Reaching Answers

by Erin R Flynn

  I couldn’t think of him using that word before. I was a firm believer in rewarding good behavior, so no matter how tired I was… I was apparently going to Faerie with the Prince of Darkness.

  “I’ll be back soon,” I promised everyone. “I’ll take the pack for a run with us and help unload after.”

  “No worries,” Zack muttered, studying Neldor. “Opening the portal to bring us all over took a lot out of her. I’m assuming you have enough honor to not take advantage of that and will protect her. I know you guys always fight as light and dark, but you’re on the same side for the foreseeable future. You have to be smart enough to get that.”

  Neldor was used to their valid distrust of him. Giving a sharp nod, he said, “I swear to you this is to help, not even manipulate her in any way.”

  Okay, fine, he was still snarky.

  “Sure, yes, please, have a moonlight picnic with the prince you were betrothed to,” Darby seethed. “I didn’t get a vote about Craftsman staying over break or much else, so why should I on this?”

  I bit back a sigh and shot him a look that made it clear I wasn’t happy he’d said that in front of people. “I didn’t get a vote either and don’t know the reasons yet. So I’ll let you know when I do. Okay? I tell you lots and the stuff I didn’t before, you said you were fine with because—”

  “I was. I am,” he sighed, rubbing his hand over his eyes, knocking his glasses askew. “Sorry. Finals took more out of me than I thought. I shouldn’t have snapped. We’ll talk when you’re back? Is that fine with you, Tamsin?”

  I flinched, having noticed he’d been calling me by my first name for a while now.

  And I wasn’t the only one.

  “Dick,” Zack mumbled as he brushed past Darby and headed to the vehicles to start unloading.

  “Yeah, I’ll come to your room later,” I said, not even looking at him.

  He didn’t reply right away. “Oh, I’m not staying in yours?”

  I glanced at him then, not even hiding my surprise or reaction. I was pretty sure my look clearly said I was shocked he would want to from the way he flinched.

  Hell, Ray had cracked a joke that he thought Darby was only coming to my house during break because he didn’t really have anywhere else to go. Unfortunately for him, we’d been sparring and I’d about taken his head off.

  I hadn’t been a fan of the joke.

  I nodded to Neldor that we could go and followed after him, whistling to the dogs to signal they could come with as well… As if they didn’t already know. They were smarter than some people for sure.

  We went downstairs and I opened the portal for us, nodding when he gestured for me to go ahead. I shivered at the chill in the night air, but it wasn’t anything like Kansas, so it was still comfortable with just the jacket.

  Especially when the dogs fired up their flames after they came through and played with each other.

  I helped Neldor set up the blanket he’d brought. We sat down and tucked right into the gobs of Chinese food he’d gotten.

  Once we were about through half the containers and I started to recover most of my energy, he wiped his mouth and gave me a gentle look I wasn’t ready for. “You did the right thing with those vampires. I know you don’t regret it, but it was still hard on you. I understand my opinion doesn’t carry any weight with you, but as the only fairy you know, I wanted to say I agree with you.”

  I swallowed my next bite loudly. “How did you know about it?” The “are you spying on me” was sort of implied without having to say it.

  His lips twitched. “No, I’m not spying on you. Some of the hobgoblins aren’t as quiet as they think they are. When your Alpha snitched to them, they weren’t all that reserved in their responses, and I already knew something had happened. You were clearly shaken.” He cleared his throat when I nodded. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

  “Thank you for trying tonight, really, but we’re not friends, Neldor. You’ve had weeks to try and… Thank you, but no.”

  He was quiet several minutes as we kept eating. “You’re right, we’re not friends, but I am the only fairy around so for the moment, I am the only one who can help you with things. You said something the night it happened that I caught, and while I didn’t understand it—I still might not—I’ve heard you say it before.” He sighed when I didn’t answer. “You aren’t like dark fairies, Tamsin.”

  Ahhh, that. I sighed. It was actually fair to bring this up in case it was an issue later. “I am actually. There’s… I had a theory—a valid one—that maybe I was smuggled out because my parents were light and dark, one of each, and if they died in the war, I would be in big trouble. I know who my mother is, but the more I think about it, maybe I shouldn’t throw out that theory just yet.”

  Neldor lost his princely composure and actually dropped his chopsticks into his container. The dark prince was completely gobsmacked. It took him a few minutes to even try to make his mouth work. “You might not be wrong there. It makes sense that was why Queen Meira hid who her mate was, but I cannot for the life of me start to even have a clue how she met and fell in love with a dark fairy.”

  I shrugged. “I’m not saying we try for problems we don’t know if true when we have so many, but there are a lot of attributes I have of dark fairies. I know light and dark aren’t really all that different, simply a matter of perspective, but that night, I didn’t mean like dark fairies.” I cleared my throat and looked away. “I meant darkness in my heart and thought about your mother. I didn’t know you were there.”

  He sighed. “You weren’t taking a shot at her, but your own head was clouded. I understand. I cannot defend what she did. It’s unforgivable, of course. She wasn’t always like that though. She was once… She wasn’t all bad, and her mother was fairly twisted. We’ve had a lot of that in both of our family trees. Ruling is not an easy job.”

  Of course not. He didn’t need to explain that to me. People didn’t need to be raised as royals to understand wearing the crown and having all that responsibility was difficult.

  Like no shit.

  “I believe you, but I really don’t want to get into all of that, Neldor. What did you want to talk about?”

  He sighed. “The vampire is too much of a bother on you.”

  “He’s not, and he’s one of the only reasons I’ve kept my sanity at all, so please just drop it. What did you need?”

  He sighed again, heavier this time. “There’s something I wanted to show you after we eat. I also wanted you to spend more time here. We should, as fairies. I know you’ve only spent time here with the world in pain and seeing it in this condition kills me as well—”

  I snorted. “This is nothing Neldor. When I first came through, there was a tiny, tiny circle around the portal and everything else was that caustic darkness. It took me months to even get the sun back. All life died here. Only the grass was really left, but there weren’t even trees or flowers until a few months before I found you.” I pulled my knees to my chest as I kept eating.

  “You suffered a lot more than I realized fixing our world,” he murmured, focused hard on his food when I glanced at him in shock. “It’s truly disconcerting to even hear about. I cannot imagine what you describe, and yet I know it to be the truth.”

  “Because your mother did it?” I asked gently.

  “No, though that hurts me, of course. No, it’s because Faerie is magical, more vibrant and alive than the bluest and most gorgeous ocean in their world. You have seen nothing of the life and glory our world truly is.”

  “I look forward to it,” I mumbled.

  “I don’t think you do and that’s my fault,” he whispered.

  I didn’t know what to say to that. There wasn’t really anything to say that wouldn’t start a fight or cause trouble.

  Because he wasn’t wrong. It was his fault that I had basically given up hope. He was the only fairy I knew and if they were like him… I didn’t really care to know more. I knew I had to free them and I would,
but I wasn’t really in a rush to, especially given how much getting him unlocked from that powerful magic had hurt me.

  We finished eating and stacked our containers in the bags. I wondered what we were doing there besides eating and having a night off. He stood first and I followed, helping to fold the blanket.

  “There is something I must show you, but you’ll need to use the rune to run.” He glared at Chief when the dog growled. “I will not injure your master and princess. This will help her, I promise.”

  It was hard not to smile when he muttered something about my damn dogs and all those who were so protective of me.

  Lucca and a few others who knew about me and the rune had asked me why I still ran so much several days a week if I had a fairy way to run so fast, it made CGI look crazy slow. My answer had been simple, and I hadn’t hidden they were a bit dense to ask.

  “I might not always have the energy after or during a fight to use it, but I should always be prepared to run away when I need to.”

  Duh.

  “Let’s go,” I agreed, getting the feeling something big was going on. I thought of the rune and took off after him, feeling good to let out magic again when I needed it instead of being on lockdown for so long. We ran miles and miles in the time it took to blink.

  He stopped and after I reacclimated myself to moving normally, I gasped as I saw we were in a section of Faerie I’d never been before.

  And there were dozens and dozens of people all around. I spun in a circle and saw there were over a hundred fairies. At first, I couldn’t seem to find my voice as I stared at all of them frozen by magic, not locked in the caustic darkness, but something was still off. It wasn’t like how I’d seen others—or even when I’d done it—freeze people with magic or runes.

  I wet my lips as I moved closer to the nearest fairy. “You’ve been busy making progress.”

  “Hmm, yes,” he murmured as he glanced around. “I still have a lot of catching up to do to balance the scales.”

  I flinched at his wording, glancing at him. “It’s not a competition, Neldor.”

  “Is it not?” he challenged.

  I bit back a sigh. Of course he would think that. I ignored him and went back to where my mind had been, leaning in and narrowing my eyes. There were traces of caustic something on the fairy. “Not to ask the obvious, but you’ve tried to wake them?”

  “No, as I worry what could happen, but my magic also let me clearly know that the spell is beyond my level.” He shrugged when I couldn’t hide my shock. “My training began much earlier than yours, Tamsin. You’ve been comparing yourself to other supe standards. I said it all wrong, and I say it now not to judge or upset you, so hopefully you’ll hear me.”

  “Okay,” I hedged, having a feeling I wasn’t going to like it.

  “You are vastly behind.”

  “I know that,” I snapped.

  “No, you don’t,” he said gently, using a tone I didn’t know he had. “Their elites have become lazy and complacent. Their high levels are closer to lower-medium of where they used to be. There is a reason there was never a fairy dorm at Artemis or any of the supe colleges. We politely took classes there to be part of their society, but we are light years ahead of them.”

  Which made me light years behind as I was only slightly ahead of their lower standards. I’d only learned the curriculum I’d been there for, completely lost on many of the basics supes learned growing up. Shit.

  I took in and let out a slow breath. “I didn’t know to that extent, but I did know my knowledge was extremely behind. I have been reading the journals of our people, and it’s clear I’m ridiculously behind and couldn’t catch up properly until I found anyone and got help. Working with White has been a huge help.”

  “Yes, she is a wise one and learned much from her father. She was a good choice in mentor with your lack of options. She is a wonderful teacher as well. I apologized for outing her. It was a hard-learned lesson of how much has changed, and it pained me it could cost her too much. I placed some fairy protection runes on her that won’t fade unless I die.”

  “Thank you.”

  He gave a sharp nod. “It was my mistake.” He waved me to come towards him. “I wanted to show you my progress so you understood that I have taken this seriously; of course, you knew that. But also, that you are not alone in this monumental task. More than that, there is something specific we are here for.”

  Well, that won me over, and I headed towards him. He stopped at a very handsome dark fairy who seemed to be fighting alongside the light fairies. I glanced around and realized we were in the middle of a battle and swallowed loudly.

  We were going to be in the middle of a lot of them, and I had no idea how to handle that.

  Double shit.

  “This is Cluym,” he introduced, giving me a pointed look as if that name should mean something.

  It didn’t.

  He seemed frustrated at that, but then I could practically see the light bulb go off over his head and he sighed. “He didn’t want to tell you his name and put more pressure on you. That would have made this all harder on you if you knew names.”

  “Who?” I asked, glancing between him and the fairy.

  “Geiger.”

  I did a double take and then gasped as I put it together, my hands flying to my mouth as tears filled my eyes. “You found Geiger’s mate.”

  “I did. I made it a priority. Lord Geiger is a good man and has done a lot to keep you safe so you could save all of us. He’s struggled a lot and the guilt he now carries that you were not brought to him as you were supposed to be is too much for one man to bear. Cluym is a loyal fighter and ally and if anyone can be trusted to help us and stay neutral, it is him. He is a wise first choice.”

  And someone I would want to break free of this horrible magic and fight my mental block to do it.

  I glanced around and realized that was true for all of them. No matter if they turned out like Neldor and weren’t what I was promised, I had to free them from this magic.

  I simply wouldn’t kill myself to do it. It wasn’t even that I couldn’t free anyone else then… I wasn’t going to hurt myself anymore now that Faerie had risked me and given me Neldor. He might have been the best option power-wise to help me.

  But probably not the best option for me. Hurting me again wasn’t best for me and so there was some serious selfishness to the sentience of the world and magic. I understood it but I wasn’t going to keep trusting it.

  And never him.

  I was curious about more than the people, checking out what they wore. I had at least a hundred questions, but wouldn’t ask Neldor any of them. Not only did he sit so high up on his perch that I wouldn’t trust his answers… I didn’t trust him. There really was no other way to say it. He might have stopped being so openly hostile, but I knew what he still wanted from me.

  What he still expected me to give him.

  That was a man I didn’t think I could ever trust.

  “Thank you for showing me this,” I said when I was finally done, realizing he was watching me and impatiently waiting.

  “That’s it? You must have a million questions,” he pushed, frowning deeply.

  I gave a noncommittal hum. “Probably. I was already overloaded and most likely this pushed it over.” I glanced around again but was careful to not look at him. “I’m going to head back and update the pack.” I used the rune and took off without giving him a chance to argue or start anything.

  It was better to leave the night on a peaceful note.

  He easily kept up, slowing to normal when I knelt and took Chief’s paw. I showed them what I’d seen and asked him to communicate it with Irma, come up with a plan, as we needed a plan if we were going to start really unfreezing fairies.

  Chief agreed and promised to speak with her the moment she arrived since the hobgoblins were staying with me during break again. I’d had rooms renovated to accommodate them and they loved staying with me.

  Most
ly because they loved cooking and I ate it all. Or so I kept teasing them.

  It wasn’t untrue though.

  We headed through the portal and I could tell Neldor had a lot to say, but I ignored it, wishing him a goodnight and heading to help unload. I was pleasantly surprised to find it all done… Which left having a “talk” with Darby.

  Balls.

  I sighed and trudged up the stairs, feeling dread as I reached his room and raised my hand to knock. I tried to make myself, but my hand wouldn’t respond.

  “Do you really not want to see me?” he muttered from the other side of the door, startling me enough that I jumped away.

  I’d been so lost in my head I hadn’t even felt him there. “No, of course I do. I’m just not sure I have it in me for whatever kind of talk you want.”

  He opened the door and adjusted his glasses before folding his arms over his chest. “That’s fair, but I promise I don’t want problems either. I was a jerk earlier and I have been. I wanted to apologize for that and see if we can’t get back on the same page.”

  “I’m not sure I have the energy for all of that tonight, Darby,” I warned. “Finals were hard on me too.”

  “And whatever just happened with Neldor,” he muttered, studying me closely.

  “I wasn’t going to hide it from you,” I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest as well.

  “Will you tell me what happened with Jordan Holmes and the others?”

  “Not yet.”

  He didn’t reply right away. “Why?”

  I cleared my throat and didn’t say the words, but I knew he felt my answer when he flinched. There wasn’t really a nice way to say “I don’t want to tell you my crimes if I’m not sure we’re going to make it.”

  “I love you.”

  “I’m just not your agra anymore,” I whispered as I took a step away. “You fought so hard to win me back, but I’m not what you really wanted. You just didn’t want to be the one who lost me.”

  “No, no, that is not what is going on here,” he growled, grabbing my arm and pulling me to him and into the room. He kicked the door closed and hugged me, kissing my hair. “You are my agra. You are. I felt stupid saying it when I’ve felt you slipping through my fingers. You get further and further away from me and it’s killing me.”