More

by Rachel De Lune

  “I thought, perhaps you had taken them, that they were photos of your previous partners.” I hold my breath for his response.

  “No, not mine. I’ve simply bought from a few photographers whose work I particularly like.”

  “So not the others… others you’ve been with?” It’s out of my mouth before I can stop it, and I inwardly cringe at my own words.

  “Definitely not. Is that what you’ve thought? All this time?” He sounds shocked.

  “I wasn’t sure. They’ve always, well, made me wonder. That’s all.”

  “Wonder if these are women I’ve slept with?”

  “Well… Um, yes… sort of.” I try to sit up and free myself from his embrace. My pride is slightly wounded by how stupid this all sounds. Now I think it was a mistake to bring it up at all.

  “What do you mean yes, sort of?” He hasn’t let me free myself and he won’t forget I started this conversation.

  “Well, if these pictures are what you like, I’m not like them.” My voice is small and I almost squeak out my greatest insecurities.

  “Stand up.” He helps me up and then sits me back in the chair. “This is a lot to ask, but close your eyes for a moment, and keep them closed.”

  I look at him and my hesitation shocks me.

  “I promise I won’t touch you.”

  I nod, unsure of what he is planning. I close my eyes and try to relax. I hear him walk about the room before it all goes quiet and I can’t tell where he is.

  “Do you know what I’m looking at, Izzy?”

  “No,” I reply, even more lost as to where he’s going with this. I start to feel uncomfortable.

  “I’m looking at the most delightful, enticing, and attractive female form in this apartment.”

  My heart sinks at his words and I pull my knees up to my chest. I keep my eyes shut and squeeze them tightly to stop more tears.

  “Would you like to see which one is my favourite, Izzy?”

  There is only so much I can take and right there—that was it. “I’ve had enough. That was cruel—” I jump up from the chair and smash right into Seb. He is standing, looking down at me.

  “Silly girl,” he mutters before he pulls me in for a breathtakingly soft kiss.

  It doesn’t stay soft. His next kiss is hard and possessive, pushing and pulling against my lips, his tongue teasing my mouth open. His hands are in my hair, pinning me to him, and all thought of taking our physical relationship slowly vanishes from my mind. My hands explore his body now, roaming under his shirt to find firm, hot skin. I want more of him. He follows my lead and runs his hands over my dressing gown, but it’s not enough for me.

  “Seb,” I murmur between kisses.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No, don’t stop.”

  “No, we do this slowly.”

  “Please…” I kiss him harder, pulling myself closer to him still. My hands scrape down his back, digging in to his flesh and signifying my growing need for him. I don’t want to walk on eggshells with him. I want to take the second chance we have.

  He lifts me off the ground and carries me back down the corridor towards his bedroom. He places me on the bed but keeps constant contact with my lips. We’re working each other up, frantically clawing at the fabric that separates our bodies. I want him. I want all of him. My hands move to his belt buckle but he stops me.

  “Izzy, slowly.”

  “I can’t. I want this. I need this. Please.”

  His hands hold my head and he rests his forehead against mine. “This isn’t what I had intended.”

  “It’s okay. Don’t make me beg.”

  “Oh, God.” He pushes me back and unties the robe, baring all of me to him. “Izzy…” he whispers as he trails kisses up my stomach and between my breasts, up my neck. I tingle everywhere, as if he’s awoken all of my nerve endings. A constant current thrums through me. He pulls me forward so he can take off the dressing gown. He runs his hands down my arms to hold my hands before he lays me back down.

  “May I ask you something?”

  “Yes.” My breathing is heavy and I don’t want him to stop. He fingers my wedding rings and looks back up at me.

  “Would you take these off while you’re here this weekend?”

  I stare up at his face and look into his beautiful eyes. If I do this—take my rings off—what will that mean? A gesture that goes some way towards what I should have done months ago? A symbol that my marriage shouldn’t stand between us anymore?

  I nod my head and see Seb’s answering smile. He gently wraps his fingers around the rings and slowly and carefully pulls them off. He sets them to the side before he lifts my hand and kisses my ring finger. His lips are soft and caress my naked skin, licking up my finger before sucking it into his mouth. His eyes seek mine and the heat I see in them scorches me. If I didn’t need him before, I do now.

  He eases me back to the bed and resumes covering me with kisses. Despite the look in his eyes a moment ago, he takes his time and runs his hands over every inch of my body. He moves my arms up and above my head and weaves our fingers together, keeping them there while he works his way down my neck with his lips and tongue. I kiss him back when he reaches my lips and pour all of the hurt and pain, all of the sadness and regret that I’ve felt over the last few weeks in to my kisses. He takes each of my emotions and returns passion and beauty through our kiss.

  Seb’s clothes rub against me and it makes me crave his touch. He forces my legs apart with his knee and my hips cradle him. He still has my hands clasped in his so I can’t move to undress him.

  “Seb, clothes,” I pant.

  “Patience, Isabel,” he says between kisses. “Keep your arms above your head.”

  “Mmm,” is all I manage.

  He lets go of my hands and moves his slowly down my body. He trails them over my breasts, around my waist and over my hips. I try not to squirm under his touch but I can’t help it. My eyes plead with him.

  He doesn’t take my silent hint and continues at his own pace. Finally, he stands up and strips his clothes off. He grabs a condom and crawls back up my body. He pushes my legs apart, making room for me to cradle his hips. His cock eagerly presses against me and I relax my legs further. He grasps my hands over my head again before he grinds his hips into me. His very hard cock rubs me and slips over my clit. I know I’m wet because he glides through my folds, sparking small pulses of pleasure. I’m aching for him to grant me the final relief, to drive inside me. I try to lift my hips to meet him, but he leans his body weight down onto me.

  “Isabel, I wanted to wait, to look after you. You wanted to take it slow. I’m tryi—”

  I cut him off. “Please, I want you inside me, Seb.”

  With my words, he lets out a frustrated moan from deep in his chest. “We’ll go slow. At my pace.”

  I nod in agreement, heeding his warning. But I’m secretly hoping he doesn’t stay true to his word on this.

  He lifts up to push inside me and slowly enters, stretching me, and I moan in pleasure. He pauses when he’s seated deep and kisses my lips, softer this time. He doesn’t move. I wiggle my hips to encourage him, but he doesn’t take the hint.

  “I won’t break. I promise,” I whisper in his ear.

  “Shhh! Stop it. My pace. Now let me take care of you.”

  I look up at him and nod. I’m rewarded with a hard and deep thrust that has me crying out. He slowly—torturously slowly—pulls out and pushes back in. Each time he grazes my clit to keep me humming. He holds my hands tight, our fingers interwoven, and he stares into my eyes. The connection he builds between us is more potent than just having sex. Our bodies and hearts are joining invisible fibres between our very beings.

  He speeds up slightly and hits harder, right when he’s buried the deepest. My climax builds and I want it. I need it to let everything out. At each slow assault, I moan as the pleasure builds. He strains more and more, attempting to keep to his word. He watches my face and I try to stay focused on
him, but my eyes keep threatening to roll back in my head. He controls every movement, every action. I try to meet his thrusts this time and he lets me. Slow and gentle doesn’t last long. The passion between us spills over into fast and needy.

  I’m so close. I want Seb to tip me over, to release the pent-up need that has been dormant since he came into my life. I focus on Seb’s weight on top of me, how he is treating me now. He’s making up for the last time we were together by showing me how controlled he can be. He’s driving me crazy with need. That’s what my focus is now on.

  “Yes. Please, Seb. Yes.”

  “Yes, Isabel. Tell me.”

  “More… There… Yes… oh, oh, oh.”

  “Come for me, Isabel.”

  I do. I fall apart under him, and convulse and spasm around his cock. My body tenses and my climax radiates throughout my body.

  “Yes. Oh God, Isabel. Hmm.” Seb follows after me and we are both spent. All I can hear is the sound of our mingled breathing and my heart pounding in my chest.

  After a long while, Seb rolls over me, lying beside me. He pulls me into him and wraps his arm around me. For the first time in weeks, I feel content and sated. This was important to both of us. After what happened before, building our trust in one another is crucial. I’m going to have to show Seb that he can trust me, like he’s just shown me. I fight it, but within a few moments my eyes close and I fall asleep.

  The light shines through the curtains and it wakes me earlier then I’d like. I stir, but then freeze. Izzy is still sleeping beside me. Her hair is a mess of brown strands falling over the pillow and the light gently shines on her shoulder. She has nestled into my side as if she is seeking heat from me. She’s so close that I can feel her breath on my skin. In and out. In and out.

  Warm. I feel warm from the inside out.

  I showed her control last night. It was hard. God, the trust she put in me. She pushed me to go faster, causing my brain to struggle. I’m going to have to work with her on that. Trying to goad me. I won’t let her top from the bottom. My problem is that I want her so badly. I want everything from her. Our previous night together proved that. I completely lost myself to her, finally finding the partner that I can be myself with.

  Last night went a long way to repairing that damage. I stayed in control and we both got off. More than got off on it. It was amazing sex. We connected beyond anything else we’ve done together. Hell, I’ve connected with her more than anyone else in my life. Fuck! I want to have her in all ways possible. I want to test her further, watch as her submission grows and her barriers crumble. I want to be more than her occasional lover and Dom.

  Seeing her again after how things ended was a sign. Perhaps one that I helped to engineer, but I want her in my life and I can’t ignore what we have. I’ve revealed her true nature, and she can’t deny that any longer. We both fucked up. I couldn’t stand the thought of her going back to her safe marriage and leaving me with only memories. That reasoning lasted as long as the hangover did.

  She moves slightly beside me, and I fight the urge to pull her in closer to me, to comfort her. It feels right, to have her next to me, waking up with the feel of her soft skin pressed against me. I don’t want to give this up.

  Fuck! I want her. I don’t want our arrangement anymore. I want to be her everything: her Dom, her partner, her friend. I want to fucking own her.

  I won’t make her choose. All she needs is time and courage. I know she doesn’t love the fucker. She loves me. I can feel it. I won’t push her, though. This is her decision to make and one boundary I can’t lead her to cross. I have always said that. The line is there for her to choose. I’ve tried to show her the possibilities outside of her marriage. But that final question still stands. What will she do?

  I wake up feeling warm and snoozy. I’m comfortable and feel Seb’s body next to me. I smile.

  “You’re awake?” His question sounds as if he’s surprised.

  “Mmmhmm,” I mumble back to him. I may be awake, but only just.

  “Would you like some breakfast? We didn’t eat last night. You must be hungry.”

  Although I would love to eat something, I’d rather stay in bed with Seb.

  “Can I stay here a little longer? I’ve not slept particularly well for the last couple of weeks.” I didn’t mean for that to sound how it did and I regret it as soon as it’s said. I don’t want to talk about blame with Seb. “I’m sorry, that didn’t come out right.”

  “It’s okay, sweetheart. I understand.”

  I pull myself up to sitting in bed and bring the covers with me. Seb and I have never spent the night together before and it’s a little awkward, especially after the last few weeks. I pushed Seb faster than he wanted to go last night, but I hope he doesn’t regret it. I loved every moment.

  “So breakfast?” he asks me again, and I nod. He climbs out of the bed and I scoot back down under the covers and snuggle into the Seb-sized gap. He pulls on a t-shirt and pyjama bottoms before he leaves the bedroom. As I watch him leave, I see my rings on the bedside table. The sun hits them, throwing sparkles in the light, and I’m hit with a wave of guilt. I don’t think I’ve taken them off in the ten years we’ve been married.

  I reach for them and turn them over in my fingers a few times. They don’t hold the same meaning as they once did. They are pretty pieces of metal now rather than the symbolic representations of our vows to each other, our continual commitment. I put them back on the table and lie on my back. I know that this won’t go away, this dull ache that the collapse of my marriage has caused. But I can’t do anything today.

  It’s Saturday. Seb said, “spend the weekend,” but I’ve got nothing to wear, not even a toothbrush to clean my teeth with. I think about why Seb wants the weekend with me. Last night felt different than all the other times. Has something changed? Or am I seeing things that I hope will come to fruition?

  “I hope scrambled eggs on toast sounds good? I’ve got coffee as well,” Seb shouts to me.

  “Yes, that sounds great. I just need to put something on.” I start to climb out of bed as Seb walks in with a tray of breakfast things. I stop and look up at him.

  “Breakfast in bed,” he says in his deep, rich voice, and it certainly sounds appealing. “I’ll get you a t-shirt if you’d like?”

  “Yes, please.” I stay on the bed, still not comfortable walking around naked. “If you were serious about the weekend, I will need to go and get some clothes and toiletries. I don’t even have a toothbrush.” Seb smiles at me as he throws a clean grey t-shirt at my head. I pull it on and I’m engulfed in the smell of Seb. I breathe in deeply. I sit up against the headboard and Seb sets the breakfast tray on my lap before he climbs in next to me.

  We eat in silence. I haven’t eaten properly in weeks. The eggs and toast go down very well. We finish and Seb clears the plates and takes them back to the kitchen. He returns to the bed and raises his arm to give me room to cuddle into his side. I willingly go to him. He wraps me close into him and I rest my head on his shoulder. He plays with my hair for a little while, pulling it through his fingers, but doesn’t say anything. Finally, I break the silence.

  “So, are you going to take me home now?” It comes out wrong and I tense.

  “No. I asked you to spend the weekend.”

  “I didn’t know if it was a spur-of-the-moment offer or not. But I still need to get some stuff.”

  “Izzy, stop worrying. I want to spend time with you, and I’d like you to relax. I said I’d take care of you.” He holds me tighter. “I also want to show you the pleasure that all of the items you brought can bring. Slowly, of course, but I’d like to do it right. I understand if it’s too soon.”

  My stomach drops and that thudding nervousness is back. I think about his meaning. The paddle, the vibrator and the nipple clamps. They all held so much appeal, so much anticipation when I first unpacked them at Seb’s house. The thrill was still there. There was pleasure before the pain.

  “Oka
y.” I mumble my response and try to wiggle closer to him. Being here with Seb is what I want, what feels right. And how he makes me feel is better than anything. My memories drift to last night and I fidget in bed. My body heats up and Seb rests his hand on my shoulder to still me.

  “I think you like the sound of that, Izzy, even if your head doesn’t quite trust it yet.”

  And he’s right. His free arm snakes down my body until it reaches the tops of my thighs. He teases and tickles before he trails his finger upwards. My legs have relaxed and they part to give him access. He slides his finger higher and gently skims my labia. That single touch sets my blood heating and my sex aching for more contact. He slides his finger between my wet folds, betraying how turned on he’s made me already.

  “I like that you’re still wet for me, Isabel.” He kisses my ear and bites my lobe as he pushes his finger inside me. I moan in pleasure. He slowly teases me with his finger, rubbing my clit and sliding inside me to hit my g-spot. I’m lost to his touch.

  “I’m going to give you what I should have done before. I’m going to show you how good it can be. How you can lose yourself to the pleasure, forget everything else apart from the contact I give you, the freedom I give you.” His words make me hotter and wetter. My body moves up against him with his actions, which quickens his pace in turn. “Do you want that, Isabel? Your head needs to want it like your body does.” He pulls out and circles my clit, rubbing it and tapping it, and I’m right there. My legs straighten and I flush. “You need to answer me. Do you want it?” He bites my ear again as he rubs my clit hard and fast, and it sends me crashing over.

  “Yes. Yes… Please, yes!” My hips buck against his hand as my sex pulses with my orgasm. He doesn’t give me that last bit of satisfaction by filling me with his fingers.

  “Good girl,” he whispers.

  My entire body floats back down and I’m sleepy again.

  “Mmm.”

  “Now, did you mean what you said, Isabel?”

  I think about it for a moment and turn to look at Seb. His eyes are the familiar aquamarine that I love and trust. I’ve been over the actions of the previous time we were together so many times that I’m not even sure what actually happened and what I made up, trying to analyse everything. Now I can see I could have stopped it. I was more hurt by his actions afterward. And after last night—the control that he showed me—I’m sure he would never put either of us in that position again.