“So I bet you all expect me to dish some dirt on Elvis.” Suddenly, what had been curious attention transforms to unwavering attentiveness, with a few ‘yeahs’ echoing around the car. Even Blanche and Franklin break their lovers’ gaze to look at Hector.
“Well, ladies and gentlemen, we all know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. And us Elvis tribute artists have our own code of honor.”
“So did you actually meet the King in person?” asks Ernest the Businessman.
“Yes sir, I did.” In the silence of anticipation that follows, the train whistle blasts, signaling a crossing, emphasizing the thrill of Hector interacting with Elvis in person.
“Did you get to hear him sing?” asks Rene/e, almost hyperventilating.
“Yes, ma’am, I sure did.”
The group breaks into animated chatter. Oriel the Hotel Manager nudges Rose the Waitress so that she rests against the window instead of Oriel’s shoulder. “Rene/e, did you know that there once was a transsexual Elvis impersonator—oh, excuse me Hector—Tribute Artist, named ‘Elvis Herselvis’?”
“Get out, you!”
Ernest persists, “So Hector, when did you get to hear Elvis sing?”
“I was fresh out of high school, knew I didn’t want to go to college, just kicking around, trying to earn beer money. Elvis was touring. I was already interested in becoming a Tribute Artist, and I managed to get hired on as part of a temporary crew to help set up before a concert in Baton Rouge. His folks came in and we did what they told us to do. Elvis was the nicest guy, but I was too shy to do my bit for him or hit him up for advice. After the show, he shook everybody’s hand. Even then, he was truly the King. I didn’t wash that hand for a while.” Laughter erupts in the coach.
Sandra makes a face. “Ewww.”
“So I’m not going to spill any secrets about the King, but I am going to tell a tale about a musician.” Hector pauses and thinks a moment. “There’s no glamor in being a tribute artist. Only the big stars lead lives where they bust up hotel rooms and stuff like that. Most of us guys have other jobs. Anyhow, only the best can make a decent living at it. But we hear lots of stories on the road, about Elvis and his life and about other musicians, too.”
Oriel interrupts, “Hey Hector, did you know that Phil Ochs impersonated Elvis at Carnegie Hall when Elvis was still alive? On stage, he wore a gold lame suit made by Elvis’s own costumer. And Jeremy Spencer of Fleetwood Mac used to belt out some Elvis tunes in concert. Rumor has it that Elvis himself said Andy Kaufman was his personal favorite Elvis impersonator.”
“No kidding?”
I stand. “Just for the record, some of us still believe that Elvis lives.” I smile and sit back down. Jack the Immigrant Merchant gives me a quizzical look.
“How do you know all this stuff?” Kirk the Evangelist asks Oriel.
Rose, without opening her eyes, mutters “Elvis freak. She’s a damn Elvis freak.” Then she plops her head back on Oriel’s should and sighs.
Hector
THE ELVIS TRIBUTE ARTIST’S TALE
HECTOR: OK, so the story I’m going to tell is known as the ‘Drumstick Story,’ in the biz. I wish this story was true. Who knows? The story begins back in the day with two kids in high school, Millie and Caleb. They lived in the same neighborhood and went to the same school. Millie came from a very strict Italian Catholic family. Rumor had it that her father put the fear of God in God himself. (HUBERT THE BISHOP looks up from his Wine Spectator and frowns.)
Caleb played drums in a garage band, the Cross-Eyed Bears. The guys decided on the name partly because it’s an old joke about mishearing a line in an old hymn, ‘Gladly, the cross I’d bear,’ and partly because of the initials of their names. Besides Caleb on drums, Evan played guitar and Bruce played bass. They’d start their concerts by yelling ‘Gladly!’ which helped get them noticed. After a while, the audience started yelling back, ‘The Cross-Eyed Bears!’
DMITRI THE HACKER: Cross-eyed bears?
DWIGHT THE LAY MINISTER: As in bearing Jesus’s cross. Someone would gladly take, or bear, Jesus’s cross, gladly, the cross I’d bear.
DMITRI: (pausing for a moment) Ha, I get it. You Americans are very funny.
HECTOR: After school, Millie started dropping by and listening to the Cross-Eyed Bears practice. She drew up a logo for the band with a cartoon bear on it with their initials, CEB, in a column. When Millie’s dad found out she was spending some of her afternoons at Caleb’s house listening to those boys, he made her stop because he never knew if an adult was around to chaperone. You know how dads can be about their baby girls.
KIRK THE EVANGELIST: Yeah, Elvis named his plane after his baby girl.
HECTOR: Well, Millie’s dad wanted to protect her from the likes of rock stars. Her mother worried about how it looked if Millie was the only gal there. You never knew who might be peeping out their window. But Millie soon figured out that if she stopped by the church a few afternoons after school to say a rosary or light candles for departed relatives, she could drop by practice on her way home.
Millie and Caleb ate lunch together at school so they could spend time with one another since they couldn’t go out on car dates. Finally, they hatched a plan. Caleb had a set of drumsticks imprinted with the CEB logo which Millie’d designed. On nights when the Bears had a gig, if the coast was clear at Millie’s house, she’d prop the drumsticks in her bedroom window. Caleb, on his way home, would climb in her window. They dubbed those occasions ‘Bear Hug Nights.’ And so their secret romance bloomed. But their romance wasn’t the only thing that bloomed, if you catch my drift.
JOYCE: Uh, oh. See, she should’ve taken a virginity pledge—clean bodies, clean thoughts.
HECTOR: Well, they thought they’d been careful. Not wanting her father to kill Caleb, Millie went radio silent. She felt the less Caleb knew, the better. Millie’s father threatened her up one side and down the other. Millie’s mother cried like a little child. Suddenly, Millie disappeared from the neighborhood. A few rumors went around, but Millie’s parents shuffled her away so fast that folks soon found other things to gossip about. Come to find out, Millie’s older sister, Grace, had been married for a spell but had been unable to, um, get in the family way, if you get my drift. So, Millie’s parents shipped her off to live with her sister and brother-in-law a few towns over. The sis and hubbie were as happy as Elvis with a peanut butter and banana sandwich to adopt the baby.
Before she left, Millie mailed the drumsticks back to Caleb with a note saying that she had to go away, she couldn’t explain, he had to trust that she had their best interests at heart, and she would love him forever. Of course, Caleb was confused and hurt. Millie popped out a healthy baby boy, which her sister named ‘Luke,’ and the little family settled in. Millie missed Caleb like, well, you ladies know what it’s like to be without your sweetheart.
(GITA looks up from her sketch pad at HECTOR, his skin brown like hers, with her soul in her eyes, and nods. She must be remembering her own love back in India.)
Sometimes she felt like her heart had broken into tiny pieces and leaked out in her tears. For a long time, she cried herself to sleep every night but in her heart of hearts, she figured it was better for everybody if she started a new life. Caleb couldn’t figure out why Millie had so suddenly disappeared. He wondered why she’d left without a clue. They were in love! He spent his nights wracking his brain for something he might’ve done to make her disappear, like a magic act gone wrong, but he always came up empty. He missed her and threw himself into his music to help calm his heart. Caleb and the Cross-Eyed Bears plugged away at their music, developing a local reputation in the days before shows like ‘America’s Got Talent.’ Over the years, while they never made it really big like Elvis, they developed a regional following. Every now and then, people would yell ‘Gladly’ as a greeting on the streets, or someone would tag the CEB logo on a bridge or wall.
At her sister’s house, Millie was at loose ends. She felt funny as ‘Aunt Mill
ie.’ Grace encouraged Millie to go to college and helped Millie with filling out the forms and stuff like that and even helped pay for it. Millie thought maybe she should look for a career where she could travel. Since they still had family in Italy, Millie thought of going there. Her school advisor told her about some special program aimed at people like her who wanted to work in embassies overseas but it involved working in a third world country for a few years. She would help people get birth and death certificates, get visas, and deal with problems that might come up with the law, like rock stars behaving badly. She also helped people who wanted to adopt babies. Even though she realized it would take years working in those kinds of places before she could even think of getting a job in Europe, she was excited to have a plan. Anyways, the world might be only a grain of sand in her oyster, but in time, it would become her pearl.
(The train slows for a station stop. The doors open and shut. As the train slowly gains speed, two young people wearing backpacks trudge through our coach. HECTOR steps out of the aisle to let them pass.)
A few days before Millie left for her first job in some African country—Nigeria, I think, it don’t really matter—Millie’s mother came to visit. Even though Millie gave him a grandson, her father never forgave her for getting knocked up and for not ratting out the father and wouldn’t visit them at Grace’s house. Her mother made it clear, though, that Millie was welcome at their house. Her mother brought a package addressed to Millie. Millie opened it to find one of the CEB drumsticks with a note from Caleb saying he’d always love her and wouldn’t she please be in touch. That night, she put the drumstick under her pillow and cried herself to sleep. On her first visit back to the States, Millie made a point of attending a Cross-Eyed Bears’ concert and sent the drumstick backstage. When Caleb got it, he abandoned his groupies and rushed out looking for her, but she had disappeared like a wisp of smoke at an outdoor concert into thin air. She still loved Caleb, but Millie felt that it was better to continue to keep their lives separate. Caleb was crushed when he couldn’t find her. (HECTOR holds an imaginary microphone to his lips and sings.) ‘When your dreams of a lifetime must come to an end, that’s when your heartache begins.’
(GITA dabs at her eyes with a tissue. BELLA sighs.)
Millie’s father was so fearsome that everybody figured he would live forever. It seems those sorts of people tend to live long and make life a living hell for those around them. But, one night Millie’s father went to sleep and didn’t wake up. When Millie came home for his funeral, a package containing the CEB drumstick was waiting with her mail. And so it went. Every so often Millie would send the drumstick back to Caleb and somehow he would manage to send it back to her, but Millie made sure their paths never directly crossed.
Millie worked her way around South America and Africa and finally landed a job in Italy where she married an Italian and tried to settle down, hoping finally to forget Caleb. She liked her job and figured that getting married was what she ought to do to keep on keeping on. Millie spent as much time as possible with Luke when she was in the States, but she still felt a little awkward around him. Ladies, you know how it feels when your clothes don’t fit you right, maybe they’re a size too big and you’re always pulling and tugging to get them to sit right?
(ORIEL THE HOTEL MANAGER tugs at her sleeve and nods.)
Sort of like that. Luke knew he was adopted but they’d decided not to tell him that ‘Aunt Millie’ was his birth mother. Caleb focused on his music and never married though a musician with his following never has to worry about a lack of female companions, if you get my drift. The Bears’ reputation leveled out. Evan decided to go solo and then Bruce decided to give up music completely and become one of them rent-a-guy guys. Caleb kept gigging as a solo drummer. He dropped the name ‘Cross-Eyed Bears’ and started performing as ‘Gladly Bad,’ as he was quite good at beating a drum.
DMITRI THE HACKER: I don’t get this one, also.
SEAN THE DEACON: Beating a Drum. B-A-D. Ba-a-ad joke.
HECTOR: Hey, I’m just telling it like I heard it. Chiquito Luke liked to bang on things, like the rails of his baby bed, kitchen pots, even people. The family basset hound was quite good-natured about it, thumping his tail to Luke’s rhythm. Luke had a natural talent and turned into a skilled percussionist. When Luke hit his teens, Millie decided that the next time she had a CEB drumstick, she would pass it on to him. Ay, caramba, the next time Millie visited home, can you believe there was a drumstick waiting for her! When Grace and Luke came to visit, Millie pulled him aside and said she had something special she wanted to give him. She explained that back in the day, she followed the Cross-Eyed Bears. One night, their drummer, Caleb, gave her a set of CEB drumsticks and she still had that one.
Luke was amazed that Millie knew Caleb before he became Gladly Bad and asked if she still was in touch and could she introduce them. He said he had been following Caleb’s drumming and would die to get some pointers from him. He asked if she could give him a demo tape in person from Luke. She stopped his excited chatter. She made it clear that she hadn’t seen Caleb since that summer in high school when he gave her the drumsticks and she could not introduce them. But she did think Luke should start a garage band of his own, which was why she was giving him the drumstick at that time.
After several years, Millie and her husband divorced, splitting as friends. She’d enjoyed the years spent in Italy but knew she wanted to go back to the States someday. Her Italian husband had no desire to live in the U.S. of A. And, in her heart of hearts, she still carried a torch for Caleb. Back in the States, Luke actually took Millie’s advice and formed a garage band and started making a name for himself. He sent demo tapes to a number of bands and people, including Caleb. In the stuff he mailed to Caleb, he included a drawing of the CEB logo.
(JOYCE THE EVANGELIST’S WIFE pulls off her sleep mask and picks up her crocheting.)
One weekend while visiting his grandma, Luke decided to go hear Caleb at a local music hall. After the show, Caleb came out to sign CDs. Luke was star struck and said, ‘Dude, I’ve sent you some tapes of my drumming. Any advice?’ Caleb responded, ‘Who are you?’ Luke said, ‘Oh, I’m Luke.’ Caleb immediately perked up and asked if he was Luke with the CEB logo? Luke said, Yep, that was him. Caleb said that it had been years since the Cross-Eyed Bears broke up and he didn’t realize that old logo was still floating around. Luke then told Caleb that Luke’s aunt said she knew him in the Bears’ early days. Caleb stopped, fixed a look on Luke, and asked, ‘What’s your aunt’s name?’ Luke said Aunt Millie. Caleb paused a moment and shook his head, as if to scare off a buzzing bug. Then he said, ‘Look, man, I have your contact info at home. You do some interesting stuff. I’ll be in touch.’
True to his word, Caleb contacted Luke. They started hanging out about once a month. On Millie’s next visit home, Luke told her about getting to know Caleb. When she looked upset, Luke asked, ‘What’s the matter, Aunt Millie? I thought you’d be excited. You’ve been encouraging me to play.’ After a minute, Millie asked Luke if he had shown Caleb the drumstick. He said no, that he was afraid Caleb might want it back or something. Maybe if they ever, like, played together or something, he’d pull it out. Millie made Luke promise that if he ever played a show with Caleb he would let her know and that he wouldn’t show Caleb the drumstick yet. ‘Why not,’ he pressed. She said, ‘It’s a complicated story for another time.’ Luke taunted, ‘Ooooh, Aunt Millie’s got a secret!’ She said, ‘Yes, Aunt Millie’s got a secret.’
BELLA: (looks back towards HECTOR and frowns.) You sure this isn’t really about you?
HECTOR: Cross my heart. I swear on Elvis’s grave. (HECTOR glances over at me.) Sorry, Donna.
DONNA THE NARRATOR: That’s OK. Even though Elvis lives, he still does have a grave at Graceland. It’s a red herring to provide cover for those of us who believe. (I smile. JACK continues to look confused.)
HECTOR: Whatever. Caleb began using Luke for session work and finally decided h
e wanted to showcase Luke. They had developed a drum duet routine where they drummed together for a bit, then soloed in turn—sort of like an echo effect—then they drummed down the sides of their drum sets, got down on their knees and drummed on the floor. As they approached one another, they tossed their drum sticks to the other and ended up at the other’s drum set to finish the number. This number was an enormous hit, so Caleb offered Luke the job of opening for him. Of course, Luke jumped at the chance and convinced his mom to let him call Millie.
‘Aunt Millie, it’s happening! Caleb asked me to open for him. We’re going to play a few local gigs to see how we do together,’ he told Millie. Millie told Luke to send her the schedule. She’d see if she could arrange to come hear them. Cool, Luke said and asked if he could show Caleb the drumstick now that Caleb asked Luke to open for him? ‘Not yet, bud,’ she said, but soon. Millie pulled some strings to get some time off.
She asked Grace to come meet her without Luke at their mother’s house. Millie began, ‘Sis, I think it’s time I told you who Luke’s father is.’ Grace replied that she’d been expecting Millie might do that ever since their dad died. ‘It’s Caleb,’ said Millie. Grace drew in a breath and said, ‘Well, lawdy, lawdy Miss Clawdy, this apple sure hasn’t fallen far from the tree.’ She asked if Caleb knew that Luke is his son. No, Millie explained, she felt she needed to protect him from their dad. Millie added, since Grace agreed to raise Luke as her own, Millie felt even less obligated to tell Caleb. Grace wanted to know why Millie was fessing up at that point. ‘Because I think it’s time Luke and Caleb find out, especially since they’ve been playing together. I thought that after their concert would be a good time,’ Millie said. ‘O.K., then,’ said Grace, ‘The Saturday night show at the Music Hall will have quite the encore.’
The Graceland Tales Page 11