"Fuck, when she told me she fell on that fucking rock …" I point at the field that we cleared today. “I swear on everything, I wanted to blow up the fucking rock with a bazooka." Hazel laughs now. “It’s not funny. I had this rage in me." I shake my head. “Besides, I don’t ever remember getting a spanking when we were growing up." I try to think back. “I don’t think I ever got spanked." I laugh. “I mean, there were times I thought my father was going to ream my ass, but I sort of knew the tone.” She nods her head, agreeing with me. “If my father said it in a certain tone, I knew if I fucked with him, he would have me over his knee. Remember when I crashed his car at fourteen.” Her eyes open big now.
“Oh my God, I remember that,” she says. “We didn’t see you for a month."
"Because I mucked fucking stalls for a month from six a.m. until six p.m.,” I say, laughing. "I even tried to go to summer school to get out of it, but nothing helped. At one point, my hand was stuck from holding a rake all day long."
She can’t stop laughing, and I, for one, will listen to her laugh every single day of my life. Talking to her has always been so fucking easy. “But you never ever drove again until you got your license." She pushes my shoulder with her own. "Pops had a look, and I knew. He didn’t give it to me often." She shakes her head now, most likely remembering that look. “I knew that it would be bad. All it took was a look, and I knew that whatever I was doing, I better fucking stop."
"I got that look once,” I say, slapping my leg. “It was a Sunday barbecue. Christopher and I were chasing you. I think we were eleven or twelve. I couldn’t catch you, so I pulled your bra strap from the back." I watch her to see if she remembers, but she just looks at me with her eyebrows pinched together. In the dark, I can’t see her eyes, but when they sparkle, it’s the best. “I turned to the side and saw Pops standing there, and I almost shit my pants from the look he gave me. I never touched another bra strap again. Plus, it didn’t help that he was standing with Grandpa, and his look said that if Pops didn’t kick my ass, he would." Her head goes back, and she laughs.
"Why can’t I remember that?” she says.
"Fuck if I know,” I say. “I thought I was going to piss myself there. I still remember Christopher almost shit himself. He never even looked at you twice. When you started working at the bar, he wouldn’t even go near the tables you were working.”
She gasps. “How did I never know this? I just thought he was quiet and shy."
I shake my head. “No, not even close."
"I guess we agree that if the other parent gives her a punishment, that we follow it when she is with them?” she asks, and I nod. "Dating,” she says, and I whip my head to look at her.
"Are you dating?" I ask, and my tone is harsher than I want it to be, but she caught me off guard. I guess it crossed my mind that maybe she had a man back home, but I was fucking hoping she didn’t.
"I am not,” she says. “I haven’t dated in six years. It’s pretty hard to date when you don’t trust anyone with your daughter, and there are no family members to help out. Besides, it was hard to do it with a child,” she says and all I can say is thank fuck. I look ahead, and neither of us says anything.
"It’s crazy if you think about it," I start. “If I hadn’t come home this time …" I try not to think about it because it makes me want to throw up. “I would never know that I have a daughter." I can see that this bothers her. "I never thought I would be here,” I say softly. “Do you know why I’m here?"
She shakes her head. “I haven’t really kept up with what you have been doing. Besides Pops, I never really talked to anyone here. He brought you up the first two years, and he knew that I just couldn’t even handle hearing your name. I was so hurt that you didn’t even answer my message. He tried to talk me into coming home and telling Billy and Charlotte, but …" She takes a deep breath. “I wasn’t going to give them the burden of Sofia or me. So I worked harder to make sure that she was never ever missing anything."
My heart breaks again, knowing she went through all of this by herself. I owe her more than what I can give her. "This is the first time in six years I’ve been back,” I say, and she gasps in shock.
"I knew you wanted to leave,” she says. “But I always thought you would come back to visit."
I shake my head. “Just the thought of coming back here would make me sick,” I say the truth. “I would sign up for another deployment just to escape from coming back here."
"Then why now?" she asks, and I swallow.
"When I left here," I start, “it was so fucking liberating. I was in no one’s shadow. I was just Reed Barnes,” I say. “The first month was fucking awesome. Highest on the scoreboard. Beat my records, and not one person mentioned my father or my brother." She just listens and doesn’t say anything. "The second month was going well and then I fucking missed them," I admit to her and to myself for the first time ever. “I missed seeing them, being with them. Then I got your message." I shake my head. “It fucking threw me off the track." She blinks away her own tears now. “I’m so sorry I never answered you, and until I die, that will be my biggest regret. But I had to cut the ties. It fucked me up for a week." My hand comes out. “I never came back because I knew that if I did, I wouldn’t have the balls to leave again. So whenever I had leave, I traveled. Picked a spot and backpacked."
"So why are you here now?" she asks.
"Eight weeks ago …" I close my eyes, and I can see it like it’s happening right now in front of me. "My squad and I were taking a drive to the city." I swallow, and I can feel the heat on my body. “Routine. Nothing out of the ordinary. I heard the whizzing before I had a chance to do anything. I was in charge of the squad, and all I could do was yell incoming." The pain in my chest is just as intense as it was that day. “It gave the driver a split second to swerve before a missile hit us." Her hand goes to her chest. “I blinked, and all I saw was black. I don’t remember anything. I heard screaming. When I opened my eyes, there was this buzzing noise, and it took me a second to realize where I was. I had glass all over me, and I will never forget the smell of burnt flesh." She puts her hand on my leg now, the exact leg that was stuck. "I was stuck,” I say. “I was under a part of the truck, and I could hear the bullets trying to hit us. I raised my head, and all I saw was dust everywhere. I reached for my radio, but I just couldn’t grasp it. I yelled for my men, and we were all in bad shape. But their lives rested on my shoulders."
"You were trapped,” she says in a whisper.
"I felt the steel in my leg." I look down to where her hand is, and she takes it off as if my leg is on fire. “I knew that if I didn’t get out of there, I would die there." She wipes the tears running down her face. “I knew that if I gave up and waited for help, they would take us, and we would be their fucking pawn." I shake my head, my voice cracking. “That wasn’t happening. Not on my watch."
"What did you do?" she whispers.
“I closed my eyes and shut everything down and pulled my leg free. I felt the steel rip through my flesh. The burning went right down to my bones. But I got the radio and got an air strike to come and rescue us. I pulled two of the guys who had burns on their hands to safety, and it was the longest twenty-two minutes of my life. The minute I got into the helicopter, I faded to black. I woke up seven days later in Germany. I was put on the injury list, thirty days until my next check-in, so I called my father and decided to come home. Fuck." I shake my head. “I always wondered why I didn’t die there that day. I wondered why I was saved, but now being here, coming home, I know why." My own tears stream down my face. “It was for you, this." I look into her eyes. “It was for you two."
Chapter 22
Hazel
I listen to him say his story, and the whole time, my heart is in my throat. The whole time, I thank whoever is listening for saving him. "I’m so sorry," I say, and my hand comes up to cup his cheek. “For not pushing to get in touch with you sooner. I should have contacted your parents." The lump in my throat is
as big as a baseball, and I want to say so many words, but I don’t trust myself right now.
"How were you supposed to know?” he says.
"What if something would have happened to you and you died not knowing?” I try to control the sob that wants to rip through me. "I’m so sorry." His head turns to kiss the palm of my hand on his cheek.
"I think it’s safe to say we both fucked up and made mistakes,” he says softly, putting his hand over mine. “The good news is that we now know." He looks in my eyes, and I want to lean in and kiss his lips. He’s the last person I’ve ever kissed. He’s the only kiss that I remember, and he’s the only kiss that I dream of.
I smile through my tears at him. “I’m really glad you didn’t die." He laughs, his hand falling off mine and my hand falling to his leg. The moment’s suddenly gone, and I wonder if he did it on purpose. If kissing me is not what he wants to do. I know he said that he hasn’t dated, but he could still have someone in his life.
"I’m really glad I didn’t die either,” he says, getting up now. “I’m really fucking glad I didn’t die." He walks down the step. “And I’m really fucking glad I came home." He looks at me. “See you in the morning,” he says. “Lock up."
"I will." I get up and turn to walk back into the house. When I hear the sound of the rocks crunching as he pulls out of the driveway, I lock the door. Walking to the kitchen, I clean up before heading up to bed. I watch Sofia sleep for a while before sleep comes and takes me.
"Momma." I hear a soft voice. “Uncle Reed is here.” My eyes spring open, and I sit up in bed, the cover falling off me.
"What?" I look at Sofia in confusion, then turn to grab the phone on the side table. I see it’s past seven, but there are five texts, all from Reed.
Reed: It’s me. I got up early.
Reed: I’ll be there by seven.
Reed: Is it okay if I come over?
Reed: Heading that way now.
Reed: I’m outside.
"It’s fine." I look over and see him standing in the doorway. He leans against the doorjamb, wearing jeans and a T-shirt. His hair looks like he just got out of the shower. “I knocked and thought you were up." He smirks as he looks at me and then down at the floor.
Looking down, I see my nipples are peeking out. My hand flies to grab the cover, and I bring it to my chest. “I didn’t hear you wake up.” I look over at Sofia, who is getting off the bed. “I didn’t even hear you knock.”
“I heard it, Momma," Sofia says, walking to Reed and slipping her hand in his.
"You opened the door?" I shriek out. “Sofia Bernadette,” I say her name.
"She did," Reed says, and I don’t know if he’s protecting her or not. “She asked who it was. Then she said you were sleeping." He looks down at her, smiling. “Then she opened the door when I said it was me."
"Are you going to make pancakes, Momma?" Sofia asks and doesn’t even give me a chance to answer. “Uncle Reed, can you make pancakes? I’m hungry."
"I can make pancakes,” he says to her, bending and picking her up. “But I don’t think they are as good as your momma’s." He looks at me now. “Why don’t we go down and I can cut some fruit, and Momma can get dressed?” She nods her head. “Not that I mind what you’re wearing." He winks. “But there might be other things happening we would need to explain."
I just look over at him, and my eyebrows pull together. He looks down at his jeans, seeing that his cock is awake, and my eyes go big. “I’ll be right down in clothes." He laughs, kissing Sofia’s head, and turns to walk out of the room. I get up and grab some shorts. I usually sleep in panties and a tank top. I can hear him and Sofia talking downstairs while I wash my face in the bathroom. I grab a sweater and put it over my tank top, and walk downstairs, the smell of coffee filling the room.
Sofia sits on the counter next to him as he cuts an apple for her. "You cut it the other way." She gives him instructions. “Sometimes Momma puts apple in my oatmeal," she tells him. “But you need to cut it small so I don’t choke."
"I’ll remember that,” he says. “Now, do you want strawberries and banana?"
"Yes, please,” she says, smiling at him.
"Coffee?" I ask, and he just nods. “How do you take it?" I grab two cups of coffee, filling them.
"It doesn’t matter,” he says, and I just look over at him and tilt my head. “Fine, milk, please."
I walk to the fridge, grabbing the milk and splashing a bit in both of them. “Do you take sugar?"
"Nope,” he says. Putting the knife down, he grabs Sofia and carries her to the chair. “I’m sweet enough." He kisses her nose, and I roll my eyes. He walks back to the counter, grabbing the fruit plate he made for her and bringing it to her.
"Here you go." I hand him the cup of coffee. His hand grazes mine while he grabs his cup, making my heart speed up with just his touch.
"I’ll start the pancakes,” I say, expecting him to get out of the kitchen. Instead, he stands at the far end of the kitchen, leaning back on the counter.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" he asks, and I look over at him while I whisk the dry ingredients.
"You can get me two eggs,” I say. He pulls open the fridge and comes back to give me the two eggs.
"Thank you,” I say, grabbing the eggs and cracking them into a bowl but only using the egg whites.
"What do you have planned today?" Reed asks.
"I have to run into town for a couple of things." I look at him as I get the egg whites just perfect. “There are some papers at the bank that I need to file for Pops." I make sure the griddle is the right temperature before scooping some batter on there. I add the oil and a little bit of butter for the richness.
"Actually." I look over at him once I put six scoops of batter. “Would you be able to watch Sofia?" He smiles. "I just figure she’d have a better time with you doing anything else but getting in the car and going for meetings."
"Well." He looks over at Sofia. “I did buy something she might like." Her eyes light up, and I look over at him.
She claps her hands together. “Is it a tractor?" she asks, and I shake my head and laugh quietly.
"It is not a tractor," he tells her. "But I’m sure you’ll love it."
"What did you buy her?" I ask, and he ignores the question when he brings the coffee cup to his lips to hide his smile, but I can tell from the crinkles around his eyes that it’s a full-face smile.
"I’ll get you plates,” he says, turning and grabbing three plates. He walks to me, one hand going to my hip while he puts the plates down beside me. “You smell good,” he says, burying his face in my hair.
"It’s the pancakes,” I say, trying to make it so he doesn’t know that my pulse has sped up with his touch. I try to make sure my chest rises and falls naturally and not pant.
"It’s not the pancakes,” he says, walking away from me now and going to sit in the chair next to Sofia.
I put one pancake on Sofia's plate and another one on mine and stack three on his, leaving one on the counter in case he or Sofia want more.
“I got to give it to you, Hazel," Reed says after he finishes the three on his plate, the one on the counter, and the rest of Sofia’s. “You can cook."
I shrug my shoulders, and I’m getting up to clean the dishes when he stops me. “I’ve got the kitchen. Go get ready."
"Well, then, you won’t hear me argue." I grab another cup of coffee and head upstairs. I slip on my tight jeans and a white button-down shirt, rolling up the sleeves and tucking it in the front. After slipping on my tan ballerina shoes, I comb my hair and put on some mascara. I take more time than I care to admit on my appearance. When I walk downstairs, I see that the kitchen is almost done.
"Her clothes are on the bed,” I say. He looks over his shoulder, and his hand stops in the water. He takes his hand out and grabs the hand towel, drying it off and placing it over his shoulder. “I shouldn’t be long." I get nervous now as he just watches me. “Is everything okay?"
> "Yeah," he says, his voice low. “I’m just … you’re stunning." I try not to let his words get to me. "I’m going to have a hard time when Sofia gets older if she looks anything like her momma."
I turn away from his look, not ready for him to see that I’m blushing. “Give Momma a kiss," I tell Sofia who just colors. She looks up at me, and I kiss her on her lips. “Be good for—" I almost slip and say dad. "Be good."
"Do I get a goodbye kiss?" Reed asks, and I roll my eyes, grabbing my purse and almost running out of the house. I put my hand on my head once I’m sitting in my car, trying to get all the butterflies out of my stomach.
"Motherfucker,” I say to myself. “Falling for Reed Barnes is a stupid idea, Hazel." I drive out of the driveway and toward town. I get out of the truck, and I’m walking when I see four women walking toward me. One of them is heavily pregnant.
"There she is," Amelia says as she waddles toward me. Chelsea is beside her with Savannah on one side and Kallie on the other side. "You have some explaining to do."
I put my hand to my chest, and I wonder if Reed told his family, my hands starting to shake and my mouth goes dry. “Sorry."
"Don’t sorry me," Amelia says. “I heard you made the best blueberry scones alive, and Auntie Savannah just gave me the last one."
The relief goes out of me, and I laugh. "We aren’t even going to discuss the sandwiches that my husband now wants me to make," Chelsea says. “Chicken and cranberry." She shakes her head.
"Leave her alone," Savannah says, coming to my side.
"I’m going to get her to the diner," Kallie says, putting her hand around Amelia's shoulders. “Before she gets really hangry and shows up at your door."
"I can get you some scones,” I say, and her eyes light up. “I’ll make them tonight."
"See you tomorrow,” she says, walking around me. “Or today if you finish them and want to drive them over to me."
"I’ll see,” I say and then turn back to see Savannah.
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