chest in relief. "Well, excuse me, but I'm drawing the line at anyone peeing or shitting on me. That's a definite no for me."
When Adrien's face grew somber and he looked away in embarrassment, I felt bad for reacting so vehemently. I just couldn't believe he'd agreed to that.
"I am so sorry," Raphaël said, drawing him into a kiss as if to prove he'd still want Adrien even if he rolled himself in manure.
My chest compressed with guilt. Considering Adrien's difficult past, I knew better than to ask certain questions. "Sorry. I didn't mean to judge."
"It's fine. I survived, didn't I?" he asked w
ith a tiny smile. The darkness still filled his eyes, though.
When it was Raphaël's turn, he chose a dare.
"I dare you to kiss Noah for two minutes without getting hard," Adrien exclaimed, his eyes shining wickedly.
"What? He shouldn't have to do that," I protested, then looked at Raphaël. "You don't have to do that."
Raphaël cast a challenging glance at Adrien. "If that's how you want to play, you'll lose."
Adrien cocked an eyebrow. "We'll see."
Raphaël rose from the couch and walked up to me. He extended his hand to pull me to my feet and looked at his boyfriend pointedly, then at me. Before I knew it, his hand was wrapped around my neck, and his lips were mere inches from mine.
"Is this okay with you?" he asked. "We don't have to."
"It's fine with me, but only if it's fine with you."
He gave a nod and leaned into me. His lips touched mine just once before coming for more. His tongue grazed my mouth open and caressed the inside with soft, long twirls shooting chills all the way down my spine. I didn't expect him to be such a good kisser.
I lost all sense of time and space as I closed my eyes and fell into his body, feeling like it'd been an eternity since anyone had kissed me so passionately. I clutched his button-down shirt, reveling in his warmth. The longer the kiss lasted, the harder I grew. His dick came poking against my thigh. He was losing the game big time, but he didn't seem willing to stop. We kissed for the full two minutes before he pulled back.
Adrien's eyes shot right down to Raphaël's crotch and then mine. A tiny smirk rose to his lips. "You both lose."
"Hey, it wasn't my turn, and I haven't had sex in two months," I interjected.
With a heated gaze at us, Adrien laughed before he readjusted his own pants and eye-fucked Raphaël to the point where it turned me on.
"It aroused you to watch us kiss," I commented. "You lose too. Ha!"
He didn't even try to hide his salacious smile. He winked at his boyfriend and turned his attention to me, his eyes rolling all over my body. "I wasn't part of this round. It doesn't count."