I sighed. My thoughts were driving me nuts. I was so tired of the tug and pull of what my feelings were for both men. I wish my heart and mind would finally choose which man they wanted. Then I’d know which way my life was going to go. Either I’d be alone because there wasn’t any chance of being with Eagle or I’d be with Bane, at least I think I would. I wasn’t sure why the thought of not being with Bane caused my heart to lurch. Honestly, I wasn’t really sure of anything anymore.
~***~
Chapter 10
Sex should be the perfect balance of pain and pleasure. Without that symmetry, sex becomes a routine rather than an indulgence.
~Marquis de Sade~
Eagle
October 31st, 1998
I was tired of running and hiding. I’d been in my room the majority of the day. It was time to man up and bite the bullet. I had to accept the fact that they were a couple now. Christ, why did it have to be so hard though? More importantly, would I ever quit thinking about her? Wanting what could have been? I sighed as I stepped out of the shower. I dried off and got ready for the party that the women had put together.
Halloween. The night of the witching hour or so I’d always heard. Not sure I’d be up at three a.m. to find out what goes on at that time. Hopefully, my ass would be in bed sated from having sex with a club girl.
After making sure I had everything I needed, I headed downstairs. When I walked into the Great Room, I noticed that the party hadn’t even started yet. I had figured it would have been going on for hours. All the women, Old Ladies and club girls included, were all huddled around the jukebox. Every damn one of them was wearing a trench coat.
I headed toward the bar and grabbed a beer from Jace. After unscrewing the cap, I turned around to view the room. I took a drink of my beer as my gaze landed on the Prez’s table. Every man there except Ranger seemed to be uptight about something.
I glanced back over at the women and noticed Dog’s, Viper’s and Boomer’s Old Ladies in the middle of the group of women in the long black coats. As my gaze roamed over the ladies, I noticed Kenzie toward the back edge. The expression on her face broke my heart. It seemed that basically everyone was ignoring her. I hated that for her.
Sure, she hadn’t chosen me, although like I’ve thought so many times that Bane had been the cause of that happening, still it had been her right to decide who she wanted to be with. She didn’t deserve the cold shoulder she was getting from everyone. I might need to talk to Dog about that.
I cared enough about her not to want her to be miserable whenever she was at the club and, since she was with Bane, she’d probably be here a lot. It surprised me to realize that my thoughts about her were changing. Before I had been bitter toward both of them, that seemed to be different now.
Suddenly, the lights went off and I heard the opening notes to Ginuwine’s “My Pony”. Then the strobe lights came on, some clear, some colored. What they revealed was enough to make a grown man weep in pleasure. Every single fucking woman on the dance floor was wearing some sexy little risque number and, heaven’s above, there was enough skin showing to bring a man to his knees and beg.
The women shifted and Kenzie came into view. It was like deja vu. I was holding my beer bottle just below my mouth, only this time, I know my mouth was dropped open in shock.
Oh. Sweet. Heaven.
My eyes locked on Kenzie and I almost swallowed my damn tongue. My entire body stiffened up. I wanted to run over there, pick her up, carry her ass off somewhere and fuck her senseless. Or fuck until I was senseless. I actually took a step forward when it hit me that I didn’t have the right to do that.
My gaze stayed glued to her as her body swayed to the music. I’d had no fucking clue that she could dance like that. I’d seen Jennie and Viper dirty dance before and Kenzie could definitely hold her own with them. She was undulating her hips as she ran her hands over her hair, down her face, across her abdomen, over her breasts where I swear to god I could see her nipples protruding from her outfit, down her torso, until one ran between her legs. I licked my lips. My eyes stayed locked on the paths her hands were making.
She had on this little white shirt that barely covered her tits. I kid you not, I know it was see through, either that or I had x-ray vision because I swear I saw the pink color of her nipples. I know for a fact I could see the bottom part of her pink areolas because her shirt had ridden up high enough to see that plain as day when she had her hands raised.
Nothing but skin showed until her hip bones. Circling her hips was a tiny red and black plaid skirt that couldn’t possibly cover her ass, or maybe you could only see that when she had her hands in the air. All I knew was I was seeing the lower part of Kenzie’s ass cheeks as she danced back and forth to the music. Her movements were causing my damn cock to ache.
Sheer white thigh-high stockings graced her legs only leaving about six inches to the promised land. Her feet were encased in black stilettos that had a red bottom. Somehow I managed to drag my gaze up to her face where I saw she had her hair up into two high pigtails on each side of her head. Oh, fuck me. I wanted to spank her naughty ass and bad.
“Have. Mercy.” I heard to my left.
“You can say that again,” I managed to mumble without drooling all down my damn shirt.
“Oh. Fuck. Me.” I heard someone else groan in agony.
I knew how whoever was groaning was feeling. The voice wasn’t registering with me and there was no way on God’s green earth that I was taking my eyes off Kenzie to find out who it was either. As my gaze roamed to her face again, I was startled to realize she was looking right at me. Her teeth were toying with her bottom lip, then I saw her tongue lick slowly across it. I could feel precum leaking from my damn dick. I saw her hands go back to her breasts and there she pinched her nipples.
I groaned loudly. Christ. This was nothing short of torture. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. I vaguely realized some of the women had left the dance floor. I couldn’t tell you who, nor could I tell you what anyone else was wearing. All I could see was Kenzie.
I saw her gaze shift further to my left and out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone moving. Bane came into view. He stalked through the group of women, grabbed Kenzie, threw her over his shoulder and headed toward the stairs. I have never been so fucking envious of anyone in my entire life. I wanted it to be me who was plunging my cock into her hot little pussy.
I was in pain. I closed my eyes thinking if I closed them I could get the vision of her out of my head. Did that work? Fuck, no. If anything, it made it worse. I forced my eyes to open and I looked at the women still on the dance floor. Another short plaid skirt caught my attention. I raised my eyes to see it was Amy wearing it. I knew what I was about to do was wrong, but I didn’t fucking care at the moment.
I mimicked Bane. I stalked through the crowd watching Amy the entire time I headed her way. She saw me coming and started grinning naughtily. I took her arm, held it up, leaned down and pulled her over my shoulder. She started laughing as I turned and headed for the girls’ hallway. I’d been in Amy’s room several times. I knew exactly where I was going.
As I strode off with her, she pinched my ass. I reached up and slapped one of her ass cheeks and she moaned. I opened her door, closed it, set her down and turned her facing the door.
“Put your hands on the door and do not move your fucking hands off of it, you got me, Amy?” I ordered.
“Yes,” she answered breathily. Amy loved to be ordered around.
I ripped my jeans open and shoved them down enough to get my dick out. I took out a condom, sheathed myself, then grabbed her hips.
“Keep those hands on the door,” I stated again.
“Okay,” she moaned.
I pulled her hips about three and a half feet away from the door causing her hands to slide down it. Her torso and outstretched arms were now horizontal making her body into a ninety-degree angle. I flipped her skirt over her ass and saw she was like Sydney had been w
hen I had fucked her. Pantyless. My cock wept in joy at seeing her pussy lips drenched in her honeyed dew.
“This is gonna be hard and fast,” I warned.
She groaned, “Oh, god, yes.”
I lined my cock up and thrust hard inside her. Damn, that felt so good. My eyes closed and I started fucking Amy with a rhythm meant to conquer. With the vision of Kenzie in my head, I plundered Amy’s pussy. I was a warrior claiming the spoils of war.
My hips thrust in and out of her with frantic speed. All I could see was Kenzie’s pigtails and her pinching her nipples. I was already close, but I knew I needed to take care of Amy too, so I leaned over her and started plucking her nipples hard. She loved nipple play. The more I pulled, twisted and tugged on them, the wetter she got. Soon her breaths were coming out on tiny gasps of pleasure.
I straightened back up and started spanking her ass. That was another of her turn ons. Now the noise coming from her was keening wails of rapture. I was close, very close. With my eyes still closed and Kenzie’s image front and center in my mind, I reached around and pinched Amy’s clit and she screamed as she shot off like a rocket. As soon as her walls tightened on my cock, I shot off right behind her, groaning loudly as I came.
It took us a minute to get our breath back, then I eased out of her, took care of the condom, tucked myself in, and buttoned up my pants. She shakily stood upright and turned around to face me. Her eyes were half-mast and she had a just fucked look to her. I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her lazily.
“Thanks for letting me steal you away from the party for a little while,” I said as I pulled back from her.
“It was all my pleasure,” she murmured as she licked her lips.
“No, darlin’. Pretty sure the pleasure was all mine,” I uttered raspingly as I reached around her and opened the door.
She walked out into the hall and I followed her. On my way by the bar, I grabbed a pint of Jack and headed toward the stairs. I was mentally beating myself up again for having fucked another girl while picturing Kenzie as I thrust in and out of the body I had been holding. I had to get a handle on this somehow. I couldn’t spend my entire life screwing one woman while picturing another.
~*~
Kenzie
The women still hadn’t forgiven me for what I had done to Eagle. I didn’t hold it against them. I still couldn’t forgive myself either, I couldn’t forgive myself for any of it. Clair informed me what the plans were for the Halloween party and told me I could participate if I wanted to. I knew the only way I might ever be accepted is if I kept trying to fit in with the women, so I found a very naughty schoolgirl outfit to wear. It was more risque than anything I’d ever worn in my life.
After trying it on, I almost backed out of wearing it. When I raised my hands in the air, the bottom part of my areolas showed. I turned around and saw that the bottom of my ass cheeks showed as well. There was no way I could wear this outfit. I’d die on the spot if anyone looked at me. I faced the mirror again, studying my body. I had to admit, I actually looked hot in the costume. I walked over to the stereo in my bedroom and turned it on. I found a slow, sexy song and started dancing to it.
My movements in the mirror drew my eyes. I’d always been able to dance. My body felt the music deep down in my soul. I started sensuously rolling my hips as I raised my hands in the air and seductively ran the fingers of my right hand down my left arm to my elbow then slid it down my face. As my fingers slid downward, my fingernail caught my bottom lip and pulled it low before letting it pop back into place. My left arm folded at my elbow then lowered from my elbow until it was at my side.
Then I ran both hands down my breastbone, my eyes followed my movements in the mirror. The thought of Eagle watching me caused me to moan and I felt a rush of moisture hit my panties. I also felt guilt. I knew it was wrong on so many levels wanting Eagle the way I did when I was in a relationship with Bane. However, I was still struggling to get Eagle out of my thoughts. Many nights I woke up from a dream to find myself arching my hips upward off the bed chasing the feel of Eagle’s body plunging in and out of me.
On those nights if Bane was with me I would attack his body and we’d end up fucking each other until we could barely move. He never said anything about it, but I know he had to realize what was waking me up at night hornier than hell. My dreams of Eagle.
It started lingering in my mind how he never complained. He’d told me he wanted to be with me and he would accept what was given. I was trying to wrap my head around the idea that he was willing to do anything to be with me. I never thought any man would want me enough to do that.
He was really trying too. He was giving all of himself to me when we had sex and even when we weren’t. If only I was giving him all of me. I wasn’t. I was holding back and that was wrong of me. I knew I needed to try harder to care about him, but a part of me couldn’t seem to give up my wants and my desires that centered around Eagle. I wished the damn thoughts of him would quit plaguing me.
I felt so damn guilty for the things I still felt for him, because Bane was doing everything he could to be committed to me. Slowly, I’d begun to notice when we were alone I didn’t think about Eagle quite as much and I enjoyed being with Bane. Now if I could get Eagle out of my head completely and give as much to our relationship as Bane was doing maybe everything would be better.
Bane was a man who knew his way around a woman’s body and while the sex had been good before, now he had me coming so many times each time we had sex that afterwards I would be nothing but a puddle of goo left lying on the bed. I had begun to crave what he could do to my body. If only my subconscious would get on board and only think and dream about him I think things would work out for us.
As my fingernails ran across my nipples, I imagined being watched by the man I thought I desired. My movements became more sensuous and seductive. Oh yeah, I was gonna wear this outfit and I was going to dance just like this. I knew my plan was wrong, but I didn’t care.
I was going to be selfish for once, I was going to dance to turn on one man and if the one I slept with was turned on, then I’d at least get fucked well. I winced. Thinking that felt so wrong. My conscience was starting to nag at me for thinking about Eagle the way I did. It was telling me I should only be thinking of Bane.
Even though I still wished I’d made a different choice all those months ago, a small part of me whispered that wasn’t totally true. Bane had started creeping into my thoughts a little more every day. It hit me suddenly that he was slowly worming his way into my heart and fear struck deep. I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t let myself be swallowed whole by a man. I couldn’t end up being like my mom. I just couldn’t.
~*~
Bane
My eyes were latched onto Kenzie’s body as she danced. I’d had no idea she could move like that. I was going to have to get her to dance again when we were alone, then at least she’d be dancing for me. I knew right now she was dancing for Eagle, I could see her looking at him while her body swayed with seductive moves. While I wanted to be mad at her for it, I couldn’t. I was the one who convinced her that he was just out for himself. If I’d never opened my mouth, she’d be with him right now and I’d still have my best friend.
I wasn’t going to deny that it fucking hurt knowing she was undulating that sexy body of hers for him and as bad as I hated it, I’d deal with it. I just had to be persistent and keep showing her how much I wanted her, how much I cared about her. I know I didn’t have the right to hope, but I did. I hoped one day she would turn to me with love in her eyes. If she didn’t, that was just something else I’d have to deal with, because no matter what, I now knew I was going to love her anyway.
It was too late for me to do anything other than that. I had fallen in love with her. If I felt jealousy flare up, I just shoved that shit right back down. I had already seen what being jealous will get you. Pain. Torment. The loss of someone you loved, and I couldn’t lose Kenzie. She has become my world, now if I
can become hers I think I could breathe easier.
Song after song she danced, and my damn dick was begging me to grab Kenzie so he could thrust into her hot as sin heat. When she started pulling her nipples, I reached down and pushed hard against my cock. He was about ready to shoot off.
“Oh. Fuck. Me.” I groaned in agony.
It didn’t take long before her sensuous moves had my cock demanding that I go get my woman because he wanted to fuck, and fuck now. Without volition of what I was doing, my feet headed toward Kenzie. I leaned down and swooped her over my shoulder then headed for the stairs. I had a powerful urge to claim her again. She might not know I was doing it. I did though. That was what mattered in my mind.
I raced up the stairs until I came to my room and swept the door open. I’d had a feeling that I might possibly need to get in here fast tonight, so I’d left the door unlocked. I had been right. I couldn’t have waited any longer. My cock was begging to be encased by her pussy and I was desperate to feel her skin against mine.
It didn’t take me long to get rid of both our clothes. Quickly, I pulled a condom on then I took her body in my arms and did what I had been wanting to do. I made love to her. Hearing her cries spurned me on. Soon going slow wasn’t enough. I needed more. What had started out slow turned into so much more. I didn’t merely claim her. I ravished her.
~***~
Chapter 11
The only way to enjoy a moderate sum of happiness in this life, is not to worry about the future or regret the past too much.
~Mel Gibson~
Eagle
November 26th, 1998
It was Thanksgiving, the time to eat, drink and be merry. I could do the first two, I was still struggling with the third. One day I would do alright and think I was getting this thing whipped, that I was going to pull out of it okay. Then the next day, I’d be down again and thinking of all the things I would miss out on with Kenzie.
Bane (Angel's Rebellion MC: #7) Page 10