Shades Beneath (Shattered Souls Book 1)

by Chrissy Jaye

  "It’s not your fault," she rasped, finally lifting her tear-filled eyes to meet mine. "Soul magic is a tricky thing."

  She sat up straight, seemingly recovered and gathered up the bag holding my clothes again. I watched her wearily as she climbed to her feet, smoothing her hair with one hand. I followed her up after a moment. "Here, let's get you dressed and then fed. Your Soul will be looking for you soon."

  "My soul?" I asked weakly. She pinched the bridge of her nose, making me feel bad again. "Right. You can’t tell me. Sorry."

  I offered her my best smile, which was probably a weak one considering the strain I was under. She walked past me out of the closet.

  "Come along, dear!" She called, giving me no choice but to follow her out. She’d already removed the clothes from the bag and laid them out on a small settee arranged before a wall of tilted mirrors I hadn’t noticed before. I glanced over them once before my lips turned up in indignation.

  "Nope. No. Not going to happen," I said, steeling myself for a battle of wills. No way in hell was I putting any of that on.

  Chapter Twelve

  No amount of dazzling smiles or flashing ruby eyes could appease me as I stood in the kitchen with a bowl of what I thought might be oatmeal dotted with fruit. It was delicious, but I felt ridiculous in my new outfit.

  For one thing, I couldn’t wear a proper bra with it. Instead, Esper had practically forced me into one of those bra bands by snapping some stinging insects into existence. It was either strap the thing around my small breasts or risk being stung. She did not play fair at all.

  The only thing remotely normal about my getup were the cotton panties I’d negotiated my way into. She’d wanted some frilly long-johns that would cover me from knee to hip, but I’d protested then, risking the wrath of her bees. If I had known how sheer the dress would be, I wouldn’t have protested at all. I’d been mentally beating myself up for refusing the long-johns now that I stood in the shafts of sunlight coming in through the kitchen windows, leaving none of my curves to the imagination. I’d already gotten several appreciative leers from some of the braver Fae throughout the house.

  The dress wouldn’t have been so bad if it had longer sleeves, but of course, it didn’t. There’s one thick strap that holds the entire thing up over one shoulder, leaving the other completely exposed, as well as my arms. I’d never shown so much collarbone in my life. I did have to admit, however, that there was an impressive amount of side-boob on display even with the breast band in place. Granted, it did lace up in the front, giving me a marginal amount of cleavage that no push up bra in the world could ever achieve.

  Still, I looked ridiculous. I’d decided after I had breakfast, I was going to slip away from Esper and hunt for better clothes in that closet if I could get back into that room. She’d waved her hand at it when we left, and I saw a shimmer cover it, seeming to seal it closed. Last ditch effort though, I’d just corner Ford and beg him for jeans.

  At least that was my plan until Bastian stepped into the room. He always seemed to make some sort of entrance wherever he went. His silent presence spread across the room, drawing every eye to himself. As always, he paused just inside the door to scan his surroundings.

  After only a moment, his emerald gaze landed on me propped up against the counter on one hip, a spoonful of oatmeal halfway to my gaping mouth. I watched, frozen, as his eyes darkened, sweeping up my legs to my face. His expression sent a flush of heat through me that seemed to start from the center of my belly and exploded outward into my limbs. It was a look of unadulterated desire that I’d never seen directed at me before.

  Maybe I wouldn’t change after all.

  I glanced over to Esper to see her looking between Bastian and I with a knowing smile before turning back to her conversation with what I can only assume was a leprechaun. That twisted little strawberry minx—I knew she gave up too easily on those long-johns. I narrowed my eyes at her even though she couldn’t see me anymore. The woman had an agenda and I was clearly at the center of it.

  A small piece of the puzzle seemed to click in place then. Things had been happening all around me that separately, didn’t fit, but once you moved the pieces around, they started making sense. None of them could tell me what I was meant to be or do, but maybe they could show me.

  My brain stormed through my first encounter with Asher, even though I’d been terrified at the time, something had happened there. I’d missed it because of the adrenaline already pumping through my body, but now I knew. Cole had confirmed it when he wrapped his arm around me. There was a rightness in it. No burning, no terror, no unrelenting nausea that overwhelmed me until I was able to break away from someone’s touch.

  There were six of us, two of which I’d already touched. It stood to reason that maybe I could touch the others too. And that bit Esper had let slip about souls – it had to mean something, like a kinship of some sort.

  With a thunk, I set my bowl down, pulled my shoulders back and turned to face Bastian head on. He was still watching me from across the room though he pretended to be in a conversation with someone else. I didn’t care. There was fear sure, but now I knew I had to put my hands on him. I had to make him a part of me.

  As I started walking toward him with determination, he stood up straight, no longer lounging against the wall. A wild panicked look settled into his eyes as I approached. He looked like a deer caught in headlights, like he didn’t know if he wanted to let this happen or run away. I wasn’t going to give him an option. I smirked at him as I came to a slow stop in front of him.

  Just before I could put my hand on his arm though, someone pushed through the door I was blocking. Their skin connected with my uncovered shoulder and dragged across my back in their haste to get by me. My flesh caught fire instantly and I screamed out in agony as I fell forward. The fire tore at me, an inferno. I felt like I was boiling alive as it crawled across my flesh. The person who knocked into me made it worse by grabbing me around the waist to keep me from falling, making me scream again. My vision went black with the pain before they released me. I collapsed to the marble floor, my head hitting it too hard, replacing the blackness with white spots.

  The room around me erupted into shouting. Esper screamed at an unintelligible frequency as footsteps rushed by.

  “Bash, grab her!”

  “No,” I said weakly. I didn’t want anyone to touch me. The fire was still fading, and I didn’t want to risk anymore. It was excruciating. There was a roaring in my ears that must have been my blood speeding through my body and I felt tears streaming down my face. My stomach heaved once before someone ignored my small protest and picked me up, turning my face into their chest. My nose filled with the scents of sandalwood and jasmine.

  Asher.

  There was more shouting as someone else put their face close to mine. I immediately recognized the tenderness as Cole. He whispered soft words into my ear as Asher carried me from the room.

  “Where?” Asher asked Cole, but I answered instead.

  “Everywhere,” I gasped. “All over. It’s fading.”

  I turned into him, trying to get as close to him as I could. He sat down on something and settled me in his lap until I was straddling him. I pressed my face into his neck, just focusing on breathing while Cole caressed my back.

  “Why didn’t you fix her, Bash?” Someone asked.

  “This is a fucking mess. We should have fixed this years ago,” I heard Ford say. Slowly other sounds started to make sense. I could hear someone pacing behind me, but didn’t turn to look, somehow knowing it would be Ford by the way his voice traveled closer to one ear.

  “I panicked,” Bastian said. “She was coming toward me and I froze.” He sounded so lost and it made my heart break.

  I felt Asher’s chest rumble against mine. “This can’t happen again, take her Cole.”

  I was passed between them as Cole settled on the couch. Instead of setting me on his lap, he tucked me into his side like earlier, giving me a view
of the room. Ford was indeed pacing while Bastian had settled on the lip of the fireplace, his head tucked between his hands. Tears fell from the tip of his nose to the floor. It was so surreal to see them distraught.

  I jumped when Asher started shouting, “Clear the damned house, Esper. Get the camp set up until this is resolved.”

  Everyone turned toward them where they had been talking in low voices to one another. Esper backed away from him, shock written on her face. No one moved a muscle aside from her. Asher looked ready to kill something. The muscles in his face ticked with anger as he stared at her.

  “Now!”

  Once everyone had calmed down, I went and spent time in the library with Bastian while he poured over book after book. The silence was filled with the sound of flipping pages and grunts of frustration every time he shut another old leather-bound tome. We didn't talk. The moment in the kitchen stretched unspoken between us. I think we both knew what I intended to do, but the idea seemed almost laughable now. There's no guarantee the same wouldn't have happened with him. Or Ford. And I'm not brave enough to try, remembering how it felt like the flesh was melting off my bones.

  Instead, I kept myself busy with a strange novel about a woman stranded on mars caring for six men trapped in support pods. She seemed a bit nuts to me, but I didn’t have much room to judge her. Plus, it kept my mind occupied while giving me a few fantasy ideas about my new Fae companions.

  I was about halfway through it before Cole popped his head in the door and asked us to go downstairs. The whole house had been unnaturally quiet since Asher kicked everyone out. I got the feeling this wasn’t the norm and had left a lot of people unsettled. Especially Esper who I'd spied racing up and down the hall several times with various things clasped in her arms.

  In the living room, I found the coffee table pushed aside, and the rug pulled up revealing another protection circle. This one was much larger than the one in the cottage. Its design engraved straight into the marble floor and stained with what looks like dried blood.

  I gingerly stepped into it and took my place on the corner that looked like the one I sat on the night before with Asher. Instead of him taking the space across from me, he sat to my left, giving me a tense smile. Cole thumped down into the spot to my right, throwing me a lazy grin while the other two took up places on either side of them. There was an open space directly across from me that all of us looked at for a moment. A feeling of longing rippled through the room, like we were incomplete and had only just noticed.

  That empty space shouldn't be there. I could feel it on a primal level. The longer I stared at it, the deeper that empty space gnawed at me.

  Cole grabbed my hand while I was distracted, pulling on it slightly to shake me out of my thoughts. His hand in mine made the pit inside me fill a bit, giving me the strength to look away from it. Asher took my other hand in his and nodded at me when I turned my gaze to him. He's all business right now, ready to feed me instructions so I can reach my well. Whatever that means. Without a word, he extended his other hand to Bastian while Cole did the same to Ford on the other side.

  A cooling sensation, like a coil of electricity, sparked in my palms, making them tingle with power. Somehow, power coursed through our connection. My eyes immediately closed to bask in it. It made me feel as light as air.

  “Focus on the feeling,” I heard Asher say next to me. A wave of giddiness swelled to the surface as a giggle bubbled out of my mouth.

  “She can’t center,” Bastian said, sounding far away, almost like an echo. The cadence of his voice changed the giggle to a soft moan, reverberating out of my throat. Someone cursed and then the connection snapped.

  My eyes popped open and a cry of loss followed. None of them were holding hands anymore, each of them staring at me with heated look in their eyes, causing me to blush.

  “Um, sorry. Give me a minute.” I scooted back out of the circle on my bottom and took a minute to breathe evenly. I picked a spot on the fireplace across the room and focused on it. It was such a small thing, a tiny detail in the red brick. The hole was the size of a nail, probably used to hang something from. I used it as a metaphorical hole and pushed my emotions into it.

  Asher explained that all magic came from emotion, but it shouldn’t be driven by it. It needs intent and complete focus. All thoughts and emotions in meditation required you to acknowledge them and push them aside for later. It should have been simple, it was what I did all the time. I recognized each problem as it presented itself and then I shoved it away for later when I could deal with it.

  I jumped when Esper spoke behind me, “It won’t work.”

  I turned my head to look at her, noting how tentative she appeared, like she was meddling in something that didn’t involve her.

  “Go on,” Bastian said, encouraging her to continue.

  She looked at each of us in turn, chewing on her lower lip before she continued. “There’s too much negative energy in the room. Everyone’s been milling around it all day, uncertain and stressed. It has to be cleared or she’ll just feel intoxicated. It’s a lot of power for someone so new to the craft.”

  Asher nodded as he followed her explanation. “You’re right. Everyone is on edge. We need to cleanse the area,” he replied.

  Esper pulled a purple canvas bag out from behind her and presented it to him. In minutes, he had emptied the contents. It was a jumbled mess of candles, ribbons, what appeared to be sticks of sage, and a brass jar he was careful not to upend as he set it down.

  I sucked in a breath as pictures from my adolescence flashed by. A woman with hair like mine pulled me along behind her as we entered a shop. It looked like Aunty, but she wasn’t tall enough. I followed her through rows and rows of items as she collected things into a basket. It faded into thick fog as another scene replaced it. Aunt Lauralin was talking to a man at the door to our house. It was late, past my bedtime. She had a stick of sage in her hands and was waving it between them as she muttered words. The scene changed again. Mia and Aunt Lauralin stood in the kitchen early in the morning, arguing about me. I only knew because Mia’s face was twisted in anger and she’d raised her voice loud enough for me to hear my name. The air in my lungs expelled in a rush, taking the visions with it.

  “What the fuck was that?” I hadn’t meant to say it, but I was so shocked by it.

  “I can’t tell you,” Cole said, catching my eye. “It’s one of those things that we can’t explain.” I nodded my understanding, once again frustrated by the situation.

  I didn’t know how much longer I could deal with not knowing things. So far, I’d been doing well. I accepted everything at face value. In fact, I hadn’t even had a single panic attack or blackout since meeting them. This was entirely new though and I wasn’t sure what to think of it.

  I shook my head to clear it and turned my attention back to my guys and Esper as they worked to cleanse the room.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Six candles were placed around the circle, one in front of each of us with the sixth resting in the open space between Bastian and Ford. I rejoined them inside the circle as the guys worked in tandem, passing around pieces of mismatched ribbon that they tied around the base of each candle. I knew from Aunty that certain colors meant different things, but I couldn’t recall them.

  When everything was ready, Asher snapped his fingers, lighting the candles all at once. I’m not ashamed to admit, I wanted to clap, seeing him perform magic. I wondered what else he could do – I wasn’t sure what his powers were.

  Esper walked around the circle with a bundle of herbs in her hand, already lit, letting the smoke waft through the air. She drew a sort of pattern in front of her as she walked. By the scent, I’d been right that they were sage sticks, but there was also honeysuckle and something else that was sweet that I couldn’t identify.

  Aunty used sage sticks all the time in our house growing up, though I’d never given it much thought. It was just normal for her. A memory clicked in my brain, almost l
ike something I’d intentionally forgot. Not at all like the flashes I’d seen before; this was different, it was like my brain was trying to recall something but couldn’t. There’s a question on the edge of my tongue, I wanted to ask them if there was a way to retrieve memories, but I pulled it back, remembering that they probably couldn’t answer.

  Cole grasped my hand then, sending a ripple of tingles up my arm that made me jump. In his hands, he held the small bronze jar from earlier, as he pulled my hand toward him before coaxing it open with his. He spilled a small amount of oil into my hands.

  “Rub it in. It’s blessed oil.” He glanced at me, a smirk on his lips. “Don’t worry, we didn’t rob it from a Catholic. It’s the other way around.”

  I tilted my head at him, wondering why he thought I’d think that. I know almost nothing about Christianity. I giggled nervously to cover my ignorance, hoping that’s the response he wanted while I rub the oil in with both hands. At first, it was slick and a bit disturbing but after ringing my hands a few times, the oil spread out, absorbed into the skin. It left my hands feeling soft. Another giggle bubbled up and I glanced around with nervous energy to see everyone staring at me, even Esper.

  “What?” I asked, the attention making me uncomfortable. I’ve grown slightly used to it since meeting them, but right then, it was too much. I start looking for an escape route.

  Cole and Bastian looked away at the same time. Cole, probably because he could hear my thoughts and Bastian because he could sense my discomfort. Super convenient, that. The others followed suit shortly after without answering me. I huffed in annoyance. The tense silence was suddenly deafening—I wanted this whole thing to be over and done with.

  “Try to relax, Aria,” Bastian said, reminding me that I was supposed to be calming down. Right. Calm, soothing thoughts.

  I closed my eyes and imagine that hole on the mantle again, stuffed to the brim with unwanted emotions and thoughts. It was more difficult that time. The minutes ticked by before I felt ready again. Without opening my eyes, I scooted forward, somehow knowing without looking that I’m in the right spot again. I reached out blindly to either side and feel my guys take up my hands without question. The only noise in the room were the soft footfalls of Esper as she walked around the outside of our circle. After a few more seconds, I discarded that distraction too.