by Nicola Marsh
After downing another healthy slurp of champagne that left her head spinning slightly, Tash blurted, ‘Kody kissed me.’
Alisha let out a loud ‘Woo hoo!’ while Ruby gave a maniacal laugh like she’d already imbibed too much champers.
‘It’s not funny, guys, I’m confused and worried and thoroughly bamboozled.’
‘So I take it you told Rubes about Kody being Isla’s dad.’ Alisha poked her in the arm.
Tash nodded. ‘Nice to know you two don’t gossip about me, otherwise you would’ve already known that.’
‘I’ve been a bit preoccupied with all this wedding hoopla.’
‘Plus I never gossip,’ Ruby said, pretending to be affronted. ‘But if I did …’ Ruby fanned her face. ‘Man, I love Connor, but you’ve had sex with a rock star and I’m so bloody jealous!’
They broke into champagne-fuelled giggles.
‘Does he pluck at your heartstrings?’ Ruby imitated playing a guitar.
‘I bet he strums real good,’ Alisha said, complete with suggestive hand movements.
‘Does he have a large plectrum?’ Ruby guffawed at that one and attempted to pat herself on the back.
‘Stop.’ Tash held up a hand while pressing the other to her side where she had a stitch from laughing so hard.
‘I can’t believe this.’ Ruby shook her head. ‘It’s like something out of a soap opera, but it’s happening right here in Brockenridge, to someone I know.’
‘And love,’ Alisha added, leaning over to sling an arm across Tash’s shoulder and hug her.
‘Yeah.’ Ruby nodded. ‘We love you, Tash, but I’m still a little green about you bonking Australia’s rock god.’
‘Many times.’ Tash tilted her chin in the air, trying to channel haughtiness, and ending up spilling more champagne.
Alisha righted her glass. ‘Tell us more about the kiss.’
‘And don’t leave out a thing,’ Ruby added. ‘We want to know everything.’
But Tash couldn’t tell them everything. She couldn’t divulge the shame that haunted her in the wee small hours when she lay awake in bed, regretting how she’d lied to Kody about having an abortion. She couldn’t reveal her terror at the prospect of coparenting with someone as wealthy as Kody because she could never compete and she feared Isla would come to love him more. And she sure as hell couldn’t articulate one of her greatest fears: that she’d fall for him all over again and he’d break her heart.
It had nearly killed her to walk away from him thirteen years ago. Letting him in this time around would be a sure-fire way to ensure he shattered her heart once and for all.
Intuitive as ever, Alisha gave her a gentle nudge. ‘You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but it might help to get our impartial take on it?’
‘You’re not impartial, you’re on my side,’ Tash said. ‘I hope.’
‘Of course we are, sweetie.’ Ruby squeezed her hand. ‘But you look kind of shell-shocked so it might help to talk about it.’
Where to start? ‘Kody was furious I hadn’t told him about Isla all those years ago and I don’t blame him—I robbed him of her entire childhood. But he seems to have made his peace with it and we’ve been getting along better, like friends. Then a few nights ago he’d been looking after Isla and they invited me over for dinner too, and after Isla went home to do homework …’ She shrugged, like that momentous kiss meant little. ‘He kissed me.’
‘How romantic.’ Ruby sighed, while Alisha simply tilted her head to one side, studying Tash.
‘That’s a complication waiting to happen.’
‘Don’t listen to her.’ Ruby whacked Alisha on the arm. ‘She’s the least romantic bride I know.’
‘That’s because I’m a realist,’ Alisha said. ‘How do you feel about it, Tash?’
‘Honestly? The kiss was amazing, better than I remembered. And it made me fall for him a little all over again. But you’re right, it’s complicated.’
Ruby snapped her fingers. ‘Because you’ll have to sort out custody issues, yeah?’
Tash nodded. ‘And the whole thing terrifies me.’
‘Is he fair?’ Alisha asked, worry clouding her eyes. ‘Or do you think he’s cosying up to you to screw you over?’
‘I didn’t before but I do now,’ Tash said drily, as Ruby glared daggers at Alisha.
‘Don’t listen to her,’ Ruby said. ‘She’s just bitter because we didn’t get her those penis cookies she secretly craved.’
‘Again with the dicks.’ Alisha rolled her eyes. ‘Seriously, Tash, what are you going to do?’
‘Well, I’m not going to kiss him again for starters.’ Then again, she shouldn’t make any promises she couldn’t keep. Because she wanted to kiss him again, desperately. Maybe more. The moment he’d pressed his lips to hers, he’d rekindled embers she’d thought long doused. She still felt something for him.
So yeah, whatever happened between them was one giant complication waiting to happen.
‘How’s Isla handling all this?’ Alisha asked, as Ruby frowned at her for steering the conversation away from the juicy stuff. ‘I take it she doesn’t know about the kiss?’
Tash choked on a sip of champagne at the thought. ‘Hell, no. I don’t want her getting her hopes up that her parents would ever reunite when that’s not going to happen.’ She sighed. ‘She’s head over heels for Kody, understandably. He’s a pretty good guy and he’s a rock star, so stands to reason she’d be gaga over him.’
‘And he’s good with her?’ Alisha sipped at her drink, her expression thoughtful. ‘Then again, that’s a dumb question, because she wouldn’t be with him now if he wasn’t.’
Tash nodded. ‘I love seeing the two of them bond and the relationship they’re developing, but it hurts here too.’ She pressed a hand over her heart. ‘I did the wrong thing keeping them apart and I can never take it back.’
‘Oh, sweetie, no use looking back and wishing things were different,’ Ruby said, leaning in for a quick hug. ‘I regret not coming back to Brockenridge before Mum died, but I try to focus on the roadhouse and keeping her legacy alive. Maybe you should focus on the future too?’
A sound plan, but how did Tash do that when all she could see in her future was too many empty days while Isla was swanning around the world with her dad?
Catching sight of Alisha’s worried expression, Tash knew she had to lighten the mood. It wasn’t fair, hijacking Alisha’s special day, when she wanted her friend to have fun.
‘I think we’ve had enough Kody talk and it’s time to do those honey facials now.’
Their conversation turned to Alisha’s wedding plans as they slathered masks on their faces, painted each other’s nails and teased Alisha endlessly about the wedding night, which the couple had chosen to spend on a luxury houseboat on the Murray. There was lots of banter along the lines of ‘if this boat is a rockin’, don’t come a knockin”, which kept Tash suitably distracted.
Until Ruby swiped her finger over her phone screen, scrolling through something, and let out a squeal. ‘Oh my goodness, I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before. We still don’t have a band for that blues night and you know how feral locals get if we don’t have live music on those nights. So why don’t you ask Kody if he could fill in? Nothing major, just a few songs …’ Ruby trailed off as she noticed Tash’s stricken expression. ‘Not a good idea?’
Tash fiddled with the seal on a box of chocolates, trying to come up with a refusal that wouldn’t entail betraying Kody’s confidence.
‘Tash?’ Ruby touched her arm and took the box out of her hands. ‘It was just an idea.’
‘And a good one, but Kody’s taking some time out from the hectic touring life and that’s why he’s in Brockenridge.’
Ruby nodded. ‘I get it. Being on the road all the time would be tough. And I read about the accident at Rock Hard Place’s last concert in Wellington so it stands to reason he’d want to take some time out. But do you think you could ask him?�
�� Ruby faked puppy dog eyes. ‘For me?’
Playing to a packed house at The Watering Hole would be the last thing Kody would want, not when he valued his anonymity and was hiding out to preserve it. But Ruby was her boss as well as her friend and she couldn’t refuse.
‘Okay, I’ll ask, but expect the answer to be no.’
‘Maybe you can sweeten your request with a kiss or two?’ A sly glint lit Ruby’s eyes as she made smooching noises.
Alisha stifled a laugh and Ruby pointed at Tash’s face. ‘You should see your expression, it’s priceless.’
‘I’m never telling you two anything ever again,’ she said, miming a zipping action across her lips.
‘We’ll just ply you with alcohol and drag all your secrets out that way.’ Ruby reached for the second champagne bottle. ‘Starting now.’
CHAPTER
30
Kody had never considered himself an emotional guy. He’d learned from a young age to close off, not get too close to people, and never trust easily. He’d put up metaphorical barriers to keep hurt at bay and retreated behind a wall of practised indifference or deliberate cockiness. He’d been labelled everything from smart-arse to dickhead to emotionally stunted and he’d never let it bother him.
So what had happened to make that guy feel like his chest had been split open every time he looked at his wondrous daughter?
He’d jumped at the chance to have Isla stay overnight when Tash had asked if he could mind her while she threw a bridal shower for her bestie, and had looked forward to it. Considering Isla had been practising guitar for the last hour without any signs of stopping, she seemed to be having a good time too.
‘Hey, it’s bedtime soon, so do you want a snack?’
‘Mum lets me stay up till eleven so we’ve got plenty of time.’
He didn’t buy that for a second. ‘Eleven, really?’
Isla looked away, suitably shame-faced. ‘Ten at the latest and that’s only if I’ve got home late after drama or netball practice and have a stack of homework.’
‘That’s better,’ he said. ‘So how about that snack?’
‘Okay. Though I could play guitar all night, I love it that much.’
He did too and the fact his daughter had inherited his talent made him choke up every time he listened to her. This was their fourth session; Tash had been surprisingly accommodating. Then again, she seemed in a rush whenever he’d rung, like she didn’t want to talk to him and would agree to anything if it got him off the phone quickly. Looked like that kiss had shocked the hell out of her too. Neither of them had the guts to bring it up again but he would, eventually, because after several more sessions with the online psych he’d come to a few decisions, the major one being forgive and forget.
Not that he could ever forget Tash’s decision to keep him oblivious to Isla’s existence, but he could forgive. He would. And he needed to tell her that in person. He had it all planned out. A lunch, maybe a picnic, so he wouldn’t be tempted to kiss her again and drag her into the nearest bedroom. Nothing overtly romantic, because he wasn’t in the right headspace to start any kind of relationship, least of all with the only woman he’d ever truly had feelings for. Just a tension-free lunch where he could bring up topics they’d rather avoid: like setting the past to rest once and for all, and making a start on the custody discussion. Spending more time with Isla reinforced how badly he wanted to be in her life.
He still had no idea how it would work. She couldn’t be dragged out of school regularly, which meant he’d be reduced to school holidays with her. Three term breaks of two weeks each and the six-week summer holidays—it seemed not nearly enough. Depending on his schedule, he could squeeze in trips to Australia and spend time with her here, but he didn’t want to disrupt her life any more than he had to. Would she be distracted by brief visits? Would she resent him constantly leaving her? Would she hate Tash for keeping them apart?
That was another decision he’d come to over the last week. Hiding out here indefinitely, leaving his band mates hanging, wasn’t good. Picking up a guitar again hadn’t made his head implode. The grief at the senseless deaths of those concert-goers was still fresh, and may never leave him, but what kind of example would he be setting Isla if he gave up his passion altogether? Walking away from Rock Hard Place would gut him, and cause a massive stir in the music industry. Questions would be asked. Fans and paparazzi would demand answers. His past would be dug into. Tash, and in turn Isla, would be exposed to muckraking. He wouldn’t put them through that. So he’d have to go back. Back on the road, on tour, thrust into the limelight he adored but which now seemed somewhat hollow after this quiet time with his daughter.
Isla played a loud, jarring chord that gave him a jolt.
‘Dad, what about that snack you promised?’
He gave a mock bow. ‘Coming right up, princess.’
She chuckled and went back to strumming as he headed to the kitchen. Along with his psyche, his ankle felt stronger every day and he couldn’t wait to get rid of the walking boot. He laid out crackers and was slicing cheese to top them when his phone rang where it lay on the bench top. One glance at the screen had his heart beating faster: Tash.
Wiping his hands, he reached for the phone and hit the answer button. ‘Hey.’
‘Hey yourself,’ she said too loudly, her words slurred slightly, and he heard giggling in the background.
‘Are you drunk?’
‘Pleasantly tipsy.’
He bit back a grin as he heard a muted belch. ‘Everything all right?’
‘Never better. How’s Isla?’
‘She’s great. I’m making her a snack.’ He heard collective sighs. ‘Do you have me on speakerphone?’
‘Noooooo …’ More laughter and he smiled, glad she was having a good time with her friends. ‘Okay, yes, but that’s only because Alisha and Ruby are bugging me to ask you something and they won’t let up until I do.’
‘Okay, shoot.’
‘Uh … it’s okay to say no … and I don’t even want to ask you this … but …’
‘Oh, for goodness sake,’ he heard someone mutter, followed by a loud ‘Ow!’ from Tash that he assumed came from being poked in the ribs.
‘Okay, I’ll ask him,’ Tash muttered. ‘Ruby owns the roadhouse where I work and she runs these great theme nights that locals flock to. We can’t get a band for one of the blues nights and she’s already sold a shitload of tickets, so she was wondering if you could play instead.’
Fear, swift and potent, shot through Kody and he broke out in a cold sweat. Stupid, because he’d just been thinking of returning to the touring circuit, but thinking about it and taking the first step towards actually doing it were poles apart. What if he froze the first time on stage? What if he couldn’t squeeze the words past his tight throat? What if he had a panic attack in front of everyone as the memories of clogging smoke and terrified screams overtook him?
‘It’s dumb, I know, because you’re on hiatus. But Ruby is hassling me and she says she’ll prank call every old geezer in the district from my phone unless I ask.’
‘Let me think about it, okay?’
That stunned them into silence. It even shocked Kody a little. He should’ve said no. Playing in a country roadhouse would bring a ton of attention he didn’t want. It would ruin the rest of his quiet leave and infiltrate what precious time he had left with Isla. But at least it would answer the question of whether he could still perform.
‘Wow, thanks,’ Tash said, sounding like she couldn’t believe he’d practically agreed.
‘I haven’t said yes yet, but maybe I could check out the place before I make a decision?’
‘Absolutely,’ someone yelled, while another woman let out a whoop.
‘Ruby and Alisha are stoked,’ Tash said. ‘Just give me a minute, okay? I want to talk to you without an audience.’
He heard a yelled ‘Spoilsport!’ before the background noise shut off.
After a few moments, Tash s
aid, ‘Sorry to ambush you like that.’
‘No worries.’ Though there were plenty, most of them centred on his fear of performing and making an ass of himself.
‘Listen, I know how tough this will be for you, so take your time deciding.’
‘Actually, I want to talk to you about a lot of stuff. Can we have lunch together some time soon?’
‘Uh, sure. I’m rostered on to work the next five days so how about next Friday?’
He hated having to wait that long; it left him too much time to stew. But it would have to do. ‘That’s fine.’
‘Great. Kiss Isla goodnight for me.’
‘Will do.’
For some inane reason, he didn’t want her to hang up. Tash grounded him, always had, and chatting to her made him more relaxed.
‘So how’s the bridal shower going?’
‘Good, but I’ll have a headache in the morning.’ She groaned.
He laughed. ‘Keep the paracetamol handy.’
‘Hopefully if I drink a litre or two of water before bed I’ll be right.’
He remembered another time long ago when she’d tried the same remedy. They’d been high on the rush of the band’s first sold-out gig at a pub not far from the Princeton and had done tequila shots. Tash had been a lightweight with alcohol so had been hilariously tipsy after three shots and a beer chaser. But she’d sworn that drinking copious glasses of water before bed would help. It hadn’t. She’d spewed twice when they got back to his studio and had ended up making several trips to the loo overnight.
He shouldn’t bring up the past, not when so much had happened—not all of it good—since. But he couldn’t help himself. ‘That theory didn’t work so well for you the last time. Remember the tequila shots?’
‘Don’t remind me.’
Silence stretched between them before she added, ‘We had some fun times together.’
‘Holding back your hair as you barfed wasn’t so much fun for me.’