"I meant what I said earlier,” I say. “I’m not going anywhere."
She looks at me confused. “As long as you’re here and Sofia is here, that is where I will be."
"I don’t live here," she tells me.
"I know that,” I say softly. “So wherever you will be, so will I."
"Reed,” she says my name softly. "You don’t have to do that."
"No." I shake my head. “I’ve lost five years of her life." I get up now and walk down the steps, turning to look at her. "Five years. First steps, first birthday, first day of school, first day she fell. I’m not missing another fucking second of her life." I want to kneel on the second step and hold her face in my hands while I tell her all of this.
"But you have a life,” she says. “I don’t expect you to give up everything that you have." She wipes the tear away. “You worked so hard to make it out of here."
"And I did that,” I say. “I was supposed to sign another contract next month,” I say now and see her face turn white. “I called my commander today and told them that I won’t be doing it."
"But.” She shakes her head.
"But nothing,” I say. “For the first time in my life, I feel fucking whole. For the first time in my life, there is a reason to me." I point at myself. “For the first time in my life, I can breathe. Fuck, Hazel, I can’t even explain to you how I feel. Because there are no words. The minute I found out that she was mine, everything.” I shake my head and squat down so I can look her in her eyes. “Everything changed. That girl.” I point at the window where I know she sleeps. “She owns me. So I’ll move to wherever you live. I’ll find a job, I’ll bag groceries if I have to. I’ll work for my father. I will do what I need to do to make sure that every single day I get to sit and be worthy of her love." I want to add both of you, but I know it has to be done in baby steps. "I can’t imagine what you went through all alone without me." I blink the tears away, but they fall anyway. “And there is nothing I can say that will ever make it okay. Nothing." I swallow. “That is what I have to live with, but from now on, from this moment …" I put my hands on her cheeks now, holding her face in my palms. “You never have to go through this alone again. Not while I have air in my lungs."
"Reed,” she says my name in a whisper, and it brings me back to six years ago when she whispered my name right before I slipped into her.
"Every single day,” I say. “From this day on, it’s going to be us. Me, you, and Sofia."
I want to lean in and kiss her, but instead, I drop my hands from her face and stand. I reach in the back of my pocket and take out the white envelope. “I don’t have much,” I say. “I’ve saved almost everything I’ve made over the years. I didn’t need much to live."
"What are you talking about?” she says, and I hold out the envelope. "Take it, Hazel."
She takes the envelope and opens it, taking out the check for a hundred thousand dollars. She gasps out. “Are you insane?" she asks, shaking her head and putting the check back in the envelope. “I’m not taking this." She stands, pissed now. “Are you nuts?"
"You raised our daughter by yourself for the last five years. That isn’t nearly enough to cover what you did." I turn now and walk toward my truck.
"I’m not taking this!" she yells at my back. “Stupid, stubborn man."
I laugh now. “If you think I’m stubborn now." I open the truck door. “Wait until she tells me she wants to have a boyfriend."
"We need to talk about this," she tells me, putting her hands on her hips.
“We will.” I take a second. “I haven’t slept in two days, so I’m going home now, and I’m going to sleep.” I step up in the truck. “See you tomorrow, Hazel."
"This isn’t over, Reed Barnes,” she says before she storms back into the house. When I hear her slam the door, I laugh.
"Damn fucking right, it’s not over,” I say while I drive away from them. The feeling of dread comes over me. I pick up the phone and call my brother, who answers after one ring.
"I’m putting the baby to bed,” he says, whispering.
"Okay, just wanted to let you know that I need your help,” I say. “Be at the barn at eight thirty tomorrow."
"Whatever,” he says. “Just put a shirt on. Ethan posted a picture on Facebook of you riding a horse without a shirt, and I had to report it for profanity." I laugh now.
"I remember when you wore wifebeaters for a year," I remind him.
"I’m hanging up. Don’t call me back,” he says, disconnecting the call, and I call my father next, who answers right away also, but he’s not whispering.
"Hey, Dad,” I say. “I need a favor."
"Anything," he answers right away.
"Think you can meet me at the barn at eight thirty?" I think about what to say. “I was over to see Hazel, and Sofia was out playing and she fell because the grass was too high." I close my eyes, hoping he doesn’t sense the bullshit that I just gave him. “Since you just bought the house, I thought we could go over and at least clean it up a bit." I get out of the truck and make my way into the house, going straight to the bedroom.
"Yeah," he says. “That sounds good. I’ll message the guys."
"Thanks, Dad,” I say, and then he waits. “For everything."
"Anytime, son,” he says, and for the first time, I get everything that he said. I hang up the phone and collapse into the bed. When I show up at the barn at eight thirty, every single man in my family is there, even Gabriel.
My grandfather is telling them what we are going to be doing, and everyone just listens.
“I’ve got the tractor already at the house,” Grandpa says. “Let’s roll, people."
"I’ll ride with you," I tell my father, getting into his truck with Quinn, who leans his head against the headrest.
"Why the fuck are teeth so hard to cut through the gum?” he says, looking at my father.
"I’m not going to lie," my father says, driving toward Hazel’s. “When you were getting your teeth in, I cried." I look at him in shock. “Seeing your kid in pain and not being able to help them is the fucking worst."
I lean forward now. “Did you cry?" I ask Quinn quietly, and he looks over his shoulder and shakes his head.
"Liar." My father laughs out louder. “You are a liar. I’m going to ask Willow." He parks the truck, and I see that even some of the ranch workers are here.
"I’m going to go and tell Hazel what is going on," I tell them. They both nod at me and walk into the field where my grandfather is now giving orders.
I’m walking to the front door when it opens, and Hazel comes out dressed in yoga pants and a shirt, followed by Sofia in overalls and her green Rubber boots. “Uncle Reed,” she says.
“Hey, sunshine,” I hear my grandfather say from beside me. "Hazel."
"Hi," she says. “What’s going on here?" She looks around and sees all the men starting to work.
"Thought I would come by and give this little lady a ride on the tractor. What do you say?" my grandfather says. “If that is okay with your momma,” he says, and the smile just fills my face when I see Sofia’s eyes light up.
"Momma, a tractor,” she says and looks over to the tractor and then walks to my grandfather.
"Let’s go, sunshine," she tells him, and I can’t help the laugh that escapes me.
Chapter 20
Hazel
I watch in disbelief as Sofia walks with Billy toward the tractor. "We shouldn’t be here long," Casey says, looking at me. “But when we’re done, she can run free." I don’t say anything to him as he walks away.
"I thought I would be able to give you a warning," Reed says.
"A warning?" I ask, confused.
"I called the guys last night after I left here,” he says. “I didn’t think they would be so gung ho." He looks toward the field where everyone is working. "I’m going to go and make sure that Sofia likes me more than Grandpa," he says and turns to walk away but stops. “Oh, and you look beautiful today." He smirks at me
and continues to walk to our daughter. His words cause my mouth to open and close.
"Don’t go there, Hazel," I tell myself, turning and walking back into the house, going to the kitchen. I stand in front of the sink, looking out at the men in my yard.
"It’s what they do." I hear Pops’ voice in my head clear as day. “Family takes care of family." I swallow the sob, wishing he was here. Wishing he could see the day that Reed learned he was a father. I wish he could see how much he loves our little girl. I wish he would be here to sit on the porch with Billy as they talk about the little girl who holds a piece of both of them.
I see Billy on the tractor now with Sofia on his lap as he lets her pretend she’s driving. The smile on her face is worth everything I have to go through. Being here isn’t as much of a nightmare as I thought it would be.
Turning, I walk to the fridge and freezer. I take out stuff to make lunch for the men, but first, I start making my special chocolate chunk cookies. Ever since I got back home, I’ve been baking every single day, and I have to admit it’s calmed me down when I thought I would be a nervous wreck.
I put the cookies on the tray and place them in the oven and then start making the chicken and cranberry sandwiches. I take out the three loaves of fresh bread I baked yesterday, and also get to making more sweet tea.
The door opens when I’m placing the sandwiches on a platter, and I look over to see Sofia running in. “Momma, I’m hungry," she says. She is covered in dirt, but nothing could tear me away from the sparkle in her eyes. “And I drive the tractor."
"Drove," I correct her. “Go wash your hands, and you can have some lunch,” I say when the oven timer rings. Taking the cookies out, I place them on the stovetop to cool. "I’m going to go tell the boys to come in and eat,” I say. “I’ll be right back."
I walk toward where Casey and Billy stand as they look at Reed on the tractor. "I thought you guys might be hungry, so I made some sandwiches and sweet tea." I point with my thumb toward the house.
"You didn’t have to," Billy says.
"Neither did you." I smile at him. “But here you are. It’s the least I could do."
Billy smiles while Casey puts two fingers in his mouth and whistles. “Chomping time."
The guys drop what they’re doing and follow me inside, and I realize how small the house is when the men have to sit half in the living room and half in the kitchen. "What is this?" Ethan takes a bite of the sandwich.
"Chicken salad with cranberry,” I say.
"This is good,” he says, taking another bite. I look around, making sure the men have food and are drinking.
"We did a lot," Reed says, standing next to me. “We should be done in a couple of hours."
"Can I drive the tractor again?" Sofia asks, and Billy nods.
The men thank me for lunch, and I almost forget the cookies. "Holy shit," Billy says and then looks over at Sofia. “Holy crap, these are amazing."
"Thank you,” I say. “It’s a secret recipe my great-grandmother had, and over the years, I’ve tweaked it just a touch."
"Well, it’s perfect," he says. When they leave, there is not one piece of food left.
It takes them two more hours before they are finished. When Sofia comes in, I send her to the shower right away. I make more food than I should, and I’m somewhat hoping that Reed is going to come back so we can talk.
Sofia falls asleep practically at the table in her plate. I carry her to bed and think about if I should call him or not. I pace for a good ten minutes before calling. He answers right away, and I can tell that he was sleeping.
"I’m so sorry. Were you sleeping?" I ask, and I can hear the sheets rustling from his side.
"Shit," he says. “I wanted to come over to see Sofia."
"She fell asleep at the table. I’ll let you go,” I say. “We’ll talk tomorrow."
"What did you make for dinner?" he asks, and I laugh.
"What difference does it make?" I sit on the couch, wondering where he’s staying. Is he staying with his parents?
"So I know if I should eat before I come over." He laughs, and I can hear him walking.
"Sofia is in bed," I remind him.
"Yeah," he says, his voice soft. “I was wondering if we could talk." My stomach flips. “Go over a couple of things."
"Yeah," I say, my leg moving now. “We should talk about how things are going to go."
"Be there in ten," he says and disconnects. I get up now and make him a plate. I’m sure that he’s hungry. I look at the phone in my hand, seeing the screen saver of Sofia and Pops staring back at me.
The nerves fill me now, and I have the sudden need to vomit. I put a hand to my stomach and walk to the kitchen, hanging my head. "It’s going to be fine," I tell myself. “What is the worst that can happen?" I’m not helping anything at this point as my palms get sweaty.
I don’t even have any time to talk myself out of it because I hear his truck arriving. I look at the door, waiting for the knock. It’s going to be fine. Everything is going to be okay, and when I open it, I see him standing there, wearing dark blue jeans and a green shirt. His hair has been pushed back with his hands. I’m suddenly back to six years ago. The flutter in my stomach starts, and my heart speeds up. He always had this effect on me. "Hey," I say, stepping out of the way so he can come in. Everything is not fine. I should not be so attracted to him. It’s been six years, six.
"Hey." He smiles, stepping in and coming straight to me, standing in front of me. I hold my breath as he comes closer and closer to me. His hand goes to my hip, and he leans in and kisses my cheek. “You look nice,” he says, letting go of my hip. I’m wearing the same thing I was wearing this morning.
"You smell nice,” I say and then close my eyes and wait for the floor to open up and swallow me whole.
"A shower will do that to you." He laughs, and I walk to the kitchen. “Smells amazing."
"I made meatloaf and mashed potatoes,” I say, “with corn on the cob." I walk to the stove and pick up the plate. “Not sure if you stopped to eat or not." I grab a fork and knife and walk over to the table. "So I made you a plate."
He claps his hands together and sits down while I turn to grab him something to drink. “Did you eat?" he asks, and I nod.
"Yeah, we ate,” I say and sit down in front of him.
"This is good,” he says, eating, and I look at him.
"I was thinking," I start to say. “That we should go over a couple of things."
"I was thinking the same,” he says between bites. “Sort of a can- and can’t-do list."
"Yes." I nod at him. “If we are going to do this."
He looks up at me and smirks that fucking smirk I hate but love. “What are we going to do?" He puts down his fork. “I have a couple of things I’d like to do."
"What are you talking about?" I ask, confused. “I was talking about us co-parenting." He nods at me and continues eating his food. "Like I was saying, if we’re going to do this, we need to have rules."
"I agree,” he says.
"Routine," I start. “It’s important that she stick to her routine." I swallow. “If she is at my house or at yours." The thought of her not being with me at night hits me, and I stop talking.
"Are you okay?" He looks up with concern on his face.
"Yeah," I say, blinking the tears away. “It’s just she’s always been with me, and now I’m going to have to …" Turning now, I get up to get myself some water. I feel him behind me as he puts his hands on my arms, his touch searing into my skin.
"One step at a time,” he says softly. “One step at a time," he repeats, and I can feel the heat through my T-shirt now.
"Yeah," I say, afraid to turn around and come face-to-face with him because I’m not sure of myself right now. He drops his hands and steps away from me. Walking back to grab his plate, he rinses it off before he puts it in the dishwasher.
"Want to go sit outside?" he asks, and I nod. He grabs my hand and pulls me behind him, walking o
ut of the house.
He sits down and pulls my hand so I sit next to him. "Relax, Hazel." He puts his hand over my shoulder. “You got this," he says. "Routine,” he says. “We stick to her routine. I can do that." I nod. “I might need some help because, well, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing."
"Well." I look over at him. “I can tell you that you’re doing a good job."
"If I fuck up, I am going to need you to tell me." I smile at him.
"Trust me, if you fuck up"—I smile big—“it will be my pleasure to tell you."
His hand drops from my shoulder now as he laughs out loud. "I’ve been in war zones,” he says to me, his face looking out toward the trees. “And I’m more scared than I have been in my whole life." His voice trails off, and nothing could have prepared me for what is coming next.
Chapter 21
Reed
I put my hands on my knees, looking out in front of me. “What else is on your list?" I ask Hazel, looking at her.
"If I do something you don’t like …" I look over at her again and fuck if she isn’t as beautiful as she was all those nights ago. More beautiful than I remember, she is wearing another pair of yoga pants and a white T-shirt tucked into the front. The same thing she was wearing this morning, but seeing her again still takes my breath away. "Or if you do something I don’t like, we talk to each other without Sofia."
"I would think that is a given,” I say. “But I have no idea. I’ll never put you down in front of her."
"Punishments,” she says and holds her hands up. “I don’t spank her, never have had to. She’s a great kid, and she is well behaved."
"She’s the best,” I say. “I know I’m biased, but in the two days I’ve known her, I can see how fucking amazing she is, and it’s all because of you. I can’t ever repay you." I stop talking, hoping I can say more, but I know I have to tread lightly. “I won’t spank her." I shake my head, the thought making my stomach hurt.
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