The Neanderthal Box Set: A Workplace Romance, 2020 Revised and Expanded Edition

by Reid, Penny

  We all chuckled a little at Sandra’s theatrics, and Fiona turned her smiling eyes to me. “Dirty talk in the bedroom can be fun, especially if you’re with someone you love and who loves you. Don’t be afraid of sounding weird or turning him off. Believe me, anything you say or do—as long as it’s unselfish and about bringing pleasure to both of you—is good.”

  “Look at you, Ms. Sex Therapist.” Marie winked at Fiona. “You and Greg are the cutest coupled; of course you guys have everything figured out.”

  Fiona turned her attention to her work in progress. “No one has everything figured out.”

  “Any chance you can make more of those margaritas?” Ashley smiled at me over her empty glass. “They’re amazing, Janie.”

  I nodded and stood. I was the only one who didn’t knit; therefore, I enjoyed being the bartender. “No problem. I’ll be right back.”

  Distractedly, absorbing this information, I walked back to the kitchen and began mixing another batch.

  I decided that I wanted Quinn to have a pet name for me. I heard some commotion from the living room, but only peripherally as I was caught up in the idea. Suddenly it felt very important, and I began listing then rejecting possibilities.

  I was still tallying and assessing my preference for different terms of endearment when I walked from the kitchen and found that the commotion was Elizabeth’s arrival. I smiled when I saw her, because I missed her and she was one of my most favorite people in the world—definitely in the top three.

  I lifted one of the margaritas I was holding. “Do you want a margarita? I’m making them with Limoncello and Petron.”

  “Yes. I will have margaritas.” She returned my smile. It was good to see her smile. Usually, at least when I saw her, she was walking around half asleep from exhaustion.

  Even though she was my best friend, I would never ask her to help with the wedding. In fact, when she’d offered weeks ago, I told her absolutely not.

  She never got enough sleep, was always picking up extra shifts at the hospital. Helping with my wedding—a wedding I was only planning in order to manufacture stress—was out of the question. She didn’t need more stress. She needed rest.

  “Okay, two more coming right up.” I nodded, passing a glass to Ashley and the other to Sandra. I hoped it would keep Sandra from sneaking any more sips from Kat’s beverage.

  I was happy to resume my drink mixing as it gave me more time to consider endearment terms. Honestly, I couldn’t think of many that didn’t sound creepy or that didn’t convey inappropriate connotations if examined closely. My problem, as ever, was that I examined most trivial things too closely and most important things not at all.

  When I again emerged from the kitchen, the ladies were discussing one of Elizabeth’s hospital pranks and the ramifications of her poor decision making. I thought her pranks were funny, but most likely a way to keep others at arm’s length.

  Someone mentioned something about wrinkles just as I was mulling over the possibility of dog breeds as potential endearment terms.

  Therefore, I felt it appropriate to volunteer, “Several breeds of dogs have wrinkles, like the Pug and Shar Pei.” I sipped my margarita and licked at the excess salt on the rim.

  No one responded for a moment, and I dismissed the idea of Quinn calling me Pug as a sign of his love and devotion.

  “Janie, your left-fielding skills are very impressive. You are the most impressive left fielder I’ve ever met.” Sandra said this as she sneaked another sip of Kat’s drink.

  I frowned. “You mean the baseball position?” I sat back in my chair, wondering if I could somehow turn left fielding, or another baseball position, into a pet name. “I’ve never played baseball.”

  “No, hun. I’m talking about someone who says stuff out of left field. I never know what you’re going to say or where you’re going to take me. I’m just happy to be along for the ride.” Sandra blew me a kiss. I liked it when she demonstrated overt signs of affection. She was a big cuddler and always seemed to want everyone to feel good.

  I thought about this impulse of Sandra’s as the conversation continued. She was a romantic and would likely be a good source of ideas for pet names, especially if I instructed her to take the assignment seriously. I was pondering how to get her alone to solicit some ideas when Sandra swiped Kat’s margarita and was caught.

  “It’s okay,” I said to Kat’s outraged expression. “I’ll make some more and bring out a pitcher.” I stood and reached for Sandra’s empty glass. “But since Sandra is being greedy, she has to come and help me.”

  Sandra stood. “Fine. It’s a fair punishment.”

  “I’ll come too,” Elizabeth volunteered and began bundling her hand-knits into a ball.

  My heart both sank and lifted. It sank because I couldn’t ask Sandra about terms of endearment in front of Elizabeth. Elizabeth would likely want me to call Quinn something that referenced his domineering tendencies. However, I was happy to have her along because she was lovely and one of my aforementioned favorite people.

  “I love this kitchen.” Sandra’s voice from behind me sounded wistful. “It’s a kitchen for cooking.”

  I glanced at her, saw how she gazed longingly around her, and offered my agreement as I mixed together the tequila and lime juice. “I approve of this kitchen. I like the placement of the dishwasher relative to the sink and the refrigerator relative to the stove. Sandra—can you start squeezing more limes? They are in the bottom drawer of the fridge.”

  “These are really good margaritas, Janie. Well done.” Elizabeth gave me a bright smile, which made me feel a bit better. I missed her as we’d been spending barely any time together—especially since the engagement.

  “It’s the Limoncello and fresh lime juice, I think. I also used agave nectar instead of sugar.” I finished adding the necessary ingredients. Replacing the lid, I shook the shaker, enjoying the sound of the ice as it slid around the inside of the canister.

  Elizabeth said, “You should make these when we go to my reunion in Iowa next week.”

  I stared at her, my movements stalled, and I felt the ground tilt beneath me.

  Elizabeth’s high school reunion.

  I’d completely forgotten.

  I was a horrible friend.

  “Janie? Are you okay?”

  “I completely forgot. I completely forgot about your reunion.” I lowered the canister to the counter. My heart gave a twist, it felt like a cramp, as I noted Elizabeth’s face fall.

  “Did you make other plans?”

  I glanced beyond her, trying to find a solution to the problem. “I’ll—I’ll find a way to…I’ll think of something.”

  I tried to think of a solution. The dinner with Quinn’s parents was Saturday. I wondered how I could be in both places at once. Maybe I could change the dinner with Quinn’s parents to Saturday morning breakfast then fly to Iowa for Elizabeth’s reunion in the evening. I could even bring pancakes. Certainly, it wouldn’t be ideal. But I hated to cancel on Quinn’s mom, especially since this was the first time I was meeting her.

  Also, I still wasn’t certain how Quinn felt about the whole thing. I didn’t want to push him on it; I trusted him to tell me if I was overstepping.

  Everything about the situation was worrisome and stressful, and now I’d just let down my best friend.

  “What plans did you make?” Sandra’s voice interrupted my contingency planning. “Maybe I can help?”

  I attempted to keep the despondency out of my tone as I explained the problem. “We’re—Quinn and I—we were planning to go to Boston to see his parents. I was going to meet his parents, but….” I glanced at Elizabeth, found her expression still downhearted. “I completely forgot about the reunion since you and I planned the trip so long ago.”

  “I’m confused. Isn’t Quinn estranged from his parents? Didn’t they, like, disown him? Don’t they blame him for his brother’s death or some such nonsense?” Sandra picked up the canister full of half-mixed margari
tas and began shaking it.

  I nodded. “Yes, they did. I’m not sure if they still do. I called his mom a few weeks ago and introduced myself. I told her I was marrying her son and explained that I planned to give her grandchildren at some point.”

  Sandra’s hands ceased mid-shake. “You what?”

  “Well, I know this separation from his family, from his mom and dad, contributes to some measure of his broodiness. I thought I could offer them grandchildren in exchange for forgiveness.”

  Elizabeth nodded in understanding, but Sandra stared at me like I’d just morphed into a wrinkly pug. Silence stretched. Elizabeth took the opportunity of Sandra’s stillness to take the canister from her hands and continue to mix the contents.

  “I—I can’t believe you did that.” Sandra finally sputtered. “You’re using children—”

  I shook my head and tried to explain. “No. I’m not using children. We’re going to have kids anyway, and I thought why not use the idea of these future kids to persuade his parents to make the right decision now?”

  Sandra made a choking sound then leaned on the kitchen counter. “You’re not going to—you’re not going to use the kids are you? Later? Once they’re born? You’re not going to manipulate his parents into….”

  “No. Absolutely not.” I was horrified by the thought. “I would never do that. I just—I just want his mom and dad to give him a chance. I just want them to make an effort. He’s so…He’s so….”

  “Grumpy?” Elizabeth said and poured the margarita into Sandra’s glass.

  I scowled at Elizabeth’s inaccurate assessment of Quinn. “No. Not grumpy. He’s sensitive. He doesn’t show it to many people….”

  She snorted. “You mean he only shows it to you.”

  I didn’t want to debate the point, so I ignored her comment and continued explaining the situation to Sandra. I think part of me needed to justify my meddling and pushing regarding his family.

  “But he is. And he misses his family. And they’re his family. And I want to meet them. I’ve never had a mother, not really, and his mom sounds great, except for the whole—you know—disowning her son thing. And why shouldn’t my children have grandparents?”

  Elizabeth surprised me a little by saying, “They should. I completely support you in this decision.”

  “Thank you, Elizabeth. Your support means a lot.”

  Sandra was still frowning, seemed to be mulling over the situation, when she asked, “Well then, what about the reunion? I imagine it took a lot for you to get these people to agree to the visit, right?”

  My attention moved from Sandra to Elizabeth, and I didn’t know how to respond. I couldn’t think of a solution, not one that would allow me to be in Boston and Iowa at the same time. My chest tightened uncomfortably because I knew the right thing to do was to cancel the dinner with Quinn’s family.

  Maybe this was a sign. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to have initiated contact with his mother. Maybe, in the end, I would see that my efforts had been a mistake.

  Before I could express this, however, Elizabeth surprised me by saying, “You should go to Boston.” She lifted her eyes to mine. “Really. Go to Boston.”

  I shook my head. “I can reschedule. You can’t reschedule your reunion.”

  “I’ll go.” Sandra’s sloppy declaration—sloppy because it was somewhat slurred—surprised us both.

  I blinked at her. “To Boston?”

  “No, Wonder Woman, I’ll go to Elizabeth’s high school reunion. I’ll go with Elizabeth, and you’re off to Boston with your McHotpants to go make babies for those awful people.”

  I looked at Elizabeth. Elizabeth looked at me. Elizabeth looked at Sandra. Sandra looked at Elizabeth. I looked at Sandra. Sandra looked at me.

  Sandra lifted her glass again, winked at Elizabeth, and toasted us both. “To friendscorts. Like escorts, but without the cash.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  We were alone on Quinn’s plane.

  Well, we weren’t completely alone. The pilot, Eve, and the flight attendant, Donna, were also on the plane. But, they didn’t really count because they tried to be basically invisible.

  We planned to spend five days in Boston. Saturday evening, today, would be spent with Quinn’s parents. Sunday we had no plans. Monday through Wednesday would be spent with corporate clients in all-day meetings. We planned to fly back to Chicago on Thursday.

  Dan had flown ahead of us two days prior, and we’d arranged for Steven to video conference on days when he was needed. Since the private client numbers were diminishing, Steven and I were splitting up the corporate accounts.

  Therefore, Quinn and I were alone together on his plane, and Quinn’s plane was the last place we’d be together—as in together together—for several days.

  He was sitting in his seat across from me reading a report like he didn’t have a care in the world—other than all the cares that were currently making him frown.

  But I wasn’t thinking about work cares. I was thinking about the no-touching cares…the being-so-close-to-him-but-not-kissing cares…the he-didn’t-seem-to-be-at-all-affected-by-our-lack-of-intimacy cares.

  I was also thinking about the increased frequency and vividness of my sex dreams as well as the resultant saliva on my pillow. I’d had to change the pillowcase four times in a week.

  Four times!

  Add to his apparent apathy—at least for all things me—was the fact that I didn’t know how to bring up the subject of his family without feeling like a conniving charlatan, and I felt a little overwrought, sexually stunted, and nauseous.

  Make that a little nauseous and a lot stressed out.

  “Hi,” he said.

  I blinked at him several times in rapid succession, bringing his face into focus. I’d been staring at him. But I wasn’t really looking at him. Looking at him these days hurt a little. Therefore, I’d begun the practice of starting at one thing on him—like the scar above his eyebrow, or the top button of his shirt, or a single red stripe on his tie.

  “Hey.” I shifted in my seat, realized I’d been gripping my iPad too tightly, and loosened my fingers.

  “Are you alright?” He asked this question as if he already knew the answer, as if he knew I was starving and he’d just asked me if I wanted to lick the frosting off his cupcake. It was a little irritating.

  Therefore, I didn’t answer his question.

  Instead, I said, “I think I need a pet name.”

  “Pardon?”

  “I think you need to give me a pet name—a term of endearment.”

  His face was its typical impassive mask, but I could tell that I’d surprised him.

  Finally, he said, “Like…babe?”

  “No—that feels awkward and wrong and has undertones of pedophilia. I’m thinking of something more age appropriate, yet affectionate.”

  He considered me, my request. I was pleased to find that he appeared to be taking it seriously. “Cupcake?” he asked.

  “No food.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’m not edible.”

  “I disagree.”

  My eyes widened before I could control my body’s response to his bluntly spoken statement, mostly because I didn’t want to delve too deep into the matter for fear that I would haul him back to the lavatory to prove that I was edible. Instead, I said, “Okay…I’ll take food under advisement, but I think we should continue the search.”

  “Dove?”

  “Dove? No.”

  “Why not dove?”

  “Too close to ostrich, and falcons eat doves for lunch.”

  “So?”

  “So, I think of you as a falcon. And, although we’ve established that you consider me edible, I don’t like the mental image of you killing me for a meal, my feathers strewn about in a bloody mass of….”

  “Alright, not dove. What about sweet pea or lamb?”

  “Meh.”

  “Meh?”

  “They don’t feel right.”
/>   He placed his report on the chair next to him, rested his elbows on the armrests, and tented his fingers. “You suggest something then.”

  “Okay…what about Medusa?”

  He grimaced. “Medusa?”

  “Yes.”

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  “Because that’s not giving me a good mental image.”

  “What? Why? Poseidon thought she was lovely.”

  He sighed, frowned, and shook his head. “How about kitten?”

  Kitten? “Kitten?” I thought and said the word at the same time.

  “Yeah. Try this on—” Quinn paused, his eyes moved from mine to my mouth, neck, chest, then up again; the return pass left his gaze half lidded and lazy. All of this effected a leisurely inspection that might have been lewd if attempted by anyone else. But, as Quinn was my fiancé and the man I was head over heels in love with, the perusal made me a lot agitated (in the best and most frustrating way possible).

  Then, low and intimate, he said, “Hey, Kitten.”

  “Guh,” was my automatic response. Actually, it was barely a sound, more just an inadvertent rumble of lady-feels. My stomach flipped and heat blossomed in my chest. I think I’d like anything he said using that voice.

  His eyes danced between mine then landed on my lips. His mouth curved slowly into one of his slow, sexy grins. “I like this. This was a good idea.”

  I had to swallow twice before I could speak. “Why?”

  “Because you just purred like a kitten,” he responded, using the same low, sexy voice.

  I wondered for a brief moment what the hell was wrong with me. I could be married to this man, right now—right this minute. Instead, I was sitting across from him, not touching him, and nearing volcanic levels of sexual frustration just because he’d called me kitten.

  “I need a drink.” I choked. I was desperate, and self-medication with alcohol seemed like a pretty good idea. As well, I was sweating. My neck was damp and my stomach and chest were hot.

  “Not a cigarette?” he asked and, damn him, he grinned.

  “No. Not a cigarette.” The words may have emerged a bit grumpily—mostly because he was just sitting there, cold as an icicle, and I was melting.