Big Flirt: A Flirt Club collection

by Angel Devlin

  Finn, this is what I sent in the end and it’s too late, I mailed it already! Ella.

  I posted it under his door.

  Chapter Three

  Finn

  I wasn’t asleep when I heard footsteps hovering outside my door and then a piece of paper came through underneath. Waiting until Ella’s feet padded down to her own room, I got up from my bed and picked up the paper. I read the words she was writing to another man. A stranger. I realized I was scrunching the paper up in my fist, I was so pissed.

  We’d lived together for over a year now. A year of blue balls; that’s what I’d termed it. My cousin told me straight that I wasn’t to view Ella as another conquest and nail her, as I needed a place where I could settle more permanently, to leave my manslut persona behind. I’d not even slept with that many people. I just ended up with a reputation after a bad break-up and a vengeful ex.

  Anyhow, when I first met Ella, I thought I was safe, that she wasn’t my type. But then she grew on me like some type of fungus. What’s a sexy kind of fungus? Does one exist? Because once I started noting the little mannerisms, like how when thinking she’d suck on her bottom lip slightly while going ‘hmmm’, my cock decided it wanted to sink into her womanly depths. She was a grower, was Ella; rather like my cock right now while it was thinking of her. However, once I started scanning the note, the actual words she’d sent to another man, my boner soon withered and died.

  Dear Future Husband?

  Dear FUCKING FUTURE HUSBAND?

  What the actual fuck?

  A dude was going to get this and run far, far away. A cold fear clamped around my guts. But what if they didn’t? What if they thought she was their ideal woman and wrote back? They either may read within the note a naivete and decide to play on that; or else they could be a wimp who wanted a little wifey at home that would please mama, but their buck teeth and acne-ridden face couldn’t procure one in the real world. My thoughts were not PC and were going to have me on a one-way-trip to Hell, but she was writing letters to another guy, hoping one might marry her, so I was halfway there already.

  Was she blind?

  She fucking lived with me and I walked around half-naked trying to get her to notice me.

  Dude, it was time to accept she wasn’t interested. She wanted to date some fucking romantic nerd who was going to rock up on a white horse, go down on bended knee, and impregnate her with a million cherubic cheeked babies and keep her in comfort in her white picket fence house.

  This was not acceptable.

  I fired up my own laptop and found the details of this Grace Graham.

  My own options were now running out, so I’d have to act fast.

  Chapter Four

  Ella

  I had a great beaming smile on my face the whole morning while I got showered and breakfasted ready for my working day. Finn, on the other hand, was banging around the place like he’d been possessed by Satan himself.

  He sat at the kitchen table, his cereal bowl hitting the mat, and milk sloshing over the side.

  “What on earth is going on with you this morning?” I asked.

  “Didn’t sleep well.”

  That explained everything. Sometimes Finn had bouts of insomnia and when he did he was a right moody bastard.

  I came up behind him and began to massage his shoulders. “Are you all tense? Maybe if you calmed down, you’d begin to feel sleepy. At least you can get your head down for an hour, being self-employed.”

  He shrugged away from me. “Well, not really, because I can’t exactly work while I’m asleep, can I? Everyone seems to think self-employment means not working at all.” He spooned a mouthful of cereal into his mouth.

  “Wow. You grumpy fucker. I’m off to work and I’ll leave you to it. Don’t take it out on the apartment. I hope when I’m home you’ve changed your attitude because I don’t deserve to be on the receiving end of it.” I picked up my purse from the back of a chair.

  His face relaxed from its previous snarl and he looked at me with doe-eyes.

  Not the doe-eyes.

  I can’t resist the doe-eyes.

  I needed to look away, but I couldn’t. They were hypnotizing me.

  “I’m sorry, Ella. You’re right. I shouldn’t be taking it out on my girl. Come here.”

  “No.”

  “Please. I want to give you an apology hug and a ‘see you later, have a nice day’ hug all rolled into one.”

  “Why should I? I just tried to help you relax and got attitude for it.”

  A pout appeared.

  Now we had a pout and doe-eyes.

  The big guns were out. Oh and now he was holding out his arms. The big guns really were out. Popping from his upper arms. God, I wanted to squeeze them.

  Doe-eyes. Pout. Guns. Full ammo ahead.

  My body walked me forward toward him, the betraying bastard. His arms came around me and he squeezed me.

  “Sorry, my Ella. Have a lovely day at work. Hey, I’ll grab the takeout tonight and some wine, okay? My apology for being an ass.”

  I looked down at him. “Will it be pizza?”

  “Can be.”

  “Will there be ham and pineapple?”

  He groaned. “You’re killing me here, Ella. Yes, I’ll get you some goddamn ham and pineapple and I’ll try not to retch while you eat it.”

  “Apology accepted. Now let me go. Some of us have to travel to their place of work.”

  “It’s like five minutes walk away!”

  I gave him side-eye. “Quit while you’re ahead or I’ll make you eat a piece of pineapple later.”

  He let me go.

  It was only once I was out of the door that I realized I didn’t ask him if he’d had chance to read my letter.

  It was my morning to collect our coffees from HappBEANness. I pushed open the door and found the place was bustling. It was only 9am!

  Casey spotted me and pointed to a seat, so I took it. A few minutes later she walked over with our regular orders and a paper bag. “Two blueberry and apple muffins.”

  “Oooh, my favorite. Thank you. How come you’re so busy? It’s amazing, but it’s not usually like this.”

  “We advertised our drink for Valentine’s. A special ginseng tea, along with a heart-shaped ginger cookie for a special price and it was featured in a weekly women’s magazine! People are coming from far and wide to sample them. I’m making the most of it while it lasts.” She looked over at the counter. “I’d better get back or Audrina will start whining.”

  I passed her the money for our drinks and goodies, left with a wave to Audrina, and walked next door into our very quiet shop. The difference was marked, but I knew which I preferred. I like our quiet ambience and bespoke service, versus the chaos next door, although thank goodness they were there to keep me nicely loaded with caffeine.

  Jodi was already working on a custom order. “Morning. Oh, thank God for coffee. Coffee doesn’t turn up boring as hell.”

  Jodi had been on a date last night.

  “That good, eh?”

  “Let’s just say if I could be bothered with the whole letter writing thing, I’d be tempted to give your idea a shot, but for now I’ll stick to Match and my mother’s erstwhile matchmaking attempts.” She took a sip of coffee. “How are you getting on anyway? Did you hear back from that woman?”

  “Heard back, application filled in, first letter written, and all mailed.”

  “Boy, you don’t hang around, do you?”

  “Well, Grace needs to read it, select someone to match me with and then the mail service can take up to five days, so I wanted a head start.”

  “So what did you put in your letter?”

  I looked at my feet.

  “Ella, what did you do?”

  Straightening up my posture I looked Jodi straight in the eye. “I wrote a letter to my future husband. I actually addressed it to that. Dear Future Husband. And although I feel embarrassed telling you, I don’t regret it. I’m going for it, for love. I’
m all in.”

  Jodi laughed. “You don’t think you could have started with Dear My Valentine, seeing as we’re on the run up to the supposed most romantic day of the year?”

  I lifted my shoulders. “I’d had wine.”

  The doorbell rang and in walked Finn.

  “What are you doing here? Did I forget something?”

  He shook his head. That gorgeous hair was flopping around. I wondered how soft it felt.

  “No. I decided it was time to get that suit I’m always saying I’ll have made to measure. Only Valentine’s Day is coming up and I might have a hot date. You know, one where I have to dress up in my finest.”

  “Ooooh.” Jodi said, “Do tell, because my Valentine’s is likely to be spent with Ben & Jerry and my pajamas. Who and where?”

  “Couldn’t possibly say who as I haven’t actually asked them out yet and I don’t know where because I only thought of it last night and so I need to look around.”

  “But you want a suit even though you don’t actually have a date or anywhere to go? You get weirder.” I rolled my eyes at him while trying not to think too hard about why I was acting snippy with him about it.

  “Says the person mailing letters addressed to her future husband to strange men.”

  “Okay, okay, you two. You’re both weird.” Jodi interrupted. “Comes to something when I’m the most well-adjusted after a date set up by my mother went awry. Anyway, why didn’t you just let Ella measure you at the apartment?”

  “I’m not having her anywhere near my inside leg.” Finn looked at Jodi in horror. “She might use it as an excuse to molest me.”

  “In your dreams.” I shot back. “Anyway, I wouldn’t go anywhere near your lower end with the rancidness of the fart you did last night.”

  “Are all customers treated this shabbily?” Finn addressed Jodi.

  “Come on through to the back, Finn. Let’s get you measured up.” Jodi was doing her best not to grin, but I could see the telltale signs. She thought the sun shone out of Finn’s ass and couldn’t understand why I hadn’t ‘accidentally’ sleepwalked into his bed.

  It’d crossed my mind believe me. But no, we were roommates, and he was great to live with. I didn’t want to ruin that. Plus, he didn’t think of me that way at all. He treated me like one of his dudes, hence letting rip right at the side of me.

  No. All I needed to do now was wait for Grace’s magic matchmaking skills and the mail service.

  Saturday, January 12, 2019

  After waiting every morning for the mail, a package finally arrived from What The Heart Wants. I actually squealed out loud.

  “Keep it down. Me and the boys had a big night last night.” Finn yelled from his room.

  I picked up the mail and tiptoed into the kitchen, placing the package on the table. I was dying to tear the envelope open, but I wanted to do it properly, with a bit of ceremony, so I fixed the machine to make me a coffee, brought my drink to the table and sat down.

  I tore open the envelope.

  There was a letter with the ‘What The Heart Wants’ letterhead and two envelopes, one plain white, one pink.

  I read the official letter.

  Dear Ella

  I must start with an apology.

  As you know I do everything by hand, but I am in the midst of putting some of my business online and automated. My assistant got confused with your application and so as well as the person I physically matchmade you up with, she had your perfect partner chosen on the computer too.

  It left me in a bit of a quandary as to what to do for the best, so in the end I decided I would send your details to both suitors. Both of their letters are enclosed. It is entirely up to you whether you choose to correspond with one or both of them for the duration of the three letters.

  My heartfelt apologies and I am refunding half of your fee as a goodwill gesture.

  Hoping you find your perfect match. You have double the chance of everyone else!

  Love, Grace.

  I sat back straight on my seat, astonished. I had two. TWO potential husbands? So one of them must have been sent my letter electronically I guessed.

  I opened the plain white envelope and sure enough there was a handwritten letter, but one that had been scanned through an electronic system. I placed it down and picked up the pink envelope. I noticed it had a smell to it. Picking it up, I sniffed it and realized it was my favorite men’s aftershave. It was a really popular one. Finn wore it and so did Audrina’s brother (who was also Casey’s boyfriend). It put this guy in the lead for me so far. I began reading.

  Dearest Future Wife

  Thank you for your recent letter. I decided to wholeheartedly embrace your idea of conversing with you as a potential future partner! Why not?

  I’m Gavin, I’m twenty-eight, and I work in a library. I adore literature. Poetry, fiction, biography. You name it, I’m a fan. I do also enjoy movies, but I’d rather read the book if it’s an adaptation.

  Exercise wise, a stroll in the park sounds good. I do like to visit the gym a few times a week to keep myself in peak condition but also love fresh air.

  I too have both my parents, along with an annoying younger brother who is the same size as me in clothes and calls around to my apartment when I’m not there and ‘borrows’ them.

  My ideal date would be a meal somewhere very romantic, maybe with a scenic backdrop, soft music and candlelight.

  Is it too forward to say that I hope one day to be a father? I’d like at least one child but as many as makes my future wife happy. I hope I’ve not scared you away with that comment, but we seem to be saying we’ll give these letters our all!

  Music wise I like classical. If you play Taylor Swift, I shall forgive you (and wear noise cancelling headphones).

  Hope to hear back from you soon.

  Gavin.

  Taking a long sip of my coffee, I read the letter through a second time and a third, trying to commit its contents to memory. I then went through it slowly line-by-line as if more about him would appear from my in-depth explorations.

  I placed it down on the table almost reverently, not wanting to get any marks on it, and I picked up the second letter–the scanned one–and began reading.

  Hi, Mrs. X!

  Fantastic to receive your letter and for us begin the process of getting to know each other. I’ve decided to keep my name a secret until after letter three. I hope you don’t mind. Just thought it might add to the mystery. So you can call me Mr. X.

  I’m 6 feet tall, have dark hair, dark eyes and a body built for sin.

  You can play Taylor Swift. We can fuck to it.

  My ideal date would be to come pick you up from your apartment. I’d be in a dinner suit and you’d be in a sheer, silky gold dress with a deep ‘V’ at the back showing a little curve just above your ass. We’d have had these reservations for ages, for a high-end establishment, and yet we’d risk missing the reservation as I pushed you against the wall claiming your mouth with mine. My hand would be fisted in your hair, tipping your head back so that I could trail kisses down your neck and across your collarbone, eliciting goose bumps and shivers. My hand would grasp the material of your gown and hitch it up above your hip where I’d find you weren’t wearing panties, which you’d tell me was because you didn’t want a visible panty line but I would know it’s because you’re horny as fuck and your wet pussy would confirm that as I dipped a finger in that slick heat.

  I noticed my mouth was ajar. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Yet, despite the fact a small part of me was saying throw the letter away, it was rude and impolite; the other part of me wanted to read on, and to be honest my own pussy was cheering on the imagined scenario. So I carried on reading.

  You arch against my finger as I curl it in just the right way. Bringing that finger to my lip I suck on it, my eyes staring into your hooded gaze. I make a joke about us leaving now and you pull me back to you, kissing me with an intensity that has me loosening my suit pants there and the
n. My cock nudges against you, accepted into your slick heat and I thrust deep inside, listening to your groans and your little mewls as I push you against the wall again and again. My finger returns to find your nub and I rub against it, creating the friction you need so that along with my cock, you can’t control yourself and you scream my name as I take you over the edge, your pussy milking my cock of every last drop. We sink against the wall, our foreheads together for a moment or two, and then we clean up and grab a cab, arriving fashionably late for our reservation. All the way in the cab we give each other knowing looks and as we apologize for our late arrival, we know we don’t mean it. We also know we won’t stay around for dessert because we’ll be too eager to get back home for a repeat performance.

  X.

  That was it. He told me relatively little about himself, just about how he would fuck me. I was so confused. And horny.

  Confused and horny.

  I read it again. Oh my, I was so wet. I needed to get myself off.

  Taking the letter, I went back to my bedroom. Snores were coming from Finn’s room so I knew I wouldn’t be disturbed.

  God, I was disgraceful. But it was such a hot scenario!

  Climbing into bed, I held the letter in one hand and stuck my other under the covers and down my pajama bottoms. Unsurprisingly, I found myself wet and ready.