Luke was so excited when he heard that Millie would be at the Saturday show that he even cleaned his room. Beforehand, she asked Luke to bring the CEB drumstick. Luke’s eyes lit up. Really? Finally? Luke performed better than Caleb ever heard him. He wondered what had happened to make the boy drum his heart out that night. Inspired by Luke’s energy, Caleb beat his heart out, too. As he left the stage after the final number, Millie and Grace came up to the stage. When Caleb and Luke came to take their bows, Millie and Grace approached them. Caleb saw Millie and did a double-take. He strode towards her and swallowed her in a big bear hug. The crowd roared.
Once Caleb let her go, Millie turned to Luke, wiping away tears and asked, ‘Where’s the drumstick, bud?’ Luke pulled it out of his back pocket. Caleb looked confused and asked how Luke got that drumstick. ‘I gave it to him,’ Millie said. ‘Luke, you know you’re adopted,’ she continued. Luke nodded. Millie looked towards Caleb, whose eyes became as big as his snare drums. He felt like he was one beat behind in the melody. Grace took over. ‘Luke, Aunt Millie is your birth mother.’ As Luke stood there paralyzed, Millie took the drumstick from the dumbfounded youngster and handed it to Caleb. Caleb stared at her, stunned as the truth sunk in, then looked at Luke and the drumstick and stuttered, ‘So, I’m Luke’s father?’ Millie spoke up. ‘Yes, Caleb, you’re Luke’s father.’ Caleb again looked at Millie and then Luke and drew the two of them into a hug.
Grace quietly disappeared into the wings. The encore that night beat all. The crowd spilled into the aisles, cheering and waving their hands. Caleb drummed with the reunited pair of CEB drumsticks. After the concert, the four went back to Grace’s house where they laid out the entire story. Millie spoke of wanting to protect Caleb and how she never stopped loving him, but Grace was such a great mom and Millie didn’t want to rock that boat. Caleb was psyched to get Millie back and to get a son and a music partner in the deal. Luke was psyched that he was actually related to Caleb and that he had two mother-aunts.
Millie quit her job in Italy. In the States, she took on the position of band manager for the newly expanded Gladly Bad. She put together a tour which she called the Drumming up the Future Tour so that the three of them could get to know one another as a family. So that’s my tale of a drumstick. I hope it wasn’t a turkey—ba-da-bam!
Hector drums on the back of the empty in front of him. He looks hesitantly towards the seat next to Bella, then surveys the coach. Gita brushes away tears and blows her nose quietly. Oddly enough, Dwight the Lay Minister does not follow her lead this time in his nose-blowing waltz. Oriel the Hotel Manager pats the quietly snoring Rose the Waitress. Franklin the Real Estate Magnate and Blanche the Lawyer nuzzle one another. I look at those two and think regarding romance, as much as things change, they remain the same. Bella glowers.
“Hey, Hector, sing us an Elvis tune,” calls out Rene/e the Transgender Woman.
“Well, uh, I don’t have my guitar handy.”
“Here, borrow Rose’s ukulele. She won’t mind,” offers Oriel, once again pushing the slumbering Rose to the side, pulling the ukulele from under the seat in front of Rose, and handing it to Hector. “I’ve heard if you can play a guitar, you can play a ukulele.” Hector takes the instrument, strums the strings, and sings, “My dog has fleas.” He twists a few pegs, and strums a few times, twists some pegs, strums some more. Then he hums a note and another and strums a few more times as he transforms into Elvis.
“OK, let me see.” He begins “Blue Suede Shoes” but stops and says “nah.” Then, he tries “Love Me Tender” but decides against that one, too. After strumming a few more chords, Hector grins and breaks into “(Let Me Be Your) Teddy Bear.” He strolls in the aisle, bumping his hips along the edges of the seats to counteract the swaying of the train, singing “I don’t want to be your tiger,” to Gita, and “I don’t want to be your lion,” to Rene/e. He sashays to the end of the car and sings “I just want to be your teddy bear,” to Oriel. Then he makes his way towards the other end, singing phrases to Sandra and even Joyce, but nothing to Bella. As he approaches the end of the car, he hums and strums and brings the song to an end, singing to the whole car: “I just want to be your teddy bear.”
After Hector finishes, applause and hoots break out. He says, “Thank you, thank you, thank you very much,” in his Elvis voice. He swaggers down the aisle countering the rocking of the train, hands the ukulele back to Oriel and says, “Thank you, ma’am.” Then, he becomes Hector again. The Elvis swagger and cockiness melt. He looks around the coach. I catch his eye and move over to the empty window seat beside me. I pat the now vacant aisle seat and motion with my head indicating that Hector is welcome to sit there in order to escape Bella. Bella scowls as she sees Hector tottering towards the seat beside me and plopping down. “Well done,” I whisper.
“Maybe so, but Bella might give me some ‘hella’ once we hit Memphis,” he winks. “Indeed! Hella knows no fury like a Bella scorned,” I reply.
Meanwhile, Sandra climbs over Senator Pam and whispers to Adam the Senator’s Aide, who moves to the window seat next to the Senator which Sandra just vacated. She approaches Hector and in a stage whisper says, “Hey Hector, come sit by me.” Hector looks at me and shrugs but follows Sandra down the aisle, where he takes the window seat and she the aisle across from Senator Pam and Adam. I move back to the aisle seat and look back towards the two. Sandra pulls down the sleeve of her cover-up and bares her left shoulder blade to Hector and what do I see but a CEB tattoo!
As Sandra and Hector talk quietly, Bella stands and announces, “I have a story to tell.” Not waiting for anyone’s approval, she moves past the middle of the coach and positions herself next to the row where Sandra and Hector sit, draping her arm across the top of Sandra’s seat. Hector glances up quickly and returns his attention to Sandra’s whispered story.
Bella
THE ACADEMIC’S TALE
BELLA: Well. Hector isn’t the only one who gets to rub shoulders with musicians—sometimes even famous musicians—in his work as an impersonator. In my work as a socio-musicologist, I’ve had the opportunity to interview and even shadow some fairly well-known, successful musicians, not just pretenders. (BELLA cuts her eyes towards HECTOR.) As Mr. Impersonator—oh, excuse me, Mr. Tribute Artist—related a tale he heard on the road, I’ll tell a tale from my personal research involving musicians. Of course, just as our friend wouldn’t tell stories on Elvis, I won’t name names, either. Hector’s tale involved two people—lovers in his case—separated by time.
JOYCE: And a mean father.
BELLA: Yes, an ogre of a father. My tale involves two people separated by age. Some rock stars for whatever reason as they get older try to hold on to their youth by dating and marrying much younger women. I’ll call my rock star ‘Jan,’ pronounced ‘yon’ as in ‘here and yon.’ Some of his crew called him ‘yawn’ behind his back because he had an inflated view of himself and didn’t mind telling you about it. Now Jan lived the high life. Success came to him as a young man. Tall and lithe, he would stride and bounce around the stage almost as if he were a marionette guided by invisible strings. His career sky-rocketed. He never lacked for anything that money could buy or influence could garner. As he aged and slowed down a little, he began to think about what he might have missed in life. In his youth, the thought of marrying—having a wife and children—never appealed to him. Of course, all he thought about was sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll. But as the groupies got younger, the after parties tamer, and the hangovers harsher, he began to think what a comfort it would be to head into his encore in life with a wife by his side, maybe even a child or two. Occasionally, he would float the idea by friends. Some said he would never adjust to married life. He was too used to the rigors and the freedom of the road. Others said now that he had lived the life, he should try something different. Marriage—and maybe even children—would be good for him, don’t you think?
KIRK THE EVANGELIST: A wife is God’s own gift, very truly. (JOYCE smiles d
emurely.)
BELLA: Yeah, well, Jan had already made up his mind to marry, and he wanted a young wife, one he could mold to his own ways. He knew from playing the field and the experiences of his single friends that older women tended to be bitter and jaded. He wanted a young wife he could show the world to, who would be grateful for the life he would give her. He didn’t want a wife who had been promiscuous but one who would give her youth and innocence to him and him only. She would learn the world through the lens of his experience. She should be naïve but not stupid and be able to hold a conversation but not be so educated that she got uppity. She should know her place, don’t you think?
BLANCHE THE LAWYER: Holy, moly! Aren’t you laying it a little thick?
DONNA THE NARRATOR: (whispering across the aisle to THERESA) Jan sounds like the old man in Chaucer’s Merchant’s Tale to me. (THERESA puts her finger to her lips.
BELLA: Just saying. It takes all kinds. Anyway, one day, a young woman who caught Jan’s eye showed up backstage among the throngs. He wanted to check her out on the sly, so he got his personal trainer, Dan, to do some reconnaissance. Dan arranged to meet her a couple of times for coffee or for lunch. Her name was May, she drank decaf lattes with two packets of artificial sweetener, and her favorite food was tater tots. She practiced hot yoga a few times a week. She had just graduated from community college as a humanities major and was waitressing at a local diner while deciding what she really wanted to do.
Her parents had been big fans of Jan, so she grew up listening to Jan’s music. Some of her first words were from his album, A Basketful of Herbs. She inherited all of his albums on vinyl from her parents and knew the words to many complete albums by heart. Some nights when she couldn’t sleep, she sang herself to sleep in her mind with Climbing the Pear Tree, which also had been her make-out album in high school. The song “In Brown Study” was a particular favorite of hers. It always reminded her of Greg, who had been quite an accomplished kisser although May had not shared quite all of this background with Dan.
(JACK THE IMMIGRANT MERCHANT pulls out a bag of wasabi peas, tears it open, and crunches.)
These creds pleased Jan, so he asked Dan to set up a one-on-one between Jan and May. May had enjoyed spending time with Dan and was pleased when he asked her on a nighttime date. He was handsome in a quirky sort of way—reddish hair which curled around his ears with a slightly receding hairline, Greek nose, and wide-set eyes. He was surprisingly gangling considering his work. When Dan told her that he wanted her to meet someone, of course, May was curious, don’t you think? She knew he was a personal trainer, but he had been vague about who he worked for. That night, he brought her to a quiet restaurant, the Roger Ware, off the beaten path and into a small private room.
At a table set for two sat Jan, who stood when they entered. May was incredulous. She could only look back and forth between Dan and Jan. Dan said, ‘Jan, meet May. May, Jan.’ May said, ‘Holy shit.’ Jan took May’s hand and kissed it. ‘Have a seat, love,’ Jan said, pulling out the chair for her. Dan explained that Jan had seen May backstage and wanted Dan to check her out before Jan got to know her better. Dan said he didn’t mean to fool May, but famous people like Jan couldn’t be too careful. He shook May’s hand, looked her in the eyes, and said, ‘Enjoy your dinner,’ quietly humming Jan’s break-out hit, ‘Lone as the Turtledove,’ as he turned and left. May was flabbergasted. There she was in a private room having dinner with her rock star idol. And he’d pulled strings to make it happen! Most girls would give their right tit to be sitting where she was sitting right now, don’t you think? But the lyrics of ‘Pleasure and Prosperity’ kept running through her head and she kept remembering making out with Greg to this song. And she truly wished it were Dan sitting across the table from her.
Jan and May shared a bottle of Chianti, one of those with the twine wrapped around it, and had a nice meal, including tater tots. May reached into her mindfulness to cover her disappointment with gentle cheer. Jan was so bowled over that he almost fell into a spellbound trance, but stayed enough in the present moment to talk ceaselessly about himself and his life as a rock star. May acknowledged his rambling with an occasional nod and sympathetic ‘oh?’ or ‘really?’
ERNEST THE BUSINESSMAN: I know the type. You think they’re really digging you, but later you realize they haven’t heard a word you said. (BELLA scowls at him.)
BELLA: Yeah. Right. At the end of the night, Jan put his napkin on the table and pushed back his chair. He sang a few lines from ‘Straws for Seneca’ and said, ‘May, I want to be honest with you. You seem like a nice piece, um—young woman. You know I’ve led a crazy life, and now I’m ready to settle down. With someone like you. I’ve been thinking about marriage and kids for a long time. I know more about you than you know I know.’ He came around to her chair and got down on one knee. Taking her hand he said, ‘May, will you marry me?’ May sat for several panicked moments before she responded that she was flattered, really, but she didn’t know him beyond what she’d read in the tabloids and on his album covers, and what she saw in the papers was not always flattering. He begged, promising he could make her a very happy girl, really, he could. He promised her anything she wanted—clothes, a car, even a tater tot factory. He went on, ‘We can travel. You can go on the road with me. I told you, I’m ready to settle down. Please believe me.’ Suddenly, May thought of Dan. If she married Jan, then …. She drew in a sharp breath, focused on the reproduction of ‘The Rape of Proserpine’ on the far wall, and said ‘OK, sure.’
Jan responded, ‘Really? Yes?’ She nodded and Jan mistook her grimace for a grin. He pulled her to her feet, embraced her, and kissed her roughly. ‘Tomorrow, go pick out a ring. Money is no object. I’ll send a car for you. Get the biggest diamond you can find! We’ll have a civil ceremony soon and later throw a party to beat all parties!’ Then, he gave her the empty Chianti bottle, told her to put a candle in it as a keepsake from the night, and put her in a cab. Then he called Dan. Dan mustered up as much enthusiasm as he could. It was going to be hell working as Jan’s personal trainer with Jan married to May. He thought of quitting, but then he realized that at least working for Jan he could stay close to May. (As BELLA relates her tale, SANDRA and HECTOR continue their whispered conversation. Suddenly, BELLA slaps the back of HECTOR’S seat.)
Hey! Show some respect, Elvis boy. I’m telling a story here! (Startled, HECTOR looks up at BELLA, who stares him down. HECTOR and SANDRA exchange a look of incredulity.)
SANDRA: (rolling her eyes at HECTOR) Sorry.
BELLA: (taking a deep breath) One of Jan’s closest friends, Plato, had been his road manager from the early days. Plato and his wife Prudie, short for Prudence, had been married forever. Because Jan wanted to keep the ceremony as small and private as possible, Plato and Prudie served as witnesses. Jan told May that she could invite her own friends to the wedding party. May’s parents, aging hippies, had died a few years previously when a lava lamp they were heating in a pan of water on their woodstove in their off-the-grid cottage exploded. Jan was relieved not to have to deal with aging fans as in-laws, don’t you think?
The night before the ceremony, Plato and Prudie discussed Jan’s upcoming marriage. Plato thought Jan was making a terrible mistake. May was young and fresh and had her whole life ahead of her. Really, what business did she have marrying an old rock star codger like Jan? Did Jan really believe that she’d remain faithful with all of the temptations around her, especially since she was quite a looker? Prudie, on the other hand, kept her own counsel. She liked May and thought May deserved a chance. Prudie convinced Plato to take a wait-and-see approach rather than raise his reservations with Jan just yet. The ceremony was over before anyone could say ‘One-sided love affair.’ Jan, not one to do even small things small, had planned a nice wedding dinner for the four of them at the Roger Ware. He felt nostalgic as he and May had had their first meal together there—returning to the scene of the crime, as May thought of it—and invited Dan to join them. Ja
n told Dan he could bring a date, but Dan attended solo.
Over dinner, the group emptied several bottles of champagne with a variety of toasts. Jan toasted their marriage. Plato toasted their friendship. Prudie toasted music. Jan toasted to kids. (May turned ashen at this toast.) Plato toasted to long life. Prudie toasted to friendship, again. Dan toasted to hot yoga. Everyone paused at this toast, slightly confused. Dan just winked at May from across the table, adding ‘For the body and the mind.’ Jan pointed out that everyone had offered a toast except May. She thought for a moment and toasted to vinyl record albums. ‘Jan’s beautiful music,’ she explained, peeking at Dan from lowered eyes and running her tongue over her upper lip.
(The train clangs speedily through a rural crossing. DWIGHT THE LAY MINISTER pulls out his handkerchief and the resulting melody resonates like a note from the principal tuba player in the Philadelphia Orchestra. GITA THE COOK stands and looks back at DWIGHT.)
Jan was beside himself with excitement, drinking and eating as if for two. Finally, Jan emptied one last bottle of champagne into the flutes and raised his glass. ‘One closing toast to my lovely bride,’ he said with a thick tongue. ‘She has saved herself for the honeymoon. No nookie until it’s legal, she said. Now, my love, it’s time to shake, rattle, and roll.’ May managed a wan smirk. Prudie thought she noticed May and Dan exchanging discreet, baleful glances, but she said nothing.
The Graceland Tales Page 12