“He’s right, y’all. Dad has always done that for me and more. Bane said he envied me that and that he’d always been jealous of me over it.”
“Fuck,” Dog muttered, “that isn’t good.”
“No, it’s not. Bane’s clearly hurting,” Viper murmured.
“That’s not the worst of it.”
“Holy hell, how can that not be the worst of it?” Dog exclaimed.
“He asked if I wanted to know what he envied the most, Dog,” I barely managed to get out as my thoughts went back to that night and the look on Bane’s face as he was telling me this.
“He said he missed never having a hug, that no man other than Grandpa had ever hugged him and he said he really wanted to know what a hug from a dad felt like. He asked me what it felt like when Dad hugged me. Damn, Dog, I almost lost it.”
“Fuck,” Viper swore.
“Mother of God. I had no idea whatsoever he felt that way. How did we not see this?” Dog’s words sounded tortured.
I reached up and wiped the tears that had come to my eyes.
“He looked so broken. Like he was in hell. He cried, y’all. He broke down and cried like his heart was breaking and I honestly think it’s already broken. Christ, it was hard seeing that, hearing that. I can’t believe I’ve missed that all these years.”
I paused and blew out a breath.
“I went to him, hugged him and told him that was what a hug from a dad felt like. It felt like unconditional love. I told him I loved him unconditionally and I always would.”
I took a long drink of beer.
“He asked me once he quit crying if I thought I’d ever be able to forgive him and I told him he was already forgiven.”
I wiped my eyes on the sleeve of my t-shirt.
“I’ll never forget what he said, how he looked for the rest of my life. I feel like I failed my best friend.”
Dog released a heavy sigh. The look on his face showed that he was beating himself up over this.
“Nah, Eagle. You didn’t fail him. You were a kid, you’re not to blame. The adults in his life are to blame. I’m to blame. Christ Almighty, how did every single one of us miss this?” he murmured as he blindly stared at the wall behind me.
“Do you think he’s suicidal?” Dog’s voice came out raw sounding.
I glanced at Viper, he appeared concerned. He was worried what my answer might be. I then studied Dog’s face as he gazed at nothing at all, tears were in his eyes.
“I’ve wondered that myself. The only answer I can give you is I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him since that day. He came to Church last Friday, other than that, he hasn’t been here one night.”
“You think he’s with the girl?”
“I hoped to God he is. I hope she is keeping him sane.”
Dog’s gaze dropped to mine.
“You giving up on the girl?”
“Yeah, Dog. She’s not mine. She’s his. There’s no way in hell I’d try to poach another Brother’s woman, especially Kenzie. I can tell he’s in love with her. I’d never do that to him, Dog. Never.”
“Fuck. I don’t even know what to think or do, Eagle. How do we help him?” he asked as he looked at Viper then at me.
“I don’t have a clue. Now you know why I’ve been thinking so damn much. I don’t know what to do for him, other than be there for him. Although that’s hard to do when he’s not around.”
“We need to watch him close,” Viper stated. “People that struggle with thoughts like these, well, unless they have something that quiets the demons, sometimes the demons win.”
Dog sighed. “Let’s see how he appears tonight. If we have to pull him in and talk to him we will.”
I nodded at my cousin. He wasn’t only talking to me as my Prez right now. He was talking to me as a member of his family. Yeah, I know the Brothers are family, only this concerned blood family too. I know if the Brothers knew what I had learned, they’d do their best for Bane. Be there for him.
Sadly because of me, he’s not had the support of his Brothers for the past six months. I had to change that. This was just another way I had failed my best friend, my cousin, my Brother.
~*~
After leaving Dog, I walked into the Great Room, grabbed a beer at the bar and headed to my regular table. Blood and Slaughter were at the table talking to Amy. I watched as Blood leaned over and whispered something into Amy’s ear. She bit her lip, looked at him and nodded, then she looked at Slaughter who leaned over and took her mouth in a deep kiss. When he pulled away, Amy’s eyes followed his lips. He leaned back in his chair and smiled lazily at her. She looked between both men and squirmed in her chair. Looked like Blood, Slaughter and Amy were going to be busy tonight.
I hesitated a moment before I sat down, instead of sitting where I had been for the past month or so, I went back to my old spot by where Bane usually sat. Blood looked over at me and lifted a brow.
“All good, now?” he asked quietly.
“Hope so, we’ll see,” I replied.
He nodded. I heard the outside door open and glanced toward it. Bane and Kenzie walked into the room. As they started walking my way, I watched as Bane glanced around the room and at seeing me sitting in my old spot his stride faltered for a second. I raised my beer and tilted it toward him. The smile that flashed across his face was one of relief and happiness. When they got to the table, he pulled out a chair for Kenzie to sit down on.
After she was sitting, he leaned over until his head was by her ear.
I heard him say, “Babe, you want something to drink?”
“Yeah, I’ll take a beer,” she told him as she turned her face toward his
“Alright,” he breathed out before he brushed his lips across hers. She put her hand behind his head and held him in place as he started to stand up. She angled her head and Bane deepened their kiss. When she finally released him, I heard him utter a low groan.
“Fuck, woman,” he muttered as he leaned in and quickly brushed his lips across hers again before standing up. “You know what that does to me.”
She flashed him a sexy little smile. “Yeah, I do.”
This time his groan was very audible and he reached down to adjust himself. He looked at the beer in my hand and asked, “Need another?”
“Sure, Brother. I could use another.”
He smiled at me then headed toward the bar.
“Eagle,” Kenzie murmured softly. “I want to apologize to you for everything.”
“Nothing to apologize for Kenzie. This wasn’t on you. It was on Bane and me.”
She looked at me and I could tell she was happy. They both appeared to be. There wasn’t that want for me in her eyes any longer.
“I would like to thank you,” she continued quietly.
I looked at her puzzled. “For what?”
“For being there for Bane and not turning him away the other day when y’all talked. You could have withheld your forgiveness. You could have put everything on him and you didn’t.”
I blew out a breath. “Kenzie, I wouldn’t have done that to him.”
“You could have. I think for the last few months he’s been trying to steel his emotions with the knowledge that he had permanently damaged the relationship between the two of you forever. It’s ate at him.”
My voice came out husky, “I know and trust me before the other night, our relationship was pretty much through. However, after what I learned, there’s no way I could have done that to him.”
The look on her face turned sad and she looked down and ran her finger in circles on the table. “He thought after he told me what had happened between y’all and the fact that you weren’t going to hold it against me meant he was going to lose me. He came home and told me he wanted me to be happy. If you were what would make me happy that I was free to go be with you.”
She lifted her head and looked at me. “It wouldn’t have ever worked between us, Eagle. What I felt for you was lust. I didn’t love you. What I feel for
Bane is so much more than that. I love him with everything in me. He’s who I want. He’s who I’ll always want. He needs me, Eagle, and I need him.”
“You’re right, he does and I’m glad he’s got you.” I took a sip of what was left of my beer. “I haven’t heard anything from him since we talked and I’ve been worried about him.”
“He decided we needed time alone to just be a couple together. He was right. He makes me so incredibly happy. I don’t ever again want him to hurt the way he did when he came home that night.
“When I told him he was who I wanted and that it had always been him, he cried in my arms. I had buried my emotions, refused to admit to myself that I cared for him. Hearing his cries and watching as his body shook shattered something inside me. I finally let everything I felt for him come out. I opened my heart to him fully.”
“Be happy with him, Kenzie,” I hesitated to say anything else.
“What? I can tell you are wanting to say something else.”
“If you ever feel like he’s severely depressed, will you please call me and let me know. I don’t know how much he told you the other night, but I was left afraid for his state of mind.”
Her eyes looked toward the bar and a loving smile beamed from her face.
“I will,” her voice came out low. “If I feel he needs you, I’ll call.”
“Good enough.”
“Here ya go. Beers for everyone.”
I glanced up and grinned at him. “Hey, fucker. You up for some cutthroat after Church.”
“I’d love to if Kenzie’s cool with it.”
“Only if I get to play,” she answered him.
“Looks like it’s game on then after Church.”
~*~
Three hours later, we were sitting at the table again. Bane and I looked shell shocked. I glanced at him and frowned.
“Asshole, you could have warned me that she is a pool shark.”
“Does it look like I knew? That’s over two hundred of my money she’s busy counting,” he growled at me.
We both turned our gazes her way. She smiled sweetly at us.
“Ah, what’s the matter, boys? Did a little girl kick the big bad bikers’ asses at pool?”
“Where the fuck did you learn to play like that?” Bane glared at her as she continued counting the money she had made off us.
“My first job might have been at the bowling alley.”
We stared at her blankly.
“What the fuck’s that mean?” I asked confused as hell. What did bowling have to do with pool?
“Oh my God,” she uttered as her eyes widened. “Y’all have never been bowling.”
Bane and I looked at each other, shrugged and shook our heads.
She smiled wickedly at us. “There might be a few pool tables in there and I might have played a few games before.”
We groaned. We’d been hustled and by a damn redheaded slip of a girl. I looked at Bane, he looked at me and we smiled.
“Who do we want to fleece first?” he asked me.
“Gotta do Blood and Slaughter,” I replied. “Those fuckers win all the time.”
We turned our gazes to Kenzie who was shaking her head.
“You gotta help a Brother out,” I told her.
“No, I don’t.”
“You’ll make more money,” I informed her.
Her eyebrows lowered, she started biting her bottom lip and she looked pensive. Bane leaned over and whispered into her ear. She shivered, her eyes partially closed, and she nodded vigorously.
“I’ll do it,” her voice came out breathily.
“Do I even want to know what you just promised her?”
Her eyes widened, her mouth dropped open and she blushed blood red.
Bane looked at me and grinned roguishly.
“I’ll tell you if you really want to know, Brother.”
Kenzie gasped in shock. “Bane, don’t you dare!”
He stood up and held out his hand to her. “C’mon, baby. Let’s go to my room so I can get started on what I promised you.”
Kenzie jumped up, grabbed his hand and started dragging him away. Bane looked over his shoulder at me and shrugged. I tilted my bottle at him and grinned.
After they were out of sight, I sat and thought about how I felt seeing them that way together. While there had been a twinge here and there of regret, overall, I was just happy Bane had her in his life.
Their play and sexy banter hadn’t bothered me at all. I’d actually been amused to see my ‘I don’t want or need a woman,’ cousin being led around by his balls.
However, when it came right down to it, he needed her and I didn’t. I didn’t have a monkey riding my back the way he did. I was pretty sure too that the demon constantly vied for a free ride. I was thankful that Kenzie loved him. Maybe she could keep the demon quiet.
I could tell he felt like he finally had someone who loved him for who he was. Someone who wanted him and only him. Someone who accepted him, flaws and all. Kenzie did too, she loved the man he was. I found that I was more than okay with them being a couple and I prayed that nothing ever changed that.
She was good for him and I hoped it would always stay that way.
~***~
Chapter 19
Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.
~Albert Camus~
Eagle
January 30th, 1999
The last couple weeks things between Bane and me have returned pretty close to normal. There were times something would happen and either he or I would kind of freeze up. When that happened, we tended to look at each other, smile, shrug, and get back to being the friends we’d been our entire lives except for six painful months.
I hadn’t realized how much I had missed Bane and it felt fucking good to have my best friend back. Although things were a little different now because Kenzie was with him most of the time. I was fucking relieved I’d managed to put the thought of her and me ever being a couple out of my mind. Now being around her didn’t bother me, she just felt like our sidekick.
They had invited me over to Kenzie’s place a few times to eat. I had come to find out that Kenzie was a damn fantastic cook, and seeing them together outside of the Clubhouse showed how good they were together.
One night, Kenzie had no idea I was already there. I’d come with Bane straight from work and had walked in behind him. After we entered the apartment, he’d walked up to her while she was at the stove with her back toward us. He’d slid his arms around her waist and leaned down to kiss her neck. She’d leaned back into him and turned her head, tilting it for a proper kiss.
It didn’t take her long before she turned around in his embrace, she’d slid her hands up his chest to his head and tangled her fingers in his long hair. Soon he had her making little noises while he ravaged her mouth. While it made my cock sit up and take notice, it was only because they were fucking hot to watch. Kenzie started rubbing herself against Bane’s body and I started to feel like a voyeur, one that was getting damned turned on too.
When Bane finally pulled back from the kiss, their lips were shiny and swollen.
“I can turn off the stove,” she murmured breathily.
“Fuck, babe, would love you to do that but we have company,” he replied as he looked in my direction.
She glanced where I was standing and blushed rosy red.
“Oh, god. I didn’t know you were there.”
“It’s all good. Do I need to leave and come back in a little bit?”
Bane looked like he was considering the idea and Kenzie turned her head into his chest and muttered, “I am so embarrassed.”
“Why’s that, babe?” Bane asked her while running his hands up and down her back.
“We were about to rip each other’s clothes off and I didn’t have a clue that anyone was watching us. I was about to beg for…” she shut up and moaned.
Bane looked back at me an
d caught me adjusting my damn dick, he smirked at me and I shrugged at him.
“What? Y’all were fucking hot to watch,” I told him.
He barked out a laugh, then said, “You want us to keep going? I don’t have a problem with you watching.”
Kenzie gasped. “Bane, oh my god. You can’t mean that.”
She looked up at him as she said that and he looked back at her with a naughty smile on his face. Kenzie groaned, then let out a sigh of relief as his next words.
“Babe, not sharing you with anyone and that means watching too.”
“Thank God,” she mumbled.
Bane and I both laughed at that and the sexual tension eased out of the room. I stayed for dinner, we played some poker and had a fucking good time together. I’d say we were pretty much back to our normal friendship. I have to tell you I’m thankful for that. It was a good feeling to know we had managed to get over everything that had happened in the last seven months. I was also thankful that it seemed like Bane was doing really good and not fighting the devil on his shoulder.
~*~
It was cold Saturday morning and most were still in bed. I had come down for breakfast expecting to be one of the only ones up. I was surprised that there were a few others stirring and thank God one of those was Clair. That meant we’d have breakfast cooked.
Bane and Kenzie showed up to eat about an hour after I got up. Even though they’d gone to bed fairly early, I was surprised they were already up. If it was me with the hot woman, I would have gone to bed early too and would still be there stamping my claim on her and making sure that stamp stayed permanent.
Now it was right around ten a.m. and we were in the Great Room playing pool. Kenzie, Nickel and Bam were playing cutthroat. Bane and I were leaning against the wall, amusement was evident on both our faces as we watched Nickel’s face drop as Kenzie ran the table on them.
“Fuck, that had to be luck,” he muttered.
Dog came striding through the room headed toward the door. He glanced our way and I could see the relief in his expression at seeing Bane and me back to normal. I know it still ate at Dog knowing he had missed what was going on with Bane. He couldn’t really be blamed though.
Bane (Angel's Rebellion MC: #7) Page 17