“Don’t forget to take your pills!” she reminded me as she left. I gave her a thumbs-up and a very fake smile before heading into the house. I made my way to the kitchen counter and grabbed my pills.
Wait, I don’t need these any more.
Nick’s alive.
I’m okay.
I left the pills where they were and grabbed my shoes. The sun was up and glowing inside the house. It was bright for a February day. It was the first time in a long time I was okay, and I believed myself. That I didn’t have a wave of guilt holding me down all the time. It was like I was attached to a chain before. The remorse I had been feeling was that chain, reminding me that I was a monster. But it was gone. I wasn’t constantly berating myself for what I thought I did.
I’m okay.
I left the house and started making my way to the hospital. It then dawned on me I could’ve asked Mom for a ride, but she was leaving in a rush, anyways. It wasn’t a far walk either, so I didn’t mind. The sidewalks were narrow down the main roads.
“Kyle!” I heard from behind me. I turned around to be faced with Noelle. Her hair was in a messy bun, and she had sweatpants on. She was holding a brown paper bag filled with a bunch of different food. Her eyes were red and puffy.
Was she just crying?
“Hey, Noelle.” I breathed, stunned at how great she looked. “Are you okay?”
She nodded, sniffling a bit. “The news came on in the market talking about what you found yesterday in the woods.” She paused for a moment, catching up to stand next to me. “Do you think it’s Nick’s blood?”
I swallowed. My mind went blank for a moment; I just stared into her green, hopeful eyes. The wind whistled around us. The sound of a car honking brought me out of my trance.
“I don’t know,” I lied. “But if it is his, it means he got away.”
She nodded. “He got away from whatever monster would do that to him.”
Monster.
I turned around and kept walking. Unsure if she followed me, not caring if she did at that moment. I realized that if Noelle ever found out what I did, even if Nick was still alive, I would be a monster to her.
Nick is alive, and if he remembers everything, Noelle will hate me.
“Hey, Kyle.” Noelle spoke hesitantly. I shook myself away from my thoughts and stopped walking. “Do you wanna hang out?”
“Yeah, except do you think we can hang out later?” I asked her. “I’m going to go visit my friend at the hospital.”
She gasped. “Luke’s in the hospital?”
Ouch.
Luke isn’t my only friend.
“No,” I uttered. “Her name is Marie. I met her in the ward.”
Her face dropped. I watched her eyes as she started to shift them around. She bounced on the balls of her feet, and her face grew red.
“Oh.” She spoke blankly. “Well, I can’t hang out later. Family thing. Speaking of which, they are waiting for me, so I have to go.” I watched as she scurried off without another word and took a right down the street. I stood there, trying to figure out what just happened.
Why was she so cold to me just then?
I went to grab my phone so I could text her, asking about it. When my hand reached my pocket, I realized I left it at home.
Crap.
~
I made it to the hospital, and before I went to see Marie, I stopped by Mom’s office to tell her about my phone. I figured she would try to call me at some point, so I wanted her to know. A nice lady in scrubs directed me to it. She told me to wait a few minutes to see if she was out of surgery.
I sat in her office and looked around. It looked just like the one at home, except this one was a lot bigger. It also had a leather couch by the window. I waited a few minutes before an alarm went off. It wasn’t the security one like before; this one flashed a blue light in her office and a loud stinging ring. I looked around to see if I could shut it off. My head started to ache, slowly. Each time the light flashed, the more the pain grew.
“Code blue!” I heard from down the hall. I’ve heard a lot of codes before from Mom, but I’d never heard that one. The lady that helped me before went sprinting down the hall. Mom’s office had a lot of windows, showing both the outside and the hospital. I watched as people ran by the windows. You could see the sweat glistening on them.
Soon, I heard footsteps making their way toward me. Mom walked in, wearing a long white coat and holding a folder. She was too invested in the papers to notice me. She walked to her desk and pushed something, which turned the alarms off. I coughed to make her aware that I was sitting on her couch.
She looked at me, not startled by my appearance. I thought she would have jumped or at least gasped. She just smiled at me. “Hi, honey.”
“Hey, Mom,” I replied. “What’s a code blue?”
She threw the folder to the desk. “Cardiac arrest, also known as coding. Means someone’s heart stopped beating.”
Oh.
I guess she noticed me staring at the ground because she said, “I don’t talk about it much for a reason. It’s sad, and we try our best to help them, but sometimes it’s no use.”
I nodded. I didn’t want to say what I felt. I knew she would’ve gotten mad at me, but I don’t like hospitals. Some doctors are great, like Mom, and others suck. Like the one Max had when he died.
“Well, I just wanted to tell you that I’m going to be home late. I want to stay with Marie until they kick me out. But I forgot to bring my phone so…” I explained.
“Alright, don’t be too late, though. Use the phone in my office here to let me know when you leave.” She walked out of the room and was met by a girl who was waving her hands around frantically and yelling. I couldn’t hear what she said, but Mom’s face dropped, and she huffed. Her arms fell to her side while the girl looked like she was on the verge of tears. Mom grabbed her shoulder, and they took off walking.
She’s in trouble.
I left the office and made my way to the psych ward. I signed in and went into the visitors’ lounge. It was nice to be in the lounge and not be the one getting the visit.
“Touch me one more time, and I’ll beat the crap out of you, Tyler!” a voice threatened someone.
Marie!
I stood up and waited to see her big curly dark hair walk through the door.
“Who is here anyway?” I heard her complain.
She was so loud, I heard her from down the hall. I heard her shriek and footsteps slapped against the ground until I heard them right in front of the door. I was the only one in the room, so I opened my arms out, waiting for her. I bet I looked like an idiot.
“Open it right now, or I’ll sue you!”
The door swung open, and Marie stood there with a huge stupid smile on her face. She screamed when she saw me and came sprinting. I almost thought she was going to push me over; that’s how hard she ran into me. Her hair bounced along with her before she lunged at me.
“Relax!” I told her. Her arms wrapped around me while she yelled at me.
“I’m not a dog; you don’t get to command me.”
God, I missed her.
We laughed and sat down on the chairs that were in the room. The nurse that let her in stood in the far corner on his phone. My eyes rolled to the back of my head.
“Are you here to get me the hell out of here?” she hinted. Which made the nurse snap his head up. “Just kidding!” she declared. She elbowed me in the stomach and winked when the nurse looked away.
“I’m not, but I have some interesting news,” I informed her. I watched her squirm in her seat for a bit before looking at me to continue. “Well, let’s say that when I went to see if he was there, he wasn’t.”
I tried to be as vague as possible. I didn’t want a nurse or anyone else for that matter to catch on. After I said that, though, I think it was more suspicious. Marie looked at me and raised her eyebrows.
“Okay, so that’s good,” she pointed out. I hummed in response. We sa
t there for a while like that, looking toward the door as if someone was going to break in and arrest me.
“Who’s Tyler?” I teased. She groaned loudly, which made me laugh. She grabbed her hair and covered her eyes with it, grunting dramatically.
“I hate him! He is so annoying!” She turned and faced me. Her eyes trailed to mine. “He keeps hitting on me, and I’m like, gross!”
“I don’t know, Marie.” I pondered. “Sounds like you like him.”
She stared at me for a while, making me think I was right. I couldn’t read her facial expression, though; she wasn’t embarrassed. But she also wasn’t denying it. After a few moments, she corrected me.
“Nope.” She was quiet for a few more minutes. “You do know I’m gay, right?”
“I can’t believe you didn’t know!” Marie cackled while we walked down the hallways of the ward. The nurse said that we could go anywhere we wanted as long as we stayed within the area. We were walking to her room so I could meet her new roommate, Tyler.
I laughed. “Well, how was I supposed to know? I don’t have a gaydar!”
“Hm, maybe because all of my roommates are guys?” she sarcastically replied.
I thought about how that would’ve worked because, at first, they must’ve not noticed that she was into girls. Which means they must’ve found out the hard way. Plus, all the paperwork to get her a male roommate.
Is that legal?
“Also, I apologize if Tyler is a complete jerk, which he will be. And if he’s not there,” she noted, whispering in my ear, “we can talk about Nick.”
Hearing his name and not being hit with a wave of guilt was a pleasant change. We made our way to her room, which had changed three times since I left. She was telling me about it as we passed by her old rooms. Most of the reasons were because she was yelling out the windows begging people to come and save her.
We stood by the door when she told me to wait. I watched her open the door and look around as if we were spies on a mission. She turned back around and waved me to follow her in.
“He’s not here right now, but he probably will be soon,” she informed me, jumping on her bed. Their beds were separated, one was in one corner, and the other was on the other side of the room. Marie’s bed was the one in the corner. She had a plaid throw blanket and a pillow that had a middle finger on it. Tyler’s bed was still the original all white.
“When did Tyler get here?” I asked, sitting at the foot of her bed. I lay down and closed my eyes because the light was shining right into them, and it brought pain to my head. I heard her shuffling around before responding.
“Um, two nights ago. His dad was murdered, and Tyler murdered the murderer. Huh, that’s hard to say. Try it.”
I sat up and looked at her. “Really?”
“Yeah, the ERs are hard to say with—”
“I meant with his dad being murdered, Marie.” I cut her off. I sat facing her. Her legs were crossed, and she was playing with her pillow.
“Oh yeah, but I don’t think he actually did it. He said he didn’t, but he was found guilty. They said ’cause his dad was murdered, it triggered something, and then they just put him here instead. He also has a history with like PTSD and other stuff,” she explained. I nodded, standing up and running my fingers through my hair.
“How are you able to be in a room with him?” I asked. Being found guilty of murder shouldn’t allow you to have roommates.
She looked at me. “You really think this hospital cares? And we are also watched heavily at night.” She pointed to a chair in the corner. “That’s where a nurse sits and watches us while we sleep. Or whenever we are in the same room.”
I nodded, standing up and walking around her room. I went over to the windows and noticed that they were locked with a metal pole. I tried to push it up, but it wouldn’t budge.
An image crept into my mind. If the window was unlocked, I could open it. Feel the wind brushing against my face. The window was big enough for me to fit through. I could lean on the edge, looking down at the drop. The people passing by wouldn’t have even known until after I jumped. My body splattering on the ground, bones breaking, and blood gushing from me.
“So,” she said, dragging out the word. I looked back at her, giving my brain a rest from that thought. “About Nick.” I looked at her, and she was moving her hair out of her face. Her eyes met mine, and they had a dark vibe to them.
“Nick’s alive,” I told her. “I know he is; he has to be.”
She placed her pillow to the side and stood up, a few feet away from me. “I hope so, Kyle, I really do. And if he is alive, what are you going to do?” I turned my head to the side, wondering what she meant.
“What do you mean?” I asked her. Her mouth opened slightly. She walked over to me and grabbed my hands, moving me over to the bed. She pushed me back so I was sitting down.
“I mean, what if he remembers that you pushed him? He is going to know you hurt him and then left him.”
All the guilt and fear came rushing back to me like a tsunami. I was drowning in a wave of terror. I felt my lungs fill up with panic, and I wanted to scream. I’m not sure, but I think my body started shaking. Marie looked at me with wide eyes before sitting down next to me. She was talking, I think. Her hands moved to my shoulder and pulled me in close. I kept trying to breathe, but it wasn’t working. My head got heavy, and tears were falling out of my eyes.
Am I dying?
I left the ward shortly after that. I didn’t feel safe staying there because I thought they would try to make me stay and put me back in the psych ward. Marie was scared to let me go as well, but I assured her I was going to be fine. I stopped in the office to call home to tell them I was leaving. No one picked up, so I just left a message. While in the hospital, I decided to give someone else a call. After a few rings, I heard someone on the other side.
“Hello?” Luke yawned. I looked at the clock and realized it was later than I thought.
Almost midnight.
Why would they let me stay till midnight?
I looked outside the windows leading into the hospital and noticed that everything was the same as it was during the day. Nothing changed; it just got dark. But not in the hospital; they were all still running around and working hard.
“Hey, Luke, it’s Kyle.” I peeped. I heard some static from the phone. “Hello?”
“Yeah, I’m here,” he responded. “Just surprised.”
I understood why. He was upset with me for not answering him when he tried to apologize. Normally I just forgave him right away whenever he apologized so he would stop whining about it.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. There was silence. I shifted my eyes across the room, unsure if the power went out or something.
Then, I could almost hear him grinning. “What was that?”
I groaned. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, Kyle, I don’t know. Maybe there’s something wrong with the phone—”
“I’m not saying it again!” I complained. Luke started giggling, which made me laugh. I think he could tell how serious I was because I never apologized.
“Thanks, Kyle.” His tone shifted from giggly to serious. I heard him grunt before continuing. “I was upset because this is not the time for us to be fighting. We need to be there for each other. And I know you would never do that to Nick. I was just angry and mad, mostly at myself and—”
“Okay, Luke.” I stopped him, not wanting to get into an hour’s discussion about his feelings. “I get it. Don’t worry about it.”
A doctor burst into the office and looked around before his eyes landed on me. He scoffed, standing up straight. I tilted my head at him.
“You’re not supposed to be in here,” he announced. “What’s your name?”
I smirked at him, holding the phone away from my ear. “Kyle Davis, sir.”
He narrowed his eyes on me before realizing that I was the chief’s son that was sent to the hospital then the psych ward. He quickly apo
logized before slamming the door and running away.
Coward.
What was he even doing in here?
“Wow, that’s a new record. That was the longest you let me talk about my feelings. You must really be sorry.” Luke chuckled. I rolled my eyes again before telling him I had to go. He said goodbye before hanging up.
~
The night sky was dark and mysterious. Not a single star. The moon was dull, barely lighting up anything, not helping me find my way home. I realized there wasn’t any noise, so I looked around. No cars were on the road, not even miles up ahead. It began to get warmer under my coat. I took it off and held it in my arms; the breeze cooled me down until there was no more wind.
It’s always windy here.
My feet trudged down the sidewalk. I looked ahead and saw a shadow figure a couple of stores down. The lights were flashing assorted colors, so it was hard to see. The red light flashed, and I saw a boy, about my age, grinning. My stomach churned at his face, making me feel uneasy. The light flashed blue and uncovered marks on his face. I couldn’t tell what it was, but his face had them all over, and they were dripping. My legs started to wobble, and I almost lost my balance. The light flashed green, and the kid now had a creepy smile on his face, showcasing his teeth. I felt very light-headed and closed my eyes to ease the dizziness. When I opened my eyes, the light was white, and the boy stood there with blood dripping from his head and down his face. His smile and eyes stared into my soul, and my head started to throb. My legs gave out, and I fell.
The pain struck me, running down to my toes. My head stung with pain, and I winced. I looked in front of me and saw a pool of blood, and a metallic taste filled my mouth. Darkness started to take over me, and I looked up at the boy one last time.
Nick?
10
Day Fourteen
Why does this keep happening?
Why do I keep fainting?
I refused to open my eyes so I could recall everything that happened, peacefully. I was on the sidewalk, and there was this boy who looked a lot like Nick. And he was bleeding and smiling at me. I couldn’t remember what happened after I fell, though. I blinked, my eyes opened, a dim light staring down at me. I could feel the heat hitting my face, and I wasn’t sure if it was from the light or the lack of air in the room. I felt like I was choking on my spit. I didn’t get a chance to stand up and look around before a door clicked open and I heard someone shuffling around. I shut my eyes again, my body shaking with fear. I had no idea where I was or who I was with. It wasn’t until I heard that sweet voice that I knew I was safe.
Believing Lies Page 9