Believing Lies

by Elizabeth, Anne

  Damn.

  “Anyways, when I got there, your mom said she had the autopsy report about Nick. He died from a gunshot wound to the head. They believe that he was beaten, made it out of town before getting shot in the head,” she concluded.

  I was quiet for a few minutes before asking, “What does this mean?”

  She smiled and hugged me.

  “It means you’re free.”

  ~

  With everything going on, I completely forgot to check on Noelle. I was worried about what I was going to do; I didn’t even think to call her. After I dropped Marie back to her home, I sprinted to Noelle’s house. I ran through someone’s backyard and hopped two fences, but I made it there. There were no cars in the driveway, so her parents weren’t home. I knocked on the door, and a few seconds later, Noelle opened it.

  She looked a mess. Tears were streaming down her face; her eyes were red and puffy, and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail with strands of hair out of place. When she saw me, she broke down, crying even harder.

  “Noelle,” I cooed, trying to get her to relax. She turned around and walked inside, leaving the door open for me. I closed the door gently behind me and sat with Noelle on the couch.

  “I just feel so guilty,” she cried, wrapping her arms around me. My first instinct was to push her off and run. Instead, I sat there and let her cry in the crook of my neck.

  “I mean, first Nick goes missing, then I figure out my feelings and kiss his best friend, and then he dies!” she wailed. “Why did he have to die?”

  My heart ached for her, but not in the way it normally did. I didn’t want her. I pitied her. I had empathy, but love wasn’t attached to it. I wasn’t in love with her.

  I’m not in love with Noelle?

  “This must be someone punishing me, right?” Noelle asked, pulling away from my neck. I felt the tears drip down my shoulder and onto my back. “I’m going to Hell because I kissed my boyfriend’s best friend when he was missing.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I looked down at the ground and thought about it. She sobbed silently, covering her face with a tissue. I had the sudden urge to yell at her.

  “Noelle, listen,” I said as calmly as I could. “This isn’t about you.”

  She snapped her head up at me. The tissue fell from her hand and landed on the floor. Her eyes crinkled. “What?”

  “This is about Nick. He just died. He’s gone, and you are worried about you going to Hell? He might already be in Hell!”

  “That’s not funny,” she muttered.

  “But you get my point,” I grumbled, standing up. “He’s dead, and you are sitting here saying, ‘O why me?’” She nodded, staring at the ground. She slowly bent down to pick up her tissue and held it in her hands.

  “You say you don’t want a boyfriend who would tell you the truth, but you need one, Noelle,” I told her. “That’s why you stayed with Nick. Because you guys worked well together, and you knew that deep down.”

  She refused to look at me.

  “I’m going to figure out who took him from you,” I promised her. “Why don’t you go clean up.” I walked a few steps before pausing. “And try not to cry any more today.”

  Her eyes glistened, shimmering with hope. She slightly nodded, walking upstairs. I left the house and started walking to my own. I was alone, fully alone. There was no dead Nick talking to me any more. I didn’t picture him bloody, dead, or hurt. I remembered him as the boy he was.

  “Kyle!” Nick called out to me from his car. “Jump in; we are going to be late!” This was at the beginning of the school year; Nick had just gotten his license, and he wanted to drive me to school. Sure, it was illegal. But only if we got caught. I jumped into the front seat and grinned at Nick.

  “Ready?” he asked. I nodded. “Okay, go!”

  At the same time, we both threw our middle fingers out the window and at Henry, who was waiting in his car to leave our driveway. Henry yelled slurs at us, but Nick drove away before he could do anything. I started laughing in my seat, buckling up.

  “I needed that,” I admitted. “He was such a psycho yesterday.”

  “Ugh,” Nick replied. “That’s annoying.” I nodded, agreeing with him.

  The night before, Henry decided it was a clever idea to rip up all my homework into shreds and use it to make a fire in the fireplace. We never used that fireplace, but Henry wanted to, so he did. What was I supposed to do the next day at school? Tell my teacher my brother took my homework and burned it? I had Mom write me a note asking for another day to do it. Nick wanted to ask me what happened, but he knew better than to push it. He continued driving, his eyes on the road.

  After a few moments, I realized we weren’t going the right way.

  “Geez, Nick, you are so stupid.” He raised his eyebrow at me. “You are going the wrong way!”

  “Nope,” he argued back. “I’m going the right way.”

  I groaned. “No, the school is back that way.”

  I watched his grin grow from ear to ear. “We aren’t going to school.”

  I sat up in my seat like a child, suddenly very interested in what he had to say.

  “There’s a carnival in town, and they are closing today so,” Nick informed me, “we aren’t going to school today.”

  That Wednesday, we spent the entire day eating a bunch of greasy, sugary carnival food, then riding unsafe rides till we were going to puke. On our drive home, we got phone calls from our moms telling us how mad they were and how badly we were going to get punished. We had to keep muting the phones so they wouldn’t hear our laughter. We didn’t care what our punishment was. We wouldn’t have traded that day for anything else. He dropped me off at home and asked me, “Did you have a good time?”

  “Yeah,” I said suspiciously. “Why?”

  Nick shrugged his shoulders and took off. The next day I found out why Nick took me to the carnival.

  He didn’t want Noelle to confront him about cheating on her.

  17

  Day Twenty-Eight

  It had been a few days since they figured out what happened to Nick. After my almost confession to the police, Mr. Finn called to tell my parents that I could take as much time off as I needed. As long as I got my work done, I didn’t need to go back to school until April. He also, very subtly, told my parents I needed therapy. And by subtle, I mean he said, “I believe Kyle needs therapy.”

  Noelle, Luke, and obviously Mark also got excused from school. Mark didn’t have to do any work, though, because of his condition. I had been trying to stop by and see him, but the hospital only let me talk to him for five minutes at a time. Then they claimed he needed rest and escorted me out.

  His parents never called back. I doubt they even knew what was going on with Mark. They had no idea that their son couldn’t speak any more. I thought about it, and I don’t think they would’ve cared. His parents had never cared about him. He had no one.

  It was Tuesday, which meant that I was home alone for the first time since Nick died. Mom took off work the day before to stay home with me, but she said that there was a big surgery at work. Henry was working, and Dad offered to stay home, but I told him to go to work. I could tell he didn’t want to stay; his eyes averted mine when he told Mom he would call out.

  “No. Go,” I said, breaking the few seconds of silence after Dad’s generous offer. “I was going to go to Luke’s, anyways.”

  It wasn’t a lie; Luke did ask me to go over to his house. He just said that he and his mom were at a protest for whales or some other ocean animal, and he didn’t know when he would be back. He said he was going to text me when they were home.

  Dad grinned and nodded, sitting back in his chair. I could tell Mom disapproved of this, but she didn’t say anything. She continued combing her hair in the bathroom. After a few minutes, my phone rang.

  “Hello?”

  “Kyle.” A soft voice greeted me on the other line. “It’s Ms. Walter.”

  Oh.
/>   I cleared my throat, trying my best to sound contented for her. “Hey, Ms. Walter.”

  Dad gave me a weary look from the couch, and I ignored him. That also got Mom’s attention, and she paused while putting her earrings in.

  I heard her hum through the phone. “I was wondering if you and Luke would want to come over later tonight to talk about Nick and perhaps go through his room to see if he has anything of yours. You can invite your mother too.”

  Mom stepped closer to me with her hands at her hips. Dad lost interest and was watching the news on our TV. Henry stomped up the stairs when Mom shushed him. He rolled his eyes and walked past me into the kitchen.

  “Sure, I’ll call Luke and let him know,” I answered. I could feel her smile on the other line; she had a very distinctive smile. Her one dimple would appear on her left cheek, and her smile lines would crease. Sometimes she’d close her eyes impulsively. Wasn’t ever sure why, but I didn’t bother to ask.

  “Thank you.” She sniffed. “I’ll see you later, then.”

  I hung up the phone and placed it in my pocket. Mom was staring at me, waiting for me to tell her what that was about.

  “Ms. Walter wants me and Luke to go over and go through Nick’s room to see if he has anything of ours. She wants you to come too.”

  Mom nodded, grabbing her bag. “I’ll have to see if I can make it, depending on how long this surgery goes and if anything else comes in that I’m needed for.” She kissed me on my forehead and headed out the door, saying goodbye. Dad left soon after, and I didn’t even notice Henry leaving. I was sitting on the couch, watching TV, when Luke told me he was home.

  From: Luke

  Hey, just got back. Want to come over?

  I shut the TV off and quickly responded.

  To: Luke

  Sure. How was the protest thing?

  I opened the fridge to be reminded that we never have any food. I peeked into the cabinets to find an open sleeve of crackers. I figured it was better than nothing, so I started munching on them.

  From: Luke

  Do you actually want to know, or do you just want me to say good?

  He’s right; I’m never actually interested in his protests. I asked him a few times and let him ramble on about how they spread awareness about trees dying in some country, but then they got too long. He realized I was never listening, so he just said good, and we talked about anything other than his charity events.

  Sure, it makes me a bad friend, but do I care? Besides, he never listens when I want to talk about a video game or something that involves harming anything. Like paintball.

  To: Luke

  I’ll be over soon.

  I headed out of my house after I sent that text. The streets were busier than they normally were. A lot more people on the sidewalks, and there were a lot of cars on the road. The constant noise in my ears felt calming to me because, for once, it wasn’t my mind playing tricks on me. The noise was real. It wasn’t a figment of my imagination.

  When I made it to Luke’s street, my phone started vibrating. I thought it was Luke calling to see where I was, but it was the hospital Mark was staying at. At first, I got worried, thinking something happened to him. But then I remembered the last time they called me was because they wanted me to go see Mark that day. I ignored the call, thinking that I would go see Mark the next day.

  I made it to Luke’s house and knocked on the door, immediately being greeted by his mom. Don’t get me wrong, I love Ms. Cloud. But she can be a lot sometimes. She opened the door, and her outfit screamed unusual colors to me. She was wearing a blue shirt that had the Earth on it. Her long purple skirt flowed down to her ankles with patterns of flowers. Her hair was dyed green on the sides and up in a bun. Her earrings looked like they were made of plastic forks.

  “Hi, Ms. Cloud!” I greeted her, stepping inside. She grinned at me and gave me a quick hug.

  “Kyle!” she exclaimed. “It’s been so long!”

  I nodded, taking my shoes off at her doormat. She had awfully specific rules about wearing shoes in the house. While I placed them in the corner, I noticed a pair of shoes that I didn’t recognize. Ms. Cloud saw me looking, and she laughed.

  “Oh, those are Caroline’s shoes,” she explained, pointing to the dining table. There sat a woman with short black hair. She was dressed in a button-up and jeans. Her earrings were two giant hoops intertwined with each other. She smiled and waved at me. “She’s my girlfriend.”

  That was the third girlfriend I met of Ms. Cloud’s. The first one turned out not to be gay and went running back to her husband. The second one moved to another country. And then this one. I waved back at her and told Ms. Cloud I was going to Luke’s room. She nodded and went back to the dining table with Caroline.

  Luke was sitting on his bean bag chair, reading when I walked in. His room was painted bright blue, and his walls were bare. No posters or anything. His desk was meticulously organized with a cup for pens. His bed was made, and there wasn’t a dirty spot in his room. He looked up at me and smiled.

  “Hey!” He put his book away. He had two bookshelves by his chair so he could read comfortably. He let me sit there once to read, but when he left the room, I just fell asleep.

  “Hey,” I responded, plopping onto his bed. “Ms. Walter wants us to go over to her house later.”

  He stood up, stretching his arms out. “For what?”

  “I think to talk about Nick and go through his room for our stuff.”

  Luke nodded, walking over to me. He lay down on his bed and huffed. “It seems like Nick has been gone forever.” I stayed silent.

  Should I tell him?

  “I just wish I could’ve seen him before it all happened,” Luke continued.

  I did.

  It sucked.

  “Who would shoot a teenager?” Luke questioned. “This is why guns are bad.”

  I just nodded, letting him ramble on about gun control. I never argue with Luke when he goes on his rants; I just don’t listen. For a moment, I let myself think about what Luke would do if I told him. That I saw Nick before he died. I pushed him, and I ran. Would Luke be mad? Would he tell on me? Would he have done the same?

  “I’m going to go in the bathroom,” Luke announced. “I’ll be right back.”

  He left the room, shutting the door behind him. I sat there, trying to convince myself to tell him.

  He deserves the truth.

  Maybe leave out the part about running?

  And pushing him.

  Maybe just say you got into a fight.

  I stood up, running my fingers through my hair. I couldn’t figure out what to do. I paced the room, weighing my options. He didn’t need to know, but I felt like I owed it to him.

  As I walked around the room, I noticed a drawer on Luke’s desk that was slightly open. I went over to it and looked inside. It was empty, except for a phone sitting there. The phone had no case, revealing the silver on the backside. I turned it over, and the screen was blank until I turned it on. A picture of Noelle kissing Nick on the cheek appeared.

  What?

  The phone slipped from my hands, clattering noisily when it fell. I cursed myself, grabbing the phone. I held it inches away from me.

  Why would Luke have a picture of Noelle and Nick?

  Unless it’s not Luke’s phone.

  I stared at the picture again before typing in the passcode.

  If this is Nick’s phone, then his password should work.

  The phone opened automatically, and the apps appeared. Surprised, I lost my grip on the phone, and it fell again, sliding to the wall. My mind shut down, leaving me helpless at that moment. I could feel the sweat drip off my face.

  Why does Luke have Nick’s phone?

  Footsteps going up the stairs startled me. I ran to the phone, made sure it wasn’t broken, and closed it. I threw it back into the drawer and shut it. The second I closed the drawer, I realized I should have taken the phone.

  Wait.

 
; I turned to open it back up, but the door opened, and Luke appeared. I turned back toward him and smiled, leaning against his desk.

  “What are you doing?” Luke eyed me, slowly stepping into his room.

  I chuckled, swallowing a lump in my throat. “Just looking at your messy desk. Seriously, Luke, clean up your crap.”

  Luke threw his head back, laughing, before he sat back down on his bed. I took the chair out from under his desk and sat there. Luke gave me a look, wondering why I wasn’t sitting next to him, but I ignored it.

  I felt uneasy knowing Luke had Nick’s phone. A million questions ran through my head, most of them concerning me. Luke just smiled awkwardly at me every few seconds while I was lost in my thoughts. After an awkward moment of silence, I figured there was only one way I could break it.

  “How was your protest?”

  ~

  Luke and I didn’t talk much more after that. He went back to his book, and I was lost in my never-ending worrying thoughts about how Luke got Nick’s phone. I stared at the drawer, and it taunted me with my stupidity because I didn’t take it.

  Should’ve taken it.

  I could have just slid it into my pocket.

  He wouldn’t have known.

  Luke glanced up at me occasionally, and I just pretended to be watching a video on my phone. It was like that until it was time to go to Nick’s house.

  I guess Ms. Walter’s house now.

  We said goodbye to Ms. Cloud and Caroline and left. On the walk over, I stayed quiet while Luke had occasional opinions about things we were passing.

  “Look at that tree; it’s dying.”

  “Oh, why can’t people just walk; they are polluting the air.”

  “That reminds me of a protest I went to…”

  I nodded and grunted along for most of what he was saying, still stuck on how he got Nick’s phone. I tried to push the thoughts away, but the more I tried, the more questions I had.

  Maybe they hung out before and left his phone?