by Quinn, Cari
I pushed past her. “I have a song I want to work on.”
She closed the door and leaned back on it, crossing her arms. “Now? We have to leave for soundcheck soon.”
“I know.”
She grabbed a pair of jeans off the chair covered in her clothes. We were only staying for one night. How could she have so much pulled out of her damn bag?
“What’s the rush?” She twisted her long hair into a top knot, red and purple streaks bumping everywhere from her messy scrape of midnight hair. She went into the bathroom then returned with a face full of toothpaste foam. She pulled her purple brush out of her mouth. “Are you okay?”
I crossed my arms. “No.”
She continued brushing, but didn’t stop staring at me.
“What?”
She shrugged then returned to the bathroom. Water ran, I heard her messing with her toiletry bag, the sound of aerosol, and finally, banging hangers. Finally, she came back out with a new shirt on.
“Wow, even a bra.”
“Seemed like it might be safer for me to have all my armor on with the mood you’re sporting. Just in case we end up in a fight with a gang of bikers.”
“Shut up.”
She flashed me a wide shark-toothed smile. “I’m kinda up for a brawl if that’s what you need to get straight. That or we can go kill the fucker for hurting you. You know, whichever.”
“We’re not talking about him right now.”
“Well, you know I can do the girl shit when you need it. I may have gone down to the lobby and bought a box of those lotion tissues you like. You know, in case.” She wouldn’t look at me as she shrugged into her short leather jacket.
I smiled but forced it off my face when she turned around. “Thanks, bitch.”
“You’re welcome, jerk.”
Sometimes our little Supernatural codenames helped. The boys had filled many a long night on the bus back in our earlier years. It was one of the few shows that everyone in the band agreed on.
I opened the door and she followed me out. And because I knew my bestie so well, I stopped at the vending machine and grabbed her a Coke Zero to get her through until we could find real coffee.
Oz and Teagan were waiting near the elevators.
“Hey. We just wanted you to know we’re here for you.” Teagan’s voice was tentative. “He’s an asshole.”
I blinked back the quick prick of tears at knowing my band was rallying around me.
No more tears. I’d already indulged far too much for one day.
“Thanks.” I cracked my knuckles. “Actually, I’m glad you’re here. I want to add a new song to the setlist tonight.”
Jamie came up beside me, her arms folded. “Uh oh. Do I have to learn another guitar solo? Because dude, I’m gonna need something a little more intricate than ‘Eye of the Tiger’.”
“Blaspheme.”
But I had to agree. It was a damn fun song, but we hadn’t added a new cover song to the roster in a while. We had so many of our own songs with five albums deep that finding empty slots for cover songs was hard—unless we wanted to expand the setlist over two hours. And with our stage set-up, it was always problematic to actually get it all to work.
My ears were still bleeding from the Chicago stunt I pulled.
Darcy didn’t like when I messed with things that much. Not one cover song, but two? Yeah, I’d gotten my ass handed to me. Especially since I was the one that liked to keep the setlist tight and lean. She just happened to agree with me most of the time.
But ever since I’d met Na—he who would not be named at this moment—I felt the need to get out of my boxes. He’d pushed me lyrically and musically. And I saw I was playing it safe way too much lately.
“We’re up for that.” Oz tried to reach for the Coke Zero, but I handed it to Jamie. He grunted and crossed his arms over his massive chest.
“I’m looking to make it pretty epic. We’re going to have to convince Darcy to do it.”
“What if we broadcast it live on our site or something?” Teagan tugged on one of her curls. “Kelly Clarkson has been doing one song per show and her fans go crazy for it.”
Oz arched a brow. Actually, he mirrored Jamie.
“I mean, I know we’re not Kelly, but the interaction is what I’m talking about.” Teagan rushed on.
Honestly, it was kind of brilliant. And I wouldn’t mind a little of my own viral middle finger. “That’s good. We have the tech gear to do it.”
“And she actually does a cover song most of the time. Even has guests on.”
“I’m not copying fucking Kelly Clarkson,” Jamie growled.
“No, we’ll make it our own.” I tapped my finger against my songbook as the door opened.
“Hold the door for us,” Cooper yelled. He and Zane jogged down the hall. “Were you even going to ask us to come?”
Teagan swallowed thickly and moved to let Cooper stand between her and Oz.
“‘Sup,” Cooper said, grinning down at Teagan. “Freckles.”
She blushed scarlet, her freckles standing out even more.
Zane stepped in, wearing his ever-present flip flops and board shorts.
“You do know there’s no surfing around here.” Oz gave him a bland look.
Zane shrugged. “I swam in the hotel pool this morning.”
It wasn’t unheard of for Zane to wear that exact outfit on stage when the mood struck.
“Sorry about the songs, Lindz. That’s fucked up.”
I swallowed down the lump in my throat. “Thanks, Zane.”
My band didn’t know much about my relationship with Nash. I’d kept it close to me. Like a twisted secret. As if I was having an affair all along. Or maybe I’d never truly believed it would be more than a reckless fling.
Right now, I wanted to break open my chest and freeze my heart. The pain was far too much to live with. But I didn’t have that luxury. Instead, I had to be smart.
Use the pain.
“Oz, when we get to the venue can you talk to Charlie about getting part of our show online? Find out if we can feasibly do it on short notice.”
He nodded. “You got it.”
“T, what I have in mind tonight will take the both of us.” Nerves fluttered in my belly.
I knew the ebbs and flows of a show. Keeping the attention-deficit filled crowd engaged was always a mean feat. The first half of the tour, we’d found the right key to that lock. But I knew Jamie was feeling hemmed in too. She liked to stretch and do guitar duels with Zane.
She lived for shenanigans.
I’d locked her down to keep the whole arena happy. And maybe that wasn’t what we needed right now.
No maybes about it.
Breaking free was exactly what we all needed.
I tapped the emergency button on the elevator and the car jerked to a stop.
Zane and Cooper’s face went comically wide with shock.
“Did you just do something illegal?” Cooper asked with a laugh.
“Shut up.” But I couldn’t stop a half laugh from rolling out. I didn’t even realize I could laugh. But these guys were my family. They were circling around me without even knowing what I had in mind. “I don’t know if it’s logistically possible since it’s a damn monster of a song—”
“No. Let me stop you right there.” Jamie gestured with her soda. “Don’t be a pussy. Just say it. Live in the moment, goddammit.”
“‘November Rain’,” I shouted.
Her brown eyes went huge. She turned me to her and shook me by the shoulders. “Jesus. Don’t fuck with me. Tell me you’re not fucking with me.”
I laughed. “I know you wish Slash was your boyfriend.”
“I would fuck him till his top hat was busted and broken, then go for another round. Oh my God, he’s so fucking sexy.”
Oz nodded. “I’d probably fuck Slash to be honest.”
He wasn’t my type. I liked to see the eyes of the man I was into. Icy blue eyes that shredded my heart i
nto a million pieces evidently. “You do you, girl.”
“Whatever. That level of talent stretches beyond actual age. Just to crawl into his brain for a few hours. If I had to ride his cock to get at it, so be it.”
“For God’s sake, Jame.” I laughed.
“What? A dick is a conduit sometimes. And I love them for it.”
I grinned. “Well, I have some ideas for Teagan and I to have a play off and you and Zane to do the same. But I have to see if the stage can handle it. Would need a reboot of some of the stage mechanics.”
“But oh fuck, it’s so epic.” Jamie’s voice was actually as close to a squeal as I’d ever heard it since we were teens.
“I’m so in. I played it every day for an entire summer.” Teagan flushed.
“Well, then. Guess it won’t be hard for you to play it with me tonight?” I impulsively hauled Teagan in for a hard hug. She was so shocked, she didn’t react right away. Then her arms came up to hug me back even harder.
The elevator phone let out a shrill ring.
“Crap.” I picked up the phone. “I’m so sorry, everything’s fine.”
“If you don’t require assistance, I’d like to kindly remind you we have cameras in the elevator. Please do not have sex on camera.”
I laughed at the prim male voice. “Got it. No sex.”
My band burst into laughter. Oz howled and gyrated.
“Put it away!” Jamie said on a peal of laughter.
I sincerely hoped Oz hadn’t removed anything from his pants, but there was no telling. I wasn’t going to look either.
I slapped the emergency button again, and the elevator shuddered to life.
Jamie tucked her soda into her arm and got out her phone. “The full song, right?”
Oz snagged her bottle and took a long pull.
“Keep your backwash, you pig.”
Oz waggled his eyebrows. “Thanks.”
I rolled my eyes as we got to the lobby. “Yes, the full song. And maybe another one.”
“Yeah, you’re talking to Darcy. Not me.” Jamie flicked through her phone. “I just need to play the song a few times. It’s been awhile.”
I had a song brewing like a storm in my brain. It had been half formed for so long it was like wind. The more I tried to catch the lyrics, the more they flitted away. I needed to sit with my notebook and let it out with scribbles and ink.
I’d need Jamie’s help for it. She was a master with chords. She found notes I didn’t know existed in a guitar. Between her and Zane, our songs were brilliantly layered.
I was going to be asking a lot from them in a very short time.
“We’ll go get the shuttle.” Cooper snagged Teagan’s arm and dragged her over to the concierge.
Teagan’s blue eyes went wide, but she followed him. Zane and Oz made a beeline for the vending machines. The both of them were bottomless pits when it came to junk food and candy.
Jamie’s long-legged stride matched mine. “What brought this on? Not that I really want to question it, because you know how bad I’ve wanted to do this song. But with setup and all the stage shit, it’s like ten minutes. It’s a huge change with not a lot of time to do it.”
“We need to shake things up. I’m thinking of asking Molly to come on and sing a song too. So we can get the placement right and shock the shit out of people.”
“Well, she’s a badass bitch too. So yeah, definitely. Oh, we should have Luc come on with her. He’s sex on a stick and will definitely hold the attention of the crowd.”
“Brilliant.”
“I have moments.”
We rushed across the lobby. A few fans popped out of corners, but Jamie knew how to get gone. She left me to be the sweet one.
Fucking brat.
Not that most people knew the song was about me, written for me, or even with me. I just needed to put a strong front out into the social media sphere. I smiled and took pictures, signaling to the staff at the hotel that they didn’t have to step in and get rid of people.
Luckily, it was only a handful of diehards. I even recognized a few of them. The one in a hood along the back was a little disconcerting, but he didn’t move forward. In fact, he seemed to be content with watching.
Was probably wearing a body cam for pictures. Or was part of our new security team.
The prickle between my shoulder blades didn’t feel right though. The burnished gold of Noah Jordan’s hair came into view. His eyes skimmed the room, then he nodded almost imperceptibly before crossing to me.
“You need to let me know when you change your schedule, York.”
I stiffened at Noah’s clipped, harsh voice. I’d agreed to cooperate and already I hadn’t even thought about letting him know I was going to the venue early. Not that I was in danger with my whole band around me.
I glanced around, but the hoodie guy was gone.
I slipped my sunglasses off the top of my head to hide the quick prick of emotion. I smiled at the fans around me. “Thanks, guys. I gotta get to the venue.”
“Aww.” The young girl hugged her notebook to her chest. “Will you play ‘Archer’ tonight?”
“Wow, going for the deep cuts.” That one I might be able to add in without a lot of problems. It was a non-single, but a powerful song. And I needed a bit of my badass first album self to get through the night. “You know what, I’ll give it a go. No promises, but I have a little pull.” I smiled down at her and gave her an impulsive hug.
The girl squealed and jumped up and down in my arms before an older woman eased her away. “Sorry about that. She gets very excited. We’re looking forward to the show tonight. Me and four of her friends.”
The harried look on the woman’s face made me take a second more and give her a soft smile. “This venue has those individual box wine stations. I highly advise.”
The woman laughed. “Good to know.”
I waved to the group and slid away. Jamie was waiting inside the shuttle. Noah climbed in after me and sat at the front just behind the driver.
I plopped myself down next to her. Jamie had her AirPods in. I took mine out and hooked to her phone. The new update to the iPhone was genius and helped when we were working in a small space.
“None of you should go out unsupervised.” Noah gave me a hard stare, then glanced at Jamie. “Least of all you, trouble.”
She sneered at him. “I don’t get into trouble.”
I gave her a long look.
“What?”
“According to my notes, you got arrested in Georgia not a month ago.”
Jamie hit pause. “That idiot had it coming.”
I pressed my lips together. “You still can’t punch a bartender.”
“How was I supposed to know he was the owner? He wouldn’t stop calling me ‘honey’. I warned him.”
I rolled my eyes. Jamie had a hair trigger temper sometimes. Especially with men who didn’t treat her with respect. Unless she explicitly asked them to not be respectful, but that was a whole different issue. She was a hard-drinking, hard partying, hardworking woman and wasn’t great about downtime. Which was why she required supervision.
And I usually took up that mantel, but sometimes I was tired.
And sometimes she went out with Oz and then left him when he wasn’t paying attention to her whereabouts. Then that was where the trouble began.
Like Georgia.
Small towns were the worst when it came to boredom. Why we didn’t do the bus too often these days. Or the smaller towns, to be honest. Most of the arenas we were in these days were major towns. Which suited Jamie.
Metropolitan towns didn’t shut down at nine o’clock.
Didn’t stop her from getting in trouble, but at least the bouncers knew how to deal with her personality. Mostly.
Jamie sat back with a huff. “There better be food at the venue.”
“Martha always takes care of you,” Zane said as he sat across from her.
She sighed and hit play again. The guitar solo b
lared in both of our ears.
After the second run-through, I took my earbuds out.
My head was too full of the ideas for the extended cover song. The words were hard-won today, coming in dark lyrics that I usually avoided. Brooklyn Dawn songs were multi-faceted, but we tried to skew toward hopeful in the darkness. Unfortunately, all my words were as twisted as gnarled roots right now.
Once we got to the venue, we made our way to food service first. I went right for the coffee station. I wasn’t really hungry, but I knew I needed to eat to stave off the headache brewing. I took a healthy sip from my iced coffee and nibbled on some chicken salad on a bagel with sprouts.
Jamie had two sandwiches and a side of macaroni salad that might break her plate. It looked as if there was an entire pound of bacon on her ham monstrosity. She ate like a fourteen-year-old boy during a growth spurt and never gained an ounce. In fact, if she didn’t eat at least five times a day she lost a good five pounds in a week.
Once we sat down and I had my songbook open, she leaned over to look. I resisted the urge to cover my work. I’d promised not to keep things from Jamie after I’d fessed up about Nash.
“Well then. Are we going for a razor to the balls or just peeling his dick like a banana?”
I looked down at the words. “It’s not that bad. And who says it’s about him?”
She snorted and took another healthy bite.
I plucked my lucky pen from my hair. “It’s not that serious.”
“He fucked with your head. All good. We can’t castrate him for real, but we can do it with thinly veiled words like a fucking professional.”
He told me he was no good
But I didn't listen
He swore he wasn’t enough
But I saw only a path of stars
I got off on
The lust and the fun
It was hard to see
That the stars were blinding me
She snatched my book and started scratching in words with the stub of a pencil she kept in her jacket. Her travel songbook was more of a mini-notebook, but since I’d already started scribbling… Well, it was my own fault.
She gnawed on the eraser, then crossed out two of my lines and refined them. She handed it back. “Not mean enough. I could go meaner, but this is a good start.”