Times of Our Lives

by Jane Waterton

  “What about your love life; did you have a girlfriend in the Army?” Sparrow asked once they had settled.

  Daphne blushed, carefully folding her handkerchief. “Well, of course in those days, you had to be so careful. Anyone caught ‘fraternising’ was kicked out immediately. However, I…managed. There was a sizeable group of us, and although it got a little incestuous at times, we did just fine,” she said with a sly grin.

  Sparrow chuckled. “So why did you leave?” she asked, turning to look at her companion.

  “Well, I completed thirty years of service, and then finally decided I’d had enough. I had a pension from the Army and had met the woman of my dreams, who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I’d spent so many years hiding my relationships, and I just didn’t want to do that anymore. The rules around homosexuality were much more relaxed by then and it wasn’t such a big deal, but I was ready for something new. I was offered a wonderful job as the NSW state manager of the biggest vehicle service company in Australia and stayed with them until I retired, thirteen years later.”

  “And the woman of your dreams?” Sparrow asked gently.

  “Well, let’s just say that I wasn’t what she wanted after all and leave it at that,” Daphne replied lightly

  Sparrow squeezed her hand. “I’m so sorry.”

  Daphne turned and looked down at her. Gently tucking a lock of hair behind Sparrow’s ear, she smiled. “You know what? Right now, I’m not sorry at all. As I said earlier, I truly believe that things happen for a reason.”

  At that moment, a mother duck with four ducklings in tow swam noisily across the lake, drawing their attention. They watched in delight as she shepherded her charges into the thick reeds, where they would be safe from any predators.

  “Well they’re all tucked in for the night,” observed Sparrow, glancing at her watch, “and we had better be getting back before it gets dark.”

  Rising, the women began the walk back arm in arm, their conversation sporadic but relaxed. When they arrived at her cottage, Sparrow turned and looked up at Daphne.

  “Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?” she asked as she opened her front door.

  Daphne hesitated, biting her lip and looking at her watch, and Sparrow felt their newfound intimacy dissipate.

  “Would you mind if I take a rain check?” she asked hesitantly.

  “Not at all,” Sparrow said, smiling to hide her disappointment. “Thank you so much for the walk. I really enjoyed getting to know a little more about you and your life.”

  “We seemed to spend a lot of time talking about my life, so I hope I didn’t bore you too much,” Daphne replied tentatively.

  Taking Daphne’s hand, Sparrow stood up on her tiptoes to place a gentle kiss on her cheek.

  “Of course not,” she whispered.

  They stood silently looking at each other for a long moment, until Daphne finally started to move away. “You have a good night, Sparrow. Thanks again for the walk,” she called softly, with a wave.

  Sparrow stood and watched her leave, then slowly closed her front door.

  CHAPTER 8

  Allie balanced the food containers on her hip as she knocked on the door of the cottage. The staff had organised a day trip to the beach with a barbeque lunch for the residents, and despite Pat’s reluctance, Allie had persuaded her to go with them, offering to spend the day with Bella.

  When she opened the door, Pat gave Allie a kiss on the cheek before taking the containers from her.

  “Are you sure you are happy to do this, Allie? I don’t mind not going, you know.”

  Allie followed Pat through to the kitchen and watched as she put the food in the refrigerator. Pat’s large frame seemed to have shrunk over the last eight weeks; she looked exhausted.

  Smiling encouragingly, Allie took her friend’s hand. “No backing out now, madam. Besides, I’ve never been much of a beach girl and this will give us both a wonderful chance to catch up.”

  Pat squeezed Allie’s hand. “Honestly, she has been feeling so sick lately that I’ve been turning visitors away, but she has been looking forward to your visit so much. I’ll just go and let her know you’re here.”

  Allie wandered into the living room. A comfortable sofa with a hand crocheted rug folded on one of the arms sat in shafts of sunshine streaming through the window. Allie ran her hands across the top of the two well-used recliner chairs strategically placed in front of a wide screen television with the obligatory cable box on top. Like all the cottages, Pat and Bella’s living room had large windows overlooking a compact courtyard and garden, sunlight ensuring the space was cosy and inviting. Through the archway was a small dining room with a table and chairs. Bella’s artwork hung on the walls throughout the cottage, and Allie noticed sadly that there appeared to be no new paintings since she had last visited. A large bookcase took up one wall and framed pictures of the couple were scattered on every surface. Walking over for a closer look, Allie picked up a photo that she hadn’t seen before. Bella and Pat were standing in front of a fountain with their arms around each other, laughing into the camera.

  Pat walked up behind her. “That was taken about twelve years ago when we decided we needed to visit Rome. Bella had heard so much about it over the years, from her family, but had never been, so we saved up and spent two months over there. That was taken just before we left. We had just thrown coins into the Trevi Fountain and made our wish. It was such a great holiday.”

  Allie placed the photo gently back on the shelf, both of them suddenly at a loss for words.

  “I’m not sure if Bella is eating much, but I have some chicken soup I made and I put a little rice with it. I thought if I brought it, I might be able to persuade her to share it with me,” Allie said, breaking the moment.

  Pat smiled. “Well, she does love your chicken soup, and anything you can get her to eat would be wonderful. Her appetite comes and goes, so I would definitely give it a try.”

  “Why don’t you get yourself ready? I think the bus is picking everyone up in about ten minutes at the office.”

  Pat nodded. “Bella’s in the bedroom. Go right in, she’s expecting you.”

  Allie walked through to the bedroom and as she caught sight of Bella, her heart constricted. When had she gotten so thin and frail?

  Bella beamed at her, and Allie was reminded how her smile could light up a room.

  “Allie,” Bella held out both hands in greeting.

  Allie took them, and kissed her on each cheek. “Hello, Bella, how…” Allie stopped suddenly, realising what a ridiculous question she was about to ask.

  Laughing, Bella patted the bed next to her for Allie to sit down. “It’s fine, you know—you can ask how I am.”

  Allie blushed. “I’m sorry. I feel like an idiot.”

  At that moment, Pat walked in. “I’m off, ladies. Is there anything you need before I go?”

  Bella smiled. “No, darling. Go and have a good time and don’t worry about me. Have you got a hat and sunscreen?”

  Pat took the tube of sunscreen and hat out of her tote bag. “Yes, and a bottle of water.”

  “Excellent, then give me a kiss and go, before you miss the pick-up.”

  Pat leant over and placed a gentle kiss on Bella’s forehead. “Don’t get up to too much mischief while I’m gone.”

  “I’ll see you out,” offered Allie. “Bella, I’ll be back in a minute.”

  At the front door, Pat turned to her. “If anything happens, the emergency numbers are on the fridge. I’ve got my mobile with me, and the nurse will be here around four this afternoon to give her a shower. Hopefully, I’ll be back before then, but…”

  Allie gave her a hug. “Pat, she’ll be fine, I promise. Try to make today about you. I’ve got Bella, so go and kick your heels up with the others.”

  Pat hugged her hard
. “Thanks, Allie. I’ll see you when I get back.”

  Allie watched as Pat made her way down the pathway to meet the bus. Closing the door, she took a deep breath and walked back to the bedroom.

  Bella wanted to sit in the courtyard, so after gathering the necessary blankets and pillows, Allie helped her to her feet. With Bella leaning on Allie’s arm, they moved slowly outside.

  “Now, if you could move that sunbed under the pergola, that would be perfect,” Bella said, sitting in a chair to catch her breath.

  Allie moved the furniture, arranged the rugs and got Bella settled. She moved a small table nearer to Bella, then went to the kitchen for a carafe of water and glasses, which she placed within Bella’s reach.

  Bella put her face up to catch the rays of sun filtering through the grapevine covering the patio. “Oh, this is just what I needed,” she said softly. “Thank you, Allie.”

  Settling herself in a chair across from Bella, Allie poured them each a water.

  “So, tell me, what’s been happening in the village? Pat and I have missed out on so much and I want to hear all the gossip,” Bella declared, taking a glass.

  Allie soon had Bella laughing gleefully over her detailed description of the late-night swim and the Tupperware presentation.

  “I wish I’d been there to see Leslie at the Tupperware presentation,” Bella chuckled, dabbing at her tears of laughter.

  “Oh yes, it was one of her better moments. Of course, thanks to Meg plying me with alcohol, I barely remember any of it! I only have Meg’s version to rely on, and we all know that she never lets truth stand in the way of a good story,” Allie said with a roll of her eyes.

  “What about Daphne and Sparrow? Do you think there’s a chance of a romance happening with them?” Bella asked.

  “Well, I haven’t seen much of them since that late-night swim, so I’m not sure. They are both on the trip today, so I shall ask Meg to give me all the details when she gets back this evening.”

  “Well, I hope they explore the possibilities,” Bella said with a smile. “From what you say, she seems the type of woman who might just be able to get through Daphne’s defences.”

  With a sigh, Bella leant back in her chair and began picking at the corner of her rug. “I’m so glad Pat agreed to go on this trip today. She so needs a break—and just between us, so do I.”

  Allie regarded her friend quizzically.

  Bella stopped fiddling and smoothed the rug over her legs, choosing her words with care. “I love her so much, but there are times when I desperately need to be by myself. I look at her and see how much pain this is all causing her. She is so exhausted from dealing with the stress and looking after me, and I find myself…” Bella stopped and bit her lip.

  Allie leant in and took her hand. “It’s all right. You can tell me, Bella.”

  Tears filled Bella’s eyes as she squeezed Allie’s hand.

  “I feel so awful, but there are times when I just want to shout and scream. I want to howl at the moon because this is all so unfair. I get so incredibly angry and all I can do is lash out at Pat. But then I see the distress in her eyes and I stop myself, because I don’t want to cause her any more pain. Pat was so against me going through the chemo in the first place, which makes me feel even more selfish. But the feelings don’t go away, Allie, and I don’t know how to deal with them.” Bella lay her head back, exhausted by her emotional outburst.

  Allie stroked Bella’s hand, concern evident on her face. “Have you talked to anyone at the hospital about this?” she asked gently.

  “No. I feel so ungrateful, and I keep telling myself that I just have to deal with it. I have tried to talk to her, but what do I say? How do I explain it all to her, without her being incredibly hurt?” Bella asked. “She’s trying so hard to protect me, but I don’t want to be protected. I need to be able to be angry and sad and cry and throw things, and not worry about how Pat is going to deal with it. Did you know the hospital wanted to admit me as a patient for this round of chemo?”

  Allie’s eyes widened. “No! Why did they want to do that?”

  “They were worried about how sick this treatment was making me. Anyway, Louise, bless her, decided that it would be too stressful for me to be away from Pat, so she organised for me to have a nurse at home. I know she meant it with the best intentions, and Pat was thrilled, but there have been times, Allie, when I’ve wished I was in that hospital and away from her, just for a couple of days. Even getting her to go out today was a huge effort.”

  Squeezing Allie’s hand, she smiled. “You have no idea how much I’ve been looking forward to us just spending this afternoon together. Then last night, Pat announced that she had changed her mind and decided she wouldn’t be going on the trip today. We came as close to a fight as we have in ages. I wanted to have a true Italian tantrum, but she backed off and it all got pushed under the carpet…again.”

  Allie stroked her hand. “Oh, Bella, I’m so incredibly sorry.”

  Bella took a tissue from her pocket and wiped her eyes. “I honestly didn’t mean to unload all this on you, but it’s so good just to be able to talk about it.”

  “Don’t be silly. I feel terrible that I haven’t been around more often. Maybe I could have helped with all this.”

  “That’s what I mean. I know I have been feeling awful and with the chemo there was initially a quarantine period, but people have been to see me and Pat has turned them away. She doesn’t seem to understand that I need to keep in touch with all of you. I want to know what’s going on around me, or, at least, to be given that option. We can’t be everything to each other, Allie. It’s not fair on either of us. But I’m not being given that choice, which just makes it all that much harder.”

  “Well, what we need to do is work out how we can change the situation,” Allie offered. “Pat obviously needs to know all this, but we have to find a way of telling her without her feeling betrayed or hurt. How do you feel about the two of you talking to a counsellor at the hospital? They must deal with this issue all the time.”

  Bella looked thoughtful. “Well, I have spoken briefly to the social worker there. Louise set up an appointment for me when I started this last round of treatment. I could ask her about setting up a meeting with the counsellor. But what do I tell Pat?”

  “Well, firstly, I think you should have a meeting with a counsellor by yourself and fill them in on your situation. Tell them what you’ve told me and ask their advice. You can’t keep going on like this. You need to put all your energy into getting yourself well.”

  “Believe me, the irony is not lost on me,” Bella replied with a shrug. “Give me a couple of days to think about it. I am due back at the hospital next Thursday, so I might make a phone call before then to organise an appointment.” A worried expression crossed Bella’s face. “What will I tell Pat, though? She’ll think I am trying to hide something from her if I say I want to talk to someone by myself.”

  “Leave that with me. I’ll find a way to keep Pat here for the day and give you some time alone with the hospital staff.”

  Bella squeezed Allie’s hand. “You have no idea how much better I feel having talked all this through with you. At least now it feels as if I’m not dealing with this all on my own.”

  “You know it will probably also help Pat to sit down and talk to a counsellor. She has to be finding this situation just as hard as you are. Is there anyone that you know of that she has been talking to about her feelings?” Allie asked.

  Bella sighed. “No, she’s fairly private. It’s so hard to get her to talk about feelings and emotions, even with me. It’s much easier for me. I can talk about feelings for hours.” She gave a small laugh. “But I think Pat has been keeping it all locked up inside. I was hoping she might have talked to Daphne, as they have always been close. But Pat hasn’t mentioned anything about Daphne and Sparrow, so it’s possible that they haven�
�t really spoken in a while, and that concerns me. I know Daphne has called her several times and invited her over, but Pat’s put her off. I’m sure Daphne is wondering what’s going on.”

  Allie agreed. “I’ll talk to Daphne and see if she can get Pat over to her place for a football night. Once you’ve finished the meeting with the counsellor, we can organise a roster. That way, when you feel up to it, a few of us can come over and sit with you, and Pat can have some time off for herself.”

  “I don’t know why I didn’t talk to you about this weeks ago.” Bella smiled. “I can’t believe there may be such a simple solution.”

  “Well, we aren’t out of the woods yet, but, as my mother used to say, I think we might have found the path. I’m glad I’m able to help. Just let me know what you need and if I can help in any way, you know I will. And now,” Allie declared, standing up and stretching, “I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry. I brought some of my chicken soup that you like so much. If I heat it up, do you think you would be able to join me in a small bowl?”

  “You brought your homemade chicken soup?” Bella asked, her eyes lighting up.

  “None other, madam, especially for you, and just for a change, I added a little rice.”

  “Mmm, just what I feel like,” said Bella.

  “You sit tight and I’ll go heat it up. Do you need anything else while I’m in the kitchen?”

  “No, nothing I can think of.”

  “Well, you just lie back and relax and a bowl of soup will be here in a flash,” Allie said, tucking the blanket snugly around Bella’s legs.

  In the kitchen, Allie set to work preparing their meal. One of the things she and Bella shared was their love of food. The two of them had spent many happy afternoons messing about in each other’s kitchens, experimenting with recipes and testing new dishes.

  Taking the tray of food through, she deposited two small bowls of delicious smelling broth on the table. She handed one to Bella with a napkin, then took her own bowl from the tray and sat down in the chair next to her.