Heart of Mine

by Lindsay Bergman

  “Let me see her.” I peeked under the wrappings, exploring the perfect and angelic face of Arianna’s newborn daughter. “She’s beautiful,” I whispered to Arianna as Bennett stepped outside.

  The princess smiled lovingly at her husband when he bent down to gently kiss their daughter’s head.

  “Hello, Maddy,” Bennett greeted me with a hug. “We’re so happy that you could be here for Christmas.”

  “I couldn’t pass up the chance to meet the baby,” I answered with a smile.

  Movement in the doorway caught my attention. I glanced over to see Emma striding toward me, her gorgeous blue dress befitting that of a queen. She drew to a stop in front of me and grinned smugly.

  The sky seemed to darken overhead as my attention zeroed in on the diamond ring she wore on her finger. The delicate and intricately made pattern of the antique gold ring was heartbreakingly familiar. It was the engagement ring that had belonged to Alexander’s grandmother. It was the ring he had once given to me when he’d promised to love me forever.

  Now it belonged to Emma.

  Heartbroken, I snarled in outrage, wanting to rip the diamond ring right off her perfectly manicured finger. An arm slipped around Emma’s waist, and I watched in horror as she smiled up into the striking blue eyes of the prince. Alexander’s eyes filled with love as he gazed adoringly down at the curly-haired woman of my living nightmare.

  When he bent down to kiss her, I nearly exploded. For a moment it felt as if my heart literally stopped beating within my chest. Unable to catch my breath, I dropped to my knees and reached out desperately to my prince for help. But Alexander’s eyes merely glanced over me, his expression indifferent as he turned his attention back to Emma. He pulled her close against him and kissed her with a passion that made me sick to my stomach. As Alexander trailed kisses down her neck, Emma looked over at me. Her hazel eyes sparked wickedly with hatred and a deep-seeded jealousy.

  “Poor Cinderella,” Emma taunted. “Who holds the prince’s heart now?” She reached across the distance that separated us to pierce her hand through my chest. Her fingers curled into claws around my heart, crimson red lips smiling maliciously as she ripped the beating heart right out of my chest and crushed it into ashes. “Now Prince Alexander belongs to me.”

  I awoke with a startled gasp. Jerking upright in the bed, my heart thundered as I tried to banish the lingering nightmare from my thoughts. A hand touched my back and I nearly fell off the bed in alarm before I remembered that it was Alexander.

  “Dolcezza, are you all right?” Alexander asked sleepily, sitting up on one elbow. “What’s wrong?”

  The soft light of morning spilled across the room, brightening the golden-olive skin of the shirtless prince. His striking handsome features were a welcoming sight from the darkness of my nightmare. Practically throwing myself across the bed, I buried my face against his bare chest and wrapped my arms tightly around him as tears unexpectedly burst down my face.

  It had all felt so real; the jealousy, the hatred, the blinding pain in my heart as I watched my prince fall in love with someone else. A shudder ran through me as I realized that it was more than just a nightmare. It was an all too real glimpse into our future.

  “You’re shaking like a leaf,” Alexander noted. He held me close against him and gently stroked my wild hair. I felt his lips press against my forehead, heard his sweetly spoken Italian endearments, and though I knew he was only trying to comfort me, it made the pain even worse. It grew nearly unbearable, but I couldn’t seem to get a hold of my wits. I was lost in the nightmare that I knew would come true.

  Let insanity consume me, I thought, desperate to be rid of this depth of pain. No amount of time could ever heal the brokenness of my heart and soul.

  “Alex,” I whispered urgently against his neck, my words spilling out in a nearly incoherent rush. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to live without you. You mean everything to me, Alexander.”

  “Shhh, dolcezza,” Alexander said, holding me close. His voice was calm and soothing despite the sudden tension I could feel in him. “It’s going to be all right, amata mia.”

  “How can it be all right, Alex? I can’t watch you fall in love with Emma and give her your Nonna’s ring—”

  Alexander bolted upright, his abrupt movement stopping my words. “Ah, Madison, my love.” He sounded heartbroken, and clutched me fiercely to his chest. I could hear his heart hammering unsteadily within, matching mine. “Cuore mio, you have to stop this. You can’t think that way.”

  “But—,” I tried to argue, before his lips effectively cut off my protest.

  We clung together, our kisses hard and demanding, with the sharp edge of a desperation so strong that it nearly consumed us. It went beyond passion, beyond desire. My longing for him was more than just physical. My entire soul cried out for him, knowing that without Alexander, I was lost.

  After a while I eased back to look up into his face. I was crushed by the single tear that I could see on his stubbled cheek.

  “Oh, Alex,” I whispered brokenly, my own eyes brimming with more tears. “How are we supposed to live without each other?”

  “I don’t know.” Alexander’s voice was thick with pain. He touched his lips to mine, the kiss sweet and filled with love, then he gathered me close into his arms. I snuggled into him, savoring the feel of his warm embrace.

  In silence we watched through the window as the sky continued to lighten, knowing that our time together was slipping away ... and we were powerless to stop it.

  After a while, I heard Alexander sigh, and felt the warm kiss he pressed against my forehead. “It’s time. Let’s get you home, dolcezza.”

  For the first time, the word home sounded like purgatory.

  Chapter Thirty

  Alexander watched quietly as I threw clothes into a suitcase, his shoulders stiff and expression darkening by the minute. When I walked past him for nearly the tenth time, he took hold of my arm and stared intently into my eyes. Our mutual heartache shot through to my very soul. He pulled me close and kissed me; I could tell by his firm grip that he didn’t want to let me go again.

  When he finally released me, his dark brooding face continued to watch my every move. Mindlessly, I finished packing up my belongings and we left the room in silence.

  As we descended the grand staircase Alexander said, “Everyone’s waiting in the front parlor ... to say goodbye.”

  We saw Leverett outside the parlor. His compassionate smile was nearly my undoing. Taking a deep breath, I struggled not to let myself fall apart again. When we entered the front parlor, King Mathis nearly barreled into us, his countenance dark and furious. I froze behind Alexander, afraid over the king’s unusual loss of control.

  “What were you thinking?” King Mathis demanded, his piercing cobalt gaze fixed on Alexander. “Did you hope that by slandering Maddy’s reputation it would give us no choice but to let you marry her?”

  “What are you talking about, Father?” Alexander asked in confusion. I surveyed the others standing behind the king and noticed their nervously exchanged glances. The entire Royal Family was in attendance, including Ethan. When our eyes met, Ethan’s face turned red before he abruptly looked away.

  “I’m talking about how you spent the entire night in Madison’s room doing God knows what,” King Mathis fumed. Alexander stiffened at the implication of his father’s words. I took a step closer to his side and gently touched his back in silent unity. “It’s one thing if you were still getting married,” King Mathis continued, glaring at the prince, “but to bed her and then ship her off to America is an entirely different story! I expected better of you, Alexander.”

  “Mathis,” Queen Gabriella interjected, moving toward us.

  “Nothing happened, Father.” Alexander was bristling with fury.

  “Even if that’s true, the entire palace is talking about this and it won’t be long before it hits the papers. How do you think this will reflect on Maddy? The go
ssip of how Prince Alexander seduced his ex-fiancée before tossing her on a plane back to America.”

  King Mathis looked at us both expectantly. Queen Gabriella paused next to him, waiting for our response. Alexander frowned indignantly and straightened his shoulders as if preparing for battle, but I shrugged dismissively.

  “It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of me, Your Majesty,” I told the king, boldly meeting his eyes. “I’m leaving today and I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever be able to come back.” I flicked a glance at Alexander, who was watching me unhappily, then abruptly looked back up at the king. “But Alex was telling the truth. Nothing happened last night. He was the perfect gentleman. He only stayed with me overnight because I begged him not to leave me alone.”

  The queen took my hand, her smile sad. “Thank you for defending Alexander, cara mia. We believe that you are both telling us the truth.” She looked meaningfully at her husband.

  King Mathis exchanged a long look with Alexander before he forcibly concealed his anger behind his aristocratic mask. When he turned back toward me, he had regained his impeccable self-control; although I was certain that he planned to scold Alexander more after I was gone.

  “We will take care of this matter. Let’s not dwell on it any longer,” King Mathis ordered a bit brusquely. He looked at his wife and son. “Will you both give us a moment alone?”

  Queen Gabriella nodded but Alexander hesitated, his eyes on my face. I smiled in reassurance. After another moment Alexander allowed his mother to lead him over to the couch. He refused to sit and stood watching us with crossed arms. I could understand his apprehension. King Mathis hadn’t been pleased with Alexander’s decision to abdicate, but now that we weren’t engaged anymore I was hopeful that the uncomfortable tension between us would be over. During my childhood, King Mathis had always been kind toward me, and loving to the point where I had felt like a daughter to him. It would be nice to be back on good terms with him.

  “Maddy, ma chérie. I’m truly sorry for the way things have turned out,” King Mathis said sincerely. “I wish that we had been able to abolish the Royal Marriage Act; I would have been proud to call you my daughter.” His cobalt blue eyes held mine, and for a moment, he allowed me to see his regret. He kissed my forehead and smiled softly. “You are welcome here anytime. You will always be a part of our family.”

  I couldn’t stop the tears that poured down my face in an overwhelming torrent of emotion.

  King Mathis pulled me into his arms and patted my back until I was able to get myself under control. When I peeked up I could see Alexander hovering nearby, his anxious eyes fixed on my face. The king released me into Alexander’s care. We hugged for a brief moment before I stepped out of his arms.

  He studied my tear-streaked face and frowned dubiously. “Are you going to be all right, dolcezza?”

  “Eventually,” I sighed. “It’s really hard to say goodbye.”

  His eyes tightened as pain flashed across his handsome face. I forced myself to look away. Straightening my shoulders in determination, I approached the others. Alexander followed silently, hovering in the background like a shadow. After exchanging hugs and farewells with Queen Gabriella and Bennett, I turned to the princess.

  She held up a hand. “I’m going with you to the airport, so there will be no teary goodbyes for us quite yet,” Arianna ordered, putting on a brave smile.

  I said goodbye to Ethan next. Though his eyes were sad, he shot me a slow, crooked smile before pulling me close for a hug. “I’m sorry, Maddy,” Ethan murmured into my hair. Despite his romantic love for me, I knew his apology was genuine. He was a true friend. One who cared more about my happiness than his own.

  “Thank you, Ethan. For everything that you’ve done for me.” I smiled ruefully at him. “I’ll see you later, old man.”

  He kissed my cheek before releasing his hold. “Goodbye, Princess.”

  When I turned to Ashton I couldn’t stop the tears that welled up in my eyes. He was my brother. I threw myself into his arms and hugged him tightly. I felt his hand on my hair, and the gentle kiss he pressed to my cheek. When I finally looked up at him, his expression was uncertain.

  “Are you sure you’re doing the right thing, Maddy? I know how much you love Alex.”

  I bit my lip, fighting back the tears. “But I love you too, Ash. You’re my brother.”

  Ashton frowned suspiciously. “I don’t want you to do this because you’re trying to protect me.”

  “I’m doing this for all of you.” I peeked over his shoulder at my grave-faced prince. “Even for Alexander. I want you to help him get through this, Ash. I know it’s hard for him right now, but some day he’ll be grateful. He will become the next King of Coradova and marry someone that he loves.”

  “What about you?” Ashton questioned, his eyes searching my face. “Where’s your happy ending?”

  I swallowed thickly before answering. “As long as Alex is happy, then I’ll be happy.” Ashton frowned at me, looking ready to argue, so I kissed his cheek and quickly stepped away. “Come visit me in America as soon as you can, Ash.”

  Ashton held my gaze for a long moment before finally nodding. He slipped away quietly to leave us alone in the parlor. Alexander watched me silently, his misery evident in his dark blue eyes. I struggled to find the right words, wondering if I possessed the strength I would need to leave him forever.

  It was harder to say goodbye this time than it had been three years ago. Last time I still had hope that Alexander and I would be able to work things out, at least as friends. But now I was losing something much greater: my true love, Alexander, and the possibilities of the life we would have had together. Since our engagement I’d spent many hours dreaming of our future, rich with hope and possibilities. Our wedding, our honeymoon, the home we would have created, and the perfect beautiful faces of the children who would never exist now—

  I spun away abruptly as the crushing pain in my chest threatened to suffocate me.

  Alexander was at my side in an instant. “Maddy?”

  “I’m fine. I just need a minute.” I tried to hide my face behind my wild hair, hoping he wouldn’t see my tears.

  “Come here, dolcezza,” Alexander ordered softly as he drew me into his arms. He was so warm and solid. I allowed myself to rest in him as I rapidly tried to regain my composure.

  Taking a deep breath, I clutched desperately at the last remaining vestiges of my courage and looked up at him. It was now or never. “Alex, I want you to stay here and let Arianna go with me to the airport.” He opened his mouth to object, but I stopped him with a finger to his lips. “If you go with me then I’ll never be able to get on that plane,” I whispered. “It’s hard enough already ... trying to say goodbye.”

  Alexander grimaced and tugged me closer, pressing his cheek to mine. His grip was so tight that I wondered if he would ever let me go again. “Maddy, I don’t know if I can do this,” he murmured against my neck. “I don’t know if I can let you go. It was hard enough three years ago, and now ...”

  “We have to do this, Alex,” I whispered urgently. “For all of Coradova.”

  Feeling overwhelmed, I stepped away from him and dragged my hands across my face, desperate to convince Alexander as much as myself, that this was the right choice. His pain was like a knife to my heart and I couldn’t afford to second-guess myself, otherwise I might never be able to leave.

  When I turned back to look at him, I tried to keep all emotion from my face, letting the mask that I’d worked hard to perfect as a princess settle firmly into place. I needed to be rational. I couldn’t afford to allow my broken heart to get the better of me. Alexander was watching me with his arms crossed defensively over his chest.

  “Alexander,” I began sternly. “You will not renounce your claim to the throne, and some day you will become the next King of Coradova.”

  Alexander raised a single eyebrow, a small smirk on his face as he listened to me give the orders for once. “Look who�
��s finally turned into a princess,” he said wryly with a hint of pride.

  I ignored him, wanting to rush through the next part of my speech as quickly as possible. “I know that you’ll fall in love again—and most likely with Emma. You’ll marry her and give her beautiful children and be happy for the rest of your life, never once regretting our decision here today—”

  My rush of words cut off as Alexander stormed toward me and crushed his lips against mine, his grip on me fierce and angry. He kissed me with an almost brutal passion, his heart thundering in his chest.

  Moments later Alexander leaned his forehead against mine, clutching me to him. “You are tearing me apart, dolcezza.” He spun away from me so suddenly that I nearly fell over. Startled, I looked up to meet his glare, his eyes a dark, stormy blue. “This isn’t some fairytale in a children’s book. This is real. This is our life, and I don’t understand how you can ask me to live it without you.”

  I gazed at him compassionately, knowing it was easier to feel angry than heartbroken. “Because without me in the way you will realize how much you truly love Emma, and together you will rule Coradova. You will have everything you’ve ever wanted.”

  “Except what I want the most,” he exploded, glowering at me. “And what I want is you!” He ran a hand through his hair, looking tortured. “What will it take for you to believe that I don’t want to marry Emma?”

  “This isn’t about Emma. I’m doing this for you, for your parents, for Arianna and Ashton—for everyone in Coradova.”

  “I don’t care about anyone else,” Alexander shouted. “I care about you. I care about us. Don’t we deserve to be happy?” He stalked across the room until he towered above me, his anger pulsing over me in waves.

  “You will be happy, Alex. I know it,” I said fiercely, placing my hand on his stubbled cheek, trying to soothe the raging beast. “It’s hard right now, but someday I know you’ll be happy again. Listen to me!” I demanded, speaking over his protests. “You are the Crown Prince of Coradova. You once told me that to become the king you must learn how to separate the man from the crown. To set aside your emotions in order to make the best choices for your country. To put your duty before your desire.”